Hi everyone,:wave:
Well, I never thought I'd be posting here because, usually, I'm in other areas of PTO such as my state and the D&A forum. however, I heard some terrible news last night and I thought the most appropriate place to post this was here since it involves two good friends of mine and two very unexpected events which took place.

Ok, so here it goes: my good friend "J" committed suicide yesterday with carbon monoxide poisoning after beating the crap out of his wife of two years. Her son who I've known since he was a kid broke the story to me. His mom has a fractured face and is staying at a friend's house at the moment.
What I don't understand is that I've known "J" for 20 years and I've never, ever known him to be a violent person - especially to a women. I remember when the two got married two years ago. He was happy as can be. He stayed out of his regular bar when he did that. Her son and "J" never got along, he said to me. "J" does and always have come off as a depressed negative person but never had a violent bone to speak of - so I thought. I'm still in shock about all of this. Thanks for listening.

Hi everyone,:wave:
Well, I never thought I'd be posting here because, usually, I'm in other areas of PTO such as my state and the D&A forum. however, I heard some terrible news last night and I thought the most appropriate place to post this was here since it involves two good friends of mine and two very unexpected events which took place.

Ok, so here it goes: my good friend "J" committed suicide yesterday with carbon monoxide poisoning after beating the crap out of his wife of two years. Her son who I've known since he was a kid broke the story to me. His mom has a fractured face and is staying at a friend's house at the moment.
What I don't understand is that I've known "J" for 20 years and I've never, ever known him to be a violent person - especially to a women. I remember when the two got married two years ago. He was happy as can be. He stayed out of his regular bar when he did that. Her son and "J" never got along, he said to me. "J" does and always have come off as a depressed negative person but never had a violent bone to speak of - so I thought. I'm still in shock about all of this. Thanks for listening.
I send my condolences to you and your friends family. I don't have an explanation for you but maybe he just snapped. :shrug: Many ((hugs)) to you my friend. sokie
PS I don't know why I quoted you, sorry.

Big hugs :grouphug: to you too sokie for when her son was explaining what he did to her, my first thought was of what you went through. Yes, I agree, I think he just snapped. My bar owner friend told me he saw them both the night before and everything seemed fine. What's scarry is that my own BF used to be a blackout drunk (he can't handle whiskey, vodka, hard booze, etc) and you just never know when someone's gonna snap I guess.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this tragic news- I'm guessing you'll probably never know what caused him to snap in such a drastic way and I think that may be the worst part in some ways, for everyone.

I can imagine how bewildered and heartsick all of you are at the moment and all I can offer is this- It was not your fault and when someone does something so very out of character, it often happens with no warning, nothing that you could have seen coming and prevented from going so horribly wrong.
Be well and give my condolences and my wishes for a swift recovery to your friend and her son.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this tragic news- I'm guessing you'll probably never know what caused him to snap in such a drastic way and I think that may be the worst part in some ways, for everyone.

I can imagine how bewildered and heartsick all of you are at the moment and all I can offer is this- It was not your fault and when someone does something so very out of character, it often happens with no warning, nothing that you could have seen coming and prevented from going so horribly wrong.
Be well and give my condolences and my wishes for a swift recovery to your friend and her son.

I keep telling her son that it's not his fault that this happened. His response? "Tell that to my mom!":( What's scarry is that for years "J" wouldn't leave the bar stool. When he got married, that was pretty much the last time I saw him at the bar. Now, my BF is a recovering alcoholic and I'm no peach, either. However, once upon a time, my BF was a blackout drunk and blackout drunks can and do get very violent at the flip of a lightswitch.

Well, do a little reading in here, and then do indeed go and tell his mom. Poor kid, he doesn't need guilting from her on top of having had his mother beaten and a suicide in the house. . .in fact, if you can, get him a therapist!

Right now, it doesn't matter why it happened, it only matters how the mess is handled for those who still survive.

Hugs to you, Chico's - this is one of those things that hits like an earthquake and just topples your world.

Well, do a little reading in here, and then do indeed go and tell his mom. Poor kid, he doesn't need guilting from her on top of having had his mother beaten and a suicide in the house. . .in fact, if you can, get him a therapist!

Right now, it doesn't matter why it happened, it only matters how the mess is handled for those who still survive.

Hugs to you, Chico's - this is one of those things that hits like an earthquake and just topples your world.
You're right. I went into kind of like a state of numbness when I heard this. The last time I saw "J's" wife was a few weeks ago briefly with her son (who's the same age as my BF) and the two have a good relationship. After talking with a few people today, I don't think she's blaming him or anything like that (a relief). He's just staying close to her right now.

It's good that they have each other. And you. This sounds to me like a classic "when bad things happen to good people" story. Whatever came over him, he obviously regretted it.

Hi again!

"J's" wife still looks beautiful as ever in spite of her current left black eyes and bruised up left side of her face. I got a pretty good account of what had happened. Her emotional scars will take lots longer to heal than the physical ones (isn't that ALWAYS the case though :hmm:). I do know what it's like to go through a very emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship with an ex which never got physical (easily could have been; I believe he has the potential since he came from an abusive childhood). In fact, I think my last real conversation I had with "J" was over my, then, relationship. He asked if he ever laid a hand on me and I said, "no".

Now, "J's" wife also believes he just "snapped". Her son and "J" never got along whatsoever. Her son said to me he wished he'd had given "J" a better chance, but I think it's more of a competition thing than anything else. I know what it's like to have step-parents. Apparently, "J" and his wife were on the rocks for the past few months which is why her son moved back to down from out-of-state (at least it's one of the reasons). My BF says, "it's much easier to forgive others but forgiving yourself is the hardest." Knowing "J", I think this was a classic case of not being able to forgive himself and thought meeting God in person for forgiveness was the thing to do.:(