My counselor has asked me to speak to a group of teenage girls about domestic violence. She believes that they may pay attention because I am close to their age group and have learned some harsh lessons. But then again she is concerned that I may break under pressure and everything that I (we) have achieved over the past year may go down the drain. I ask my friends here on this site because I have trusted you like no others but the fact is I am faceless here and to do this puts me in the light for maybe an hour. Do you think I will break? Do you think my scars will frighten people to where they do not listen but focus on my past abuse? Do you think it will make a difference in someone's life or am I just putting myself out there to be laughed at? sokie

First of all, Sweetheart,you're plenty strong and no one will be laughing.
I think an hour might be a little much for anyone unaccustomed to public speaking, on any topic, let alone something so personal and intense but that you could do a great deal of good by sharing your experiences- maybe 2 or 3 survivors could speak so that no one person is on the hot seat for too long at a stretch and none of you feels too far out on a limb alone

Thanks LeBeau :) I don't know what I really want to do about being asked to talk. There's a part of me that wants to step up to the plate and answer any question asked but the other part of me wants to hide. That doesn't sound real normal, huh? :confused: She tells me that there would be other's there to speak out and answer questions but she believes I could connect to the one's more my age because we have to think alike in some aspects.:shrug:Is she trying to say we are all idiots in our teenage years???:haha:

~Sokie~
I thoroughly believe you are strong enough. I do agree with LeBeau, though, that an hour is a long time...but if you aren't in the spotlight solo, and there are other speakers besides yourself, it could be good for you. It could be liberating. And your counselor is right about teenagers listening better to someone closer to their own age with experience to share. It seems less like a lecture and more like a discussion group.
My daughter is 16, and when she was in counseling, she only connected with one woman because of her age and that she was "cool". Now that Marina is home tutored all this year, we noticed the same thing with tutors...she went through 3 before we found one she clicked with and actually got her work done.
I guess I'm parallelling the two different situations, but I see a common thread...age and respect.
Those girls will respect you...and most likely listen, and hopefully learn.
You may save one from enduring abuse...you may save them all...but you will definately touch them in some way.
And that can be good for you too, and your healing process.
The bottom line is this...we believe in you. The choice is yours. Do whatever your heart is ready for.
Much love,
~GG~

There's a part of me that wants to step up to the plate and answer any question asked but the other part of me wants to hide. That doesn't sound real normal, huh?

That sounds incredibly normal- Darlin', I speak on a semi-regular basis on a variety of different subjects and in the 28 years since the first time I stepped up to a podium, I've never once been totally at ease- It's easier now than it was 20 years ago, but I still get all sorts of nervous, especially when I'm speaking on something very personal.
And, by the way, Carly Simon, a beloved, incredibly talented, Grammy winning, multi-platinum selling singer/songwriter suffers from debilitating stage fright.

Darlin' - if you decide to agree to speak, you can decide for yourself on a limited time. You may find yourself with far more to say than you think, or find that it's too much, and shut down after 10 minutes. If your counselor is with you, she should be able to monitor how you're doing and step in. You could even start the whole thing by dialoging with her in front of the girls, then take questions as you feel more free. Did you do one of those intake forms when you first went to the abuse counselor? Bring one along, and use it as a beginning.

If this is one of the things you want to do with your experience, then go for it! First times are hard, but manageable. And you KNOW we're all behind you, whatever you do.

I believe you are. I also agree 1 hr is to long for your first ever speech. You are a strong young lady. who is beautiful out side and inside. You have so much to offer if it only saves 1 life it is worth it. That is up to you Sokie. You call the shoots. Do what is comfortable for Sokie.

Thank you for backing me up and believing in me. :grouphug:
I have to admit that I am real scared when I think about talking about my past situation and the questions that may be asked. I talked to my mom about it this morning because she is my best friend and very wise most of the time. She is worried that I will crumble if it turns into a debate but surely my therapist an counselor will shut me down if I or the conversation drift another way then what it is intended. :shrug: I just want to help another if I can. The day it happens I will not wear makeup or sunglasses. Maybe if they can see and feel the full effect of how fast rage and abuse can escalate they will think twice about being in a bad situation themselves.

Sokie, I believe it would be a brave thing for you to do. I haven't been in this forum long to know you well but, from what I've seen, I think you are very strong. If your counselor will be there, I'm certain she would step in and help if she saw it wasn't being good for you.

There are SOOOOOO many young girls that don't recognize their situation as domestic violence. My own daughter's best friend was in this situation at the age of 16. When my daughter came to me, I put my foot down that the girl tell her parents or I would.

That is also a concern of mine. When you have been abused as you were, it could happen, Just make sure you are ok with this, And you no what its ok to cry a little I still do after my husband died of CJD 7 years ago.
Sokie draft a letter of what you want to talk about. Practice it, take out things you do not want in there and tell the counselor, No question asked. If you are uncomfortable about it. You have plenty of time to do this.full force. I got mad and that is when i took control. I wanted everyone i meet in grocery store, DR Office, pharmacy, I will debate it till i die. Going down the street anyone to listen to what i had to say. That human form of mad cow disease (CJD) iS the USA--And people better believe it.

Is the day, I am really nervous. But I have decided when it comes to the questions part that I will use my friends on this site when answering. When I look out there I will just think to myself "Oh, thats Nim, cat, mountainmom, bo, ...." as many names as I need to use when answering so I don't get scared. ;) See, you guys are going to help me in the outside world more then you know. :grouphug:sokie

You'll be wonderful, Sweetheart- and remember, if you look at people's eyebrows, they think you're making actual eye contact;)

Thanks for the reminder, I have you already in the front row of my imagination:grouphug:

Hon, you're right - we'll be there. We will be all the women in your audience, we will be all the women in your heart! No matter what happens, you will learn, they will learn, we will learn. You may learn where your breaking point is. You may learn that you're stronger than you thought. If your knees start to wobble and your hands sweat, if your voice trembles, remember that you speak for all of us, take a deep breath and let your strength speak..........and at the end, remember that we all will hug you, no matter what.

Well? How'd it go?

LeBeau - today's Thursday! She's scheduled to talk on Friday.

My whole week has been like that....
OK- One last bit of encouragement before the event-
Remember my siggy- That, my Dear, is the true meaning of courage, and you have it in abundance.
You'll do great.

Good Luck Sokie!!!!

Its Friday morning some where in America, and Sokie is going to give a talk about abuse to women or men. She is going to get a lot off her chest that has bothered her for a long time. As those people leave the room they are going to always remember Sokie. She is making a difference in someone life today as she has ours for over a year.
Sokie, God is with you. He says Be of good courage, he shall strengthen you.
Peace you will find today. Stand tall and do not be ashamed, someone in that audience needs to hear what you have to say. You are a wonderful Lady. I admire your strenght, and your honesty.

Since most of these girls where between the ages of 15 to 18 they had a lot of questions. I even had one who laughed and made remarks for about 10 minutes until others told her to listen or leave. I was ashamed up to that point then it got easier. :)
It was hard to share what happened to us with others but maybe in time I can share the full impact he had on our life's so people will understand it could happen in their life's too. Myself, personally, I believe DV must occur in all types of society whether you are rich or poor, in all nationalities, and
it has no boundaries. But that is just my opinion based on the people I have met over the past year.
My mom, dad, therapist, and DV counselor were there to support me (or drag me off the floor if they needed to). I broke and cried when I removed my glasses and spoke of my Pamela. Actually, I notice a few gasp and a few cried with me. It was hard. I don't believe I will be doing it again anytime soon. :(
But I do appreciate everyone not minding that I placed your names on the people asking me questions because it helped me make it threw it.
:grouphug: sokie

Mind? No, hun, we're proud to have stood there with you! You did it!!!!!!! That's guts. That's lots and lots of courage. You fought your pain and won. And you may never know exactly whose life you touched, but for sure you did - you touched someone. She will not have to go through what you did, because you have warned her. Even if you never do this again, you've saved a life. You have redeemed Pammy, luv.

Ah, Precious, brave girl!

I could do it today but when I was your age, I don't think I could have done what you did... you're one of my heroes and this just deepened that opinion.

sokie, you are one to be cited as the braviest. roch

Yes, you are brave and we love you! ((hugs))

I am so proud of you! I wish you could speak to all the Ladies in the world, You have spoken for a lot of women last week, who does not have the strenght that you do to come forward and talk about your abuse. God Bless you Sokie. We love you.

you're one of my heroes and this just deepened that opinion.

I can only guess how hard that was for you to do, but you did it, and you've helped many for doing so...maybe even saved a life or two. You are indeed a very brave and unselfish woman. You are a hero to me as well. :grouphug:
Love you!

This is a hard month for me so if I don't post much don't get worried. ;)
School is out now for a few weeks then I will begin some summer sessions. I just wanted to tell all of you that I love you too but am no hero. :no: I hit bottom and am thankful for everyone here helping me to see it and help pull me up & out of it. ((hugs)) sokie

We all hit bottom sometimes, girl! What matters is that you stand up one more time than you're knocked down. . . and you're doing that.