Hi everyone.. so I have a few questions for anyone that knows or for anyone that has dealt with this before.

So back in July the fiance got arrested, for domestic battery against me. I didn't have any marks or ANYTHING.. not even my skin was red. But I was so upset, I pressed charges. After the cops put him in the cruser... I told them I wanted to drop the charges (and after filling out the form and signing it.) And they said to take it up in court. The bad part is, he's been charged with battery before - against his step dad. So they didn't drop the charges.

My questions to you guys are:

Since I'm the victim, he can't be parolled to my house- correct?

We're getting married in February (he gets out December) after we're married, can we live together??

Is there any way these charges can get dropped? They didn't take any pictures because obviously I had no marks on me, they just asked me if I wanted to press charges and I was SO upset and said yes.


I need help guys, I know it's 9 months away... but I'm really stressing and depressed over all this. One night of me being upset and "jumping the gun" may ruin everything. :(

I'd appreciate ANY feedback and any answers! Thank you!!!

Nope, he cannot be paroled to your home.

If he's already doing the time, it is WAY too late for anything to be dropped, but it is worth looking into getting it expunged after he completes parole/probation.


... and don't be too shocked if a no contact order is imposed as a condition of his parole.

From your post I can't tell if he did or did not get physical with you but whether he played rough or you told an awful lie, I think counselling for both of you, seperately and together might be a good idea.

kpnct - you're right about the parole - no way he will be able to parole to you.
Before I answer anything more, I would want to know first, what charge he's currently in on, and second, if you've researched DV thoroughly. Do you know the way domestic violence develops, are you aware that physical violence is the LAST step? Have you read anything about domestic abuse? If you don't then I wouldn't encourage any sort of relationship with him. If you've researched it, and are convinced that he doesn't fit ANY of the profile, then you're just going to have to wait to find out what conditions the PO puts on him.

He is in prison... he has three charges. Domestic battery against me. Aggravated battery against the cop (spit on him and kicked him) and a property damage to govt property.

It sounds like he probably has some issues that really need to be addressed. Because of his actions against law enforcement they wouldnt drop those charges regardless of what you wanted. In fact, they generally dont drop DV cases because recanting victims are pretty standard in DV cases.

I wouldnt place blame on yourself for any of this. If he was "forceful" enough with you that got the police involved then that is unacceptable. It doesnt matter whether he hurt you bad enough to leave marks. Any physical contact is reprehensible. You deserve better than that. He put himself in this situation - all you did was protect yourself by getting the police involved.

Here is my story, my hubby was on parole for drug charges, in Oct of 07, he got drunk and high and threatend to cut my throat, so I called the police, I got in my car to leave, he got in his and followed me, the police pulled us over, and charged him with dwi 3rd offense, he went to jail and was violated,for not calling his PO. A fews weeks later he was charged with 2 felonies, all because I called the police, he is charged with aggravated assault, domestic assault, and wreckless endangerment, could anyone tell me, what are the chances of getting the felonies dropped. I know I did the right thing calling the police, I didn't know they would go this far with the charges. Any advice? Thanks

Rita - do you get the feeling that hubby is nothing but trouble in a pair of jeans? NOBODY needs that kind of crud. Threatening to cut your throat???????? If he did that to a stranger, would you be surprised at the charges? Well, you're worth as much as that stranger in the eyes of the law, and that means a lot of charges.

To: KPnct08- Please think long and hard about becoming this guys wife. Those of us that post here, do it because we've been there, done that, and will not live like that again!
Are you proud of this man's behavior?
Do you like how he is treating you?
Is this the man you want to be the "daddy" to your children?
Do you think he could set a good example for your future kids?
Are you concerned at all about his lack of respect for authority?
Are you concerned about the lack of respect for you?
Is this what you think true love is all about?
Do you ever wonder if there is someone "better" out there for you?
I bet there is! And you know what? you deserve better! Don't sell yourself short. DV does not improve with time, it worsens! Go talk to a counselor, bring him a long if he will go. Listen to the words of the wise here, wisdom was obtained by pain.

RITA62, I have a friend, C. whose husband threatned to slit her throat, then dismember her body. Her "crime" that got him angry, she was an exhausted mother who fell asleep on the couch, with the kids safely tucked in for the night in their rooms upstairs. He didn't like her asleep on a different floor. Fast forward- the kids got bigger, one mouthed off to him, (sean), he grabbed the childs neck, strangled, and left marks. A teacher saw it, she reported the abuse. Child protective services gave my friend a choice, they take the kids, or the father goes. The father went. Best think that ever happened to her. She now is in a good, safe relationship. And by the way, her parents were great , loving parents. They even ran marriage encounter weekends! I don't know how she ended up with her "ex" in the first place. You did the right think by calling the police, your hubby needed to be held accountable. He needs to own his own behavior. Stay safe, and think this relationship through long and hard.
Good Luck and safety to both of you!

Rita, we mustn't marry men, live with men, date men, or even accept collect calls from men after they have threatened to cut our throats... That just has to be a deal breaker.
Being loaded is not WHY he acted so vilely, it was a factor in the situation but if he's capable of being that vicious under any circumstance, that's all you really need to know.

You may not have thought it would go so far but he did deserve the charges,you were not wrong to involve the authorities and he does not deserve to be shielded from the consequences of his own actions.

I have become very interested in law over the past year. I don't believe you have much of a chance of these charges being dropped. As a matter of fact, there is a good chance that you may be subpoenaed to testify for the state/parole board since he threatened to cut your throat.
I am glad to hear that you know you did the right thing calling for help. Keep us updated won't you? I am interested in learning whether you were called to court or if the parole board acts on its own accord.

I was subpoeaned by the parole board, they revoked his parole for the new charges,even though he has not been convicted as yet. I have yet to be subpoeaned by the court. His trial is April 14th. I was curious as to how they can charge him with aggravated assault, when he ddin't touch me. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, we have been together for 24 years. This is our second marriage. I dont' feel guilty for calling the police, I just feel confused.

"Assault" can be any act which reasonably causes another to fear for their physical safety- the threat, combined with his pursuit, do constitute assaultive behavior even without an actual physical attack.

Thanks for the info and the advice.

i think the district attorney's office can go forward with anything, even if you sit on the stand crying your eyes out for them to drop it....my husband has been in prison with many people who have had this happen, and they're still there...

It is basically verbal assault. If you had any fear that he meant it, then you were assaulted. If/when you are subpoenaed, you go and TELL THE TRUTH! It may hurt, but it's real. I testified against mine with tears running down my face the whole time, but I wasn't going to allow his version of events to become my reality.

It was pure fear I had, especially when he came after me in his vechicle. I thought he was going to hit me,and of course I'm getting blamed for him being locked back up.

Rita,
It will be ok, it is not your fault that he is locked up. It's his fault, he needs to own his behavior.
There is no fear in true love. My husband and I have had some arguments lately, over $ or more accurately, the lack of $! I might feel real angry at him, because he tends to be "dramatic" and "sarcastic" when he's mad, but I've never felt afraid, not once, not ever. We've been married almost 20 years. My "ex" I was, still am. afraid of him. I left while pregnant with my 22 year old daughter. My husband adopted her years ago. We live on a quiet cul-de-sac, if I see a car with out of state license plates the same as my "ex", it causes me to get nervous, even though it's been soooooo long.
Please talk to a professional about this, we all want you to be safe.

Rita, the best thing you can do is testify, hope he gets quite a long time and cut all ties! That's what will keep you safe.

I was subpoeaned by the parole board, they revoked his parole for the new charges,even though he has not been convicted as yet. I have yet to be subpoeaned by the court. His trial is April 14th. I was curious as to how they can charge him with aggravated assault, when he ddin't touch me. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, we have been together for 24 years. This is our second marriage. I dont' feel guilty for calling the police, I just feel confused.
Thanks for replying Rita. :)
I would assume they charged him with aggravated assault because he used his vehicle as a weapon against you, I may be wrong. I was beat down with a brass fixture off the coffee table so when he picked that up it went from assault to aggravated assault. They explained to me that when using an instrument of any kind against another it becomes aggravated.

can not be paroled to you or be in contact of you if he come out on parole there will be a rule in his parole to stay away from you... if he is caught around you he can go right back to prison

If that's the case... I don't understand something. He has a domestic battery charge against his step dad (got it a few years ago.) They didn't do anything crazy.. like he couldn't have contact with him, etc. So, how can they decide to have a no contact order?

Thank you guys for all the input, and advice. I'm so glad I found this site.
I'm trying to be strong, and have seeked professional help, it's just really
tough right now, I have so many emotions. I'm expecting my first grand
child in 5 months, so that keeps me going.

If that's the case... I don't understand something. He has a domestic battery charge against his step dad (got it a few years ago.) They didn't do anything crazy.. like he couldn't have contact with him, etc. So, how can they decide to have a no contact order?

Because they know that domestic incidents are far more likely than any other assault to be recurrent.
Statistically, a guy who gets into it with his stepdad is not really all that likely to do it again but a guy who even breathes wrong on his girlfriend/wife is not only likely to do it again but when he does is likely to be more violent than on any previous occasion- Domestic violence escalates with time.

I'm not sure of the exact statistics, but the recidivism rate for domestic batterers is one of the highest.