A friend of mine has recently separated from her abusive husband, after nearly 8 years. He wasn't always abusive. He incurred a traumatic brain injury (TBI) which can cause complete personality change, including violence, drug abuse, criminal behaviors, etc. After his TBI he became abusive towards her. Now, she is separated from him, has the court order to keep him away from her, he retains supervised visitation with the kids. She is being blamed by friends IRL for "abandoning" him, like so many domestic abuse cases, she has kept the abuse secret. She doesn't wish to bring it out into the open because she believes, with good reason, that people will think she is making it up, making an excuse to get away from a disabled person, all that rigamarole.

Anyway, he has threatened to kill her in her sleep. He broke the court order, coming within 150 feet of her (he's not supposed to come closer than 1000 feet.) She has been encouraged to go to a domestic abuse shelter.

What I am wondering is, has anyone here had a similar experience in dealing with an abuser with a diagnosed and tracked neurological disorder?

Is it possible to get a court ordered psychiatric evaluation before he attempts to kill her, or before he violates the restraining order again?

Has anyone successfully been able to get an abuser committed to a psychiatric rehabilitation facility?

This is a pretty current situation, so quick answers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks very much for reading.

Is he now a jackass full time or is he aware of how badly he's behaved? If he has periods of recognizing his out of character actions, he may simply agree to an evaluation.
His counsel should be looking at the TBI as a possible defense.
Or she can explain the situation to the DA or the judge who issued the TRO and suggest that an evaluation be ordered.
The visitation with the kids may be another angle for getting the courts or CPS to require an evaluation.

Full time jack ass. :( She didn't want to separate from him until she could get him into a clinical facility. He utterly refused. The best she could get is a psyche eval stating he is capable of living alone, and this gave her the freedom and emotional strength to get away from him.

She just talked to her case manager at the shelter, and the report of his violation of the restraining order was taken. If he violates it again, he'll go to jail. This is not what she wants, as she knows he needs medical intervention to get through this separation, but as I see it, he just might have to get put in jail before anything gets done to help.

His counsel should be looking at the TBI as a possible defense.

She hasn't reported the abuse to any other than healthcare professionals and the domestic abuse counselor, so there have been no charges pressed, as far as I'm aware. She understands his behavior is a direct result of his TBI, and knows he needs good treatment, and not incarceration. But she also has to protect herself. Talk about rough! I really feel for her.

Have another question: his court appointed social worker asked her if she could reconcile with him at some point. Is this kind of question out of bounds? She was pretty upset by it.

The social worker may just be trying to find out where she stands since he is sick but most counselors and therapist don't usually (if ever) try to get you to go back. If the worker does she needs to avoid that worker. :(

She needs to report the abuse- If he can't or won't recognize the problem, the issues need to be dumped into the lap of the courts so that (we hope) appropriate action can be taken... She'd be perfectly free to testify that it's the TBI and that she believes he needs treatment, not jail, the defense could certainly present medical evidence, but nothing can be dragged into the light if no one flicks the switch.

Sokie, that's what I guessed. It's such a confusing issue, because he is sick, and she knows that he wouldn't be this way if he hadn't gotten the TBI.

LeBeau, I concur, but explaining this to her in a way that won't get her back up is pretty tough. I think I've already offended her, because I suggested that she attempt to get a psyche eval. and a commit to a health care facility court ordered. I must have put it in a way that sounded accusatory, as if I thought she was abandoning him or something. But I see it from both angles, because I am familiar with the prison system. I've already posted to clarify what I was saying, but she's not responding.

This seems like an impossible situation, because he is clearly disabled, and she is clearly at risk, and I think it's obvious that the penal system isn't designed to heal anybody, and I would hate to see something happen to her because of it.

But I totally agree. She really does have to emphasize the abuse that she's been through, regardless of how friends or family feel about it, regardless that he's TBI, sick, and not fully responsible for his actions.

I think disability is one of the most challenging issues to deal with when it comes to the penal system. A person like him in the hands of a prison is definitely going to experience abuse that will aggravate his condition. I don't want to see a crummy outcome for him or her.

Thanks for your words, sokie and LeBeau. It helps me see that my suggestions to her aren't coming from left base.

I don't know a thing about this mans illness but I can tell you from experience if he is acting strange and she (or anyone else) can get an ambulance to where he is they may be able to get him some help threw a psychiatric evaluation where his temper and action's can be documented. I was locked down for 72 hours. Not that I believe being locked away is the answer, but maybe a professional in that field might have some answers on how to control his illness before it gets any worse for either one of them.

Who initially diagnosed the TBI? Whoever that was could very well testify about the common characteristics of TBIs. . . and she really does need to report the abuse. After that, she's going to have to accept what comes, whether he goes to prison or to a psych ward. There are only a few approaches that work for TBI, since the destruction is generally permanent. And the fact is, because her safety is an issue, she has to let the system do what it can. There are a lot of TBI victims in prison, because they are poorly controlled on meds and are prone to violence.