View Full Version : Gas going Up...Boyfriend visits going down


holdinghimdown
05-24-2008, 03:10 PM
We had the worst arguement ever...i was suppose to go see him today but i over slept...i have been having a hard time sleeping lately plus i work at night so that throws me off sometimes...i told him orginally that i would be visiting the end of the month of the 30th but since it was the holiday weekend might come this weekend...so Friday (may 23rd) i went to feel up the tank and get an oil change....i did not realize that gas had gone up over night...when i go off of work friday gas (89) was $3.89 (should have got it then but after working 16 hours i wanted to go home)...lately to feel my tank was running about $68 when i went to feel up yesterday it was $76...wtf...and he want me to come twice a month ( thats $76 times 2 plus $20 for food and drinks during our visit plus $10 powerball tickets while i am in Penn. thats $364 a month that almost my car note)...he is another bill...i have been working 60 hours a week trying to get my debt ratio down so i can buy a house for both of us...he is not unstanding its a recession...so of course he called fussing and cussing...that i am cheating and there must be someone else and that i must be losing interest in him...uhhh the other man is work and its not that i don't want to see him i can not afford to...if he would have called friday night i would have told him that i was not coming...i know that they look forward to their visits...but he did not cuss his mom out when they did not come for a visit...or when they go months without seeing him...he is a spoiled brat...what to do?:(

BabygirlNGary
05-24-2008, 03:17 PM
You can only do so much. I let mine know from the beginning that it's not the prison stuff that's important it's our future that is going to come first. I am going to build a house too next year and nothing is going to keep me from doing that NOTHING. That is not just for me and him that is for our children and something to be passed on to future generations. He needs to chill and let you do what you gotta do. My man understands why I only see him twice a year. I got things to do. Im not sitting twiddling my thumbs waiting for his release I have goals and dreams set in motion. Just explain things to him. Good Luck!!!

Isweoriswenot
05-24-2008, 03:25 PM
I was feeling the same way about going to visit my man today. All I can say is be real with him. Sometimes I don't think some of these guys understand what all we have to do to keep everything running smoothly out here with how the economy is going.

Just like how you explained and broke down the cost of what you are paying in this thread you posted you should tell him that and maybe he will think twice before trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing.

Prison isn't cheap!

robs_angel
05-24-2008, 05:39 PM
Just explain things to him, im sure he will understand. they miss visits with us, but i think they realize that we have the cost of living out here. best wishes

sarah moats

nikichik
05-24-2008, 06:23 PM
i was thinking some of the same thoughts today. i cant believe how high gas is. and me and mikey talk about how high it is but i dont think he really realizes the effect cause hes not out driving around every day anymore. thankfully i have an understanding man who knows when the tap is dry there wont be a visit

flforever322
05-24-2008, 06:53 PM
I just got off the phone with him and I mentioned something about the high costs of gas and because there has been so much coverage in the media, he got it.

I have discovered that if I buy far enough in advance that I can fly cheaper than I can drive for now. I pay about $60 in tolls too so right now it is getting tougher and tougher to just "dash up"

I know there is no one actively looking out for our future but me so I am willing to forego a lot of visits so that we can be comfortable when he gets home.

97harvey
05-24-2008, 08:55 PM
I know how you feel. I may be forced to tell my husband that we will have to convert back to once per month visits, if that, because of the gas prices and our financial situation at home. I hate to do it but it may have to happen. Our daughter will not understand but mom and dad will (just can't afford it). Our loved ones can be spoiled at times but eventually they will get it; they don't have to endure what we do out here, but they will hear all about it. I'm hanging in there with you.

myhopeneverdies
05-24-2008, 09:23 PM
you keep on dealing with all of this the best way you can. and really there is nothing you could do to make him understand how difficult and expenssive it gets!
it took my husband almost 17 mths to relize how much money I am spending, on the calls, his food, visits.... thats 17 mths of me, being queit, and being there for him EVERY weekand, taking calls, at LEAST 4-5 times a day, and sending money EVERY week....

Just be patient.....

*HUGZ*

SaNdiA
05-24-2008, 09:36 PM
i feel ya girl..
i was visitin him every weekend.. talking to him everyday.. sending 100$ a month.. sending books/magazines twice a month..
something had to give.. and with the gas going up and him not gettting out any time soon i decided our visits had to suffer..
with everything else going on i can only afford to go up once a month
i thought he was gonna get mad because like yours, mine is super spoiled..
but he said he understood and that i was gonna have to start sending more pics then. lol. im cool with that.
but once a week he'll ask.. "so, are u bringing eddie (our son) to see daddy this weekend?" ill tell him "nice try.. i told u, ONCE a month"

funny that the first thing that runs thru their brains is "she must be out seeing someone"

all i can tell u is when it comes down to us.. i do what i gotta do for me and my son first. i do what i can for him to make his time more bareable, if its not enough then thats too bad.
be patient.. extremely patient

lilithinwaiting
05-25-2008, 05:53 PM
I don't have a car so I rent one or borrow my sons but with gas as high as this and sending him money monthly as well as surving, I just can't visit that much. Now, he wanted me to visit memorial day, though I have told him several times that I am broke and when I say broke I mean I have nothing. He writes and says he has a ride for me and just pay half for gas.. MY GOD MAN, what do you not understand. I am broke. I told him AGAIN that there was no money for gas, gas has gone up and I am sure half would be at least 30 there and back plus snacks..Lord, I am sick of explaining this to him and I am not explaining it again. I think that is selfish and it makes me want to hitch hike there just to punch him out.
He knows how much it all costs, he has always been precise when it comes to money. He was whining during the winter when Oklahoma was in a state of emergency and Tulsa was in a black out and I had no lights,heat, hot water or stove for 8 days and still stayed here and froze nearly to death. He NEEDED money, he needed this or that. I thought then what a self centered creature he really was and I see it more and more.

holdinghimdown
05-30-2008, 08:24 PM
can u believe i just went to see him the holiday weekend and he is already asking when i am coming back...

LORNA
05-30-2008, 11:24 PM
Lililthinwaiting-

Hitchhiking just to punch him out? I like that one, LOL.

Lazia
05-31-2008, 03:19 AM
I hate to sound unsympathetic but - you guys think you've got it bad? What you pay for a GALLON in petrol we pay the same amount for a LITRE!! Try that for size...:angry:

Doc's Sis
05-31-2008, 04:12 AM
Right, Lizia. People in the US are spoiled and used to lower prices, so now that costs are going up, they can't always handle it. In Europe, people have paid lots more for gas for years now, as well as paying more for everything else. Cost of food and other necessary items keep going up, up, up also. Gotta work at conserving everything and living on a tight budget. That's not always easy to do.

Inmates tend to not follow the news very closely so we have to tell them about these things in order for them to try to understand. Most think about what THEY want. Right? Sure, they want money for Commissary and they want to get books and magazines and whatever else is allowed. Sure, they want visits daily if possible. Yet, they need to learn to be more realistic. If he truly loves you and if you two have a good line of communication, then he should be able to accept the fact that you're on a tight budget and can't be going there every week, but will get there as often as you can. He may not like it but you aren't the one who put him where he is. He put himself there so now pays dearly. Sad but true.

mojaveeamazon
05-31-2008, 05:09 AM
Sounds to me like many of these men are behaving like ungrateful brats, I read how often their women will go with-out, just so they can spoil their men, making life very comfortable as they relax in prison without a care or any responsibility. For a starters the more they get spoilt the more they will want, it's a fact, people get greedy. It just makes me real angry when I read other posts of women working their butts off to keep their heads above water with the costs of living, some women are being evicted from their homes, others can't afford to have their car serviced or repaired to make a trip to visit their men. Yet these guys will whine and complain and accuse them of screwing around behind their backs,who's fault is it that their in prison?? instead of being home and working taking care of their women and kids. :angry:And when they do get out and feel the hardships of life, many will go back to doing exactly what they did before prison, and they will end up back there again.Some men don't want to work hard, they want the easy money, and easy money comes with a high price, get caught and back ya go......hellooo!! I'm not just going to sit here and pretend how bad everyones Boo has got it, they've got it good, a roof over their heads, food, clothing all their human basic needs are met,they pump weights, play sports/gamble, watch TV write to penpals, so I can't sit here and feel sorry for them, they did the wrong, and they are in prison because of it, you women got to start sticking up for yourselves and put your foot down, tell these men it's either your way or the highway, be strong and stop worrying that your men are going to be leaving you because they wont, these men need you. Ok i better stop and go make myself a strong coffee.This thread is my truth. Cheers Amazon

hopeful64
05-31-2008, 05:28 AM
Gas is killer. However I started our relationship off with only going once a month. I have not seen him since March (non gas related). And now that he is in WVA, I will probably see him like every three months(if that, those winter months) :blah: until his 3 month countdown. Then Im just sending furlough clothes :D. Grateful that baby is aware of prices and that he aint giving nada so we make it due. K Diva, just set the wheels in motion slowly, ya know Mike is spoiled, get him to get up with the prices of things along with yalls long term goals. Ya got feed him on a constant that soon yall will be married and he has to remember you out here holding and that means other areas have to be held as well. Good Luck Huggs.:)

Yes mama, hitchiking love ya:thumbsup: Really praying that he dont piss me off that I have to make an extra trip

travis babygirl
05-31-2008, 08:15 AM
gas prices piss me off!!! I can only see travis once a mth it cost me 80 doller's each time, He's 130 mile's( one way )

2014
06-10-2008, 05:41 PM
Watch out for that selfish man. He won't change. If he demands this much now, drags you down now, it will not get better or easier unless you can make him see the light.

The other poster is right, he put himself there, you don't have to suffer with him. You do what you can, be there all you can but you have to live your life and move forward. We do suffer but we can't stay with a man, incarcerated or not, if he is constantly sucking the life out of us.

Take care of yourself girl and if he doesn't get it, maybe he isn't really in love with you. When we love someone we put their happiness before ours. Isn't that what you are doing? Is he returning it in anyway? He can't DO anything to help but he can be understanding and try not to be a drain on you emotionally or physically. It's hard to put on words. Stick to your guns and do what you have to do.

We are down to once a month. Never once has he even tried to guilt me or make me feel bad. As a matter of fact, he has been trying to convince me I needed to cut back for the last month or so. Sucks but hopefully we'll all adjust like we did back when gas was going up over $1.50. Remember? We went through the same thing. And when it hit $3.00. We are tight for awhile, groceries go up, everything gets effected then we smooth out, readjust. It'll smooth out, things will get better.

LOWRYDERHYNA
06-11-2008, 10:59 AM
tell me about it.. i had my vehicle break down on me so i borrow my friend car to go visit him. i spend almost 50 dollars and i haven't paid my bill cuz i get 20 dollar for vending machine and thatlike 70 dollars and then when i get him phone card that 20 dollars that amost 100 dollars. he use to getting 1,000 for his commisary book he already gave me 500 dollars for my bills but that nothing due to me being the only one paying bills at home with all the utiiites. i had to make a deal either i give him phone card for 50 dolllars then no visit. and he took the phone card (3 days ago) and alrady that card is used up. he calls every day and wants me to do 3 way and now he asking i better go see him what the deal i already told him.. plus i am back in school so i already told him that ever since he got transfered to my state and he about 1 hour away i have failed to go to school on da weekends and spend my time with him. i am back in school and cuz what i did i had got suspended so now that my suspended was done and i was allowed to go back to school and that is another reason i cant go visit but he don't understand.. what gives?

G.Leyva
06-11-2008, 12:47 PM
Well you are in the same boat. I used to be able to visit every weekend but because of the these never ending increase in gas and food we have to cut back to once a month. my guy is the same way when ever he asks if he gets to see his baby this weekend and I have to tell him no not till fathers day. But he understands and dose not make a big deal. Don't get me wrong my guy can acts like a spoil brat too but when he gets in that mood I remind him of all the I am going with out just to see him. He quickly hushes up :rolleyes:

Paradise0608
06-12-2008, 12:44 PM
The last time I spoke with my husband I told him not to expect frequent visits since the gas prices are outrageous! I am pregnant too, and I dont like driving too far while being prego! It takes a whole lota money to fill up my car, but I have to make sure I have enough diapers before ANYTHING ELSE!!

But he knows I love him... and if I could I would go visit every weekend!

JazzyJFL
06-12-2008, 12:50 PM
We had the worst arguement ever...i was suppose to go see him today but i over slept...i have been having a hard time sleeping lately plus i work at night so that throws me off sometimes...i told him orginally that i would be visiting the end of the month of the 30th but since it was the holiday weekend might come this weekend...so Friday (may 23rd) i went to feel up the tank and get an oil change....i did not realize that gas had gone up over night...when i go off of work friday gas (89) was $3.89 (should have got it then but after working 16 hours i wanted to go home)...lately to feel my tank was running about $68 when i went to feel up yesterday it was $76...wtf...and he want me to come twice a month ( thats $76 times 2 plus $20 for food and drinks during our visit plus $10 powerball tickets while i am in Penn. thats $364 a month that almost my car note)...he is another bill...i have been working 60 hours a week trying to get my debt ratio down so i can buy a house for both of us...he is not unstanding its a recession...so of course he called fussing and cussing...that i am cheating and there must be someone else and that i must be losing interest in him...uhhh the other man is work and its not that i don't want to see him i can not afford to...if he would have called friday night i would have told him that i was not coming...i know that they look forward to their visits...but he did not cuss his mom out when they did not come for a visit...or when they go months without seeing him...he is a spoiled brat...what to do?:(



Hey the economy is down and money is tight for everybody. If you don't have the funds, you just don't have them. He needs to be a little understanding. I try to tell my baby that all the time. Life out here is no joke. People are jacking up prices on everything. Milk is $4.00, bread is $3.00 and eggs and $2.00, etc. The dollar does not stretch like it use to. Tell him to make the best of the limited phone calls and the letters for rith now.

robs_angel
06-12-2008, 01:21 PM
maybe you could have a talk with him, like cut back on phone calls the month you are going to see him if you pay for calls.. or just go once a month... talk to him about the cost of gas when you visit..you car payment other bills.. explain your income v. bills... ask him do you want a place to live when he gets out..
coummication is key and maybe he just needs alittle more info to understand alittle better..

mistydawn
06-12-2008, 04:15 PM
I'd def let him cool off so he can see straight. I'm sure he was upset because he was anxious to see you. I know i do the same thing before i visit. I overslept on our last visit as well, i ended up leaving 45 min late and grabbed my infant and toddler and ran out the door. I was so stressed that i'd be late and gripped the steering wheel for 2 and half hours. (no, i didn't speed) I pulled up with 5 min to spare. I looked like hell, but i was there. I was so worried about upsetting him. I certainly hope he would've been more understanding if i were to miss the apt all together. Gas here on the central coast in CA is $4.50/gallon :(