There is something starting to bother me. My baby is going up for parole next month and there is a good chance he will get approved. He is VERY nervous about it. More nervous about actually getting out than what the outcome of the hearing is going to be. Is this normal? I mean I'm sure it will take some adjusting and getting used to being free again but how do you know if they have become institutionalized?

How long has he been down? That will have a lot to do with why he is nervous. He may be a big fish in a little pond in there and out here he may a little fish in a big pond that could bother him a lot. Love Barb

It's believed by people who study these things that if a person is incarcerated for more than one year, they become institutionalized. But institutionalization is misunderstood, especially by people in prison. They seem to think it means that they belong in prison and can't make it out here---that they're forever ruined and may even like it in there. Lots of them are insulted at the very idea or mention of it.

Institutionalization as I understand it or could put it into words would be a very subtle thing at work below the consciousness of the person coming out. I would think that to totally overcome it would take some serious therapy. It's just a combination of the effects of having not had to do certain activities of life for themselves for many years as well as having been isolated from the rest of the normal world. Add in the screwed up code that's followed on the inside and the way they're treated----like they're less than nothing-----by a lot of the guards. Having all dignity and privacy stripped from them. Not being allowed any of the personal boundaries that we're used to being allowed. Throw in some PTSD in a whole lot of cases. It can be so overwhelming that they sometimes mess up and go back on purpose because it's easier for them to deal with life in there than life out here if they've spent enough time in----or in and then out several times. I have a family friend who did that very thing about two years ago, only he was rare in that his was a conscious decision that he admitted and gave voice to. Many times it's not admitted or spoken of by the person who goes back, but for my friend, it was deliberate and he said so to people while he was screwing up for the three months he was out. Now he'll never live to see freedom again, probably. It's not unusual for someone who has spent a lot of time on the inside who finally gets out as an elderly person to just commit suicide because it's so hard for them to cope.

It's not just a matter that clothing styles have changed and technology has advanced and things like that. If it were only that, they'd come out like a kid in a candy store or at Disneyland, marvelling at it all and learning new stuff. It's a much deeper and more profound thing.

I personally feel that, since we're taking away so much by putting people inside, that instead of parole and the money spent on that, there should be money spent on therapy to combat the inevitable institutionalization process for people coming out. But that would get into prison reform and let's face it-----prison is big business and if we fixed the problem, there would be whole towns that would collapse because their economies depend on the salaries of the prison staffs in the prison towns and the people who visit there to visit loved ones in prison and have to have food, lodging, gas, etc. Half of Texas would go belly up, for one. I won't even get off on that tangent.

If he hasn't been in for very long, then he should do okay. If he's been in for quite a long time, then it's not a surprise that he's nervous. But no matter how long he's been in, he CAN make it, and I think the best thing to do is to be aware that he'll have his struggles, but that the best thing to do is not call attention to it and not talk about it unless he chooses to bring it up.

Well...he has been in like 6 years. He says everyday how he is soo ready to be home and how he can't stand that place. He says once he is out he will NEVER go back. Today I flat out asked him if he thought he was institutionalized and he said no. He has many hopes and dreams for the future and sounds full of determination. It's just the fact that he is so freaked out about it. He said it seems so weird to think he could actually be leaving that place soon. BSS...I think maybe you could be right. He has gained alot of respect form people there. Respect is what it's all about inside and out here....well alot of people lack that.

hi angel..i have no idea exactly what institutionalized is..but i do know when my son was getting out he was freaked too....and when he got out he was even more freaked..there were alot of things he felt uncomfortable with...someone just asking about his ink was enough to make him paranoid ...and he just knew "they" knew he was an ex con...he kept saying he would never go back...sigh..and he is back..and questions institutionalization...i think if a person is strong and wants to "really" stay out they can...but i have to believe that "I" could not have kept him out...and believe me i tried....there was a cool article ...lulu posted it...i can't even rememeber the name of it...but it talked about survival and institutionalization... pm her..i thought it was a good article

WELL YOU CAN TELL BY ALOT OF WAYS BUT LIKE HIM NOT WANTING TO BE AROUND THE PUBLIC OR HOW HE WON'T GO INTO WALMART WITH YOU BECAUSE HE THINKS EVERYONE KNOWS HE JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON- HOW HE HANGS HIS TOWELS HOW HE USES TOLIET PAPER- THERE IS ALOT OF WAYS JUST LOOK FOR THEM

Toi- As usual that was a excellant post! Mark and I have talked at length about being institutionalized. He has a long bid, so we are trying as hard as we can not to get him to fall into the role.

Here are some other threads here at PTO dealing with the subject....

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=31902

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=22950

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=24000

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13593

My husband has been out a month now and I know that the transition has been a bit hard on both of us. I think in many ways he has handled it better than I have! I just have a lot of fear but things are getting better. In all honesty he has been absolutly perfect and even that scares me :)
He has had a hard time finding a full time job, just a part time one so far. That has been frustrating for him but he is still trying and that is so important.
When Jason first got home he felt very uncomfortable and as soon as he had been to see his po and had some structure placed on him he felt a lot better. I am sure that is institutionalization, but I also don't think you can go from someone else having all control of you to total freedom without some adjustment.
The coolest part of all is that my family and friends have been so accepting and loving towards my husband. They are finally getting to know him and really like him a lot. It is like finally they all get why I have gone through all this with him. It is really nice to know I am not just crazy!
My advise would be to try not to have many expectations because thing will go different than you expect. A lot of times it is better but it is ussually different. Now that I am just going with the flow things have been really great. I am so happy to have my baby back and I pray that it will be permenant!
ginger

My husband has been home 6 months. The 2 months were heaven, the last 4 have been hell. He did 10 years and I think it is harder than he expected. He had no nervousness at all and I did. He also is very ill - bad prison doctors didn't help. He is disabled so I have that to deal with too. Some days (like today) I can hardly go on. I am new to this site but it helps a lot.