Hey everyone!
You've all been such a tremendous help to DeNae` and me, so I thought I'd come to you with yet another question. I know part of the answer already, but I just want to check up and see if I can get some more help.
How do I get through these next 3 years? I'll have Kadance, my beautiful daughter, to take care of, but is there anything I can do to make the time pass easier? I'll be writing DeNae` as much as possible, and hopefully they'll let me visit her, so that will be good. It's the in-between time, when I'm not working, that I get pretty depressed. I'm planning on going to school for a while, so that will eat some time... I love to write, and I'll probably be writing more... I make music, so I'll be doing that, too. But is there some kind of trick or tip to keeping my mind off of it? I know, it's probably a dumb question, but I was just curious how you guys do it.

Thank you!

--Aeren--

You will never be pain free, but as time goes along it will get a little easier. Dont get me wrong it wont ever be easy just easier then it is now. We'll be here to get you through it as well.

WELL...I TEND TO SPEND ALOT OF TIME ON MY COMPUTER!!! LIKE---HOURS UPON HOURS...LOL!!! WITH A DAUGHTER TO CARE FOR,I AM SURE THAT SHE WILL TAKE UP ALOT OF YOUR FREE TIME AND HELP KEEP YOU POSITIVE AND HAPPY...AND...WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!!:) STAY STRONG!!!

So you like to write so hang out with us..u could do worse...lol

You have Kadance. A lot of moms have to play "dad". Now you get to play "mom". Remember she is part Denae' and see how much of your lady your daughter has in her. I know she's really tiny now, but you might be surprised how much of Denae' you will find. I raised three boys (my ex-wife and I tried to have a girl but it just didn't happen) from birth (two to adulthood) and I promise you that even infants have a personality and you can help it develop. Now is the time the infant usually builds a relationship with her mother - let her bond with you so you can "introduce" her to her mother when her mom gets out. That may sound strange, but when there is a strong parent/child bond the child will instinctively trust the same people the parent does. When Denae' comes home Kadance may actually be shy of her mother at first. You can ease the transition for both Danae' and Kadance as their relationship changes from that of strangers to mother and daughter. I know how it feels to be apart from your lady, mine is at SAFP and I'm not allowed to visit her (my expired Colorado driver's license is not acceptable ID and ... another story) so we can only communicate by mail. Hang in there!

i agree that the computer is a great way to pass the lonely hours. plus you can find things to mail to your loved one so they feel connected to the outside world. it gets lonely inside and we sometimes forget that because we are in such pain.

Well, what crosses my mind most this night is wondering if we're going to change. 2 years 10 months seems like a long time... and we're going to be away from each other. It seems like so much can happen that will change how we act and react to things. I talked to her on the phone tonight and she said she "hoped our love wouldn't fade away". That really made me think. Won't we change? And will we be able to make it after all that time? I'm sorry, I know 3 years isn't much to some of you, so I feel kind of bad worrying about it, but she's 20 and will be nearly 23 when she's released. It seems like so much can happen in that time. I mean, I'm positive that I love.. in fact, it's the only thing pulling me through this... but I can't help but worry about things that will come, and the stuff we're going to have to deal with.

--Aeren--

At 20 and 23, even a free woman can change a whole lot. I'd say that, if you keep in touch with her closely, there's less chance of her love fading away than if she were free. That might sound odd, but you're what she's going to cling to while she's in there and if you keep in close touch, that's going to solidify the bond between the two of you, in my opinion. If you don't keep closely in touch, or if you stray, then I think that could ruin the relationship. Any person changes tremendously between the ages of 20 and 23 and when throwing prison into the mix, there's probably much more change at deep levels, but that doesn't have to have a negative effect on your relationship if it's a healthy relationship at its heart. You both have that beautiful little girl as incentive to do everything in your power to keep love alive and cultivate a strong relationship, and I believe you can do it. You've got all of us here supporting you and pulling for you, and you seem like a very devoted and sincere guy who will give it his all. She's going to love you even more for that. Just take it one day at a time and I think you're going to come out just fine.

Aeren, You will change and she will change and that cant be stopped, but you will change together. I dont think she's doubting your love. It sounds like she is just scared. Scared that in the next three years you will move on without her. Right now this is all so new to her. Not only has she just gone to prison at a young and tender age, but her baby has beed taken from her. She needs your emotional support right now more then ever. I know that your giving all that to her, but she needs to constantly be reminded of how loved she is. Prison is a insecure place for anyone,but remember that a woman needs so much emotionaly on the outside so you can imagine how much she needs on the inside. Three years will go so fast and remember because you both are young you will have a long life of happiness together when she is out. You both will be fine. The fact that your even here sharing wiht us tells us how much love you have for her. As time goes on she will see that your not going anywhere without her.

toi_ama and tnc got it right for sure. Keep in touch with your lady - SHE NEEDS YOU!