LostinNC
11-06-2003, 01:31 PM
Why didn't you leave?
Why didn't you run?
Why do you stay?
These are only a few questions that all battered women have heard somewhere down the line along with some unfriendly and even cruel ones as well. I used to think, well, why can't they leave? I had never been in that situation. No one can honestly understand what it's like either until you are placed there like I have now been. People on this website however might be the most open minded to this and here is why.
Your loved one is in prison. Do you give up on them or do you hope and pray that they will change when they get out? Unfortunatly society is training us to give up and assume the losses and move on. However, there are still good people out there who are willing to take the risk and hope for the best. Now, what if that loved one gets out and never goes back? You are so overfilled with joy you probably cry and thank God everyday. What about an abuser? What happens to them? It is more or less, once it has happened... What happens if your loved one goes back to prison again? Are you going to give up on them or still hold on to that fragile hope you have that maybe this time they will learn? There isn't much difference with an abuser.
Yes, we are hurting, yes we are wanting to run but love is not something we can choose. We can choose what we do about it but, haven't you ever been so scared of something you never thought you'd make it through? Stuck so high up in a tree and you are afraid of heights so you don't move. You do not want to trust someone to help you out because that means they will be responsible if you live or die, and that would be where survival insticts kick in. We do not choose to love people who hurt us physically and emotionally. And what about emotional abuse? No one says anything about that because those scars cannot be seen. No one sees how your soul hurts from the hurtful words of an angry person whom we think will always love us. But, through it all, we can only hold onto the fragile hope we have that helps us face each day. The hope and prayer that it won't ever happen again.... just like YOU hope and pray they will never go back.
My story is not unusual and often too common. My boyfriend attacked me one night. I wound up with a broken wrist amoung other things and he wound up in a holding cell for the weekend. This is where the popular quesstion of 'Why didn't you run?' comes in. Because, I got off easy compared to what would have happened had I run. Did I go get him when he got released that Monday? Of course I did. Why wouldn't I? (Why would I stay they ask) It was the only time it had ever happened. After that he stopped drinking, went to AA and got a new job. Why wouldn't I give him another chance? After all, how many people are writing people in prison now in the hopes that just maybe one outside person will show them that things CAN be okay in the outside world and that not everyone has given up on the people 'inside'. We are not together anymore because he made other bad choices which landed him in prison, but he never did touch me again. He stole my car twice but he never laid a hand on me again. It is moments like that that we pray for.
We pray for the same things here.... he/she will never touch my again. He/she will never go back to prison or jail. It is our old fashioned belief that love really can conquer all. Some see this as a weakness but I do not. It shows that in a world of hatred and lies, good can make it and maybe it's not such a bad place after all. Hating someone or believing the worst is the easy road out to me. Believing, loving and trusting someone again... that is the hard part. That is the part we no loner take time for.
So for all of you who ask why.... stop and think, what would you do? Who knows... you may have been in a similar situation and just never realized it before. After all, not all monsters look alike but the feelings of helplessness will always remain the same.
~Lost~
Why didn't you run?
Why do you stay?
These are only a few questions that all battered women have heard somewhere down the line along with some unfriendly and even cruel ones as well. I used to think, well, why can't they leave? I had never been in that situation. No one can honestly understand what it's like either until you are placed there like I have now been. People on this website however might be the most open minded to this and here is why.
Your loved one is in prison. Do you give up on them or do you hope and pray that they will change when they get out? Unfortunatly society is training us to give up and assume the losses and move on. However, there are still good people out there who are willing to take the risk and hope for the best. Now, what if that loved one gets out and never goes back? You are so overfilled with joy you probably cry and thank God everyday. What about an abuser? What happens to them? It is more or less, once it has happened... What happens if your loved one goes back to prison again? Are you going to give up on them or still hold on to that fragile hope you have that maybe this time they will learn? There isn't much difference with an abuser.
Yes, we are hurting, yes we are wanting to run but love is not something we can choose. We can choose what we do about it but, haven't you ever been so scared of something you never thought you'd make it through? Stuck so high up in a tree and you are afraid of heights so you don't move. You do not want to trust someone to help you out because that means they will be responsible if you live or die, and that would be where survival insticts kick in. We do not choose to love people who hurt us physically and emotionally. And what about emotional abuse? No one says anything about that because those scars cannot be seen. No one sees how your soul hurts from the hurtful words of an angry person whom we think will always love us. But, through it all, we can only hold onto the fragile hope we have that helps us face each day. The hope and prayer that it won't ever happen again.... just like YOU hope and pray they will never go back.
My story is not unusual and often too common. My boyfriend attacked me one night. I wound up with a broken wrist amoung other things and he wound up in a holding cell for the weekend. This is where the popular quesstion of 'Why didn't you run?' comes in. Because, I got off easy compared to what would have happened had I run. Did I go get him when he got released that Monday? Of course I did. Why wouldn't I? (Why would I stay they ask) It was the only time it had ever happened. After that he stopped drinking, went to AA and got a new job. Why wouldn't I give him another chance? After all, how many people are writing people in prison now in the hopes that just maybe one outside person will show them that things CAN be okay in the outside world and that not everyone has given up on the people 'inside'. We are not together anymore because he made other bad choices which landed him in prison, but he never did touch me again. He stole my car twice but he never laid a hand on me again. It is moments like that that we pray for.
We pray for the same things here.... he/she will never touch my again. He/she will never go back to prison or jail. It is our old fashioned belief that love really can conquer all. Some see this as a weakness but I do not. It shows that in a world of hatred and lies, good can make it and maybe it's not such a bad place after all. Hating someone or believing the worst is the easy road out to me. Believing, loving and trusting someone again... that is the hard part. That is the part we no loner take time for.
So for all of you who ask why.... stop and think, what would you do? Who knows... you may have been in a similar situation and just never realized it before. After all, not all monsters look alike but the feelings of helplessness will always remain the same.
~Lost~