My NOW Ex beat me very badly on the 20th of March. The police took pics and arrested him later that night, he left to have dinner (how nice of him). At anyrate, he has been charged with Assault - Serious Bodily Injury to a Family Member. I had bruises/scars/abrasions etc, nothing broken though, but I looked very bad.

At any rate, I didn't have to file charges the DA picked it up and has been in constant contact with me letting me know what is going on. So far there is an Emergency Order of Protection against me.

The day he got arrested he was calling leaving messages saying they were offering him 10 years. I talked to an atty. and he told me there is no way they are already making him an offer on the SAME DAY he got arrested and that my ex was just trying to make me feel sorry for him.

I really would hate for him to get 10 years, but again, I don't make the laws, I just follow them.

He has never been violent with me before, never arrested for anything violent but DOES have 1 felony from 98 (He got 5 years) and about 4 Misdemeanors since then.

As of now I have not been asked to testify or anything. His next court date is April 9, and the time before that was the 24th but it got reset to the 9th. I know he has a court appointed attorney and I put a block on the phone at our place and at the place I am hiding at so he can't call me. He has probably sent me mail, but I haven't checked the mail at my house since the 20th.

My questions are:

1) Is it probable he will get 10 years for this? I have read stories and haven't seen anyone that got 10 years.

2) Should I testify if asked to? No one knows where I am so I cant be supeonead technically unless I want to. I would testify but I dont want to be the reason someone gets 10 years in prison.

3) Anyone in the same situation, can you share your story? This is the first time anything likethis has happened to me and I am beyond confused.

Welcome to PTO!

Thank You - I am just worried about him, sadly...

My NOW Ex beat me very badly on the 20th of March. The police took pics and arrested him later that night, he left to have dinner (how nice of him). At any rate, he has been charged with Assault - Serious Bodily Injury to a Family Member. I had bruises/scars/abrasions etc, nothing broken though, but I looked very bad.

At any rate, I didn't have to file charges the DA picked it up and has been in constant contact with me letting me know what is going on. So far there is an Emergency Order of Protection against me.

The day he got arrested he was calling leaving messages saying they were offering him 10 years. I talked to an atty. and he told me there is no way they are already making him an offer on the SAME DAY he got arrested and that my ex was just trying to make me feel sorry for him.

I really would hate for him to get 10 years, but again, I don't make the laws, I just follow them.

He has never been violent with me before, never arrested for anything violent but DOES have 1 felony from 98 (He got 5 years) and about 4 Misdemeanors since then.

As of now I have not been asked to testify or anything. His next court date is April 9, and the time before that was the 24th but it got reset to the 9th. I know he has a court appointed attorney and I put a block on the phone at our place and at the place I am hiding at so he can't call me. He has probably sent me mail, but I haven't checked the mail at my house since the 20th.

My questions are:

1) Is it probable he will get 10 years for this? I have read stories and haven't seen anyone that got 10 years.

2) Should I testify if asked to? No one knows where I am so I cant be supeonead technically unless I want to. I would testify but I don't want to be the reason someone gets 10 years in prison.

3) Anyone in the same situation, can you share your story? This is the first time anything like this has happened to me and I am beyond confused.
hello I don't know much about Texas and their laws on domestic violence however I can only share with you about my experience in K.C. MO in 2002 my ex boyfriend beat me so bad that I had to go to the hospital, the police came took pictures, as well as a lady from a domestic violence shelter anyhow he bruised both of my eyes and fractured my jaw and busted my ear drum well like I said it was 2002 he went to prison at that time and he got out in 2005 but he is on parole until 2009. To make a long story short even though I didn't show up for his first court appearance and it use to be that if the victim didn't show up then the charges would be dropped however in this case the state picked it up and they prosecuted him however I did show up for the rest of the court appearances because I came to my senses and realized what he had done was wrong but at the same time I thought that him being under the influence had something to do with it so my dumb ass thought he could be saved if they put him in some sort of treatment so I suggested that to the Prosecute Atty. and they did give him the chance to go into treatment however after we went through all of that I have come to realize that alcohol or drugs weren't the cause of his behavior to wards me. Anyhow my point to you is even if you decide not to press charges against him the state most likely will pick them up. And yes after this dude I did get into another abusive relationship, but we live and we learn. I don't know if I was helpful in what you were asking.

Darlin', yes, you CAN be subpeonaed- it would be hard to enforce with no verifiable address at which to serve the papers, but they can do it.... and yes, you should testify- if for no reason other than simple fairness- you did not do anything wrong and keeping silent serves no purpose other than to let him believe you don't feel HE was wrong... or at least not wrong enough to derserve to suffer the consequences of his behavior.

If he contacts you again, report the violation of the protective order. If he tries to discuss the case, or asks friends of family members to discuss it with you in his behalf, that's called "Witness tampering" or "Witness Intimidation" and it's a crime, in and of itself, besides the violation of the protective order.

Pretty much every woman here had a moment in her life when she could say "He has never been violent with me before" but, besides the ones who left after the very first incident, very few survivors of domestic abuse can say "He was only ever violent that one time"

Cannedgoods, YOU are not the reason he may spend 10 years in prison, he did that to himself. Welcome to pto and I wish you the best.

Thanks everyone.

I am pretty sure I will testify - more than sure I am going to testify.

Just feel bad about sending someone to prision for 10 years *yikes*, but again, he did it to himself. Not Me.

Don't feel bad like it has already been stated he did this to himself

ChitChat,

So when you suggested the therapy etc. and they went for it? Did he have to do that AND Prison or did he have to do Prison because he violated treatment? You said they gave him the chance to do treatment did he go and then start abusing again? Im sorry just clarifying.

Thanks!

But I can tell you what happened to us on our first case in California, he was sentenced to DV classes/anger management classes, unsupervised probation, and alcohol/drug programs. Sorry to say mine walked so it continued to happen to me because we ( I ) begged for him to be able to return home. It took a few more episodes of abuse for them to actually enforce putting mine behind bars. He only recieved 5 years for broken bones, blinding me in one eye and scaring me forever. I think he is trying to get sympathy from you too with that 10 year plea. ;)

I am at a very confusing point of my life right now.

I don't want him to have 10 years, but I do at the same time. The only thing keeping me somewhat strong is that I havent had to talk to him. And the Xanax :thumbsup: .

Anyhow - I sent the DA and the Judge an e-mail last night basically saying I thought he needed counseling and help more than jail time. I know he dosen't deserve it, and I will NOT be with him when he gets out (Im moving about 300 miles away). I have changed all my numbers and such as well.

I know what he is capable of doing (positive wise) but he and I together is a recepie for destruction. His obsession with me will take time and absence to go away. We have to be out of sight/mind to eachother. His Court date is the 9th, so I will update you all on what goes on with it.

Yes Xanax is a wonderful medication :thumbsup:

Cannedgoods - I sent that letter, the same one. I was wrong, totally wrong to do it, but did because I didn't understand the whole problem. Since then I've done a whole lot of reading and research on the whole concept of domestic abuse.

So, now that I've already made the mistake, let me tell you what I WISH I had done. I should have pressed for more time. I should have reported EVERY time he violated the protection order. I should never have accepted more calls.

I needed to understand that most of the time the personality doesn't change, regardless of classes, therapy, prison, you name it. It escalates - there's virtually no information on the whole syndrome abating. It may change from physical abuse but it only goes back down to verbal and emotional abuse. And even that doesn't happen often or for very long.

So I have come to the point of believing that prison is as good an option as any, because it keeps them from doing it to someone else at least for a while. 10 years is good. Think about all the women he'd go through in that time and think of what you're saving them from.

He probably won't get 10 anyway. 2-5 would be my guess, somewhere in there. What it will do, though, is give him time to get you out of his mind and make you less interesting as a revenge target when he gets out. And that's all to the good.

ChitChat,

So when you suggested the therapy etc. and they went for it? Did he have to do that AND Prison or did he have to do Prison because he violated treatment? You said they gave him the chance to do treatment did he go and then start abusing again? Im sorry just clarifying.

Thanks!

No he did prison and treatment at the sametime actually they let him go to the treatment facilty first which pretty much was still prison however he was told if he successfully completed that program which was a year he would then go back in front of the judge and he would be released however when he did go back in front of the judge they denied his release due to the severity of what he had done to me therefore they moved him to another prison where he had to do two additional years and he got out in 2005 and like I stated in my previous post I gave him another chance although I did tell him prior to that if he thought about raising his hand to me that I was going to call the police and low and behold he did just what I figured would happen and yes I did call the police and that is why he is sitting in prison today he gets off paper in 2009, you know I am writing this to and I am just thinking to myself I had all of this strength not to put up with his bullshit anymore however I feel real stupid because then there I went again and got myself into another abusive relationship which was worse then what he put me through but thank G-D I am out of that one and trust me I don't think I will get into another relationship for a long time I have to give myself time to heal because I never did that with the first one so now it's my time.

Nim - Your right. This syndrome is so engrained in me its ridiculous. My father - which is a total angel now- used to beat me up so badly as a child, up until I was 21, and something in me wants even now to do nothing but please him I STILL walk on eggshells around him.

ChitChat - thanks for clarifying, I was confused.

All - I think that therapy is the only way I am going to get through this successfully. The more I think about it the deeper it is. If it was as simple as walking away from someone that could hurt me then there would be no problems....something deep down inside of me (and him too apparently) is very broken. I need to find out what it is.

:shrug: I am in a lot of therapy and counseling. I suggest you prepare yourself for more then just a bit of facing what you don't want to see or hear. I use to believe that I was going to come out cured/fixed but I have found it is a long process and there is no easy out. Please don't give up even as frustrating as it might become, just keep going. :) It will make you see things you never saw or understood before---I can almost promise you that. ;)

Thank you all.

Really - thank you.

I will give you a suggestion - EMDR - it's been of considerable help to several of my friends.