View Full Version : Can I vent!? (mail during lockdowns)


PlrBrzRgr8
05-17-2008, 05:50 PM
Okay what do these guys do durring lock down?? I write hime at least four times a week or more. I make sure its like two to three pages front to back on legal size paper. I some times have nothing to say but i always figure out some thing to write to him. I send cards and post cards all the time. He has been on and off lock down for the past month and he can't pick up a pen and write me even once in two and a half weeks! Then when he does he tells me sorry but he just hasn't been up to it. :banghead: Is it just me? :angry:

Unique Ways
05-17-2008, 06:43 PM
i have to agree with u!! they complain when they get no mail but when its us not getting it, " oh, i didn't feel up it......etc......." i too am plenty mad cuz during the whole lock down thang he didn't write once, the only thing i got was written before the lock down!! i'm very mad right now cuz they are suppose to be off for some odd reason he hasn't called since very early yesterday now he an i have agreed for him to call on the weekends an friday night, gee, i can't wait to hear this excuse. forgive me ladies but yea it does get to me!!!!!!!:angry::angry::angry:

PlrBrzRgr8
05-17-2008, 07:05 PM
Thank you I thought i might have been being a little selfish, but I work a full time job and have a busy social life and we won't even talk about how much time family is taking up. I always find time for him. I know it sucks to be stuck in a cell 24 hours a day but it's not my fault he is there now is it. That sounds bad but I have the stress of daily life and the stress of him being locked up. Not to mention all the things going through my mind why he isn't writing. So Thank you for answering that. I was feeling a bit bad for having those feeling. It makes me feel a little bit better! ty

Wobabi
05-17-2008, 07:52 PM
Being locked in a closet with no movement for days on end effects different men different ways,,some just shut down and dont want to do chit until its over.
Hang in there

cowgirl1962
05-17-2008, 08:03 PM
One of those situations where you are d**n if you do and d**n if you don't.

locactus
05-17-2008, 08:22 PM
Being locked in a closet with no movement for days on end effects different men different ways,,some just shut down and dont want to do chit until its over.
Hang in there

I agree with Wo. As women we're more emotional, even when we don't feel like writing we'll write. We will put anything together to make sure they get a letter. His fault or not, being locked up for days on out, takes a toll on them mentally. They may have a lot to say but just can't get it together to write it out. Since it's been 2 weeks You may want to write him and explain to him how you feel when he doesn't write...ie. It hurts you when he doesn't write or You wanna know he is okay since letters are your only communication. Or maybe suggest that he sends at least 1-2 letters a week, like Mondays and Wednesdays
Hope he writes soon:)

iwiley22
05-18-2008, 01:36 AM
Hi To All . First Let Me Say That Whatever You Are Feeling You Are Entitled To. Life Is Stressful Its How You Deal With The Stress That Makes You Stronger Everyday. Now My Heart Breaks When I Dont Here From My Husband Even When He Was In The Hole. But It Was Times Like These When I Knew He Needed Me Most Because Alot Of Time When They Dont Write Its Because They Dont Want To Tell You The Really Bad Stuff Thats Going On Or Just Rather Keep It To Themselves Because Some Ld Mail Gets Held And Read. Ive Been Through It. I Got Mail In April That He Wrote Back In Dec. & Jan. No Lie Also They Maybe Writing But Something Else Is Going On In The System. Im Sure You All Are Aware That This System Doesnt Care About The Inmate Or Their Family. The Treat Us Like Criminals Because We Choose To Visit Are Love Ones. But Dont Lose Faith In Your Man Because Just Because He Said He Didnt Feel Like It Doesnt Mean He Dont Care But The Depression That He Is Going Through Is Always A Lil. Bit Deeper Than Yours.

sweetnina
05-18-2008, 03:04 AM
My man often tells me he cant concentrate in there - on death row he is in his tiny cell for 23 hours every day. Its loud, its hot, its frustrating. We can talk for hours and hours and we always have something to talk about, but I understand that his day is so much more boring than mine and that the circumstances in there are so frustrating that he isnt always in the mood to write. Plus it costs alot of stamps and he cant even buy the amount of stamps he would need to write to me every day.
So I try to write him every day (because I want to :D) and he writes back when he is in the mood to write (and he often is :D).
I dont need letters who dont say anything, I dont need letters full of "I love yous" all the time because I know he does love me. More than everything. He often tells me about girlfriends or wifes who complains about not getting letters all the time and then he says: "But what shall we write? We are on death row, nothing is going on here, we dont have to say anything!"
We both dont like to repeat ourselves in letters on and on. We tell each other what we need to share, our hopes, dreams, needs, desires, but we dont bother each others with senseless stuff. We wouldnt do that in the free world either.
Our lifes are so different, men and women are so different. So enjoy the letters you get, write as much as you need to write and be happy with the love you share. He needs your love and support and understanding even when his behaviour is sometimes hard to understand.:o
He is in prison, you know.:(

PlrBrzRgr8
05-18-2008, 04:19 AM
Thank you all for your wonderful words of wisdom and advice. I guess it's not the letters i'm wanting, its the closeness I feel when I get the letters. I spent the last few months taking care of my sister who had brain cancer. She recently passed and now more than ever I need that feeling of closeness. So yeah i know his life is tough but it bothers me at this time when i need it the most, I don't get it. I use to think I didn't worry if he wrote or not. Now I don't know what to think. Thanks for letting me vent though.

sweetnina
05-18-2008, 08:54 AM
We all need that closeness, especially in a tough situation like yours.
Our men should be here with us...so there wouldnt be a need to wait for letters every day...but they arent.
Mine never will.:(
But its so good to be in the same boat with all the women here. You give me this closeness feeling that I miss over here because nobody understand how I feel.
Thank you.:o
And hugs to you PlrBrzRgr8 ( difficult name:D) and stay strong!

Shush
05-18-2008, 10:07 AM
I am sorry for your lost. and yes, then we need out men the most.

what ever we are doing, this were WE who decided to do things in this way. you and your partner get the chance to work things out the way they work for you. and everybody else does the same thing for their relationship. our situations are ALL different and what works for me, must not work for you!

as much I understand the situation of my partner, it often does not change something in how I FEEL...... and there ARE moments I NEED HIM! ... and this is just how things repeat.......

Chinozbaby
06-16-2008, 10:28 PM
I know they can write during lockdown. I just got a letter from my man and he mentioned in the letter that they were on lockdown at the time.

HardHeadedWoman
06-16-2008, 10:48 PM
you also have to look at some of the circumstances. He probably has a cellie and if that cellie doesnt give him some quiet time to his self he wont be able to concentrate on his letter.

Jamie always complains that his cellie bugs him and he has to tell him to give him some jamie time so he can write

empowered81
06-18-2008, 02:26 PM
Lockdown or no lockdown, quiet cellie or loud cellie, THEY HAVE NO GOOD EXCUSE. Even loud cellie's have to sleep sometime. They want us to send them money, keep everything together at home for when they return, and write them meaningful letters. The least they could do is write to us to keep us going. Even if they "aren't in the mood" to write, then send a one liner that says just that so we don't worry and stress about there welfare on top of everything else.

Ok, I feel better to get that off my chest.

Thanks

leahc
06-18-2008, 08:28 PM
There was a week where Joe didn't write me a single letter. When I went to visit he said it was because he tried a few times, but was never "in the mood." Obviously, that's not a spectacular excuse from my standpoint - especially when I always take the time to write him letters whether I'm happy or sad.

However, I am not Joe so I don't think it's fair of me to judge him based on who I am or what I do. Of all the letters I've received from him probably 20% have been depressing because he was upset when he wrote them. I think it's his own deal that he doesn't want to write when he's not feeling "up to it." I have written him three letters that I tore apart and didn't send because I had to vent to him, and I realized after writing the letter that by the time I got his reply I'd probably be well over what I wanted to vent about.

It's one of the down sides of mail - the fact that he can't just call or come over to hash through something that's on his mind or personal issues he's having. When it comes to those things most of us want immediate results, and we can't have them through letters.

So I guess... I would tell you to try to be understanding of him. Different personalities handle things differently, you know? He may have sat down several times and tried to write, but just couldn't get up the mental energy to say whatever was on his mind at the time.