I've seen guys go into a blind rage before, but my last BF was different. He got this crazed look in his eyes like he was getting a "high" off of hurting me. Then, he would turn things around and blame me for what he did. I have my own thoughts what that was all about. I was wondering if anyone else has any insights to offer.

My current BF will be home soon. He is a good man and I know he would never hurt me. I just want to completely close that last chapter in my life, understand what happened and not drag that baggage into my current relationship.

The one who hurt me also went into rages but some times his beatings were well planned in advance because it made him feel even better to let me know it was coming but with hours of humiliation, shame, and pure panic before it actually took place. ( It reminds me of how a hunter might spotlight a rabbit in the dark and the light and the fear makes it stand completely still. )
I have to believe that most abusers have the same methods :shrug:maybe there is a secret hand book being passed around among them. :rolleyes: I hope you get past that bad experience and can move forward in your new one. :) The ladies will be here soon to answer your questions. sokie

gypsydancer, I think it IS a kind of high. I think the emotional set-up from childhood leaves them needing to feel good, and the rage against having been treated that way fills that need. Their perceptions are screwy, and because they had people dissing them as kids, telling they didn't feel what they felt, didn't see what they saw, didn't have a right to their feelings, when they finally get free of those people there is constant anger about that treatment, but also permanently impaired perceptions about what is going on around them. Making it stop feels good. Having the power to MAKE someone else see things their way (or at least pretend to) makes them feel much better, for a few minutes anyway.

very interesting.. this gives me some insight ..so the fact that as my husband grew up and his older brother had leukemia and spent alot of time in and out of hospital...they were supposed to act like life was normal and go out and play and after brother died when husband was 6 yrs old. they were never allowed to talk about there brother in front of there mother......hummmmmmmm...ok not my problem anymore .. he's broken and i am not able to fix him..

:haha: Isn't it crazy how it is always the parents fault. I always knew there was something squirrelly about my ex in laws. :p

The following sites have been of immeasurable support to me:

I have not posted enough here to let the exact links be shown (what's up with that rule moderators?) So be creative in reading

bpdfamily dot com
bpdcentral dot com

My boyfriend has bipolar and borderline personality disorder...Diagnosed as such.

The bipolar is one thing, but the borderline personality disorder really is the kicker...really afflicts people's abilities in personal relationships...

Check especially the first site out. It is full of so many "aha" moments. Especially noting not simply what THEIR issue is, but how it affects profoundly those on the other side of their rages/antics/blame games...

So much of what you said is exactly what he would do.

I wish you well and I would be curious what you think of the Board!

Thanks, Taralita. Though there are some common threads, I'm not sure if the ex had BPD. There was the very charming, nurturing & kind person....Then there was the evil twin. The Jeckyl/Hyde thing sounds like BPD.
I've been reading posts on sociopaths. Many elements there remind me of him.
He had built this awesome chopper and entered it in a bike show. Some of my friends came to check it out and cheer him on. He asked why they had come. I said, "They are here to support you." He totally went off on the fact that I used the word "support." Any terms that you might hear in "therapy" he was extremely sensitive about.
I know he was in "reform school" as a teen. His father( who I suspect was abusive) died from alcoholism at an early age. He would frequently refer to his mother as "nothing but a dumb F-ing Indian"
I feel I am maybe saying too much...but this is only scratching the surface. I don't want to put all the personal stuff out over the internet. I truly believe that there is some goodness in everyone..and the side to him that was good was beautiful.
I do know that the relationship with my ex was toxic to me and I can't be with someone like that.
Because of what I was through with the last one, maybe I'm a little too cautious with the current one...Not that a little caution is a bad thing... I just hope I don't put up too many roadblocks... He comes home in 5 days and I'm just a little apprehensive.
Thanks, everyone for listening.

We've come to believe that there is a psychological explanation for every manifestation of human behavior. We got your antisocial personality disorder, your borderline personality disorder, and your intermittent explosive disorder.

I hope the DSM-V includes a new diagnosis: Evil Personality Disorder.

This group would include guys who beat up their wives and (dare I say it?) children, . . . especially those who enjoy it.

It would also include the baby-rapers and baby-killers. And that's about it.

I suspect the condition would be classified "not amenable to therapy"--which is to say, incurable.


FD