My boyfriend will be coming home in 10months (hopefully) Recently I have been asked out a couple of times. Nothing serious mostly by guy friends. I feel like I should stay home everyone else has told me that I am crazy. I do miss going places and having fun..any advise would help.....:rolleyes:

Well, if he's only going to be gone 10 more months, you could wait that long, right? On the other hand, there's no need to stop living while he's gone. But if it's guys asking you out, if it were me, I don't know if I'd go. I'd worry that it might be that I was thinking of them as just friends while they had other feelings for me. Do you have any girlfriends you can go out and have fun with? That would be my choice.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVISE.IT IS GREAT THAT THIS SITE IS AVAIILABLE. I DO NOT HAVE A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS TO GO OUT WITH THAT SUPPORT MY SITUATION. I GUESS I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO TELL ME THAT I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING MY FAMILY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I WOULD PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD AT 22. I KNOW THAT I CAN WAIT TEN MORE MONTHS . AND IF HE DOES NOT GET PAROLE I WILL WAIT AS LONG AS IT TAKES.:D

Good for you! I know it's hard when you're 22 and feel kind of like a fifth wheel or the odd girl out. Maybe you'll make some friends in your area through PTO that you could get together with for some fun. If you're like me, you'll spend every free moment here at PTO and that helps tremendously.
My only problem is at certain times when I've been through all the posts and things are slow. LOL Then I get impatient for some new posts to happen.

Well I have a lets just say a special friend on the side, the crazy thing hes a sheriff. but my man is gone for 2 1/2 yrs i told him I wont fall in love because my loves in there but I have needs. He excepts that( just wishes it wasnt a cop) but I say if he dont hurt me or hit me dont r kids around him them why does it matter. So have fun U didnt put him in there he put hes self in there.

Men ask a girl out for one reason. I don't need to tell you what that is.

There is a different in hanging out and going out with friends, no matter weather its girls or guys! :) Something to think about!

wow, I hope the initial poster has resolved this by now...did anybody look at the date LOL

This area of PTO is so quiet I'll post to anything. And NO, I didn't even check the date lol.

Perhaps this is indeed an OLD POST; however, the feelings experienced by the poster are current. I know first hand how easy it would be to justify similar actions. But, I do not allow myself to go there. In reading the above post, I could not help but remember a line from the movie "When Harry met Sally".

It was the line where Billy Crystal was saying( not a direct quoate) "It is impossible for a man and a woman to be just friends... even if one of you thinks thats all it is... the other has different thoughts:.

This alway is in my head when I ecounter a lady who invites me to dinner, a movie, or other one on one social event. I am flattered by the invitations, but unless I can just drive myself and meet a group... I opt to decline the one one one encounters (with women). The truth is... we can all love someone and not necessarily like them, but it is impossible to like someone without also loving them at some level. Sharing intimate emotions and inner feelings with an opposite sex friend is the first step to a more physical encounter. We are just human after all. Therefore for me, (hard as it may be at times) I limit my encounters to groups and same sex friends. I apprecate my lady friends; however, I try not to give mixed signals as to where my true heart lies and that is with my wife.

Keep the Faith

Michael :thumbsup:

Well i'm going 2 make this reply quick & sweet.Now 1st of all we are all human and No 1 is perfect believe me so my thing is do u love and respect your man? if your answer is yes , then u know right from wrong and u will do the right thing no matter what so go out and enjoy yourself b cuz that's why i love my husand b cuz he understands and alwayz tell me 2 go out and enjoy myself so never stop living your life b cuz we only live once and no 1 is promise 2 see 2morrow remember that........TaTa

This sounds similar to the AA philosophy "If you don't want to slip, don't hang around slippery places," and like AA it's not the answer for everyone. I think the question one should answer on this is, "Where does the real danger lie?" If you feel it's within yourself, then I agree with Michael's approach. If not then I agree with ST8GRROVIN. And that's not a commentary on being weak or strong...it's more about being male or female. Upon reading this thread I thought the same thing Michael. Men and women and strictly friends are not words most men can use in the same sentence and mean them. Not sure if it's an oxymoron or a conundrum but it's right as rain.

I have issues with the same thing. I have found it easier to not go out, or just hang out with my girlfriends. We are all human, I think I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I were to "fall into the arms of another". A few weeks ago I told Scrappy that I was asked out and my heart just didn't let me go, he was sooo happy! He said just knowing that I didn't "feel" like it made him love me even more! Pretty cool huh? I love him sooo much!

Perhaps a little clarfication is needed on my previous post. I have no doubt I am strong enough to resist the pysical encounters. this is not the issue. as I have told others, relationships are more than simply sex. For me it is equal measures of spiritual, emotional, physical and intellectual bonding. what my wife and I share is encompasses all these. I also know that women are natural nurturers and in being so will want to lend an ear, a shoulder, a hug, or a jesture of kindness. I do have a lot of emotion in conection with my wife's abscence, but those special feelings are researved or her alone and is in part what lets us continue to bond spiritually and emotionally. Sharing these feeleing with another woman is akin to a "one night stand".

I also do not want any one thinking I am an advocate of locking yourself away and avoiding the world. I am an avid mandolin, guitar, banjo, and dobro player... I have used my wife's abscene to squeeze in more"Jam Sessions" than she would ever let me if she were home :D . I also have a pretty good circle of friends and we all get together pretty regularly for various activities. As str8groovin has pointed out " I go out and enjoy myself so never stop living your life b cuz we only live once and no 1 is promise 2 see 2morrow remember " .
I can agree with this to a point... however, if I don't get to see tomorrow, I would rather go there knowing I up held my vows rather than to go to meet my wife in the here after with my latest "oops I'm only human and slipped One night stand". No Judgement on any one else intended here. I think I can resist a little "instant gratification" until my wife returns. Not because I am any better than any one else... but probably because in my early years I was worse. I do not believe there is much in this life have not done, butat this point in my life.... there are just some things that I enjoy much more with my wife. There fore I do get out, I enjoy my life, but... I will continue to be true and postpone some of life's pleasures until once again my wife and I can share them together. Until then she is serving her time... and I am serving mine.

Keep the Faith

Michael :thumbsup:

haswatch, I didn't look at the date until you said something!:eek: Now I will look carefully!:rolleyes: And like you, I hope the issue has resolved itself.

I am no Dr. Phil, so I can't give you an educated response to your question or delima. I will tell you this, the choice is yours to make. But you must use good sense in making your choice. If you think that going out is going to make you feel better, well think twice. You need to think about the person you are waiting for, how will this make them feel. And if you do wait for them but still go out, how is it going to make you feel? Can you still live with the knowledge that you did this to feel better or to get your friends off your back? Who or what is worth more to you!
A lot of us make choices that we later regret and then leave us with some sad memories. I can only tell you this much, if you are trying to combat being lonely then think about your loved one who is in prison, because they are lonely also. I can only think about some words my dear wife said to me at a point I was going through some rough times... " I am Behind you and Beside you"! I loved those words then and I cherish them now and I live those words for her everyday. So think about those words, if they fit your situation, then stand fast, you will be rewarded!

JR

FYI - I think DRP has since broken up with the guy that was locked up....

I have put myself in that situation before. Personnally, I feel I did not put my man where he is at, he chose that life, so why should I sit at home and not enjoy life. Is it because he is not? I don't know what kind of man you have, but mine is understanding. We are the best of friends and he always tells me that guys in prison are always talking about that they would leave their women. But why?, he also ask them. If the situation was turned around what would he do? I don't expect no one to sit around waiting for me. I know that it sounds selfish, but it would also be selfish if he's not wanting you to enjoy yourself. You are already doing the time with him. You had a life before him, don't you deserve one during him and after him? And if you know that nothing is going to happen between you and your male friends, but friendship, then go out and enjoy life. Life is too short and you are too young!!

And while we're at it let's all have a second helping of ice cream and anything else we simple crave at the moment. Excuse me if this sounds sarcastic, but my point is.... there are things worth far more than instant gratification. I also agree it is selfish to ask someone to be faithful and loyal to you while you go away; however, I don't believe those of us who are remaining faithful to our loved ones inside do it because we were asked to. It is our choice.

Your also right about us not putting our loved ones "inside". But in truth that is irrelevant. The commitmens I made to my wife on our wedding day were more than hollow words. They were my promise to stand beside her and support her regardless of the situation. No one said that would be easy. If this was not the promise made by others of you or if it was and this promise holds no bond on you and your loved one... then so be it; however, please do not get the wrong image. Just because some of us have chosen to remain faithful does not mean we are hidding away in some dark corner while the world passes us by or that we are avoiding people all together until our loved one comes home. My life is as full and active as ever. I continue to go to the gym, work in the yard, buy groceries... in fact all the things I did prior to my wife's surrender. The only real change is that I now do not have my special soul mate to experience lmy ife with me first hand. Now I must share through letters, phone calls, and visits. It is like going to a movie and coming home to tell your loved one about it. Some how not the same experience as the two of you going together.

Again, choosing to remain loyal and not place ourselves in intimate situations with the opposite sex is not confining or restrictive, it is simply the right thing to do. Simpler yet... if you are on a diet... you don't hang out in a bakery. I looked a long time for my special lady... to give her the respect she desrves is again not my punishment... it is my pleasure and honor.

Keep the Faith

Michael :thumbsup:

... it is my pleasure and honor.



As the song goes...

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Thanks for sharing, Michael. What a refreshing read.

Sincerely,

Cat

i'll put it like this. only go out with your guy friends if your strong willed enough to say no. if they are truly your friends than they would realize and understand that you are with someone else and committed to them. real friends don't pressure you into things that could potentially ruin relationships. with that said if they are not trying to get you into the sack then you should be just fine. as long as your confident in your actions around others and they respect your decisions you'll be just fine. good luck

All i have to say is go out and enjoy yourself but if these other guys are looking to start something with you let them know up front that you are taken and that going out is just to hang out with friends and nothing more. You know you only want your man thats what counts but its not healthy to just sit at home and not go out at all and enjoy life. You can still enjoy life while waiting for your man. You know getting out of the house and having some fun just might make the wait for him go by faster and easier and before you know it he is coming home to you. My hugs go out to you. Ive been in your shoes. I finally went out and realized its what i needed. Theres nothing wrong with going out with friends and having fun. It helps take your mind off of things. Anyways good luck and be happy he will be home in ten months instead of ten yrs.
Melissa