View Full Version : Is the yelling worth it?


jaceswoman
05-25-2008, 06:35 PM
Just wondering....I was wondering how many of you ladies when you visit your man argue with him? I always see women next to me arguing, and it amuses me, sometimes irritates me because I can't hear. But my man and I always get a kick out of it. (no offense). And I was just wondering why would you argue, and bitch, and waste time, there is a limited amount of time. Aren't you with him because you love him? I was just curious, I never bicker with my man, maybe I am too easy going, but he doesn't ever deserve to be bitched at.

would like to understand why, if you would like to respond.
Thanks

AndILoveHim
05-25-2008, 06:46 PM
I do argue with my boyfriend sometimes but never while he's been incarcerated. I have seen other couples arguing while they're visiting but I always thought that these ladies visit them because they "have to".
I remember the first time I went to visit my boyfriend. While I was waiting for my boyfriend to arrive I asked a lady with 3 kids on my right side: "how long are the visits"? -- and she responded: "ohh, they are 2 hours long but I only stay about 20 minutes, you'll see that by 30 min. you'll get bored too.
I think that is these people that "get bored" or just go because they "have to" the one that are most likely to be arguing with their husbands/boyfriends, not everybody else that drives 2, 3, 4 or more hours to see them and cherish every moment of it.

kellu25
05-25-2008, 07:13 PM
Im not gonna say we never argue or maybe a better term is disagreement but were not loud and we get it done and over with cause im not gonna waste my only chance to see him a week fighting. and I cant imagine people only wanted to stay part of the visit cause there bored, are visits are 5 hours and I enjoy every minute and I go cause I want to, maybe there not the most excitibg things but your with your loved one and you can make the most out of the time :)

BabygirlNGary
05-25-2008, 07:15 PM
We argue in letters when we argue. I would never embarrass me or him by arguing at visits that is so ghetto. :)

Wobabi
05-25-2008, 07:18 PM
Do these people do it every visit?
*Me*,,,Boo gets what I call the 3 month cuss out!:D
He's good for about 3 months and then I have to tighten him up,lol.
But heck he NAGS me at least once a week about sumthin so I say we are even.

ladyjgermany
05-25-2008, 07:32 PM
I could never understand that one either until my husband and I got into a huge argument in the visiting room. He made me so mad that I stood up and told the CO to let me out now:angry: I felt so bad on my way home, all I could picture in my head was him sitting at that table with a dumb look on his face. I will tell you one thing though, he never accused me of looking at another inmate again:nono:

RaysMeg
05-25-2008, 07:37 PM
I wouldn't argue at a visit, but for sure I'd give him my mind over the phone. I don't think they are in a true argument if you can't hear them. I don't know about you, but when I argue, the neighborhood is in ear shot. If it was really heated, they would be LOUD....

HisSoul
05-25-2008, 07:39 PM
I don't waste my visits with my husband arguing.. We can do that on the phone, when we only have 15 mins.. I get a 6 hr contact visit, and believe me, I enjoy every bit of those 6 hrs.. It never seems long enough though... The very first visit I had, I saw four visits get canceled. The first two, two different inmates got escourted out by the prison guards, and the second two, was because two different couples were cussing and carrying on so loud, it was disturbing the room.. How embarrasing..

lilithinwaiting
05-25-2008, 07:40 PM
We have never argued while he has been locked up, we fight horribly when he is out.

jblovesdb
05-25-2008, 07:45 PM
I'll be the oddball out:rolleyes: I DO argue at visit when there is a need for it! I'm not saying that I argue EVERY visit b/c that's not true...but if we are DISAGREEING about something...or he's just actin' stupid...I let him know. I can't help it...my father was a truck driver, I have a bad mouth;) I always say that we are very passionate people:shrug: lol. Anyways...we don't REALLY argue at visits...we save that to waste my money on phone calls:rolleyes: Why do we argue?? B/C there is a need for it. We are disagreeing about something...one of us did something the other didn't like...he needs the WAA-balance b/c he's "cryin'" about everything and anything...one of our insecurities get the best of us (ok, I'm trying to make that sound better....HIS insecurities) and the other needs to defend themselves...I don't know, there's many reason. Last bid we didn't REALLY argue at visits, we just let it all slide...I'd say in 22 months there were about 4 bad visits...but I don't know what it is about this time, but we don't hold ANYTHING back:shrug: So yea, I don't know why...and I TRY to not be disrespectful to everyone else by being TOO loud, but we DO argue. But I'd have to say, usually by the end of our visit, we're back to being lovey dovey:) Hugs:p
-Jackie

bryanswifey
05-25-2008, 07:47 PM
Its interesting to read this post b/c I just got home from visitng my boo. We got into our first arguement in the two years he has been in. I was upset b/c his family drives me nuts. He was so upset but we didn't argue loudly and it only lasted 15 minutes. We have 2 hr visits. I love hi but things are jus so hard sometimes and he needed to know this. I could have sid it in a nicer way and this is why he was mad. He wouldn't even kiss me goodbye.

robs_angel
05-25-2008, 07:50 PM
I Dont Argue With Him During Visits, Some Might I Gues Depending On How Long They Have Been In, If They Have Kids Together, And Maybe They Really Arent "together" Its A Baby Momma Or She Found Out He Was Writing Someone Esle, There Is Always A Reason I Gues............

BabygirlNGary
05-25-2008, 07:52 PM
No kiss goodbye??? Then I'd have to get ghetto :)

jaceswoman
05-25-2008, 08:16 PM
Im not gonna say we never argue or maybe a better term is disagreement but were not loud and we get it done and over with cause im not gonna waste my only chance to see him a week fighting. and I cant imagine people only wanted to stay part of the visit cause there bored, are visits are 5 hours and I enjoy every minute and I go cause I want to, maybe there not the most excitibg things but your with your loved one and you can make the most out of the time :)
i am so jealous 5 hours, I get 1 hour. Stay strong.

ThatOneChick
05-25-2008, 08:17 PM
You know I don't think we've ever argued at a visit. We might have disagreed but not the yelling getting loud and pissed off kinda disagreement...Maybe we've been lucky b/c I don't think I've seen any arguments like that either.

jaceswoman
05-25-2008, 08:18 PM
Its interesting to read this post b/c I just got home from visitng my boo. We got into our first arguement in the two years he has been in. I was upset b/c his family drives me nuts. He was so upset but we didn't argue loudly and it only lasted 15 minutes. We have 2 hr visits. I love hi but things are jus so hard sometimes and he needed to know this. I could have sid it in a nicer way and this is why he was mad. He wouldn't even kiss me goodbye.
at least you get to physically touch him.

jaceswoman
05-25-2008, 08:20 PM
Do these people do it every visit?
*Me*,,,Boo gets what I call the 3 month cuss out!:D
He's good for about 3 months and then I have to tighten him up,lol.
But heck he NAGS me at least once a week about sumthin so I say we are even.
haha, i like that, the 3 month cuss out. I can't say I have ever seen the same people during my visit. But it seems like I always get stuck by the bitchin' ones.

jaceswoman
05-25-2008, 08:22 PM
I could never understand that one either until my husband and I got into a huge argument in the visiting room. He made me so mad that I stood up and told the CO to let me out now:angry: I felt so bad on my way home, all I could picture in my head was him sitting at that table with a dumb look on his face. I will tell you one thing though, he never accused me of looking at another inmate again:nono:
oh well thats understandable. It't not like you were looking at him. ya know.

tweedybird
05-26-2008, 07:32 AM
We would never raise our voices, but a lot of times, when we just have letters there can be misunderstandings and we wait til we are face to face to talk out any differences. We do cherish every minute. I cannot imagine visiting just 20 minutes!! Maybe they just discuss superficial things that she wants to leave early. I can empathize with people trying to keep small children under control though.

Morganna McGee
05-26-2008, 01:23 PM
Only once we got into an argument. I had hired a lawyer for him without him knowing to help him with his modification and found out that he didn't tell me everything from his docket. I was really hurt and didn't answer the phone for a week. He finally got scared and I went to visit him and told him how hurt I was that he had treated me like a bitch. He broke down and said he was scared to tell me because he didn't want me to leave him. I told him that I love him for who he is, not what he done in the past...that man I didn't know. I also told him that I can't defend him against his enemies unless he tells me everthing, it's hard dodging missles without a good defense. He's a really strong and proud man (once beat a man for a good 5 minutes without breaking a sweat and the man was bigger than he is), to see him cry like that, apologize and promise that he would never leave me in the dark again or lie to me convinced me to give him another chance. We had to repair a lot of broken ground and restart the trust policy, but I think he's worth the fight. I can't seem to get him out of my mind for an hour a day! I love him that much. Stay strong people and keep the faith. If he's truely a good man, fight to keep him. But make sure it's a fight really worth fighting about and not just petty shit that he can't do anything about while locked up.

Blessings...
Morganna

forever_ever_baby
05-26-2008, 01:26 PM
yea me and my man dont argue we talk stuff out. i dont get it either

Kat
05-26-2008, 02:06 PM
Nope we dont. I fly 3,500 miles to see him then drive 2 hrs and I only can afford to go see him twice a year and I am not going to waste one min on my visit on this..

yaya'sbaby
05-26-2008, 03:33 PM
I'll be another odd ball and say we have argued on visits. If its warranted, than dammit its going down. I dont go to the visit looking to argue, but if it should so happen to come out than we will argue. We have 6hrs to argue and make up. And we all know making up is always the best.

timsbaby41
05-26-2008, 03:34 PM
No kiss goodbye??? Then I'd have to get ghetto :)



lmao :thumbsup:

jaceswoman
05-26-2008, 05:39 PM
Nope we dont. I fly 3,500 miles to see him then drive 2 hrs and I only can afford to go see him twice a year and I am not going to waste one min on my visit on this..
wow why did your man get shipped all the way over there. Or why is he so far away? if you don't mind me asking.

NtShadow
05-26-2008, 06:02 PM
We've never argued at all...visits, letters, etc. We accept each other's point of view, and we're here to learn from one another.

eeniaLorr
05-26-2008, 06:06 PM
We have never argued at a visit. A time or two we just stopped talking when it looked like we were going to have a disagreement. I have seen couples have quietly intense arguments and I have seen women sitting with tears running down their faces without saying anything: one of the saddest things I have ever seen.

soalone17
05-26-2008, 06:25 PM
I cant remember a time that we argued..he is not the arguing type..at least not in a visit..he has in letters chewed me out or on the phone..he has walked out on a visit once about 3 yrs ago and that was because he thought he would lose his contact visits and I wouldnt stick around..I was so in shock...but he called me about an hour later to make sure I was ok and explained why he did what he did..but we made it through some rough moments and he comes home next Tuesday...

Fe*Fe
05-26-2008, 06:55 PM
we've mos def had a couple of arguments at viso! I mean we don't get loud...or be rude to other people...but if I piss him off he lets me know and vice versa...I mean I don't see the point in sitting in his face acting like I'm not mad about something just because he's in prison...why fake the funk?! Like yaya'sbaby said..there's plenty of time during the visit to kiss n make up!!

LeesyAdams
05-26-2008, 07:21 PM
We're in the middle of an argument and I'm the stupid one to pick on him when he's decompensating and not exactly clear about things. I hung up on him and I expected him not to call for a couple day rooms (he's still in RDU-classification) but he still hasn't called today..........and I'm panicking. I can't believe we're going to break up our three year marriage with two beautiful amazing kids over where I wanted to live once he's out. Like I said, I knew better than to bring this up when he's down and possibly even delusional right now...but I was trying to get a reaction out of him. All I'm doing is crying and writing apology letters. I'm so afraid he's not even going to open them. This is just terrible.

But I haven't been to visit him since December--then it was only a 1 hour through-the-glass visit when he was in jail. I can't imagine arguing with him at a visit although we argue when he's home all the time. But, what I'd give for a contact visit right now!!! I miss him so much and I'm scared that he's calling my bluff and is just going to disappear from our lives. He's such an amazing father and 95% of the time is an amazing husband too (believe me, I'm not easy to live with half the time either).

So--I'm praying and crying. Don't take your men for granted, ladies!

GiaElise

lawoman
05-26-2008, 08:54 PM
I've never really argued at our visits since I can only go once a month to visit. I've given him some attitude-quietly-but never really argued or taken away from others visits. Yesterday when I went to visit him I was so glad that we had a few chairs in between us and the others for the first few hours then I seen this guy-another inmate-go up to the CO's desk and next thing I knew they moved from 2 rows away from us where they were originally sitting to right next to us and argued the rest of the time they were there and it really p*ssed me off 'cuz I could'nt even really enjoy the rest of my visit! Ignorant people sometimes!:(

SaNdiA
05-26-2008, 10:01 PM
i wish i could argue with mine.. he makes me soo mad sometimes
i made it a habit to never argue infront of our son.. when he was first born he would argue infront of him and he would jump.. so i decided to it alone..
if we do get mad at each other in the visiting room we'll stay quiet change the subject and leave it for our phone calls or letters..
but by then we've calmed down and forgotten about it..
its usually over something petty anyway..
the one time i did visit without my son.. he pissed me off so much, we argued a bit but i dont like everyone knowin my business so i walked away to the vending machines, went to bathroom and came back and acted like nothing had happened..
then went home and wrote quite a lengthy letter. :)
ive seen ppl argue around me and it really doesnt affect me..

LostTime
05-26-2008, 10:52 PM
Well we use to argue but we've worked through all of that and decided that we don't get enough time together for that so we save that for letters and don't waste our phone time or our visits with the pettiness of fighting.

MaggieMMay
05-27-2008, 06:41 AM
We don't argue very often, but in the 6 weeks since we got our contact visits back we have argued a lot, though mostly on the phone. We did get into it pretty bad at the last visit but it was right at the beginning & we went outside where no one else was at the time.

It's so funny though, because our calls and visits are so precious our "fights" usually only last like 10minutes. Get mad, express it, find a solution, make up all in the express lane. :o Hopefully we will carry that over when he gets home but I'm not holding my breath.

lmonet
05-27-2008, 07:49 AM
NO arguing here, we save that for letters and the sometime the phone.

barbie16118
05-27-2008, 07:55 AM
we bicker, diasagree and try and "help" the other one of us see our (my) point of view on certain things . then we laugh and its forgotten

flforever322
05-27-2008, 07:55 AM
I havent witnessed anyone arguing in the visiting room. It would be like arguing in the liabrary, its always so deathly quiet in there. I wish there were a little more noise so I didnt feel like people were just sitting there listening to us making kissing noises at each other. That probably grosses our neighbors out but thats too bad. Makin' love not war.

NoAirMan
05-27-2008, 08:23 AM
After my daughter was sent to prison, one of the things that hurt the most, was remembering the times that we had arguments and that I may had said some ugly things to her, that I regret and now wish had never happened. ... Once you realize that you may never again have any real quality time with this person again, it makes you want to use the time that you do have together, memorable. We can't change the past, but we can help to mold the future.

myhopeneverdies
05-27-2008, 11:58 PM
if we DONT agree about something or he is not HEARING what I am trying to explain.. well... he got to get it some way!

I would never YELL at the visit, I do that over the phone... I am not putting up the show for everyone at the visit....

point is, yes we argue and we fight, but its all about how we handle it when it happends

OutHereWaiting
06-09-2008, 11:46 AM
Hmm mmm, I have only had one visit.. and yes we had to argue.. He almost hung up the phone on me.. told me he will take me off his visitors list and we both set down the phone for a minute.. and it was only a 20 minute no contact visit.

I wanted to pound on that glass and yell and scream..

I would rather fight with him than get along with anyone else!

We both got things to say and sometimes that will cause an agrument..

But never will I disrespect anyone or anyone else's visit cause I know that when we do get along I don't want to hear no one else.. either fighting or making love!

sabina
06-09-2008, 12:03 PM
I only argued at one visit with my man. I was stupid and he pointed it out in such a way that really hurt and pissed me off. I almost got up and left. We were both a little tense the rest of the visit. Towards the end he asked me if I was coming back again the next day (I visit two days in a row) or if we were done. It was at that point that we both realized we were at fault and apologized and promised to find a better way in the future. We still disagree, but take care to do it in a civil manner. I have a terrible temper, and he just stays calm and logical until I'm back in control. Then we can have an intelligent discussion and come to an understanding--even if we agree to disagree--but we don't get loud or nasty with each other, there are too many other people that do that, we don't want to do it too.

Jus_us
06-09-2008, 12:43 PM
we never got loud on the visit we have disagreed but we try to make the best out of the times we shared sometimes he gets on my nerves i b thinking i came up here for this shyt but thats just our moods we dont always have good days one bad visit soon as he sat down he was irritaing me i made the best of it later on the visit come the find out like every couple had attitudes my man told me right before the visit the CO s were giving them a hard time sayin things to test them saying "yall got visitors today but when they leave theyll b riding the next me cock and so on
so it had the inmates tight right b4 thier visit

Pnellwife3
06-09-2008, 12:52 PM
Curse him out in letters and the phone. on visits when he was in the county cause nobody could hear me in the booths. hee hee

OutHereWaiting
06-10-2008, 09:11 AM
Yes, I am back..
Had my second visit yesterday and well yelling, screaming, crying and slamming the phone down were all part of that little bitty 20 minutes we got!(Ohhh, I so wanted to jump through that glass)
The only thing that didn't happen was I didn't walk out and he didn't walk away.. although it was VERY CLOSE to happening!
We were in the non-contact booth so I hope no one but the CO's got to hear me!

Ladies, yes sometimes it is worth it! I love My Sexy Dark Chocolate but sometimes we have to fight like Cats & Dogs!

I know that the fights will stop soon enough..

Plus at the end of that EMOTIONAL rollercoaster.. he asked me to Marry Him!!!!! (OK, so this ain't the first time.. but I said YES! AGAIN)
Now he just needs to come with the ring!

tazzgrl
06-12-2008, 05:20 PM
My Babes n I have argued during a visit b4. I was crying n made him feel bad, but he later apologized 2 me. I really wanted 2 leave asap, but stayed cuz that's my LOVE n I know we rarely get 2 c eachother. We kissed n made up n everythang was all good.

Mrs. Evans
06-12-2008, 06:12 PM
i do not go there to intentionally argue...but if i need i will dig in his sh!t...locked up or not...im not going to hold my tongue because he is locked up.... i mean i do not be so loud that no one else can hear their conversations..but baby knows im mad..

pinayluv78
06-12-2008, 08:01 PM
I do argue with my boyfriend sometimes but never while he's been incarcerated. I have seen other couples arguing while they're visiting but I always thought that these ladies visit them because they "have to".
I remember the first time I went to visit my boyfriend. While I was waiting for my boyfriend to arrive I asked a lady with 3 kids on my right side: "how long are the visits"? -- and she responded: "ohh, they are 2 hours long but I only stay about 20 minutes, you'll see that by 30 min. you'll get bored too.
I think that is these people that "get bored" or just go because they "have to" the one that are most likely to be arguing with their husbands/boyfriends, not everybody else that drives 2, 3, 4 or more hours to see them and cherish every moment of it.
Wow... I don't see how someone who ACTUALLY loved thier man could get bored after 20 minutes... when I visit my man, I stay the whole day, & even then, I hate leaving his side...

jaelsangel
06-13-2008, 06:01 AM
I dont want to waste my time arguing, we have had words a few times but nothing all crazy, but to each his own..

nikichik
06-14-2008, 10:16 PM
Wow... I don't see how someone who ACTUALLY loved thier man could get bored after 20 minutes... when I visit my man, I stay the whole day, & even then, I hate leaving his side...


ya know i just brought this up a few weeks ago to my guy. he was like why are you always ready to leave? and i had to explain to him that im not ready to leave i just get very frustrated about everything after a few hours. after about 3 hours i am ready to go. The baby gets restless, and after that im ready to go. i just get frustrated with the baby and him cause he cant do too much with her. he can hold her but its not like he can get up and walk her around or we cant let her crawl on the floor. well i probably could let her crawl but i dont want to disrespect anyone elses visit. i cant possibly imagine going with 3 kids. maybe she feels the same way. im always ready to go when the kids start acting up.

NoAirMan
06-15-2008, 06:34 AM
They have a really cool nursery type deal where my daughter is at that has a slide and all kinds of stuff for kids. It' really big and wide open with glass walls so that you can see the kids from where your sitting It has all these vivid colors and plastic ride on things and all that crap you would find in a daycare or something. It makes me wanna go in there and play. lol!. I sure wish you all could have something like that where you bring your kids. Tell the administration you want a nursery like the one they have at the Oklahoma Maximum Security Prison for Woman at McCloud.

Ms. pooh
06-24-2008, 05:37 PM
We never argue we just sit back and observe other people when they tend to get loud. Otherwise we mind our business and enjoy each others company for the time we do have.