...but I feel I need to.

Yesterday, I had to call 911 on my s/o. I just can't believe it got that bad. No...he didn't threaten to kill me, he didn't punch me, he didn't threaten our child.

But he did elbow me in the ribs...grab me by my jaw and push me to the floor (hard)...antagonize me to call the cops...and when I wouldn't move, "I'm giving you the opportunity to step aside peacefully or I WILL hit you." ...and when I said "I SHOULD call the cops for what you've done already" to which he responded "Go ahead and call them.".....and to top it off...he screamed at me to "SHUT UP" while running at me and pushing me as hard as he could. To which I fell back into a dresser. I didn't know you could have a headache so quick.

I called 911 then...but he left while I was making the call. The cops came, the fire dept. the paramedics.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant.

I heard one say "aggrevated assult", etc. So....they looked for him but they didn't find him. He ended up at his family's house. He's still there.

What does this mean? Is that charged and on his record?

And...I JUST CAN NOT WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THIS. I am in shock...

....:eek: :confused: :(

Honey, by being physical with you, he did more than "threaten" your child- abuse does not have to be a closed fist or a weapon, and putting hands on your partner is abusive- much more so when it's your pregnant partner.

Please follow through with the criminal complaint. He can't be allowed to suffer no consequence for assaulting you.... and just so you know...domestic abuse during pregnancy has been linked to low birth weight, premature labor, complications of pregnancy and delivery and SIDS...You might also want to keep in mind that the number one cause of death for pregnant women in the US is violence at the hands of a partner or former partner.

Honey, by being physical with you, he did more than "threaten" your child- abuse does not have to be a closed fist or a weapon, and putting hands on your partner is abusive- much more so when it's your pregnant partner.

Please follow through with the criminal complaint. He can't be allowed to suffer no consequence for assaulting you.... and just so you know...domestic abuse during pregnancy has been linked to low birth weight, premature labor, complications of pregnancy and delivery and SIDS...You might also want to keep in mind that the number one cause of death for pregnant women in the US is violence at the hands of a partner or former partner.


I guess I'm confused as to what happens now, tho.

So...the officer comes in and takes a statment, he takes pictures...he DID ask me if I wanted to write out an affidavit...to which I said "Not right now" cause of the excruciating headache I had. He said he was going to go down to his car to make a report and said maybe I should leave with my s/o's parents (who were there at that time).

Then he just left.

???

What happens now? Is he wanted or something? Will they try to pick him up? I'm confused on that whole process. Frankly, I wish he would sit his @ss in jail.

I suspect you'll need to contact the officer who took the report and tell him you're ready now to swear out that affidavit and get in touch with victim services (either the cops or the DA can refer you to that agency) for help in sorting through this on both an emotional and a practical level.

You can write out your statement now, or go down and dictate it to an officer at headquarters. And press charges. Then you can go to a domestic abuse agency and find out what it was you missed on the way to the physical abuse. You'll start to realize that there was some sort of abuse going on - psychic, financial, emotional, spiritual; physical is just the end of a sometimes-long road. And pregnancy is when things really hot up - you start paying attention to the idea of a baby, taking better care of yourself, and he realizes that you're not paying enough attention to him any more, so . . . wham-o!

You can write your statement now, and take it to the station tomorrow, or just go down and ask to make a statement. They will ask you questions and record your answers, then ask you to sign it. They will probably press charges with or without you, but with certainly makes it more impressive.

Then go to a domestic abuse agency for a little counseling. You'll probably start to realize that this physical aggression was just the end of a long road that began with "pickiness, and became spiritual/mental/financial/emotional and then finally got to the hand-to-hand stage.

Pregnancy often seems to bring it on. You start thinking baby, caring for yourself a little more, concentrating on the future. And he realizes you're not thinking all about him all the time. He can't take it, so he will make you think about him; it doesn't matter if you're thinking in terror, just that he once again occupies center stage.

It's a horrible time to have to go through this, but I wish you the best!

Cops for the most part are very disinterested in such reports. A majority of women if they file the complaint will later drop the charges to protect the abuser. Many officers treat every case accordingly.When you stated that you did not want to file, they realized that odds were if they put a lot of effort into trying to locate him and build a case that it was merely wasted effort. Sadly, women die often for that being the state of mind among enforcement.

I was actually taken to jail for calling police too many times and the cop made it clear that he did not want me to call again no matter what my ex did. At the same time they made it clear that he had to go no where, because it was his home too. The reasoning was that with no family alive to help me, I should relocate with five children though I am a gimp and my only income was SSI. There is too much indifference, when women face the choice of suffering abuse or putting their children through the traumas of shelters and other such agencies that often provide a very temporary solution that leaves women to have to return home anyway.

Yet, the statistics speak for themselves. Abuse is not only the number one killer of pregnant women, it accounts for more than a third of all homicides in this country and among those all but four percent are women who die at the hands of those that they are intimate with. The people that they love and trust kills them.

What I can tell you is that if the behavior is there with no less than a miracle will it change. I was raised in a family where alcohol abuse and domestic violence were not the exception, they were the rule. I married a man who was abusing me before the marriage on his promise that it would stop. After two decades, I had him in a place that the physical abuse was finally over, but the mental and emotional abuse never did end until his death in 2005. With my background, we lived in a war zone for all of those years and so did our children.

This guy just took the chance of causing you to loose your child. Every time a man pushes, shoves and threatens, they take the chance of killing. Not every death is being beaten to death or shot. A blow to the head from that dresser can either kill or seriously damage you for life and you need to keep that fact clearly in your mind. I was kneed in the stomach not long before giving birth to my first son and by grace he was not harmed.

Fool that I am, I was still in the same relationship more than a decade later to be pushed out a door three feet off the ground with me being near to completely paralyzed down my left side at the time. With my children begging me to save their drug addicted Daddy from himself, I spent twenty-three years in hell for him to get wasted and pull out in front of a car at fifty years old and die.

If I sound like the prophet of doom, I likely mean to do just that. I look back now and as I do the scars in my face remind me of head wounds, bruises, times that I escaped broken bones, though me or no one else could figure out how. I do not know how I escaped death, when I am truthful. I began with what I believed to be a sweet, gentle man who became someone that said he loved me even as he wiped the blood from my face and convinced me to live with the scars rather than go to get stitches.

There are too many reasons people stay in these relationships. It is harder after a sweet apology and the famous promise, "it will never happen again" to think of reasons to leave rather than those that convince us to stay. I found the following listed at: http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/domviol.htm

There a couple of books at the site that can explain better than I will manage exactly what you are facing. Sadly, I can say that I fit every category offered but the last at one point or another. If you start recognizing yourself in any of the categories at any point in any relationship, I promise you that you have much thinking to do on the reasons to protect you and your child.


 The Safety Seeker:
It may be familiar, and oddly enough,
a comfortable lifestyle.
 The Blind:
Not realizing it is "abuse."
 The Worthless:
"No one else would ever love me."
The Defective:
"I deserved it; I'll do better."
The Manager:
"I can keep it from happening again."
 The Gullible:
"He's really sorry, and it won't happen again."
 The Pretender:
"I know I make him sound terrible, but he's
really a good person most of the time."
 The Defender:
"He didn't mean to hurt me."
 The Caretaker:
"No one else understands him the way I do."
 The Fantasizer:
"But I love him."
 The Martyr:
"He isn't hurting the children;
if he ever did, I'd leave."
 The Helpless:
"I can't support the children on my own."
 The Hopeless:
"He'll kill me if I try to leave him."


Be sure to find a support group and listen to the information that they will provide you. Estimates range from one to three million cases of domestic abuse in this country each year. These people will know what they are saying, because they do a lot of work in their field.

And please do not forget that when you made that call, things changed. If he starts again and knows you will call again, it can cause a worse attack.

I am praying for you.
Kricket

Kricket.
If these women who read your post do not get it-then God Help them!
You are one of the few who survived it, but the pain must be awful.
I am printing this out to give to any women i may even hear utter the word-He is verbal or even thinks he might be violent with her.
Also i am taking it to the women shelter for them to let the women read this who flee from abuse.
I love your picture thunder hawk. Thanks for sharing your pain.

What about Men? My son-in-law has a man who works for him and his wife beats him up almost every weekend. This man has had his jaw broke, cut and the black eyes, he still stays--I do not no him but she will hit him one time, or cut him and it will be the last. I have never heard of such horrow and he still stays! Any one got a post from a man? How can I help him? I would like to print out something to give to my son-in-law to pass on to this man before the funeral home has to get him.

From what I've read, everything is pretty much exactly the same. The few women who abuse do it for the same reasons as the male abusers. I would give the same information to him as I would a woman. The biggest difference is probably the shame. Most men are ashamed to admit they are being abused by a woman.

I'm focused for you, hun. But to answer your question, he has no charge unless you press charges on him. If you are really serious about getting him away from you then you need to tell the cops where he is. I was sympathizing with u until I seen the part that you were pregnant. Get away because the beatings only get worst! It's not good for u or your baby. HE NEEDS HELP!!!

Beauty, if you read her other thread, you'll find that she is being pretty level headed and planning to stay with her dad for a while.

I talked to him yesterday and today...I have to say I don't think I'll be talking with him too much more. Not anytime soon. And if it is soon...there will be other people present.

As far as making a statement...do I just go to the local police station or....?????

I'm so clueless.

Just go to or call the same department that responded to the call in the first place.

Please becareful.... And do what is right for you and YOur UNborn child!!

Stay strong and go and get the stuff u need to get done to put him away... ABUSE IS ABUSE!

here is also a thread i made :

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=315840

Alot of good information there about why we stay in a abusive relationship..


What about Men? My son-in-law has a man who works for him and his wife beats him up almost every weekend. This man has had his jaw broke, cut and the black eyes, he still stays--I do not no him but she will hit him one time, or cut him and it will be the last. I have never heard of such horrow and he still stays! Any one got a post from a man? How can I help him? I would like to print out something to give to my son-in-law to pass on to this man before the funeral home has to get him.

You can still print it out and give it to the guy.. ABUSE IS ABUSE doesnt matter how its written out for anyone... Guys get abused just like women do!!

Sugar - the same station that responded will take your statement, so just call to make sure there's someone free to take it. Around here they very much DO care about these cases, and the state will press them regardless, but your statement will help.

Buckaroo's thread is good for you to read, but DON'T print it out for him - it's just more ammo for him to absorb and try to use against you, and you shouldn't bother contacting him again, anyway. Block the phone number and tear up the letters if they come. Get a restraining order (your local domestic abuse agency should be able to help you there) that includes third parties (like his family, begging you not to press charges or berating you) and hide behind it until you get your own strength to ignore him.

Let me add one more thing - read the sticky "Domestic Abuse by Women" . . . the statistics seem to say that more women may be abusers than men. Just don't do quite as much damage most of the time. It took me days and days to put all those statistics together, and I did it because I know several men who have been abused. They have the same rights to protection, but have a very hard time getting enforcement.

Buckaroo's thread is good for you to read, but DON'T print it out for him - it's just more ammo for him to absorb and try to use against you, and you shouldn't bother contacting him again, anyway. Block the phone number and tear up the letters if they come. Get a restraining order (your local domestic abuse agency should be able to help you there) that includes third parties (like his family, begging you not to press charges or berating you) and hide behind it until you get your own strength to ignore him.
Oh no dont print it out for Sugar Ex..... i was teling BoBOFlipFlop about printing it out for the guy she was talking about, the one that was being abused.. but either way YOU are right that is what she needs to do!!

Sugar - the same station that responded will take your statement, so just call to make sure there's someone free to take it. Around here they very much DO care about these cases, and the state will press them regardless, but your statement will help.

Buckaroo's thread is good for you to read, but DON'T print it out for him - it's just more ammo for him to absorb and try to use against you, and you shouldn't bother contacting him again, anyway. Block the phone number and tear up the letters if they come. Get a restraining order (your local domestic abuse agency should be able to help you there) that includes third parties (like his family, begging you not to press charges or berating you) and hide behind it until you get your own strength to ignore him.

Hmm...okay, the station is right around the block from our place.

His family (so far) seems pretty supportive of me. I mean, they don't berate me or condescend...they agree his @ss should have sat in jail. His grandma just told me she'd pay for therapy. That's good...I don't know what I'd do if they were hostile against me. They love me. What a feeling a desperation that would be!!

They probably know him. My evil ex's sisters tried hard to warn me. Good luck hon, sounds like you're on track to me.

Let me add one more thing - read the sticky "Domestic Abuse by Women" . . . the statistics seem to say that more women may be abusers than men. Just don't do quite as much damage most of the time. It took me days and days to put all those statistics together, and I did it because I know several men who have been abused. They have the same rights to protection, but have a very hard time getting enforcement.

Where can I find the sticky "Domestic Abuse by Women"? I haven't been able to find it on any of the DV forums. Thanks

Here you go- Domestic Abuse By Women (http://prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302865)

Here you go- Domestic Abuse By Women (http://prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=302865)


"Invalid thread - contact admin"

That is VERY odd- the link works for me--lemme get someone who knows more than I do about these things to sort the problem.

Strange, link works for me, too.

Check the Domestic Resources sub-forum.

There was a little problem with the thread itself- the link sould work for everyone now.

I believe the figure that I read for abused men was 4-5% of all known cases or so. This is referring to physical abuse, however and does not include cases of mental abuse alone. Still, if a million cases a year are confirmed and it actually believed that with unreported cases the figure is more in the area of two to three million that is a significant number.

The very same applies to abusive women as to men. Women are a little less likely to take the life of a partner and yet the possibility is still a very real threat. Share this thread with the guys as well as the women. The same hang-ups keep us all in these situations. They are often very similar to the the problems that put so many in prison. For many, myself included it is only normal, because it is all we have ever known. Something is somehow broken within us or we would never tolerate such treatment in the first place.

My personality certainly was no help in the relationship. I once bowed to nothing or no one even if it could have killed me. Many women get the tag of verbally and mentally abusive, because it is one of the only things that we have to use as we face the physical aggression of our spouses. This I can say from personal experience and knowing many others in the same place.

We fight back in the only way that we can and we are often tagged a bit** for doing so. In-laws used to tell me that he only stayed drunk because of me and that I earned the abuse. I certainly never minded the tag, because it meant that I at least was not admitting that I deserved to wake up with bruises and swelling that a drunk inflicted on me. Yet, everytime without considering the consequences, I put myself at greater risk.

A point to make here is that my first husband was not much larger than me and there were times that he was drunk and high enough that I could have drew blood without doubt. Howver, I never did. It wasn't only that I feared retaliation which I do admit to. I could not hurt him that way no matter what he did to me anyway.

My famous last words:

I should have never married into a reltionship that was abusive to begin with, but hind sight truly is twenty-twenty. And at this point, I am guessing that I am not the bit** my first husband wanted to say, because I prefer to talk to Eldon and because he cannot stand to raise his voice to me, even when I try to be angry with him it lasts all of ten minutes. We work things out without the drama which was a promise we made to each other and find very easy to keep after our past relationships.

The trick is learning that No One Deserves It -
No One Asks For It and Foremost
It Is Not Love


My advice is find a support group at the same time you file charges. They will help you to stay strong and also help you to know what is best to keep you safe. For sure once the process starts if you feel afraid, do not ignore it. We often know the truth, but want to believe that we are only being silly and this can get you seriously hurt, when abuse is involved.

My story is an easy one. I fought back at least. I know women who have awoke every Saturday morning for decades with their face shades of purple and blue. They never once stood up for themselves for fear of the consequences. Some never stop fearing for a second after decades in the relationships, but will not leave.

The assistance is not what it should be in many places and justice usually leaves the man who beats a woman to a pulp to spend the night in jail and walk out come morning. I always understood the fear these women live in. Restraining orders are only worthless paper if the cops do not enforce them strictly and for many of us out here in the sticks the response time if they do will provide little in the way of safety.

It is all such a complicated mess. A friend that I had as a teen married a guy that I was involved with before her. Some wanted to feel that she betrayed me, but I knew what she was in for well. I saw her once in over two decades and she was so afraid of being late to pick up her husband that she could only talk a minute and leave.

Her cousin that I have known thirty years recently rejoiced when the husband died from his drug use, because my old friend had suffered extreme mental and physical abuse since we were kids and she had married. She was terrified of what he would do if she tried to leave and likely with good cause. Ironically, I tried to tell her all of those years ago that the guy was going to hurt her and she took his word over mine. They are charmers, when they want to be and it was all too easy for him to say that I was just jealous.

It is all a game and they do their best to win, if they are allowed.

God bless you all and keep you safe...
Kricket

The info about women is very important, but let's get this thread back to SugarCane....

How are things, today, Sugar?

Eldon, I gotta kind of disgree with you when you said that the cops are disensterested in domstic violence. I think the cops get tired of repsonding to all these domestic violence calls and nothing changes. Like you said, the cops told you to stop calling 911. Why, because you kept calling them and nothing was being done to correct the problem.

Here is a case involving my dad, when he lvied in Arizona i went to go visit him for a week. Well the first night I got there I met his girlfriend. Did not like er from the beginning because she was drunk, i mean falling down drunk, that's a first impression. Anyways, that night we go to my dads place and all you hear is a slap and it was loud. I know that wasn't my dad hititng her, he would not hit a female. She was mad at my dad because I was there, mind you I had not seen him in almost a year. Anyways it becme a knock out drag down fight, she came after me with a knife, I was only 17, still a minor in Arizona, my dad beat the crap out of her. I ran and called the cops because the phone had got shut off because she ran the bill up to $1000.00. The cops came and when i got back my dad was taken to jail because they did not know what had happen. I went to the jail and explained the whole story to them,they dropped charges against my dad because it was self defense, SHE got charged with felony charges, this is whow bad she was, it took 4 regular cops and 6 tribal offices to be pulled off the reservation to come and restrain her, she was hog tied, kicked the cop car door, broke a cops hand. While the cops were on the phone with the district attorney at 11 pm at night, she was yeling at threatening to kill the cops and my dad, so of course they were not playing with her, especially after she broke one of their hands.

Point is, domestic violence is taken serious but cops get tired of responding to calls and the woman or man who is being abused chooses to stay and tolerate it. Is it right, no, no one deserves to be hit or abused in any shape or form but if you continue to tolerate it and put up with it and the same cops keep coming over and over again they may look at it like don;t kepe calling.

To the OP i'm so sorry you went through this, especially being pregnant.

The info about women is very important, but let's get this thread back to SugarCane....

How are things, today, Sugar?

Well, I am better today.

Yesterday I had a horrible day. My mom was so horrible to me (and I have cut her off officially from my life, I don't NEED her negativity - and it was NOTHING related to the man, she didn't know anything because she's not involved in my life)

I'm better today. Not so emotional. Still bitter tho. Wonder how long that takes to go away.

The bitterness will come and go for a while, gradually it will be for shorter times, less often... for what it's worth, it's totally normal.

Sorry your mom has chosen to be more trouble than is worth being around, but what the hell- consider it a "spring cleaning" of your emotional "house"... may as well clear all the useless and broken stuff all at once.

The bitterness will come and go for a while, gradually it will be for shorter times, less often... for what it's worth, it's totally normal.

Sorry your mom has chosen to be more trouble than is worth being around, but what the hell- consider it a "spring cleaning" of your emotional "house"... may as well clear all the useless and broken stuff all at once.

No doubt.

I'm one of those "Everything happens for a reason" people...but that doesn't mean I don't have my "But WHYYYYYYY???" moments. Or days. Or hell, even weeks.

During the time that I was calling police, I had been clean and sober for years, though finding several times a week the needles and drugs that my first husband left laying around for not only my older children, but my two small boys to find. However, the law at least in Texas says that if I try to have him busted in a house on whose deed my name appears and with me residing in that home, I will be charged for possession just as he will. I will go to jail and serve time just like him.

Those laws also say that without a hundred dollars minimum to get a restraining order to keep him out, calling the cops is my only option. If he is taken in, he walks the next morning and without the hundred dollars that I never had trying to raise six kids on $400-$500 a month at the time, he comes back and there is nothing that I can do to keep him out if he does not want to go until the day comes that he kills me. Oh yes, Divorce the magic word - Right? We will get to that.

The cops do get fed up, but the good ones get that a lot of mothers have no choice but to either keep calling or sleep in a car with their kids. The majority of the 100,000 homeless children that are out there tonight and who will go to bed in cars and boxes hungry in this supposedly humane nation of ours know all about abuse, so do their mothers.

I was disabled with five children in the home. I had no where to go other than to drag my children to a shelter no less than an hour away from everything they knew. If they were full as the nearest one was once, when I was desperate enough to try to go, we had to go no less than two hours away in a truck that I could not depend on to get me to town and back that is five miles away. This would have included pulling a child who in the end graduated with honors and whose grades now open doors for her that she would have otherwise been closed out of her school and screwing her up, as well.

People do not get the whole picture. A lot of it has to do with trust. You are demeaned, abused and scared to death. The law protects the abuser in many ways more than the abused. The idea that you can just trust strangers to help you is more than a lot of us can handle. People who had known me all of my life never offered to help me get out, so why would a stranger actually care was always my first thought.

The shelters that I checked on got so much of your income for the family staying. In my case it would have been the larger portion of my income. So, there was no chance of trying to pay a deposit on anything to rent. They provided no assistance to try to allow me to go to school or work without my paying a sitter which I could not do after paying them. And the time you could stay was not based on need, but so long and your expected to be on your own period.

People think there are so many alternatives. There are parents who work minimum wage and try to make it falling through the cracks everyday in this country. Single mothers are the large majority of those. I actually got more from SSI than I could have by trying to work at minimum wage all of those years. Actually, if you include the sitter, upkeep on a vehicle and extra trips to doctors trying to keep me in good enough shape to work likely far more. First, I had to have the vehicle.

I am not the only one and it does not take being a gimp. If you actually look at the facts there are mothers asleep in cars tonight with their children who will go into a gas station bathroom to clean up in the morning in order to try to look good enough to work. Shelters stay full and limit the time you can stay.

I have read that there are far more than the hundred thousand children who are dragged from place to place and their education so impeded that only by a miracle will they ever have hope of overcoming the poverty that they are raised in. Dad who bloodied Mom's face has a nice home and a good job, but no more cares for his kids than his wife. Those figures say that because of such situations, there are millions of children who either just give up and quit school at very young ages or who simply can never stay in one place long enough to attend.

I was supposed to accept being placed in public housing in the city to get me out of the shelter on their time line. Crime rates in those projects were ten times higher than any other place in the area at the time. People were filming crack addicts standing out front smoking their pipes. I wanted my kids out of it, not farther in it. I could see no reason to leave a bad situation for a worse one that my kids would have been completely against. Maybe I was wrong not to trade one drug addict for a neighborhood full where my children were not safe to even go outside, but I still do not see it that way.

I survived and though my children grew up in a way that I would have given anything to avoid, my oldest three are okay. My twenty-five year old son recently got his last two dollar an hour raise on the job and makes $30 an hour. My youngest girl, the honor student is looking forward to pharmacy school and my youngest, though in a low paying job works her tail off to support my little grandson and is looking to college.

The irony of it all, when the older three were out of the house, I stayed out a lot with the other two. I finally completely gave a house that I had received in a divorce to my ex to get completely away. Why? you might ask me.

Well, get this I called to have him removed after the divorce and had the cop tells me that the divorce decree I held meant nothing until I paid to have the deed backed up with a copy. As far as they were concerned he was still on his property, because his name was on the deed.

I gets better though, because after the deed was changed, the bum shows up after my throwing him out and piles back up. I am a one-handed gimp, so can't physically remove him. However, that was what the cops seemed to think should have happened. When they respond with my telling them he was never supposed to stay, because he was not wanted, all it took was him to say that I had agreed to him being here and he stays.

My only choice as it was pointed out was to hire an attorney and serve an eviction notice on my ex. So, if I had the money to run to the local lawyer and the fees to cover someone serving the paper then waited the months that a delinquent tenant gets before you can actually remove them from your property, they would gladly remove him for me.

In the end, I gave up my property to a man so addicted that he could not function, because I was so sick of the fight. The two youngest boys are delinquent and when my ex died, my sons including the oldest outright told me that he would be alive, but for me. In their eyes, I was wrong, because the only way I had out was with another man and I took it. They will tell you today that had I kept living with their Daddy, he would be alive.

Cops know the score and that is why some will respond everytime. The rest want to say it is the woman's fault, but do not acknowledge the nightmare that all of this can become. Had I got a restraining order, I could expect the cops to arrive within twenty to thirty minutes and I live in a wooded area. Dozens of times he simply walked into the brush until they left and he was back in the house before they were out of the drive.

If the ex had not jerked the phone out of the wall or the box off the side of the house to keep me from calling which happened often, a hell of alot can happen in twenty minutes and none of it good.Many women I know never dared call the cops. They knew the guy was getting out the next day and would find them and that the beatings that they had took before were nothing in comparison to what they would get.

Whoever wrote that article proclaiming that 70% of abuse is by women should get to live our lives. In fact, I would love to give them the chance. Maybe while laying on the floor with a busted mouth and a drunken assho** that has told you twenty times a day that you are a no good worthless piece of trash standing over you threatening you further they might get the picture. Or no they wouldn't, because they would have their nice fat bank account to hire attornreys and rent apartments and to pay sitters while they work.

That supposed scholarly report mentioned above is all of the right facts manipulated to say something that none of the facts reflect and that a lifetime of actual experience does not show to be true either. Twenty-five percent of abuse overall is the rate attributed to women. The much smaller rate of 4-5% is given for violent abuse in what I have read.

As far as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they need to check their facts. It is prevalent among women alright. It is so, because just like the guys in a warzone they never know from second to second, when they are safe and when they will be attacked. It is not the cause of abuse, it is the direct result. It is also as bad in severely abused women as any of the many Vietnam Vets that I have loved over the years.

The vast majority of abuse whether from men or women is the result of alcohol and/or drug abuse. This fact is widely acknowledged in every sort of study with alcohol causing more violence overall in this country than anything else.

I have stepped in front of a lot of men over the years and chanced getting hurt to keep them from hitting their wives, girlfriends, friends and strangers. I have watched women dragged by the hair of their head and slapped to the ground and been able to do nothing. I witnessed my uncle split his own son's back open from shoulder blade to waist. It laid back like a slab of bacon. What everyone of the aggressors had in common was that they were drunk and there are a hundred thousand studies done over countless decades to support what I say if anyone cares to look it up. I have lived the facts.

I am credited with being an abuser, because instead of suffering in silence, I reacted angrily to my aggressor. Combat soldiers are trained to react, but abused women I take it from that article should merely accept that we are to be abused and never say a wrong word. We should certainly never be angry enough to raise our voices. In a book that I have put many hours of work into over the last three years, I speak of a friend who never fought back.

I am a fighter who taught myself to walk after a major stroke for being unaable to get therapy, because of my needing my ex to get me back and forth to appointments an hour away. My friend for all of her life has been walked on and that will never change. I will not ever be walked on again. I could have just laid down and faded into the woodwork like I often felt that I wanted to do, but I refused to allow that life or anything else to take me down for the count. If that makes me abusive, then I guess I am glad that I am.

These are the realities of our world that is made up a of a majority of poverty stricken mothers. It is not an easy place to exist and for many it is impossible to escape. As for women who are actually abusive, I have known a couple who would stomp all the hell out of their old men, but I have to say for at least those two, it was usually blow for blow and instigated by a man wanting to look bad in front of his buddies by mistreating his wife. If every woman could stand on equal ground physically far fewer of us would be dead or at the least permanently scarred by the end of this year. Those who can and do so just to be hateful are no better than the men who do the same.

That author never bothered to mention that PTSD is the result of being forced to exist in a place that you are never sure if you will live or die from one minute to the next and having to constantly fight to make certain that you live. I hear I show all of the symptoms, but unlike what they imply to be the case without the constant threat in my life, I only want peace. I am sick of fighting.

WOW....... that is all im saying...


Sugar i hope ur doing ok sweetie... just hang in there!!