View Full Version : should i write?

05-24-2008, 11:46 PM
hello, i have just recently joined the board and everyone has been so helpful about the questions i have had so far so i thought i would ask about a question i have been struggling with. there is a guy that i meet when i was 12 and we became very good friends (nothing romantic), during that time i went through horrible family trouble and he helped save my life more than i think he knows. however he was from a not so good family life and when we started high school we drifted because he got involved in drugs and eventually had to switch schools. when i was a senior in high school i learned that he got arrested and convected for robbery i know it was because he was so messed up in drugs and felt he needed them so bad that he had to get money some how. anyway i feel partly responsible because i was not there for him to pull him out of the drug life and "save" him. Now he is in prison but i have not seen him for a few years and he has been in prison for about 2 almost 3 years. I want to write to him and be a friend because i do not think anyone writes to him and he did not have any family that would really care. My problem is i am worried that he has changed and prison has made him tough or whatever and he will either me mad or not want to hear from me and get offended or something. I am not sure if the letter will be comforting or offensive. I am not sure how guys are in prision, if they have to act tough so they do not get beat and a letter from a long lost friend would make him seem weak or if what I am just confused and have never been in this situation. I want to be there for him and be a good friend for him like he was to be but i do not want to bother him. What do you guys think write to him or not? Any advice would help!

05-25-2008, 12:22 AM
U should write. you'll never know if you don't try. just see if he writes back. just write and ask him how hes doing. hell probably be happy to hear from you.

05-25-2008, 12:23 AM
I doubt that any prisoner receiving mail is looked upon as "weak." In fact, from what I can tell it's almost a badge of honor to have a lot of mail.

And not knowing the person or the circumstances there is no way for anyone to tell you his reaction to hearing from you. But really what have you got to lose, if this is something you really want to do. Even if he's not thrilled to hear from you all that will happen is you'll receive one disappointing letter and then you'll go on with your current life.

Doesn't seem like a big risk when you consider that more than likely (if there is nothing to contradict a normal reaction) he'll be glad to hear from an old friend and it will make him feel better knowing someone was thinking of him and cared enough to take the time to write.


05-25-2008, 12:54 AM
write if you want, but just becareful b/c not only will he most likely not be mad, but he will jump at the chance to get to know you again. you could end up in a relationship before you know it and you dont even know all the new problems this guy has developed.

and you did not fail him nor are you responsible for his drug and criminal actions. nor will your love and support alone "save him".

im not trying to discourage you here, but just dont think this lifestyle is a big romantic thing where girl and guy walk off hand in hand into the sunset. there is so much heartache on this website its not funny.

good luck to what you decide to do, just do it with your eyes open.

05-25-2008, 01:09 AM
u should write mail is like gold in there it wont hurt

05-25-2008, 12:55 PM
Thank you guys, your advice really does help!!!!

05-25-2008, 12:58 PM
First welcome to PTO, glad you sre here. Like many have said mail is golden in there so just drop a line and see what happens.

05-25-2008, 01:05 PM
thank you guys for all your advice, it really helped!!!

05-25-2008, 01:14 PM
Without a doubt send him out a letter. But, just like discoball said... he may become very attached very quickly, especially if he isn't getting any mail from anyone else.

I don't see why he would get mad about your writing him, as long as you weren't degrading in your letter about him being locked up. Just let him know that you've been thinking about him a lot, and you wanted to see how he's doing (besides the obvious...LOL). Let him know that you're here as a friend for him, and that you show him nothing but full support through this difficult time!

05-25-2008, 01:17 PM
Write him and I agree with Discoball. Good Luck!!

05-25-2008, 04:25 PM
Your story is close to my heart. This is similar to what happened to me. I have known my boy (not my boyfriend...just a friend but I call him my boy lol) since I was 3. We lost contact for 5 years and then I found out from his mom that he is in prison. I was debating about writing him because of the circumstances and everything. I was afraid that he wouldn't want to hear from me or that he would just ignore me. I decided to write him anyway and guess what? He wrote me back! He said that he was suprised to hear from me and everything but he was happy that he has someone to talk to. Especially someone that he is familiar with. We know each other better now than we did then. So go ahead and write him! It can't hurt. Hope I helped!

05-25-2008, 05:07 PM
Write to him! I promise you that he'll be delighted!

05-31-2008, 10:27 AM
I say go ahead an write him. I bet it will make his day. I was in a similar situation and decided to send a letter out about 2 weeks ago. I met and dated a guy back in 2003 but things sort of ended abruptly and he got sent to fed prison for 190 months. I hadn't communicated with him in 5 years and I decided to look him up and write to him. I was afraid but I decided to send the letter and leave it up to him to respond or not....He wrote me back and I'm so glad. He's got a LONG way to go before his release date and I plan to write him as often as I can until the day he's released.

05-31-2008, 11:07 AM
he'd be glad to hear from you... i think you should

06-07-2008, 01:35 AM
i think u should definatly write him even just a quick hello believe all inmates love to have a lil mail i dont think hell be mad and it may even make his day.

06-07-2008, 01:52 AM
yes, i think you sould,,think about it if you do not it will it harder on him,, hey, just writ a little note,,my husband has 2months left ther at gist so i know how you feel

06-07-2008, 02:09 AM
Go for it. I know, if it were me, I'd be forever kicking myself if I didn't, not knowing what I might have missed out on. And I'm pretty sure any mail will be gratefully received :)

06-07-2008, 01:42 PM
I hope you choose to write him. Honestly I don't think you should feel any responsiblity for him being there or him getting in with the wrong crowd then going down the road that ended in a cell. I bet he would be very happy to hear something from you. And you just may be able to let of all that guilt! I feel you on this because my *brother* which is a very close family friend since I was like 4 years old, ended up in prison and been there about 13 years now. I felt like it was all my fault ... he and I talked about it ... thankfully he helped me get over it. Now and then it'll creep back up but now I know I talk to him and he gets me straight on it. I wish you luck! Let us know how it went id so, k! =)

06-07-2008, 02:41 PM
why not and let try just because he is prison don't mean he will be what you think he be. he as human as everyone else. you won't know unless you write him and let him know that you are willing to be afriend and be freinds over again. he needs supports from family, freinds just so he won't think he is alone. be there as u were back then.

06-07-2008, 04:18 PM
Honey It's Not Your Job To Save Him That Job Is Jesus'. And He Alone Can Do That , He Just Has Too Except Him. But Go Ahead And Write Him They Love Mail In There And Just Take It Slow Maybe A 1-2 Page Letter Just To Say Hey.:)