View Full Version : love letters turned mean?


looloo3
05-12-2008, 11:20 PM
Do you ever find yourself starting off writing a love letter and end up finishing a lecture? I try to stay positive and write nice things but lately I feel that I have nothing nice to say. I am really stressed at work and haven't received a letter from him in a few days plus I'm having mood swings like no tomorrow... but why can't I just be nice? I didn't send him any letters for the past week because I honestly could not say one positive thing. I decided tonight to write him and I just went off. I complained about everything possible, things he can't even help. He always tells me it's fine for me to just express myself, he won't take it personally if I'm a brat, but I feel bad. I went back and put cute little notes in all the margins of the 6 page rant to hopefully make him feel better. I go through this occasionally when I'm stressed, but usually it's a sentence of me complaining about him not being here, not 6 pages of me practically yelling on paper!! Should I even send it?

Does anyone else go through phases where you can't say anything nice? Or am I the only one?? Do you send your 'less than polite' letters?

Thanks in advance for your help.

mushystar1
05-12-2008, 11:27 PM
yep. i totally understand what you mean, and you shouldn't feel so bad, more than likely you'd be saying it all in person if he was here, wouldn't you? plus sometimes things just ge to you and you can't help it. we don't know every detail of every day they go through in prison, just as they don't know what we go through on the outside. i always write like someone with multiple personalites; sometimes it's all "i love you's", sometimes it's griping and whining and complaining about everything, and sometimes its just telling him aobut my day. and all that's usually in one letter!
so don't be too hard on yourself. you're at least being honest with him, even if it's not the most pleasant things to read.

Random_1
05-12-2008, 11:40 PM
He has sent me letters that started mean but turned mushy. He's so sweet.

PlayfulTigress1
05-13-2008, 05:52 AM
OMG....can I relate to this...I live in another state than my fiance' when I called his friends house where he was staying I found out that he had been picked up that afternoon...after 2 weeks of them telling me that they had been going to see them and talking to him on the phone and I believed them, and they were supposed to give my fiance my # and address cause he didn't have it on him when he was picked up. I worried my self sick..that and the fact that I had been bitten by a brown recluse and was heavily medicated for that which was bad enough on it's own, but to be worried on top of that made it worse. I went from 150 down to 135 lbs in 2 wks (I wanted to lose wieght but that was too much too fast) I wound up in the hospital on Iv's for a few days. When I got home I guess the friend had some remorse because they lied to me, because they gave me the address to the jail and the # to the jail. When I called the jail to get the info on him I was transfered to the medical unit, he too was sick because he hadn't heard anything from me and couldn't figure out why.
When he got my first package of letters was full of me yelling in the first half them before I could calm down enough to tell him that I wasn't mad or upset with him but his ex step dad and I could tell him that I loved him and missed him, he was so relieved and he started getting well, because he thought I was just going to walk off and leave him...how could I??? I am so totally and completely madly in love with him. So, yelling I don't think is uncommon...I think that even they know we have to vent every once in a while and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't write you later and do some venting of his own...mine did...just take for what it is and not a personal attack (unless it really is)...that it is better for him to vent in a letter to you than to take out where he is and it could cause any bigger problems.

Hesmyhoney
05-13-2008, 06:50 AM
I have found myself doing exactly that, especially if I've been out with my girlfriends and, shall I say, have had a few too many! LOL! I have put so many nasty letters in the mailbox at 2am, only to take them back out before the mail came! I have wasted so many stamps that way! Actually, I think it helped me to at least vent a little. It was like throwing out the garbage each time I did it.

24jf
05-13-2008, 08:02 AM
Been there.. done that.. mailed them and feel closer today because of them. If they can't handle us at our worst, then they don't deserve us at our best!!

AlwaysUs2011
05-13-2008, 08:10 AM
yep. i totally understand what you mean, and you shouldn't feel so bad, more than likely you'd be saying it all in person if he was here, wouldn't you? plus sometimes things just ge to you and you can't help it. we don't know every detail of every day they go through in prison, just as they don't know what we go through on the outside. i always write like someone with multiple personalites; sometimes it's all "i love you's", sometimes it's griping and whining and complaining about everything, and sometimes its just telling him aobut my day. and all that's usually in one letter!
so don't be too hard on yourself. you're at least being honest with him, even if it's not the most pleasant things to read.

LOL!!! I am the same way. I always start my letters with the mushy and end em that way too. But the rest could be anything!!! I can talk about 15 different things, from venting and complaining,to what I did, to what I am going to do. I often wonder if I confuse him, or if he laughs.

neednanswers
05-13-2008, 01:02 PM
I think we're all guilty of that every once in a while. I send my fiance everything I write, good or bad. He says that he wants to know every single thing that I'm going through, what I'm feeling, what I really want to say. He said never to leave anything out. I asked him, "What if it will make you mad?" and he said "I'd rather read your honest opinions and thoughts and be mad, than read sugar coated lies and feel good about them."

I think you just need to let it all out sometimes. Sure, they're the ones doing time, but in a way, you're doing time too. You're entitled to feel stressed and pissed off sometimes! Just let it out. I bet he'll appreciate that you're venting to him.

Angelsdelight
05-13-2008, 01:27 PM
I'm guilty of that as lately i've been having troubles with my pyschotic neighbour and i rant at him, he dosn't really need to hear it i always post it feel mean afterwards and then sent him something sweet like a mushy card

PTO-92958
05-13-2008, 06:51 PM
Been there.. done that.. mailed them and feel closer today because of them. If they can't handle us at our worst, then they don't deserve us at our best!!

I second that!

looloo3
05-13-2008, 11:01 PM
Thanks ladies! I'm relieved to know that I'm not the only one who does this. I just want to make sure I'm not going overboard with the complaints, but that's life, right? I did write him a really nice letter tonight about how much I care about him and I feel better knowing I'm not always such a brat. Thanks again for responding!

lawoman
05-13-2008, 11:48 PM
Been there.. done that.. mailed them and feel closer today because of them. If they can't handle us at our worst, then they don't deserve us at our best!!

ditto!

whiz-bang
05-14-2008, 12:00 AM
Sounds like a good way to vent. Anybody on the inside who doesn't realize how hard it is for his or her spouse to keep it together is a pretty insensitive dude or dudette . . . or so it seems to me.

When I was inside, my wife used to write about her struggles and frustrations. It wasn't fun hearing about the pain my absence was causing--especially after our son was born, seven months into a ten-year minimum. But I figured the least I could do was try to understand what she was going through.

Anyway, after you've written those 100%-negative, bitching-like-you-mean-it letters, you don't have to mail them.

Walk slow; drink a lot of ice water.

FD

PlayfulTigress1
05-14-2008, 07:20 PM
Sounds like a good way to vent. Anybody on the inside who doesn't realize how hard it is for his or her spouse to keep it together is a pretty insensitive dude or dudette . . . or so it seems to me.

When I was inside, my wife used to write about her struggles and frustrations. It wasn't fun hearing about the pain my absence was causing--especially after our son was born, seven months into a ten-year minimum. But I figured the least I could do was try to understand what she was going through.

Anyway, after you've written those 100%-negative, bitching-like-you-mean-it letters, you don't have to mail them.

Walk slow; drink a lot of ice water.

FD


lol Frank true, and there have been entire letters that I have written sat there looked at them and said...you know what I'm done being mad and rip the whole letter up and start all over again..lol. But then he asked me when he called one time aren't you mad and I said about what and he said about anything I told him yup but why should I make it harder for you, you can't do nothing about it..His reply was "Baby, I need to know what you are thinking and your honesty, I can take it...but you aren't as strong as me so let me have it and then we can move on." Now that was the sweetest thing I ever heard..lol.

locactus
05-14-2008, 07:39 PM
Do you ever find yourself starting off writing a love letter and end up finishing a lecture? I try to stay positive and write nice things but lately I feel that I have nothing nice to say. I am really stressed at work and haven't received a letter from him in a few days plus I'm having mood swings like no tomorrow... but why can't I just be nice? I didn't send him any letters for the past week because I honestly could not say one positive thing. I decided tonight to write him and I just went off. I complained about everything possible, things he can't even help. He always tells me it's fine for me to just express myself, he won't take it personally if I'm a brat, but I feel bad. I went back and put cute little notes in all the margins of the 6 page rant to hopefully make him feel better. I go through this occasionally when I'm stressed, but usually it's a sentence of me complaining about him not being here, not 6 pages of me practically yelling on paper!! Should I even send it?

Does anyone else go through phases where you can't say anything nice? Or am I the only one?? Do you send your 'less than polite' letters?

Thanks in advance for your help.

I definitely understand.... Oh do I really really understand. At the end I just say sorry for complaining and thank you for understanding- cause he always does. Your letters aren't turning mean, thats what a relationship does...we share to the other whats on our minds. If we don't then we're not being true to ourself and it will just build up and take over.

Thanks for this thread.

johnnyrayzaimee
05-15-2008, 01:10 AM
OMG me too I totally do this...but he says he loves for me to say what I am feeling...and he said to feel to free to vent in the letters but I feel like I gripe more than I should oops lol

heavensdaughter
05-17-2008, 04:38 PM
I think its noraml for people to go threw this while their loved one is in prison, ppff i get a lecture almost every letter from BOTH my best friends, than it turns mushy:) gotta love them knuckel heads:)

redhaired_dolly
05-23-2008, 01:42 PM
My man started keeping track of my cycles a long time ago. Now sometimes he'll get a letter and instead of feeling bad or wondering what he did wrong he just laughs at how I can get.

Register
05-23-2008, 02:20 PM
Been there.. done that.. mailed them and feel closer today because of them. If they can't handle us at our worst, then they don't deserve us at our best!!


Amen to that!