let's keep this thread strictly to those who are in pain, lonely, sad and need some comfort. Is there something you would like to share?

Great idea Jancy. I wish SusanW would see this and post, she's in terrible pain today. I just PM'd her, but it was before you put this new thread out. I hope she comes back on soon, and sees it.
Wendy

I'm new-Don't know much. My son is 24. Everyone says"When is he getting out?" How can I know? Things seem to change often. I don't know whether to hope or not. I used to.but after no parole last year I kind of stopped. The parole attorney I hired is apparently a farce.Is there help or hope anywhere?

Specsmom,
I know it is hard, my son is also 24. He has been thru the system a time or three...ugh.
I get so frustrated because even though my own brother is a lawyer and a judge...I am very skeptical on just how much they can help you. I know I think I can figure out things on my own and do try to, thanks to my son I learned a lot more about this stuff than I ever wanted to know.

Is there hope anywhere??? of course there is! I have to laugh because I despair about the last second when God comes thru. then I am like...geez I wish I had more faith and longer patience.

Is there anyone your son can ask about how long his term is, and what he has to do to get paroled? Has he filled out a parole plan?

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=52

here is a link to a part of this site that deals with parole issues

Susan W....yooohoooo

I'm new-Don't know much. My son is 24. Everyone says"When is he getting out?" How can I know? Things seem to change often. I don't know whether to hope or not. I used to.but after no parole last year I kind of stopped. The parole attorney I hired is apparently a farce.Is there help or hope anywhere?


I will keep you in my prayers. I hoep you find out the info you need and Jancy is right there is help out there we just have to find it. I'm sure there are ppl on this board that can help with some of your questions. don't give up. God is with you every step of the way!

Okay this is someone else pain. I feel bad I got this PM from this person and it was her first post so obviouly my post bother her so much that she Pmed me.

In one of my messaged I put a link up for familywatchdog.com and it is to locate sexual offenders that is near your homes. My intention was to help ppl out there to be aware of who is around you. In hopes we can protect our young children and grand children out there. Because this is a very big problem out there.

But her PM she was upset that I was saying I'm a christain but like I was casting the first stone and lumping her husband in to one group which she is right I guess I was. I didn't mean to but I don't know what their situation is. I feel bad that I upset her.

I seen on Montel the other day this guy has a website where he takes photos of young kids and he puts them on his site and lists the areas for sexual preditors to find these kids but he does'ntn think he is doing anything wrong.

I know that our situations are different. Charlie will be labled for life as well for drunk driving. I hate that but I can't change that. Charlie is going to have to step up to the plate when he comes home and make something out of his life and I believe he will.

I am not passing judgement on anyone here or anywhere. I've made many mistakes in my life too.
But I still believe I have to protect my children and grand children. How do you all feel about this?

Was it wrong of me to post that site and post? What do you think? I did tell the lady that I was sorry if I offended her that was not my intention.

I have not heard back from her. I believe she was questioning me as a christain because by posting that site I was giving her husband a lifetime sentence of punishment when he is right with God. But that is not what I was trying to do.

I'm new-Don't know much. My son is 24. Everyone says"When is he getting out?" How can I know? Things seem to change often. I don't know whether to hope or not. I used to.but after no parole last year I kind of stopped. The parole attorney I hired is apparently a farce.Is there help or hope anywhere?


Specsmom, Welcome to PTO. Wish we didn't have to meet this way but I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I have a son who is 22. He has a long road ahead of him. :( I'm glad that Jancy gave you the thread to help you. You are among some wonderful people.

Oh my,of course there is hope,for gods sake,as long as your son is a living breathing human ,yes there is hope,as long as he is your son there is hope,dont give up sister,just keep praying for an answer,we love and pray for you here.:) :D :thumbsup: ,k

Jancy! What a great Thread you started here! Thank you :)

I'm new-Don't know much. My son is 24. Everyone says"When is he getting out?" How can I know? Things seem to change often. I don't know whether to hope or not. I used to.but after no parole last year I kind of stopped. The parole attorney I hired is apparently a farce.Is there help or hope anywhere?

Welcome here Specsmom, I hope you're able to get the answers you're looking for. I'm unsure of any of the Parole issues. I'm glad others are here to help you. Don't lose that hope you have. Your son needs every bit of it. Don't give up! We know you wont. God Bless You, Your Son and Your Family.

ViCharliesMom, It's going to work itself out sweetie! My Grandmother used to always say "It'll blow over". And she was always right about that. This text arena is a nearly perfect place to be misunderstood at times. I think we can apply this lyric it to lots of things...in many context's.

I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

my cousin is on the sexual offenders list. I feel sorry for him, as he is totally turned around, working and has a good start in life. he served his time.
if they had a list for all that others had done, it would blackball my son and all the men and women serving in jail. how can they ever have a hope of a life outside bars?
I realize those who made the list had their reasons, but sometimes vilent crimes happen right next door by people that the neighbors all say they shocked as this was such a good person.

just this week I was saddened to see the lady down the road from me, she is 40..two kids..a good person...she was arrested for stealing from a fund of a club she belonged to because her house pyts were so far behind.

if she were to be on a list as a thief...she would never work again as a nurse-her profession. her kids would be forever shamed not just now, but forever.

Oh this is a good topic isn't it? I used to be one of those people that thought the registry was all good, and checked it all the time. I was sadly uninformed. Too many people on that list are just kids who had consensual sex with someone they believed to be of age. Too many are innocent entirely and had a vindictive ex-spouse. And too many have a story of their own that we have no idea of their circumstances and situation, not then nor now. It has too many flaws IMHO. Oh and Jancy brings up a good point, I wonder how long until all convicted felons will be on a registry? Some states are already requiring drug related offenses having to register. I'll find the thread to that one later for ya'll. I'm fearing for this country to be honest.

reg, my cousin was married and they fought a lot. at some bad point she said he raped her and off he went to prison. who knows the truth?

then again...he has trouble supporting his kids with this list and must work where they will accept that.

Abolish Megans Law!
Abolish 3 Strikes Law!

These Laws are like traps. Trapping Deer to Catch a Bear. blah!

((((Hugs)))) Bless!
Hey I need support...I actually had to get dressed today to go shopping here in awhile. So I put on these jeans I just washed. I can barely breath!!! (turning blue)... so I'm thinking, gurdle? :) Oh, ok, that kinda support doesn't count....waddles off to look for a pair of sweats.

Hi Everyone,
First and foremost I would like to thank everyone on this group for your love and support, you guys truly are amazing.
I feel a little better today, mostly because I know I have two appts set up for next week, one with a therapist and one with a regular MD. I also can feel your prayers which is helping me alot.
I just would like to trade lives with someone right about now. I feel like every day I wake up, feel the pain, go through the day, go to bed and the cycle repeats itself over and over. Does anyone else feel like that? I am unhappy at my job, I am involved in ministries at church, praise team, women's Bible study leader, sending out packages and cards to other inmates. I know this whole situation taught me to love more, be less judgmental and to have compassion on those who are hurting. I just feel blah lately. I am going to try meds, maybe that will help.
Again, thank you for all your PM's keep them coming I love them all.
Your Sister In Christ,
Sue :D
P.S. The worst part is wondering how Jon is, what he is doing, if he is sad, crying, in pain. This kills me every time I think of it and I would go through it for him if I could.

God Bless you Sue. Yes I feel like that every minute of every day. I would change places with my son too, but realistically, than he would not learn what God wants him to learn. We pray and we ask for the Lord to protect them. But we must learn to have Trust and Faith in God, or we are not truly believing in Him. I know, that's easier said then done. I am constantly giving it to Him, and than I take it right back. I am so glad you are going to seek help, you and Jon are in my prayers. God Bless.
P.S. I'm sending Jon a special card today, with love and prayers and tons of hugs from his cyber Auntie!

Sue
I am so glad you are feeling a litle better today. I have been praying for you. I understand about wanting to trade lives with someone. But then I realized that if I did I wouldn't have my son in my life. And I wouldn't like that. Since we have the same name just wondering if anyone calls you Susie and how you feel about that. I am 52 and some of my family still calls me Susie. It use to drive me crazy but now it makes me feel young.
Take care
Sue

((((Hugs)))) Bless!
Hey I need support...I actually had to get dressed today to go shopping here in awhile. So I put on these jeans I just washed. I can barely breath!!! (turning blue)... so I'm thinking, gurdle? :) Oh, ok, that kinda support doesn't count....waddles off to look for a pair of sweats.

Reggie! haha! How funny! You know what? Guess what I got for christmas? A girdle! I laughed so hard. It was all rolled up in a Tiny yes Tiny little box. (Was that supposed to be one of those reverse psycology things?) ha! Last sunday I wore it. Purple Legs but I felt like I was stylin. Ripped it off soon as I hit the door. wew!

Thar she blows! We've been waiting for you SusanW, now here you are.
I didn't realize how much you had on your plate. It sounds as though you've over extended yourself, and need to take a little me time. The counseling is going to help a lot, no doubt. It seems like you were trying to take on the weight of the world, and not taking care of you. I'm glad you're back amongst us. And you take good care of our Sue!
Wendy

heehee Bless, purple legs will be the new thing in no time! ROTF! I really need to go change into some sweats, thank goodness it's winter! :)

Bless'um, who ever gave you the girdle for Christmas, would be scratched off my Christmas list this year! Too funny.

Reg, how did you get those jeans on, tell the truth, Ya' laid on the bed didn't ya'!!

Wendy

LOL Wendy, they went on fine but sheeezzzeeee, I have to learn to hang dry these baby's next time! I feel I should be wearing a "caution" sign: Flying buttons! LOL
OK, I have to go work on my face now, that plaster takes awhile to apply these days. Be back later, have a Blessed day ya'll!

I am involved in ministries at church, praise team, women's Bible study leader, sending out packages and cards to other inmates.

P.S. The worst part is wondering how Jon is, what he is doing, if he is sad, crying, in pain. This kills me every time I think of it and I would go through it for him if I could.

Susan, I posted this sometime ago in the Prayer Circle. I really should have posted it out here. It's amazing how our youth is able to connect with eachother thru God. Here ya go! copy and pasting.

"I was thinking of these challenges that are being faced with trying to get our younger loved one's walking with the Lord. Perhaps the church you attend have youth that would be willing to send letters. You know, to touch base, to let them see there is a HUGE generation of youth out here and perhaps since their the same age'ish it might impact them differently?"

Hi,
That is part of my problem, the pastor won't even go when I ask him to, he was only there once in 3 months. I finally called the pastor who married Dave and I today and asked him to go. Some people from our church are writing to Jon, mostly the older people, which is so kind. No young people. I guess that is why I am trying to get him a pen pal, female if possible.

Wendy, you are too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll PM you later with there she blows!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek:
Love,
Sue

Reggie,
The purple from your legs is running on my post. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get me a girdle too, tonight is Super Bowl Food!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Sue
Go Giants, New England cheats!!!!!!!

Heehee Sue! I went and changed to some sweats, ugh! I gotta lose weight for real! After today, for sure for sure, LOL. Notice I am still "blue", LOL. :) Ok, I'm seriously going to the store now....eeeeeewwwww.....hope it's not a madhouse!

Pick me up some tater chips! I need to paste more on my hips!

Hi,
That is part of my problem, the pastor won't even go when I ask him to, he was only there once in 3 months. I finally called the pastor who married Dave and I today and asked him to go. Some people from our church are writing to Jon, mostly the older people, which is so kind. No young people. I guess that is why I am trying to get him a pen pal, female if possible.

Wendy, you are too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll PM you later with there she blows!!!!!!!!!!!! :eek:
Love,
Sue

Oh good then

Susan,
Jonis not crying. my son told me that no one cries much in prison as they are too proud. they suck it up. my son had a couple cellies that were very nice to talk with and that helped too.

my son has a major sense of humor...Seinfeld like. he made a couple pals while in camp hill for processing. they had the assignment of passing out the clean undies each day. they made up names for the sizes...you can just imagine. it kept them amused.

Jon has time to think but he is busy with the new routine too. they have a schedule, lights on and lights off. very military. the guys do talk to one another a lot.

Jon should prob not have any female pen pals. why? because he might get emotionally involved and that would cause him even more pain. IMHO he shoudl write with family. My son would be apt to get women to send him money and take his collect calls. Dont know about your Jon, that is just how my son is.

just a thought...my son has trained me to be less emotional about his choices over time. at first, when he was 13 and all this drug/alcohol stuff started, I was a quivering mess, unable to eat or sleep, fearful and almost got fired as my coworkers complained that I was crying daily. I was losing my mind.

someone suggested two books to me:
codependent no more by melody beattie

boundaries by townsend and cloud

I read those over and over. you can borrow them free at the library.
it helps you detach from your children's emotions and have your own emotions and life regardless of how chaotic yours gets. also try this site for some coping skills:

http://coping.org/parenting/11f.htm

SusanW,
I am so glad to read your post this morning, and know that you are plugging along....Yes, if we could, we would all want to be someone else right now, but on the other hand, we wouldn't have had the good things in our lives, that everyone of us...if we think hard enough...have experienced. I know what you mean about the pain, and my son has been in prison since June 2005, and it doesn't get easier, but I remember something that he said to me not long after he went in. You see, I couldn't enjoy anything, and if I found myself smiling about something or enjoying something, I would panic..and think..OH my gosh...I can't feel good...my son is suffering!...thus it went. Then one day, I went, reluctantly (they had to insistthat it would do me good), with some friends on a motorcycle ride, a spring day, through the desert...the desert flowers were blooming..the mountains in the distance were green and lush..the feeling of freedom.. and I was thinking how awesome it all was...then it hit!!!! All of the sudden I felt the aweful guilt...OH my gosh..I can't enjoy this..I can't feel good about this because Aaron is setting in a cell and how dare me...at that point, I broke down on the back of that bike....(thank god for the loud pipes because I was screaming, crying, sobbing, and begging God to help me...that I could not go on like this...that He had to give me peace..I'm not sure of all that I pleaded, but I did feel His arms around me.....Anyway, when I got back home, my son called, and I tried to share the motorcycle trip to him...finally, I told him of how hard it was for me to enjoy things, (which I don't know if I should have shared with him or not, but I did)...he explained to me that he doesn't want me to stop my life...that he needed me, to be his eyes...that he will have to live through my experiences, since he cannot have all these experiences for himself. From that point on, I try to be very descriptive when writing him, about things that I do, things that I see, and I do take and send lots of pictures. I'm not saying that it still doesn't hurt every day..that I too wouldn't "do his time for him"..as we all would, but it did make me realize that no matter how low I get...how miserable I feel, that I have to go on...I have to be there for him, and somehow that does give me strength. I also took meds..Zoloft for the first year after he went in, but felt better, so decided I didn't need them anymore, but I am having struggles with anger..other relationships..trust issues...depreesion, so I had my first appointment with a counseler last week...and made an appointment to see someone to prescibe the meds atgain. I guess that's why I can say to you that I don't think the pain ever gets easier, but just having tools (counseling..meds..others that are feeling the same) available to us, is a powerful feeling in itself. Pat yourself on the back for making the appointments...pat yourself on the back for getting out of bed this morning to post....This ole world can beat us up enough without us doing to ourselves.
...I know you think about your son continuosly, so I know that you are praying for him also. Who is greater and has more power than God? If you have asked Him for something.....then try to TRUST that he will answer your prayers, .
OK I have blabbed on enough...I just don't want anyone to hurt the way I know you were/are hurting.
Pennie

Pennie that was beautifully spoken and all so true. God Bless You and Your Son.

Oh Pennie, I felt the wind in my hair while I was reading that post, and wanted to be on the back of the bike, going anywhere. You described things so beautifully, and it was so true to heart about feeling a good moment, then feeling the guilt at having done so. Great post, gotta go fix my hair now!
Wendy

Jancy this pm really made me think as well. You are so right that there are so many that are wrongly convicted and it does lump everyone together and that is not fair. Just like Charlie is going to be labeled for life and it's not fair. So I know where she and you are coming from and I have to say it made me think that I have to be careful what I post or how I post it. Because we are all in mpain with so many different situations. It was a good lesson learned for me.
I did tell her that I was so sorry about hurting here or causing her more pain. That was not my intention when I posted the site.
I just wasn't thinking. But I will now. I learn something new every day and this was an important lesson.

reg, my cousin was married and they fought a lot. at some bad point she said he raped her and off he went to prison. who knows the truth?

then again...he has trouble supporting his kids with this list and must work where they will accept that.

Susan your post was like I was writing your words. I have felt that way so many times and it does hurt. but you are right we can't beat ourselves up for mistakes our children make and most of us have other children that need us as well. Thanks be to God for loving us all so much that he knows our every need and see us all through this nightmare that were living. Great post!!! (((HUGS)))


SusanW,
I am so glad to read your post this morning, and know that you are plugging along....Yes, if we could, we would all want to be someone else right now, but on the other hand, we wouldn't have had the good things in our lives, that everyone of us...if we think hard enough...have experienced. I know what you mean about the pain, and my son has been in prison since June 2005, and it doesn't get easier, but I remember something that he said to me not long after he went in. You see, I couldn't enjoy anything, and if I found myself smiling about something or enjoying something, I would panic..and think..OH my gosh...I can't feel good...my son is suffering!...thus it went. Then one day, I went, reluctantly (they had to insistthat it would do me good), with some friends on a motorcycle ride, a spring day, through the desert...the desert flowers were blooming..the mountains in the distance were green and lush..the feeling of freedom.. and I was thinking how awesome it all was...then it hit!!!! All of the sudden I felt the aweful guilt...OH my gosh..I can't enjoy this..I can't feel good about this because Aaron is setting in a cell and how dare me...at that point, I broke down on the back of that bike....(thank god for the loud pipes because I was screaming, crying, sobbing, and begging God to help me...that I could not go on like this...that He had to give me peace..I'm not sure of all that I pleaded, but I did feel His arms around me.....Anyway, when I got back home, my son called, and I tried to share the motorcycle trip to him...finally, I told him of how hard it was for me to enjoy things, (which I don't know if I should have shared with him or not, but I did)...he explained to me that he doesn't want me to stop my life...that he needed me, to be his eyes...that he will have to live through my experiences, since he cannot have all these experiences for himself. From that point on, I try to be very descriptive when writing him, about things that I do, things that I see, and I do take and send lots of pictures. I'm not saying that it still doesn't hurt every day..that I too wouldn't "do his time for him"..as we all would, but it did make me realize that no matter how low I get...how miserable I feel, that I have to go on...I have to be there for him, and somehow that does give me strength. I also took meds..Zoloft for the first year after he went in, but felt better, so decided I didn't need them anymore, but I am having struggles with anger..other relationships..trust issues...depreesion, so I had my first appointment with a counseler last week...and made an appointment to see someone to prescibe the meds atgain. I guess that's why I can say to you that I don't think the pain ever gets easier, but just having tools (counseling..meds..others that are feeling the same) available to us, is a powerful feeling in itself. Pat yourself on the back for making the appointments...pat yourself on the back for getting out of bed this morning to post....This ole world can beat us up enough without us doing to ourselves.
...I know you think about your son continuosly, so I know that you are praying for him also. Who is greater and has more power than God? If you have asked Him for something.....then try to TRUST that he will answer your prayers, .
OK I have blabbed on enough...I just don't want anyone to hurt the way I know you were/are hurting.
Pennie

Okay, I've been being strong, but today has been such a struggle. It seems as if the pain of my son being incarcerated is so much to bear sometimes. His son was born 2 weeks ago and I stood in to be there with a wonderful girl he met before all of this and she is waiting for him with a lot of strength. I am usually the Strong one in my family. I don't feel strong anymore, I'm tired, confused, and really disrepect the system right now. Please pray I can keep on being strong. I feel spent and helpless. Many times this seems like a nightmare and I am waiting for it not to be true. There seems to be no help in the County Facility that he is in (Aaron). Before he was transferred they at least had church and AA meetings. The facility says there is not enough volunteers. I really have a hard time believing that incarceration is the answer to anything. Pray that on April 14th they allow him to enter rehab it's already set up and I feel positive about this date, but it seems so far away. Help me not to fear and stay strong. God Bless you all.

:) Hello I am fist time on here. My question is when a person is jailed for a felon, about how long will they spend in jail before court date for prison term if any? Thank you. Susan W....yooohoooo

let's keep this thread strictly to those who are in pain, lonely, sad and need some comfort. Is there something you would like to share? i need help geting to mycarepackage.com please help:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

i really need help so anybody.
thanks

i need help geting to mycarepackage.com please help:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Wendy? Bless? Anyone in CA know this one?

I'm new here, but I could definitely use a friend right now. My fiance has been in county since Dec. 18. His sentencing is scheduled for Mar. 7th where he'll find out what DOC and how long he'll be gone. Since he's never been in trouble before and we have never gone through this before, for some reason today it seems so overwhelming. I know there will be many missed events and occasions. Like last night, watching the Super Bowl, all I could do was cry because I miss him so much. Does it ever get easier? Does time really heal all wounds?

Shorty82, I think you mean AccessSecurepack.com, they and Walkenhorsts.com, are the most used vendors to the CA prisons. From what I've read, AccessSecurepack is the quickest, they also just began a money service to inmates, like jpay. Good luck, and don't hesitate to get back if you don't have any luck with that.
Wendy

Oh my Katygrey, it's so hard to see our boys go down for what we know is an addiction. I hope and pray that your son gets his time in rehab, and not prison. Many of us, myself included, have sons with addictions that caused them to be sent to prison. The beginning is the hardest by far, but it sounds as though you have a good chance of getting him help. You and your son will be in my prayers, that he get the help so many of us want for our sons.
Wendy

hello katie. welcome to the parents forum. we all here understand what you are going thru. this isn't easy. but please know that we are here to support you and help in anyway possible.
you are in my prayers, and your new grandbaby and family. and your son.
God watches over us and them. trust Him.

Okay, I've been being strong, but today has been such a struggle. It seems as if the pain of my son being incarcerated is so much to bear sometimes. His son was born 2 weeks ago and I stood in to be there with a wonderful girl he met before all of this and she is waiting for him with a lot of strength. I am usually the Strong one in my family. I don't feel strong anymore, I'm tired, confused, and really disrepect the system right now. Please pray I can keep on being strong. I feel spent and helpless. Many times this seems like a nightmare and I am waiting for it not to be true. There seems to be no help in the County Facility that he is in (Aaron). Before he was transferred they at least had church and AA meetings. The facility says there is not enough volunteers. I really have a hard time believing that incarceration is the answer to anything. Pray that on April 14th they allow him to enter rehab it's already set up and I feel positive about this date, but it seems so far away. Help me not to fear and stay strong. God Bless you all.
Hello Katygrey, welcome to the parents forum, though I am sorry to hear about your son. I know how much it hurts, and the addiction takes it toll on us more than them it seems. You say you are usually the strong one, but you don't have to always be, sometimes, it's good to lean on someone else. That's where we come in, we are here for you to support you, listen to you, and of course pray for you. I agree with you about incarcerating those with addictions, they need treatment, not prison. I will be praying for you and your son. Take care, God Bless.

:) Hello I am fist time on here. My question is when a person is jailed for a felon, about how long will they spend in jail before court date for prison term if any? Thank you.
Hello RGlee, welcome to PTO. Your question depends on so many factors. They will remain in county jail, if they do not or cannot bond out. Than there will be the indictment process, arraignments, plea bargains offered and if not accepted, than a trial. So there are usually several court dates before a final sentencing date. It could take weeks, months, even years. It just depends on the case. You may try posting your question in the legal forum too. Hope it all works out for you! God Bless

...I know you think about your son continuosly, so I know that you are praying for him also. Who is greater and has more power than God? If you have asked Him for something.....then try to TRUST that he will answer your prayers

Welcome I'llBeThere, Thank you for the beautiful story. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. He is one special guy to be so open to having you be his eyes and description for him. I'm still in the News and Updates mode. My hope is that others that are writing to our son, are in the descriptive mode with him and that he's enjoying their letters. God Bless You, Your Son and Your Family.

Pray that on April 14th they allow him to enter rehab it's already set up and I feel positive about this date, but it seems so far away. Help me not to fear and stay strong. God Bless you all.

Hello Katgrey, I'm so sorry to hear about your son and your struggles with the system right now. I'll be praying for your son to get into rehab on April 14th. Along with the positive feelings, Lets count on him getting there. God Bless You, Your Son and Your Family and the New Baby! A part of him there with you. wow!

:) Hello I am fist time on here. My question is when a person is jailed for a felon, about how long will they spend in jail before court date for prison term if any? Thank you.

Hello RGlee, that's a good question. Each case is different so it's hard to say :( Your public defender should have a good guestimate though. Could be weeks or months or years in county jail. Some other persons here will chime in on this one too with more knowledge. God Bless You and your Family.

i need help geting to mycarepackage.com please help:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Hello Shorty, I'm sorry you're having trouble finding information. I'm a bit late to answer you. Here's a link to California Mail and Packages information. I hope this helps, somebody there will know the answers. We're not at the able to send packages point yet. We're still in the Mail only stage.

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=734

Like last night, watching the Super Bowl, all I could do was cry because I miss him so much. Does it ever get easier? Does time really heal all wounds?

Hello Ian's Fiance, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I know your pain to see things that you know he would have loved to be enjoying. Hopefully he's in a place where they have a day room and a tv to watch as part of their privilages. They should also be getting outside time, which includes basketball games. Visit as often as you can while you can. Hang out with those who are compassionate with you and supportive. God Bless You, your Fiance and your Family.

PS. Time has been healing something that was a bigger Ouchie before.

It is so hard to be strong, and some days there is nothing left. Congratulations on the birth of the grandson! I assisted in my grandson's birth 4 yrs ago and my son, his father, has been in jail all but one year of his life. so, I try to be Nunny, let him know he is loved. his dad may never be there for him, but my grandson will know that I am here.

I hate the system too. My son is in lock down at the moron county jail. he was brought in there for a hearing 2 wks ago and they should have returned him to state. they say there is a shortage of people to drive him back to state (one hour away)...so he sits there with more trouble. County jails have nothing to offer but boredom and misery for the most part.
Okay, I've been being strong, but today has been such a struggle. His son was born 2 weeks ago and I stood in to be there... and really disrepect the system right now.Pray that on April 14th they allow him to enter rehab

May God in his infinite mercy and wisdom, uphold you, send guidance to you and your son, and move him to better surroundings where he can get help soon!

shorty82:
it might be my care PACK so try here:

http://www.mycarepack.com/

as for how long they sit in county til their hearing on felony charges???
it can be a few months as the court dockets are full up here for 3 months ahead.
however at the hearing on the orig charges a date would have been set for the hearing, so call the court clerk in your county and see when it is.

I'm new here, but I could definitely use a friend right now. My fiance has been in county since Dec. 18. His sentencing is scheduled for Mar. 7th where he'll find out what DOC and how long he'll be gone. Since he's never been in trouble before and we have never gone through this before, for some reason today it seems so overwhelming. I know there will be many missed events and occasions. Like last night, watching the Super Bowl, all I could do was cry because I miss him so much. Does it ever get easier? Does time really heal all wounds?

Hi there and welcome! depending on the sentence, he could spend anything under 24 months in county jail, if longer they go to state prison. your state has a procedure for them to go thru this process. if his hearing is March he might not get to a "home prison" to serve his term for a few months til he is processed thru and they determine what program he needs. the system crawls.

it does get easier but you must change the way you think of your relationship with him. he will now become your project and you must also have time for you so you keep up your own strength!

start a table with writing paper and collect there any news paper articles he might like, photos of family, and a list of subjects to talk over with him. send him a newspaper article about the super bowl...wasnt that last qtr exciting??? he prob got to watch the game.

this wound will heal but I know you are disappointed as this is not the life you pictured, it took a far left, so you must adapt. keep posting and learn all you can so you can feel more comfortable about your life with him as it is.

Ians's Fiancee, I am so sorry you were having such a hard time. There are days that it just hits you and there seems to be nothing that you can do except to go with it and let the tears fall. Last year we ate Thanksgiving at Denny's with cheeseburgers because I just flat out was not able to cook a Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm on the Indiana forum a lot so if you have questions you can leave them there or you are welcome to pm me. I may not always know the answer but I have gotten pretty good at navigating the Indiana gov web site.

Hi guys, don't know if we've met . Maybe last post. In the last 3 years I've felt like no one could know how it is. Not even my other kids will write to him without me nagging them.But every day I think of him, and at first I couldn't eat---because he didn't get good food, or I felt guilty going to a movie because he couldn't see it, or a vacation.....should I tell him about it? The depression is huge, the helplessness is huge. At a recent church service a guy from Teen Challenge said,"Just like in the story of the prodigal son...God works in the pig pen." (You have to know the story) Basically God sometimes works from rock bottom.I hope and pray that somehow this pig pen experience brings home a not too damaged person. I won't mind the stench of the pig pen but others will, ya" know? Dear God be with us all today.And them.

Hello specsmom, I just wanted to say ''Welcome '', I haven't seen you here before now. I know what you mean about getting family to write. I only have the two kids, my son in prison and my daughter. She's gotten better about writting but it's just us. I too, worry about the son prison will return to me. I'm glad you found us here you are not alone. We all know what it's like to have a child in prison, this site has so much to offer. Peace be with you and your son. Mercedes

Specsmom, I hear you! Thank you for sharing that. My hubby says I shouldn't pressure people to write, that they'll write when they can or want to. Meanwhile, I continue to cruisade in getting those who love him to write.

Our kids are not on some vacation in the Bahamas and See you when you get back! kinda thing.

Amazing how the Teens and Youth and young adults just "Get it". They know they are the future. I'm still trying to Get It. I got a VERY late start. I've invited a neighbor to Christmas Celebration at Church. I feel that he has many troubles inside for a long long time. Sad that he explained to me that he has gone before and that Church just wasn't for him. I havn't given up. I just need a new angle.

God Bless You, Your Son and Your Family.

Well, I'm going to be gone for a bunch of hours. See you all again soon!

specmom,
my son was in the pigpen when NOT in prison, he was lost amidst the pills booze women and porn. prison is a diff pig pen. sigh.
whether anyone ever accepts him or not...the life he used to have would have killed him. so, he might have a shaky start when out, but he will have himself, perhaps mom and or dad, and a body and life.

specsmom.. welcome (back). I know how you are feeling. it is so hard. my son was in the drug pigpen, and God pulled him out and put him in prison where he had no choice but to listen.
God allows trials in our lives to grow us stronger and show us how much we need to lean on Him.

I know I'm a big cry baby but I need support in prayer because I have another visit tomorrow and lately they have been bad, so I am thinking, this one may turn out good, prayerfully. My odds aren't that great lately. I went to my old therapist today who made me sign a contract that I would not end my life and she is seeing me again next week, she also gave me her home phone number to call me. I cried through the whole visit but it was good to release all the pain and emotions that were stored up inside of me. She told me not to live Jonathan's life anymore and she is right I just haven't figured out how to give him over. It is a long story but I practically raised him alone, we did and went every where together, I went to all his baseball games, he came to ME the first time he had sex and told me he used protection, he always gave me more info than I wanted to know, but I guess we have a bond that isn't very common. I have a hard time letting him go. Please just say a prayer for my sanity and mental health.
Love,
Susan

Hi Susan, I have been worried about you, thanks for checking in. I know the therapy is hard, but it will help so much. Just getting it all out is such a relief. You are always in my prayers, and I'll be praying your visit goes well tomorrow. Your story made me laugh because my oldest son did the same thing when he had sex for the first time! And I felt the same way, I was like, uh, Lord please, spare me all the details, LOL. My son who is in won't even go down "the ladies things" aisle( as he calls it) in the store, he's such a crack-up. Please tell Jon he is in our prayers, remind him to do "his" time, and no-one else's, it's way easier. Keep hanging in there, and leaning on us for support, we are all here for you! We love you and we care about you! God Bless You Susan.

Reggie you are just so sweet and supportive. Susan don't forget to tell your son that he has bunches of Aunties out here who Love and care about him. Ask him if he can tell you a good story to pass along to us when you come back from your visit.

Love and Blessings to Both of You!

Susan, so sorry I have missed your posts the last couple of days. My prayers are with you. Please continue to do what you need to do to take care of YOU. Hang in there and know that we are always here for you too.
I will also be praying that your visit goes well today. Will be keeping Jonathan in my prayers too. God Bless.

Kairos Prison Ministry
Here's the link states and national page. I just emailed them today.
http://www.kairosprisonministry.org/templates/System/details.asp?id=23761&PID=77453

This is a Ministry that go into Prisons. Somebody here on PTO referred them. I thought I would post the Link here for everybody.

I've had personal experience with Kairos Bless. They are a wonderful ministry, truly truly.

Reggie! Oh have you! That is fantastic! I've been conteplating contacting them for weeks now. ugh!

Oh, they are the real deal! They are one of the few TDCJ allows to do things for the inmates. Like at Christmas, they would hand deliver to every single cell and dorm, home-made cookies and candy. They donate shampoo, it used to be more, but the Warden at the unit I was on, dwindled it down to just the shampoo. The good stuff, not the cheap stuff from commissary, hahaha! And every year they would come and personally minister one on one for a whole week straight. Every single day, they would be in the dayroom, praying with us, and talking with us.

Hmm. Now ya got me thinking again. My son was going to church twice a week when he was in gen. pop. Hasn't been allowed to go now he's in isolation. Even now that he has his priveleges back don't think that's one of them. Think I need to make some phone calls and find out for sure. Gonna put a call into the chaplain too.

Good idea O, the Chaplain can go to him personally if your son is not allowed to go. Here's the Kairos link:

http://www.kairosprisonministry.org/templates/System/default.asp?id=23761

Oh, they are the real deal! They are one of the few TDCJ allows to do things for the inmates. Like at Christmas, they would hand deliver to every single cell and dorm, home-made cookies and candy. They donate shampoo, it used to be more, but the Warden at the unit I was on, dwindled it down to just the shampoo. The good stuff, not the cheap stuff from commissary, hahaha! And every year they would come and personally minister one on one for a whole week straight. Every single day, they would be in the dayroom, praying with us, and talking with us.

Praise God! Thank you for telling us that Reggie. I'm Super inspired now. That is fantastic they came for a week straight like that. God Bless them. I hope they write back soon with a contact person.

O, sounds like a way for us both to go with this as fast as possible.

Susan,
you are blessed with a life and body. your son is as well. you have been a stellar mother but he is grown now and must learn a life apart from you. otherwise if you are the only one he is close to, and you died, he would suffer more.

part of parenting is the pushing out of the nest part. this is making sure your child can go on without you. this part of Jon's life is his seperating. painful but in the long run, good for both of you.

PLEASE go to the library and read
codependent no more by melody beattie

also read this link thru and thru:
http://coping.org/parenting/11f.htm

I have always been the only one there for my sons. now I make sure they learn to tough it out on their own. I love them but will fade back more and more.

Hi Everyone,
Well I had another terrible visit. Jon was angry at me for asking another Pastor to visit but our pastor wasn't going in to see someone that Jon wanted him to talk to, so Jon was very angry and disrespectful again, I had brought someone from church so I handed her the phone and of course I started balling again, I couldn't help it. I can't handle these visits anymore, he said maybe I should stay away if I can't keep it together. I am just trying to help him, but I can't seem to do anything right, I saw the anger and bitterness in his eyes today, he wasn't himself. I told him I thought he needed spiritual guidance, he said, how do you know where I am with God. I said you would not have this tone or we wouldn't be having this conversation if things were OK with you and God. Please, I have to let go. I don't think I am going back there ever again. I can't handle it anymore, I have done all I could do, I will end up in the grave over all of this if I keep allowing myself to be hurt. It is painful, he isn't grateful, he wants the commissary money, I told him I would not put any on this time. He got really angry slammed the phone on me and walked out. It was just awful, I was devasted, I didn't tell my husband because he would have flipped. How should I handle these visits. I am at my wits end.
Susan

Susan,
it is time to step back and let him miss you. DO not go in tilhe says he misses you and wants to see you. Let go and let GOD handle him.

susan,
trust
trust God
do this mental exercise:
you are at the bottom of a long pair of stairs.
at the top sits God

you carry your son up those stairs to the top

you hand your son to God

you turn around and do not look back, trusting God

leave him there.

it will not always be this way. you cannot shove God down your son's throat.

PS
stop giving him money for a while because that is like rewarding bad behavior.

I know it hurts, I used to be you.

Susan-
I feel your pain through your words. I would cry for 2 1/2 hours straight through my drive home from visiting my son. I finally turned him over to Jesus, acknowledging that He loves my son even more than I do and that He has a plan for him that is better than any plan I could come up with. Our visits got better and I stopped trying to do it all myself. Try not to dwell on your son's relationship with the Lord, because it is HIS relationship. Pray that God will send someone to touch your son's life, His plan might not be for you to be the instrument to bring your son back.

You know your son loves you, give him every chance to show you.:) :) :)

Hi, i'm ajusting my husband just got out of prison after serving 4 yrs in between county and camphill and home prison was albion. now that he's out. we fight because he says i'm controling maybe i am but he does'nt understand that i have really been alone and took care of things while he was in if anyone can reply me and tell me what to do i would deeply thank you

Yeah my hubby is in the dorms in innes and he is not sure when he is getting out.. He is there for breaches and they took him and he has been there 15days and they keep changing the time from 30 days to 60 days to 90 days, they do not know .. I am soo lonely.. Our children miss him and I think that I might be Pregnant again..

I would just let him know that you are so used to being by yourself that it is now a habit and you are going to hopefully change it.. Catching up for lost time.. Good Luck

Hi, i'm ajusting my husband just got out of prison after serving 4 yrs in between county and camphill and home prison was albion. now that he's out. we fight because he says i'm controling maybe i am but he does'nt understand that i have really been alone and took care of things while he was in if anyone can reply me and tell me what to do i would deeply thank you

Hi I am new at this and I would just like to congratulate you for sticking by his side for the 4 years that he was in jail.. My soon to be husband has only been in for 15 days and he is afraid that I am going to leave him.. I would just explain to your husband that you are soo used to taking care of everything for him while he was in that it is habit that is going to take a while to break.. Just remind him that you are there for him and that you waited for the 4 years alone. Good luck

hi kissy and ajusting!
welcome aboard
I would think it takes time for you and your husband, ajusting...remind him how much you love him and that you will slowly be having him pick up the oars and row the boat with you as well.

during his time in prison he only had to take care of his own needs.

Good luck on readapting. I do know there is a section of this prisontalk that deals with those who have come home. I will seek it out for you!

here it is, ajusting:
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=372

hey kissy, remind him that you are busy with those kids and one on the way...no time for leaving him!
LOL

Hi Everyone,
Well I had another terrible visit. Jon was angry at me for asking another Pastor to visit but our pastor wasn't going in to see someone that Jon wanted him to talk to, so Jon was very angry and disrespectful again, I had brought someone from church so I handed her the phone and of course I started balling again, I couldn't help it. I can't handle these visits anymore, he said maybe I should stay away if I can't keep it together. I am just trying to help him, but I can't seem to do anything right, I saw the anger and bitterness in his eyes today, he wasn't himself. I told him I thought he needed spiritual guidance, he said, how do you know where I am with God. I said you would not have this tone or we wouldn't be having this conversation if things were OK with you and God. Please, I have to let go. I don't think I am going back there ever again. I can't handle it anymore, I have done all I could do, I will end up in the grave over all of this if I keep allowing myself to be hurt. It is painful, he isn't grateful, he wants the commissary money, I told him I would not put any on this time. He got really angry slammed the phone on me and walked out. It was just awful, I was devasted, I didn't tell my husband because he would have flipped. How should I handle these visits. I am at my wits end.
Susan
Susan, I'm so sorry, I was so hoping your visit would go well. I think you are right Susan, it is time to let go and let God now. This is now becoming detrimental to your own health, and you must take care of your own needs and health first. It is time to take a step back and get Susan healthy and strong. You cannot help some one if they don't really want it. Would you take that kind of treatment from a stranger? Would you dare to treat some one else in such a manner? Of course not, because in your heart you know it is wrong. Just because you are his mother, or he is your child, does not excuse the fact that his behavior is wrong. If I remember right, Jon will be home in June, only 4+ more months. It's time for him to realise why he is in jail/prison. He needs to reflect on himself and his behavior, as well as his treatment of you. I would advise not to send anymore money, and not go to anymore visits. Do this for one month and see if his attitude changes. Tell him why you are doing it, and how he is making you feel. Remind him you love him, but you are not just his mother, you are a person. Remind him he has to give respect to earn respect. Let him know, he is the one who broke the law, and you are suffering from his own consequences and his treatment of you. Please do not let this consume you so much Sue. Continue with your therapy and get yourself healthy and strong so you can be happy and peaceful. You deserve that, you are worth that. I am praying for you, and know that we are all here for you to lean on. God Bless You Sue.

Hi all, I'm so happy to have found you! In fact I can't tell you how much it helps--or I guess you know huh? That's what's so great. Because no one else does. Right? I used to be one of those STUPID judgemental people who never gave it a second thought--you know--I guess people get what they deserve, blah,blah. Now every comment I hear is a knife in my heart. And there are so many. Can I just vent? How can supposedly civilized human beings do this to other human beings. It's incredibly cruel. It's like so many other stupid things people do, and since they are political I won't go there,but the whole system makes me trust no one. Makes me want to scream, makes me want to cry. Our defense attorney used to say"There are just warehouses." Meaning no help, really, no rehab that works, of course. Just places to keep people for periods of time.
I was diagnosed with cancer about 3 months after my son went in . It kept me from being completely engulfed by his pain. That's crazy, huh, when cancer is a blessing.Since then, I have asked that he be moved closer because it's hard for me to drive 400 miles to see him. The answer is no. He's not eligible.And why? Because at about the 1 year mark of his being in Jacksboro,Tx.
There was a "prison riot". There was a fight over the t.v. one night and the next day 28 guys attacked 6 guys in the "yard". My son was one of the 6. Someone had a rock in a sock and told him he was gonna give him his commisary from now on and he refused. So that guy hit him in the mouth with the rock and several guys backed my son against the barbed wire. I saw the holes in his back myself and a front tooth is dead.
Anyway, I guess a riot squad was called, they were all sprayed and handcuffed and got cases for being involved in a riot. Many of them were moved to different places that week. That was why the first parole and the second parole were denied.Each a year apart. At least that's what we were told.I realise I may not know the whole truth ,but obviously 6 guys did not attack 28 guys.Apparently there is nothing you can do when something like this happens. I called the prison and talked to attorney's. I got no where. The parole attorney I paid up front is apparently as useless as I thought.About 6 months ago he sent one of his form lettersto assure me he's on top of things---to the wrong prison. Again.I am really glad to know there is someone in this world who can feel my pain, and his. Well, that's enough,enough, enough. thanks to all of you.

Hello Specsmom, I am so glad you found us too. The support is amazing and a life saver. First of all, you hit the nail on the head with TDCJ's being nothing but warehouses. I hate TDCJ with a passion, it is the He**Hole of Tx, the very pit of evil. Anyway, so I'm not the least bit surprised this is the excuse they are using for refusing to transfer your son. They do what ever they want to do, regardless of what their little rule books, and regulations say. I am very sorry to hear about your health, I will be praying for you. As for your parole attorney, I am floored! What an incompetent idiot! I don't blame you one bit for needing a good vent! You come here and vent away, at least you'll feel better, and that's what we're all here for. To listen and support one another. I will keep you and your son in my prayers, that things will get better for you both. Hang in there. God Bless You.

Spec's....I am so saddened to hear of your son's trouble. It is mind boggling how helpless we can feel as well as our inmates!
I have trouble when a TV show depicts prisons and stories about inmates. Last night...it was some show on NBC I think that showed a cop going inside to see why inmates were dying. they showed the isolation unit...just like my son described. he was in one for 90 days for trading shoes with another inmate while in a county jail. it makes my eyes burn with tears.

is it not enough that they are already stripped of their freedom and any comfort? why does it also have to be dangerous at times?

Susan,
a reminder that you have a strong faith.
this fear is not from the Lord
show your faith in him by tapping into your trust. you yourself speak of his blessings and power...show you believe by not giving in to fear.

dear Susan, jancy is right. Stand firm in your Faith. here are a few scriptures. quote them out loud if it helps. :)
Matthew 10:26,31
Romans 8:15
2 Tim 1:7
1 John 4:18

hope these help. love you sister

Prayers for you Susan. Reading your post was so sad, crying and praying for you and for your son.

Susan, just wanted to say I'm sorry your visit didn't go well. Please take care of yourself. You need to make yourself No. 1 right now. Will be keeping you and your son in my prayers.

Hey is this Kairos ministry all over the usa,or certain states?????

Bless,why are you going to be gone for a bunch of hours,or just tell me to MYOB,just dont want you to go away.momak

Bless,why are you going to be gone for a bunch of hours,or just tell me to MYOB,just dont want you to go away.momak

Hello Mamo K! I'm sorry I can't remember when I said that. haha! Maybe I was going to church? Oh Seems Kairos is all over the USA. Check out that link and see if your state is on it?

i am new here and i am so scared.... i am so much better at helping others i guess my life lesson in this is to learn how to reach out for help....it hurts it hurts it hurts stop it now please

deb, I hear ya. sometimes the pain is so overwhelming and it is hard to share with others. here we understand. we all have had the fear, the stomach pain, the anxiety, and finally some semblance of acceptance.
tell us more about you.

i am new here and i am so scared.... i am so much better at helping others i guess my life lesson in this is to learn how to reach out for help....it hurts it hurts it hurts stop it now please

Hello Deb, I'm so sorry your hurting so much. If I could stop it for you, I surely would. (((hugs))). Are you just starting this journey? The beginning is the absolute worst part of it. We are here for you, it does help to talk, and we are here to listen. Again, I wish I could make the pain stop Deb... I can offer you a shoulder, with all the rest here. God Bless.

thank you thank you sorry had a phone call ...and jumpped thinking it was my son..yes i guess i am sorta new to this...my son was arrested oct 31..and it has been a whirlwind of termoil...and i think i am just starting to feel..after being numb

Oh I hope you get your phone call soon! So he's still in county? I know what you are feeling, it's the worst. So much worry, anger, grief. I still have those days, it's like a bad rollercoaster ride, with no way off. :(

no he was sentance to 9-12 with early term if he works hard and dose his program..but we know what that means...if he is lucky someone will get him threw

Oh, I'm sorry for that sentence. Nothing is impossible through God though, I will keep your son in my prayers, and pray for an early release! Do you get to visit him?

deb, it is sad that our sons made choices that cause us such pain. no one can understand who has not gone thru this. just today my boss said he wants to speak to me monday about not mentioning home at work ever again. I have been there 27 yrs. I never mention my son anymroe but from time to time someone asks me how he is, I have to say he is in prison. I will not lie.
my boss has 4 sons...all successful. it is very painful and I feel so low when he does this.

your son will make it thru. he has a loving mother.

is is 9-12 months or years?

oh sorry months he got very lucky he was facing adult..10- 20- life...i read others sentances and i am so crying for them right now and crying for my son s good fortune...man i am so emotional and not even pmsing

isnt is funny how we can think of it as good fortune>? lol
even in this type of situation?
sometimes I am relieved to know my son is sober and has a roof and food.

well jancy i would say that bossbetter be careful you know sometimes karma is right there behind you

That's ok Deb, it hurts no matter if it's 10 months or 10 years. I feel the same way, my son got extremely lucky, and I hope he learns from this, because by Tx law, one more charge like this one will be an automatic 25 years. Scares me to pieces! Your son will get through this with you by his side. It's strange how they need us for their strength, when all the while we are falling apart!

deb, it is sad that our sons made choices that cause us such pain. no one can understand who has not gone thru this. just today my boss said he wants to speak to me monday about not mentioning home at work ever again. I have been there 27 yrs. I never mention my son anymroe but from time to time someone asks me how he is, I have to say he is in prison. I will not lie.
my boss has 4 sons...all successful. it is very painful and I feel so low when he does this.

your son will make it thru. he has a loving mother.

:angry: What an inconsiderate egotistical SOB!!! May he NEVER have to go through himself. He couldn't handle it. :blah:

yes what he got is a blessing...the other boy is faceing adult charges.. but that was his parents choice... i couldn't risk it..i know my son to be wise and strong it's me thats not doing well

Oh, he is so young? It will be ok Deb, the begining is very hard. It does calm down, once he starts getting into his own routine. I know it doesn't seem like it will ever get better, but it will.

yes he is 16, well i say this for him.. he is not that big 58 ish...so what he has always done forever is pick the biggest kid and yup thats his friend...we call it the doge ball mentality...so he is in the worst cottage with the worst kids ...guess he feels protected

Oh I understand, but they are watched fairly well, I'm sure. They have to protect themselves ( the facility) so they have to watch them and keep things under control. I'm sure your son is safe. Don't blame him for befriending the big guy, LOL. Hopefully he will finish his program early, and come home!

well i just hope he checks the attitude he whent in with at the gates when he gets out.. this better humble him not harden him

the power of shareing,,the same emotional trama with others dose in fact make a soul strong and more at peace..... thank you

I know what you mean, I do think though, our son's will come home more humble. And hopefully scared as HE!! to EVER mess up again!
Yes, it helps so much to be here and get it all out with people who understand and don't judge you. I'm glad you found us, no-one should go through this alone. I have family, and friends, but who else is gonna understand exactly like another parent does, going through the same thing?

i do not have family and friends, thats one of the reasons my son is where he is today..it has been a long crazy.journey..but the truth is i know now that the man that i thought was my husband has been my worst enemy for 20 years and has ripped every support system and every thing i ever loved away from me.. and i never saw it untill he took the one thing i loved more then my own life

Deb as strange as it seems depending on the age of the child there are at times advantages to move them into adult court, but to me a 16 yr old is still a child with teenage impules and should not be treated as an adult. It should not even be an option. 9-12 months when it's your child is still painful. Will he be in jail or prison? Prison is actually easier than jail believe it or not. They have more freedom to move around. Our experience has actually strengthened the bond between my son and I. Hopefully yours will as well.

Oh Deb, you have alot on your plate. No wonder your feeling so down. The good news though, is it's never too late! And once your son comes home, you can work on a completely new life together. This can only make both of you stronger and better when it's all said and done. I don't know anybody out here where we are stationed, all my family and what few friends I have are all back in Tx. I still don't talk to them much though about my son. I come here for my support and everyone here has become better friends than I've ever known in my life.

he is in what they call a program..a level 8..out of 10 levels.. he was first in county djj for 40 days then tranferes 4 hrs north of us he then spent 3 weeks in the intake phase 1 level 10 where they are in total lock down phase 2 they have school they stay in cottages ..they have vo tech..son is in auto shop. they walk to and from places..my son says it's jail.. but it actually kinda looks like a private school campus he has been in phase 2 will be 60 days feb 14 th

i have no idea prison jail .so i guess i am in the wrong place? since this is a place for children in prison?

Sorry about that Deb, as the big red banner above states...problems and I keep losing connection. UGH. No you are not in the wrong place, you have a child in the system, like the rest of us. You need support too, like the rest of us. So, your in the right place! There is however a Juvenile forum also, if you ever want to post there, or check it out to see if they can answer any specific questions for you, regarding the juvenile system. Here is a link to that:

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=65

But you are always welcome here with the rest of us parents, going through this nightmare. Now, let's hope this post will actually post, if I disappear again, you'll know why!

deb, my son was in a place like that for 2 yrs from age 16 to 18. it is called glen mills school near philadelphia PA.
http://www.glenmillsschool.org/

my son was fine and fed well, got out with a college scholarship and a high school diploma.

sadly he started up the drinking and drugs on day one out of there.
while your son is in this place, try to rest and recoup. he will be out soon and you will have him in your lap with all that entails.

thanks reg for sharing my anger at my boss. I am still livid and want to look for a new job.

I finally got a call (and a letter) from my son yesterday. There's fewer phones inside, most are out in the yard and when it's 12 degrees, it is hard to call from outside. He said he was notified they were sending my accesssecurepak back (to me he said) because they cannot receive pkgs from outside vendors. Not what I heard from them and the WA forum. Maybe security level makes a difference, probably.

It is wierd how after a call, which is a great thing, I fall apart emotionally. Still happening as I write this. I miss him soooo much.

Hi there momofns, I miss my son the second he hangs up, I want one more sentence, I want to hear one more of his funny remarks...
so I have a tablet by the phone...should have an aspirin tablet..LOL
but it is a writing tablet. I keep it there and make notes on stuff I want to say to him NEXT time he calls.

you are a beachbum??? for a pittsburgh gal that is hard but I could so easily live on a beach and do nothing but walk it and collect shells. cant lay on it...get too hot but love to walk it.

I had him call for a second 15 minutes yesterday (for the week we missed). I write that down but need to find a regular location for it as I can never find it when I am on the phone with him.

Our beaches here seldom get very hot. If they reach 90 here it breaks records and sometimes makes the national news. Lots of sand dollars.

:cry: PLEASE STOP THIS RIDE, I AM SERIOUSLY SICK AND WANT OFF NOW!!!:cry:

Hi Deb. sorry I am so far behind everyone else. my home puter is down so I don't have access like normal. Like everyone before me, I want to welcome you here. it is a sad fact that we here have to say welcome. it just doesn't sound right. But we do all understand the pain you feel. We all share that - maybe in differing degrees, but still nonetheless, here we are. my son is in for 25-life. he has young children. only the Lord is our hope for him to come home sooner.
when you feel this journey is leading through a dark tunnel, lean on Him for He will light your path through it. He will not leave you one moment. Trust in Him and give your son to Him also. trust. sometimes that is all we can do.
prayers for you and your son.

reg... hang in there sweetie.

hi this is my first time being here. my fiancee is in prison, i tried getting approved on his visiting list to go and see him, and they are dening me. so ya pain and anger is what i am feeling. anyone out there dealing with this same situation please respond to me. i really need some support
thanks
Dawn

Thanks D'Gal. I'm afraid I got bad news today, so I'm back down on the sad side again. Worried sick really. And sick of being sick and tired. BTW I sent my son a Valentine card with the God's Valentine you posted. I know he will enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you for sharing that. Well I'm off to go lay back down, even though I know I won't sleep a wink. Thanks for listening. God Bless.

Reggie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Whatever it is that's happening in your life to cause you so much pain and worry must be awful and I wish I could make it better for you (and everyone). But I'm learning that often times the hardships we are challenged with - and endure- are really blessings in disguise. We just have to wait and trust in Jesus and He will get us through and we'll be stronger than before.

Love,
Mary

Lord, I lift my sister reggie up. Lord you know what troubles her most right now. Lord I ask that you ease her heart. give her peace. Lord I know that you only bring good to us. sometimes that good comes behind a trial. like job said, should we only thank you for the good and not the bad?. Help all of us Lord to look on a trial not as something bad, but that we grow from it by trusting you more. we lean on you more. Lord, what ever is hurting my sister right now, I ask in the name of Jesus, that you touch her and Lord, let her feel your arms hugging her right now. thank you Lord.

thank you for all your words and prayers....this is the weekend thats the hardest because there is no visitation...

hi dawn, I wonder why they denied you? check into it further perhaps by having him ask his counselor what more can be done.

deb, yep weekends are tough. that is when I take the time and make a pot of coffee and sit down and write my son a longer letter, I am not working and have more time.

Dear God, stir your Holy Spirit up in the bodies and souls of these women. do not let fear overtake them. St. Michael the Archangel, stand firm with your sword to protect our loved ones in prison. shield them, surround them with your army of angels and let no harm come to them.
thank you God for your sustaining strength.
Amen.

Hi guys, My son is the big guy. When he went in at 19 years old--6'3 and 260 pounds. It has it's own problems--like the first thing that happened was the white supremist's started to pressure him.Of course they may pressure any white guy, but they really wanted him in their group. He is obviously at least partially white.His best friend all his life is black.There is no way for him to do that.He was threatened that when the other race gangs come after him he will have no protection because of his refusal to become part of the "family".There have been times I've been thankful for his size. Truly.He kind of hooked up with several guys from near our town to befriend .He reads ALOT. He's in medium security now and so he's probably safer. He reads and gets out for 2 hours a day to work out and have a little activity.
Anyway,jancy, I totally know how you feel at work. Actually, probably everyone feels the same. I really don't want to talk to people at work because who knows what they'll think of me or him, or what if they meet him in the future. Will it effect how they treat him. but, sometimes they ask. And sometimes I have something to say besides"fine". Sometimes I feel like educating a little. My bosses are compassionate. Kind of blown away by my situation, I think. but don't you think that sometimes people would do something stupid if in a jury pool like send a kid to prison for 10 years or more for making a stupid mistake that many of us probably also made when we were young and stupid. Have we all ran into the self rightous person who thinks in prison the guys just work out and get a free education and watch cable . Maybe at Federal, but not where my son is in Torres unit. Hondo , Texas.
I am very proud of him for his attitude.The way he accepts his own responsibility for his situation. The way he was off meth a whole year before he ever went to "trial". The way he avoided the people who were involved. Amazing strength.Of course I know God was helping him. He does too.He is such a great kid. So funny and sweet. Man, I hope he comes home soon.He so doesn't deserve this.The guy who was doing Meth around him is now in the airforce with a wife and baby. Never got caught and managed to clean up. And I wonder why mine had to go the hard way. I guess he's just lucky like his mama. I hope I don't bore ya'll to death. See ya soon.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I'm worried sick, literally sick over this. Specsmom, you don't bore us, and I'm sorry your son is caught up in the Tx Dept of Corrupted Justice system.


He was threatened that when the other race gangs come after him he will have no protection because of his refusal to become part of the "family"


I HATE TDCJ!!! HATE IT WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING!!!

Reggie, I Second That!!!!! It sounds like one of those bad days has happened to you. {Hugs} I will keep you in prayer. Please know that we are all here for you. Peace be with you Reggie. Mercedes

Specsmom........your boy sounds like a real doll ! Im feeling your pain tonight.

Its another long ,dark night and I feel like Im waiting for the other shoe to drop. I dont think I can take the sound of his voice shake when he calls again tomorrow. He's been miserable for so long. If only I could touch his face. Im scared sick that Ill never hug him again. That someone will hurt my boy. I could use some help too. Im feeling weak tonight.

Reggie.......dear Reggie.........my thought are with you tonight ,also and with your child.

Much love to you both and peace be with you.....God help us all.

it is hard when they call and are shakey and sad. get in mind moms, they do that only with you as they have to be tough in there. so let them be as soft as they need to be when on the phone with you. I tend to talk very softly to my son and we laugh a bit, we do not talk about his experiences in there...but I always say to him, "tony-I am right here."

when he hangs up is when I lose it for a while.

fancyone.. be at peace in Jesus name. dear child of God, He walks with you through your dark times. Let Him be your light through the darkness. Darkness flees when there is light. He has promised to never leave us, and He keeps His promises. even when we don't see anything happening, He is working ... Faith is the substance of things hoped for .. the evidence of things not seem. Heb 11:1

Prayer for Trust in Jesus

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

--- St. Ignatius of Loyola
Know that all of you, and your families and children are constant in my prayers. God Bless.

xoxoxo thanks.......many thanks!

(Jancy,I do that too...like Im talking to a frightened child, after a bad dream .....and yes,then I hang up and stare at the floor . Today, my husband came into the room, saw me staring and asked me what I was doing? I told him :" I really don't know what Im doing anymore." Im finding it sometimes difficult to be upbeat and giddy and cheerful when my son calls. He gets very angry at small things and I have to be on guard about what I say and exactly how I say it .)

Fancy, I hope and pray the morning brings you a brighter day. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes, like now I miss my son so my chest aches. I find myself with many sleepless night lately. Peace be with all our sons,daughters and moms. Mercedes

Hi guys,
It seems to me that I 've fallen in to such a great group. I know I already said it ,but Wow. No one but a Mom in our situation can understand. It also appears that some of you are christians-since I see prayers, and some are nurses. So am I. Both. I hope that doesn't mean anything.Ya' know?
Anyway,I know about the sleepless nights, and the waking nightmares.I've prayed 3 books full of prayers for my baby.The Bible says weep with those who weep ......and I do. And we'll all keep hoping to rejoice with those who rejoice.

(((hugs))) Specsmom, hang in there, one day we will sleep again, LOL. And yes, Glory to God, He is our strength and salvation! God Bless.

my god at the tears that has fell on my lap,not to mention my pillow,this is the way i look at it,If you want to cry,cry,its a release,and its soul healing,that is as long as you dont let it give you a migrain,like I tend to do,but I cry whenever I want to,I have been known to cry when grocery shopping,here at home,noone says anything to me ,they leave me pretty much alone,it seems we are all having our share of problems sleeping lately,its a good thing PTO is open all night,huh?

how did it all get to this...

i can't believe i can fall apart any more can i just crawl on the floor so i am closer to my pain. i want to dig a hole claw the walls down I beg plead just to have this all go away..

if you are having too much trouble handling things, it is perfectly ok to get some help via counseling and or meds for anxiety and the like. at first, I could not sleep or eat or think. the disaster of all this was a load that I could not carry. I think it is normal for crying a while. normal to grieve.

in time once we can get a routine going of writing to them, visiting when we can (I have only seen my son once since October due to his anger) and will go next month.

we have to get used to the new reality. we also deserve our own lives. because their life is hard, we have to be even stronger. we deserve to laugh, they are not dead. we deserve to be free, we did not break any laws and do this. we deserve our our enjoyment.

some of us should remember they will be out soon enough and the problems can start again so this is our rest time so to speak.

some of us may never have our sons free, but they do live and we have to learn how to mother them even behind bars.

my aunt is in her 80s and her son goes in and out and in and out and he is over 60 now. she has learned to play cards with friends, go on vacations, and love life. she loves her son. she would be very dangerous should you insult him...lol
but she has had a long life with this.

I try to learn from her.

i have a long way to go to get get myself to together . i had just started going to the domestic abuse center for group and i can not even get myself out the door for that . i don't know how this all got so backwards

(((hugs))) Deb...can you call them and have a counselor come to your house? It's important you don't isolate yourself, reach out to someone. Do you have a church member you can call? Please don't give up, God is watching you, giving you strength you don't even realise you have. He will not abandon you Deb. I'm sorry for your pain, please know, this too shall pass. It won't always hurt this much, trust in the Lord and in yourself. We are all here for you as well. God Bless You.

Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

deb,im sooo sorry,im still trying to learn how to breath again,i always think im suffocating,drowing without water,pleeeease try to go and talk to someone,get something for your nerves,one night you will go to bed and say to your self,you know i think it just may be getting a little better,and with time it does,put it and yourself in gods hands,please trust me when i say this it gets better,ive been at this for going on 5 years,i love ya ,kim

It makes me cry to read these messages. I have been holding back, trying to stay positive. But during the night when I need to sleep, is when it gets bad. Everytime I think of my son I picture him as ten years old with a bad haircut that I gave him, running around with a smile on his face. It was just yesterday wasn't it? I smile while I am crying. It hurts so bad and I cannot show it. I have to be the strong one. My husband tells me I need to stay positive, does no good to worry but I know it is because if I fall apart, he will and I have a thirteen year old who needs his mom too.

Oh Deb, and Lynn. I know how much your heart hurts. at first I truly thought I would die daily from a heart attack. my heart hurt that much. and cry.. never knew there could be so many tears. after the first year (and my son was still county), each day was a little easier. I have a lifetime to 'get used' to having to drive over 3 hours to see my son, most times, we take his kids for visits. but because of the distance, we just don't get to go often. like moma K says.. trust God to take care of everything. He loves you and your children more than we could ever imagine. He never gives us more than we can handle. we may think we can't take it but He knows where our hearts are and He will bring you and your children through this victorious.
may He watch over you and give you peace.

hi this is my first time being here. my fiancee is in prison, i tried getting approved on his visiting list to go and see him, and they are dening me. so ya pain and anger is what i am feeling. anyone out there dealing with this same situation please respond to me. i really need some support
thanks
Dawn

Hello Ultimate Woman, God Bless You. I saw your post. I'm sorry you haven't been able to get approved yet. Are they sending you any type of reasoning for it yet? I hope so. And hopefully by the time you see this message, you're approved. We're here 24 hours a day around here.

I have to be the strong one. My husband tells me I need to stay positive, does no good to worry but I know it is because if I fall apart, he will and I have a thirteen year old who needs his mom too.

So good to hear you and your husband have eachother to lean on. Worry seems to be an entire world of it's own. I'm still trying to figure out how to find what so many others here have, to leave it in God's hands. God Bless You and Your Family.

hi there ladies,
I think we all need a group hug and a box of Kleenex, no, make that two boxes and several boxes of chocolate. add in a massage, a hot tub and some true comfort food.

dang it, it does get tough. but I like to think you guys are HERE, posting, at least pulling yourself up to the computer and communicating. speaking out your fears and sorrow, to dispel them.

take heart, you are not alone. it WILL get better.

Thanks for the reminder jancy. I haven't been on for a few days and I can tell. I tend to isolate and not tend to anything and I cry more. I find tears and laughter here.

It is just too overwhelming to think about how long my son has to be where he is. But someone posted earlier somewhere about God is in charge and things happen for a reason. I know that my son did something wrong, very wrong, and he still does not acknowledge that it should not have happened. It hurts to think that he has no remorse as the guy was a very bad guy. I wanted to tell him he isn't allowed to play God, but I do not as I know God will help him to understand all that has happened when he is ready (he's been incarcerated for half a year now).

I thank God many times a day for helping me make it through with this site and all you who post here.

If there was a way to send you each a bundle of peace with threads of love and comfort, then that's what I'd send to each and every one of you.

My thoughts and prayers always include you and your children and families.

(((((all of you)))))

Peace!

Moma K: "good thing PTO is open all night,huh?".......you can say that again!

My son will call and ask me what Im doing..I tell him that Im reading messages from 'the mothers'. (I call y'all The Mothers :) He says that I need a life! Right now....this is my life and Im ever grateful for you all. xoxo

Ive tried to the chocolate thing but a massage......O! Would that be nice? Sometimes,I feel like Im gonna jump ouuta my skin. Human touch would be great. Nights are still painful......and long. Im now afraid of the dark and so I go to bed with the lights on. I have started snarling at police cars when I see them in traffic. How sane am I?? LOL I still fight the urge to sit oustide the 'facility' in the night. My ex broke down and told me that he sits there often at night. Poor thing......daddys hurt ,too.

~~Sending you dear 'mothers' my love for Valentine's day. ~~

Jancy. ...big thumbs up for your Auntie! She is my new idol.....I needed to read that.

Deb....O honey! Bless your heart. You just hang on and read the prayers of these women, and I promise the pain will be tolerable one day!! xo Robbie

Hi Everyone,
I need help with some problems I am having, I would appreciate your input. I have co-dependency issues with my son. I have seen him abused as a child and now in prison so I don't want to see him hurt anymore. He caught his girlfriend cheating on him with someone else and they were together for ten years. Now he is in prison because of this. I am in severe pain all the time, my depression is so bad that the dust is 3 inches deep in my bedroom, all I can say is, my poor husband. I used to be a fun loving, happy person. I have no joy anymore, it has all been drained out of me. I feel empty. My son looked terrible at our last visit, he looked like a ghost. His lips are all dry, he looks sickly. I can't stand living like this. Then, my hopes went up real high when someone started writing to him, she was special and made me think she was what he needed in his life. I was tricked by Satan because now it seems since she saw his picture she isn't interested. My son is handsome, probably just not good enough for her. I am tired of Christians judging people by their outward appearance and claiming to still be Christians. I am sick of having a pastor that can't step foot in the prison to go visit my son. There is no clergy there, they don't have the finances. All I feel like doing is crying, even though I have gone through so much pain, it still continues with everything that happens in my life, it is always hopeless. I pray for a way out of all of this and can't seem to find it. I am in therapy and it doesn't seem to help, I am on medication, that doesn't help. I love Jesus and pray to Him all the time but there is no relief. Please someone help me find some purpose in the pain. I seem to want to help others all the time and can't take care of myself. The tears are running down my face as I am writing this.
Thanks for listening AGAIN. I needed to let this out.
Love,
Susan

Susan, God and his son, Jesus, and his Holy Spirit are never too busy to be with your son, and stand by him. They do not care what he looks like. Send them to him to be with him on this journey. send St Michael the Archangel to hold his sword high above your son, shielding him from all harm. there is much power in the spiritual world and I claim that for your son.

he is Jon ,isnt he?

Jon's guardian angel I am speaknig to you. I command you to be with your man. I know you are here to serve him and guard over him. Angel of God, guardian dear, you are committed to be there to comfort Jon. Wrap your wings around him, and serve God by comforting and protecting Jon.

Susan's guardian angel, you have work to be done. SHe is distraught and fearful. fill her heart with hope and strength. remind her that what she sees is filled with the fear of emotion. remind her to be still and know that God is on his throne and hears her prayers. his form of answering her prayers may not look like what she expects...so she is in need of the breath of peace.

I still fight the urge to sit oustide the 'facility' in the night:
fancyone...these words from you touch my very soul. I still quiver when I pass any of the jails my son has been in. there are men in there in need of some hope and love. May we all say a prayer as we pass those.

Susan please go tomorrow to the library and get those two books that helped me so much:

codependent no more by melody beattie

boundaries by townsend and cloud

If my Church as a whole wasn't able or willing to help it's membership mentally and spiritually. I wouldn't be there. Plain and Simple.

Thank you Jancy, you confirmed what I need to hear.
God bless you.
Love,
Susan
Yes his name is Jon.

Susan, a lot of atrocities have been done in this world by good Christian people. I used to think that it was being hypocritical on thier part. I have let that go and have come to the conclusion that it is simply part of their path of discovery. I don't know what is in their heart God does.

I've never read the book so I don't know how it tracks with the movie, but one of my favorite movies is Pollyanna. She plays the glad game. She finds something to be glad about in bad situations. She gets crutches from a mission barrell instead of a doll she wants. She's glad she doesn't need the crutches, but just as important is in one part someone says "we went looking for the good in them and we found it". This was said about the town. I try to remember these two things. It's hard sometimes when we are dealing with our children in these circumstances to find anything good but then I find someone with something worse than I am dealing with.

:grouphug: to all of you needing it this evening.

Amen, Bless,amen.

Amen, Bless,amen.

Hugs Mama K!

Right Back At Ya,night,night,moma K,;;;;;my Mother Always Said"everything Looks Better In The Daylight"i Hope The Good Lord Finds A Way To Give Some Releif To The Moms That Are New To This,i Pray For Us All.

Susan W.........how long will your son be away? How far is he from you?

Hi Everyone,
I need help with some problems I am having, I would appreciate your input. I have co-dependency issues with my son. I have seen him abused as a child and now in prison so I don't want to see him hurt anymore. He caught his girlfriend cheating on him with someone else and they were together for ten years. Now he is in prison because of this. I am in severe pain all the time, my depression is so bad that the dust is 3 inches deep in my bedroom, all I can say is, my poor husband. I used to be a fun loving, happy person. I have no joy anymore, it has all been drained out of me. I feel empty. My son looked terrible at our last visit, he looked like a ghost. His lips are all dry, he looks sickly. I can't stand living like this. Then, my hopes went up real high when someone started writing to him, she was special and made me think she was what he needed in his life. I was tricked by Satan because now it seems since she saw his picture she isn't interested. My son is handsome, probably just not good enough for her. I am tired of Christians judging people by their outward appearance and claiming to still be Christians. I am sick of having a pastor that can't step foot in the prison to go visit my son. There is no clergy there, they don't have the finances. All I feel like doing is crying, even though I have gone through so much pain, it still continues with everything that happens in my life, it is always hopeless. I pray for a way out of all of this and can't seem to find it. I am in therapy and it doesn't seem to help, I am on medication, that doesn't help. I love Jesus and pray to Him all the time but there is no relief. Please someone help me find some purpose in the pain. I seem to want to help others all the time and can't take care of myself. The tears are running down my face as I am writing this.
Thanks for listening AGAIN. I needed to let this out.
Love,
Susan

How many of us mothers have a son or other loved one in prison?
I too am a mother of a son who is a CHRISTIAN man, with moral values.
His now- X- was cheating on him also in their home, needless to say he is now in prison because of the -x-. I have cried, I have been mad, I have been so very depressed.
Who all is suffering over the fact that he is there? His sons, his father and I, his other family and friends.
My heart is breaking, as I sit here and write this note. When you take GOD, out of schools, out of anything, you wind up with unfare justice.
What ever happened to: if you are an adulteror, then, you must pay.
I mean , this person was not even hurt, yet, my son sits and is paying for an injustice.
I know what you mean about the dust, I have a wall around me, and cannot seem to function correctly without my son. I have prayed and continue to pray daily, and I think I can stand another day, then it hits me so hard, that I fall apart again.
I know there are many many mothers out there feeling the same way.
I cry for his sons and I cry for my husband and myself, most of all I cry for my son to come home to us.........:cry:

WHO NEEDS SUPPORT TODAY????!!!!

We all do. Each and every one of us.....everyday.
As do our imprisoned children who we ache for....
Our spouses who witness us turning into someone other than ourselves because of our grief....
Our other children who at times have to become "the parent" as they try to comfort us....
Our friends who want so desperately to help but don't know what to do....
And our own parents who can't stand to see their "child" hurting, no matter how old we are.

Hello Melinda., I am so sorry for your pain. and I understand what you are saying about what happened to .... when my son was still county awaiting trial for conspiracy to a murder that he had nothing to do with, the newspaper always carried the story and always talking about guilt. never gave the option that he might be innocent. my question was.. what happened to innocent until proven guilty ? it was always implied guilty. period. and he sits 25-life. missing his children, a life. no he wasn't perfect. he did some wrongs which I am sorry to say he does have to pay his time for.. but not this.
anyways, we are here for you when you need to vent, or just yabber.

God Bless us, God Bless our children.....Lord have Mercy.

Jame, I saw your post on the "phone call from a son" thread....
your post:

I finally heard from my son on Friday. Haven't seen him since he was arrested in August and haven't heard from him since he took the 30 months the state offered him on Jan. 16th for an attempted robbery charge. He'll have to serve 10 months. He has 5.5 done already from sitting in county jail.
I was so excited and relieved to hear his voice but then his words began to worry me all over again. He asked for money, (of course) and said that the prison he's in (minimum security dorm room style) is the worst prison in Ill. He said he never would've taken the time if he knew how bad it would be. I told him prison is supposed to be "bad" so that he learns to be good!! He said while he was in Receiving at another prison for 19 days that he thought he was going crazy. His cell was dark and he was in there for 23 hours a day. He said he began hallucinating and that he believes he's scarred for life. I wasn't prepared for all of that. By the time I hung up with him I was an emotional wreck. Crying, exhausted, feeling completely powerless, just like the day the police took him away from me. I thought I was making progress and learning to deal with this but now I'm a mess all over again. I hate to say this, but I hope he doesn't call too often. I just have to deal with the fact that he screwed up and needs to experience this now. I want this nightmare to be over for both of us.
I just keep praying, keep trusting HIM. It's all I can do.
Jame, I did respond to you there but wanted to bring this up for extra support from others. (((((HUGS)))))

melinda, and all those at a low today, may we who today feel strong but might be low tomorrow:cool:
may we, uphold you and help you walk thru-- lean on me.

You know Jame,
We mothers listen and take on the grief of our sons, and we hold them UP, then, it makes an emotional wreck out of us.... I cried 3 times yesterday, and already this morning 2 times.
The weight he carrys, carrys over to us... but, we must listen to their needs, their fears, they need us on the outside to be their life-line on the inside. We are the line that keeps them going, and I tell you, if my son did not have his BIBLE, he would have already been a mental mess.
THE BIBLE is the love of GOD... and you cannot keep GOD out of prison, GOD will be there in the darkest day for our sons.... does your son have a BIble yet?? I got to mail my son is bible.
MY son has been gone for 7 months, and it does not get any easier.
But, when others will not listen, GOD will, I grabbed my BIBLE this morning and began to read, you know? It made me quiet down, it comforted me.
So, we are hear to get support, and to give support also... I appreciate you all......:broken: :cuffs: :)

ups and downs. around and around
did i start that carousel collection because
i love horses or because it reflects
life
did i place that carousel horse tatoo
on my shoulder to reminde me
life is a ride mostly in circles of ups and downs
the beauty of a carousel .
of days crafted
by true artits..and riden by many
who never really
understand that they are rideing a
reflection of life
not sure if this is the place to put this just my thoughts right now
deb

beautifully images, deb!

Yes, the crying. Seems this has been a particularly baaad week for me, then the sun came out. I've been going to the beach at least twice a day with the dogs, taking so many pictures. It's been wonderful. I have a mission. I'm taking pics and making postcards and pictures for my son (and to send to some others I've gotten off this site). He cannot be there but in a way he can. I'm still broken hearted and deep down very sad, but for now I am flying kites again, throwing the ball for the dogs in the sand, and taking lots of pics.

It's all because of all of you and not to mention God's plan. Not sure about how I'll be later or tomorrow, but I think I'll head to the beach. Thanks.

momofns, I wanna gooooooo! It sounds as though you are doing some wonderful things with your time. The fresh air and excersize, no doubt has been wonderful for you too. Being productive with your photography is a great artistic outlet, and I'm sure your son will more than appreciate it. Good for you mom.
Wendy

ups and downs. around and around
did i start that carousel collection because
i love horses or because it reflects
life
did i place that carousel horse tatoo
on my shoulder to reminde me
life is a ride mostly in circles of ups and downs
the beauty of a carousel .
deb


My carousel must be one of those scary carnival "fun rides", and it's making me nauseous! :(
No pretty horses, just ugly monsters every where....some wearing GREY with a little badge that holds way too much power!

You already said you wanted off that ride Reg. Don't think I don't remember!
Wendy

It's a he**ish ride that just doesn't end.

I don't get it, today I watched a video link of a Tennesee Prison. Inmates playing chess, watching cable TV, playing ping pong together, basketball. Big Cells, hot food thats not slipped thru a slot in the door. Open Cell doors all day long till they go to bed at night. They seem to have a huge success rate there according to the video footage. The inmates feel humananized again. If it works there, why aren't other Prisons doing the same thing by now?? What is the Problem? Ok that's another bag of worms. Angers me! While I'm grateful for those there, I'm so sad for inmates who don't have this opportunity. It's quite amazing, and it does give me hope for other states and Prisons to follow suit.

It's a video of California inmates who volunteered to be housed outside of California State, because our Prisons are overcrowded. They show this video to california inmates to show them what's in store for them if they volunteer being transferred.
http://www.nbc11.com/news/11196121/detail.html

I want this year to be over already. When i think i have made it through the bad part something even worse happens. Now i feel like I'm not living my life I'm just getting through it. I thought that my son being in prison was one of the worse things i have ever been through, but God showed me that it can be worse. First my mom got sick and was in the hospital. She became very confused and weak. While in the confused state she climbed over the rails of the hospital bed and fall, breaking her arm. She was transported to another hospital for surgery. She had to have 5 pints of blood before they could fix her arm. So she laid there for 2 days with the bone sticking out of her arm. Well she got the surg and was on the mend. Came home for 2 days and the confusion came back. Back to the hospital this was on a Thursday. The next morning 2am the phone rings all i could think was what happened to mom. But it was my oldest son saying that Lila (his 3 month old daughter) isn't breathing and we need to go to the hospital. They worked very hard to bring her back, but God needed her more. The coriner said she aspirated on formula about an hour after her feeding. She never even made a sound.
So now my mom is getting some rehab for her arm. Hopefully she will get to come home in a week. My son and his wife are trying to cope with the grief and i am trying to always remember it can get worse.
That that don't kill me only makes me stronger!!!

Derek's Mom, the pain of loosing a child has to be heavy and I couldn't even begin to imagine dealing with such a loss without faith. May God lift you and your family up with a loving hand as you come to grips with this.
:grouphug:

Dereks MOm. Oh I am so sorry to hear about your granddaughter. I can not imagine the pain you are going through between your son in prison, your mom, and now this. I know we always wonder why God gives us such precious angels then calls them home.
but you are right, all this will make you stronger. we pray for you, your son in prison and your son & family as they cope with this grief.

here is a song that our worship guy @ church wrote when one of our members lost his wife... says so much.

DON'T ASK WHY

The pain is real, it's how I feel
No one else but Jesus knows
When I will be healed
I want to know why I hurt so
And then I heard His voice
And I remembered long ago..... He said

Don't ask why... one day you'll know
I've got a plan for you.... I'll never let you go
Stay close to me....then you will see
The days on earth are not worth
The glory that will be.... so don't ask why

Now I see God's plan for me
I'll take it one day at a time
Better yet before I forget
I'll take it one breath at a time.

Don't ask why... one day you'll know
I've got a plan for you.... I'll never let you go
Stay close to me....then you will see
The days on earth are not worth
The glory that will be.... so don't ask why

Derek's mom, I'm so sorry for all your troubles. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Just know you have us to lean on here, and know we are hear for you. Hugs and prayers to you, and your son and wife.
Wendy

derek's mom:
((((((HUGS)))))))))

Derek's mom, I am so heartsick for your family's loss of that sweet child. I can't even find any words to say....... please know your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Mary

I never got it, and I never will. I'm so sorry to hear about the baby :( I'm so sorry to hear about your mother :( Everything :(

Oh Dereks Mom my heart breaks for you and your family. Your poor son and his wife!!!! Oh the ache they must feel. I am so sorry, so sorry. Praying that the good Lord brings a healing peace to the hearts and minds of your family. :-(

Thanks to all of you for the prayers and support. You have all been there for me every day. I don't post very much, but I listen to all of you by reading your post everyday. After going through this i realized that Derek being in prison isn't the worst thing that could happen to him or me. I miss him so much and want him home, but he is alive. He can come home and I'm thanking God for that. I have and will keep praying for all our children to come home to us. Also for us moms and dads to be strong for them.

(((hugs))) love and prayers Derek's Mom.
Can I borrow just an ounce of your strength?
(shamefully not strong these days).
You, Jancy, and D'Gal........to name a few......I wish I could be so strong. :(

(rewind rewind...)
Reggie you are soooo strong. I admire you so much.

Reggie.. I have to agree w/ Bless. you are strong and growing stronger.
like I said, at the rate you are growing, you don't need me that much anymore. Praise God who gives us wisdom, and helps us grow. He is the only one you should need. :) love ya.

If this message came thru twice, I apologize.

Reggie, I think sometimes we view ourselves in a warped mirror and think that what we are seeing is who we are - but that's our mind playing tricks on us. So even if you think you're seeing a person who isn't strong, your mind is playing tricks because, Reggie, you ARE strong. You are very strong! So don't be fooled by mirages, Reggie. Trust in God who sees us always clearly and distinctly and never lets us down. You are strong, Reggie, and you are an inspiration to many of us here.

Hugs to you, Reggie, dear friend! Do not sell yourself short.

Love and peace,
Mary

yup to what mary said, reg...I second that emotion

I am in need of some support today. My son is in confinement. He had someone call me and ask me to please call warden etc. Of course I cant seem to get his classification officer on the phone. Doesn't anyone work in the classification office? I have tried for 2 days now. I just dont see it doing any good either. I know my son is going nuts at the injustice of his circumstances. How do I tell him that he won't win any battles while in prison. He has very few rights....and the guards know it. I hate that he is in that place and having to deal with it. I dont know what to do .... and I(we) have so much longer to do this. I don't know ladies, I just feel like crap today! Frustrated about so many things....I guess I'll have a few good cries and continue on my way.

Reg, you are strong, very strong. Right now you just happen to be sad and worried, and the stress from the 2 will zap your physical strength, but not your spirit. Maybe fix you and hubby a simple, but high carb. meal. It will give your body a boost and is natures tranquilizer at the same time. Take care Reg, and get some pasta boiling.
Wendy

BIG GROUP (((HUGS)))......Thank You All.....

I am in need of some support today. My son is in confinement. He had someone call me and ask me to please call warden etc. Of course I cant seem to get his classification officer on the phone. Doesn't anyone work in the classification office? I have tried for 2 days now. I just dont see it doing any good either. I know my son is going nuts at the injustice of his circumstances. How do I tell him that he won't win any battles while in prison. He has very few rights....and the guards know it. I hate that he is in that place and having to deal with it. I dont know what to do .... and I(we) have so much longer to do this. I don't know ladies, I just feel like crap today! Frustrated about so many things....I guess I'll have a few good cries and continue on my way.

I wish I knew the answer....seems to be going on in so many units in so many prisons. It burns me up. Abu Graib made America furious, but those same irate people don't even stop to think of the prison abuse in the prisons across the United States. :blah: I am now working with the ombudsman, and writing letters to every one I can think of. Screw the DOCS, sorry....but they don't listen, nor care.

Herbawitz, I'm so sorry you feel so low today, I can't imagine getting a call like that. From what I have heard here at PTO, calling the warden is not always in the best interest for your son. I don't know the circumstances of the injustice, but I've learned that can be a no no. Maybe someone with a little more experience will be along before too long, with better advice, but I do believe I would wait to hear it before trying the wardens office again. I know that makes you feel helpless, but it's best to hear from someone who knows more about it. It might be in the best interest for your son, and he might not be aware of that yet. I wish I could say something more to comfort you, other than we are here to lean on and really do care about you and your son.

Please don't be offended by my advice, I'm thinking about your son.

Wendy

Herbawitz, I think it is imperative you contact the Warden, or the Major. That way, you have documentation. If they can't resolve it contact these people:

http://www.dc.state.fl.us/orginfo/Families/index.html

Keep copies of letters, and send them certified mail, if at all possible.

Herbawitz.. oh dear. I am so sorry, I know how unendingly frustrating all this is. and I understand about time.. my son has 25-life to sit and deal with everything.
Be encouraged though.
The Lord hears and knows and somewhere in all this, He is working for your sons (and yours) good. He has a plan and purpose, and the Word tells us.."Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. *phil 1:6
and... The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace. exodus 14:14
Isaiah 40:29... don't be weary, He gives strength. (my words).

Herbawitz, here is my take on your situation. There is a proceedure they are supposed to follow for filing grievances. If he has done this and not gotten any results, then they need an advocate from somewhere or things will not change. It's very easy for those grievance forms to "get lost" in the shuffle either accidently or on purpose.

When you contact anyone keep good records and notes and in contacting the warden (if you have an assistant warden he may be best to start with) send your mail by certified mail return receipt requested. It will cost a little more to mail it, but is your proof that you sent and they received correspondence. I have been reading some about the things going on in Fl prisons. They hired a guy who has since resigned saying he has cleaned up the system, but that does not mean it is all cleaned up and in good shape. If you don't get results there go to the main DOC address with copies of what you have sent so far. Keep pushing for results.

My son has a friend that is schizophrenic. Our state law says he is to receive medication. He has gained some extra time because he went months without any medication in total violation of state law and acted out. The family got the ombudsman here involved and finally got him medicated, but it was a slow process while they investigated.

Reggie, I'm not sure what you are dealing with right now, but I pray that the situation resolves itself soon.

__________________
Joshua's Mom
Hi there, Joshua's mom. you wont believe this but just today BF and I were talking about the book of Joshua in the bible. read it..so good! my son has had people call me when he is in iso as well. I have called his counselor to get the heads up if I had to and when things got horrid at a county jail he was in, I spoke to the officer in charge, the Lt. and the counselor.
I figured they needed to know I was here and I was watching over my son. in the end I had found out my son did stuff to get himself in trouble. stupid stuff but they got tired of it. your son can only be held so long in there, they do have to have a hearing on it internally.

I HATE PRISONS AND JAILS> the misery is overkill as a consequence, and it does not work, does not deter people from going back. sigh and hugs.

With all the bits and peices of legal knowledge we accumulate together, we could do something real serious with it. Yanno? Not sure what that would be, but it's possible. An international network.

Hello, Cannot sleep again. I want to but cannot stop thinking. I just read David M's story. I wanted to tell her how sorry I am for them but I am too down myself today to help. I am so scared of that happening to my son. I know that is not productive but I cannot help it. Poor David. I just want to give him a hug. I started out with hope but as each day goes by I am more and more afraid of reality. The insurance companies have lobbied for such strict punishment for arson in KY. I know there is little I can do. I try to throw myself into educating myself and working with the PD and I thought I was doing ok. Today I could hardly drag myself out of bed and when I did I accomplished little. I need to work and make money to help my son but it is getting harder each day. I cannot even cry now. My pain is too deep. Thank you for listening.. . . . . Pain and Sorrow, Pain and Sorrow, Pain and Sorrow,

Hi Lynns. I am so sorry this is so hard. I think all us moms have been through that of no sleep, deep deep hurting, crying so much you'd think you have no tears left, yet they continue to fall. even though I know that God truly cares for us, and that He has a purpose for all that happens, sometimes, I wonder why it has to hurt so much. Can't we find a different way ? But He is there with you and knows how hard this is. He just asks that you trust Him a little longer. like the song I posted.. Dont ask why... one day we will have the answers and see how it all worked to the end for our good. Try to stay strong. for yourself and your son. He needs you in good health and good mind. the enemys best tools against us is doubt and discouragement. dont' allow him that satisfaction. even in the bad times, thank the Lord for the trial for in the end it will be so worth it.
praying for you. and your son.

Hi Lynn, D'Gal's right, the enemies just want us to feel defeated. Don't give in, pray and get re-newed strength from the Lord. I'm not saying the worrying ever goes away, you should see the circles under my eyes. I trust in God, however, my momma instincts won't allow me to not worry. Sigh...what a fine mess it all is, eh? I will say though that D'Gal is so right, and not ask why, rather accept, what's done is done. Try to take it just a moment at a time, and when you need to vent, or cry, or just talk, know we are here for you. (((hugs))) take care of your self Lynn, pamper your self a little each day. Hot baths, special meals, something to comfort you, be your own best friend! You and your son are in my prayers, God Bless.

Lynn, although it truly feels like the end of the world, this is just a beginning. I know my son would have been beaten to death, hit by a car, or someone would have shot him in the head had he continued his path of walking around blink drunk...or driving blind drunk and killing some one.

so this is my son's new beginning. it is up to him. even if he lives forever in a facility...he is alive. there is always hope.

I was like you at many stages of grief in my life:
when my son died I sat in a bathtub and stared. I could not move, not one person seemed to understand me. they all went about life as business as usual. I could not even bear to dress. I went to work one day thinking the only way to be rid of the sorrow and pain was to die myself. I was driving down the road thinking if I would only run into the telephone pole, the pain would end for me.

But I thought of my family, and the life I had yet to live, the live that could change and get better. so on I went.

down the road my dad drowned. this was and is the man I love most in my life. A man who everyone loved, a comfort source, a Christian father. Again, I stood on my porch and stared at the stars in disbelief, I gathered my two young sons to me and got fearful of letting them out of my sight. I lost my way, got confused with directions, my mind was scrambled. still now I am older and knew I needed to go on.

then my Tony started drugs at age 13. I was terrified, saw things, heard things I never want to see or hear. I drove circles late at night in searching for him, I became an overvigilant mother, I begged others for help, the schools, my family, doctors. I tried so hard to stop this. I woke at night in a panic, heart pounding out of my chest like someone was standing on me.

by the time he was 16 I knew he had to be locked up or self destruct. I sent him off thru the juvenile justice system to a 2 yr reform school. while he was gone, my body was there, my heart empty. I stayed on my porch in a hammock when not at work. I was in the dark a lot. I did not want to hear other people yelling at their kids in the store or complaining about them. they were so lucky to have them. their problems so small!

over the next 6 yrs I saw my son at the door, in a fog, or beaten to a bloody mess so badly he almost lost his eye, he would rage and frighten everyone, it took 3 people to hold him down. he was filled with anger. still I was losing ground and had insomnia, anxiety, and was losing weight.

I have to say in time God stepped up to the plate and wrapped around me. He told me he would now be taking charge of my son. So I let go.

Now I am more at peace, I step back and let my son face his consequences. I am still here loving him, but I have a body and life that deserves to live and breathe. he is seperate from me. his life was killing me and my other son.

you have to somehow detach and stop trying to rescue your son. this is not too big for God. Ask God to supply the right lawyer, the right counselors, the sleep you need. He can do it all and more.

Jancy, WOW....once again, I'm reminded of what an amazing woman you are! :)

jancy, I have to agree w/ reggie... but in capitals.... WOW. you are an amazing example of strength to those of us who are so lost that we can't see the other side of all this. Yes, God will carry our burdens for us if we let Him. He does give us a peace. not mans peace but His peace that passes all understanding. that is not to say we don't worry or care, but we rest in His shadow, letting Him carry us through the darkness.
thank you for sharing so much of your heart.

I love this site, it gives me so much comfort to know that I am not the only mom hanging in there with her son. Those are our babies and even though they are now men they will always be our babies. I ask God everyday to reign down true justice and to open up the bars for my son and others that have been wrongfully convicted and sentenced to such harsh time. God bless each and every one of you. I am still trying to get my son some pen pals, sometimes it takes another woman to write them and to let them know that some people do care inspite of.

Feisty, hello, love the name! LOL....yes, I wish my son could meet a nice girl who would rock his world to where he forgets all about his drug addiction! Nothing like the love of a good woman! LOL But I know first he must learn to love him self. So I wait, like Raymond's mom, heeheehee. I love that show!

feisty, I truly feel bad if women write to my son. he is a user and manipulator, many women have been drawn into his web. ugh!

ok ladies, first let me say thank you for the support....I can always count on you...secondly, I wrote a nice, long thank you yesterday and when I went to post it, it just disappeared and I couldnt get it back....so I cursed and then shut my computer off. So tonight I am making a second attempt!
I have been unable to contact anyone of importance at the prison. I prayed before I called and asked God to help me do "the right thing". I certainly dont want to make things any worse for my son. I have taken the fact that I cant seem to get a hold of my son's CO or the warden to mean that "I am not supposed to talk to anyone". I just pray that God surrounds my son and helps him get through this difficult time. How does one handle being locked up with a guard "out to get you"? I don't know how long he will be in confinement. I do want to talk to him but I realize that once he is out of the box it will also mean that he will be an easy target for this guard. ugh good thing I have PTO in my Favorites!!!
Again ladies, thank you

Reggie, I'm not sure what you are dealing with right now, but I pray that the situation resolves itself soon.
Thank you Tigrldy...I won't give up.
Herbawitz, I hope you don't either. You can always ask to speak with what ever Major is on duty, just to let them know, some one is watching. That alone, in some cases, will "help" them to back off. Keeping you and your son in my prayers.
P.S. don't you just hate that post messing up thingy? LOL

Reg, sending some support, I feel you need the vibes today!

Jancy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am feeling better today and that is something. My mother and father have decided it is important my son get out on bail for a while. They are afraid they will be gone when he gets out and he has always been the special grandchild to them. I guess because he always seemed to need help. I have been struggling with this due to all of the bad things that could happen. But they have told him we will be bringing him home soon and he is so excited I can't be the one to say no. He would never forgive me. I guess if he screws it up it is on him. I cannot protect him forever. So, I guess he will be coming home for a while soon. I have mixed feelings. One day he seems to be remorseful and the next we are arguing. When he is in that mood everything I say is wrong. He has no idea of the time I have researched every aspect of this. But he knows everything because his fellow inmates have "educated" him. I tell him I am working for him but he says we have done nothing because he is still in there and he has a PD. Then he surprises me by calling and apologizing for being a butt. He sounds sincere anyway. I think he just wants out to see his girlfriend. I may become a grandma. Wouldn't that be something. Her mother would kill me. Anyway, I am so thankful you and others like you are here to show me I can survive this.

wow, I thought I would never get this working and of course all my bookmarks are on my laptop...

I finally got to see my son yesterday PRAISE THE LORD. I also was able to have him explain how to hook the flat screen to the my computer he has been using since before he went to jail in August. I was using my laptop all this time. Anyway, it has a special video card you have to plug into not the regular place to plug in the monitor. Anyway then I had to hook up my DSL. Been going through much emotional turmoil with that but I wanted to win (and I did) and here I am.

My visit was wonderful. He looks good, I got to hug him. We spent seven hours together, played cards, chess (two games of that took three hours). Anyway, now that I am exhausted from my twelve hour drive plus the seven hour visit, I'm going to relax and catch up on the happenings on line here tomorrow morning. I feel like a new person.

momofns,

I am so happy for you. All of this has made me appreciate the small things, like playing cards. My son will be coming home (temporarily) soon. His grandparents convinced (practically insisted and put up the bail money) me to let him come home until the trial. They are afraid they will not be here when he gets out of prison. I am praying that he has learned something these last 3 1/2 months and does not get himself in more trouble while he is out. I cannot wait to hug him and fix him his favorite meal. I am going to try hard to just enjoy our time together. It is sometimes difficult. It is funny, in many ways we have a closer relationship than I do with my other children but we often end up arguing and yelling at each other. Pray for me that I can remember to "let go and let God" as they say.

momofns. so happy you got to spend so much time w/your son. it is wonderful. praying that one day we will have contact visits w/ our son and I will even be happy if visits went down for that. I need to hug him so bad. been four long years thus far. achey arms. but I bet you consider that 12 hr drive well worth every moment.

lynns.. wow. I bet that is going to be exciting to have him home awhile. I understand your trepidition though. but we will keep it all in prayer and nothing will happen that is not in Gods plan.

Hi guys,,I'm not sure how to get around in all the threads, and this is the one that comes to my e-mail. It's a good one. Today, I went crazy and fired my (our) attorney. I saw my son this weekend and asked him questions and he saiD"I'm the last one to ask."Like why is he still in medium custody when he was told he'd be out of there in 6 months, and why does he not have his line class back, and what is happening. He has no clue what is happening to him or what might happen next-so he just reads .He's in for possession. He's never even done anything worthy of medium security. I'm so sick of not knowing what to do to help, and I told the attorney I want my money back to hire someone else. I've been thinking of sueing him for a while now. He doesn't even know what prison my son is in and he won't ever call me back to answer a question. I'm so frustrated! I've prayed-a lot. I've cried a lot. I've spent a lot of money. I'm angry, and yes I too growl at patrol cars and here I am, a good upstanding citizen who now hates the police-----well, not really, just what they stand for, to me. I don't think I could be o.k. to live each day if not for Lexapro-really. I have to work and I was a little crazy before I got on it. People tend to frown on fellow emplyees crying all the time.Darn it! A Mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. At least for me that's true.Again, just verbalizing. Hope you all have great days..

Specsmom, it is very frustrating to run into brick walls all the time. Unfortunately that is the merry-go-round that we all have to deal with now. Maybe you can try to call his counselor at the prison and try to find out what's happening.
I too have issues with the police. Mostly because of the way the situations were handled by them.
I am also on meds and they have helped me a lot. I can at least somewhat function now.
I will be keeping you and your son in my prayers. I hope things will settle down for you and you can get some answers.

well it seems i am seeing that word lexapro alot...looks a over a my samples. glad to hear yours are helping you.. i have hope thank you

specsmom. so sorry this is happening to you and your son. I understand your frustrations. and the attorney ! before going to prison, my son spent 3 yrs in county waiting for trial stuff. he had a pd. in the 3 yrs, he would go to court about once a month for status hearings... other than court, my son never saw his 'attorney' (1/2 time was always late for court) nor could he ever get him by phone. this was a drug/death penalty case. you would think an attorney would be with a client more often. HA ! in that 3 yrs, other than court room... my son might have talked to this guy 5 times .
hang in there - things will get better for your son. and you.

prayer changes things.

What is lexapro?is it for depression?what,i need to know,im thinking of something that i can take that wont mess my head up,cant stand that drowsy feeling.,,,,HELPPPPPP.

i thought about needing that stuff then I started working instead, did not need to but instead of the drugs i started a job then I was approved for visitation and I'm so high from seeing my son now I feel so good thank this web site for my sanity...this pto site has saved me...when I visited my son, I wanted to tell the people I saw there if they knew about this web site to comfort them with how you have all comforted me in the meantime that all was possible with what you all told me that would happen when I actually was allowed to see my son, I'm still walking on a clould thank you all for bringing me to this point. I would not have been here without your encouragement. thanks.'

(((hugs))) momofns, God never fails us, He carries us through at our weakest. I'm so glad to see you feeling so much better! :)
momaK, yes it's for depression and anxiety. I've taken Zoloft for years, no side effects what so ever. Lexapro is fairly new and when I read up on it, sounds like a real good one. I just don't want to change bc I know Zoloft works for me, and some times some thing will work, and some thing else won't.

Hello ladies.......been way too despondant to type much . But Im reading along and sending those sufferring my best wishes. The pain is getting to me ,too. I seem to be at my lowest point today. I see that some of you are feeling the pressure. Im as sorry for you all as I can be. God help us all...Im just not sure where God is after all this ,my faith seems to waver today...going back to bed for a good cry. Take care ,dear ones......

PS MOMOFNS...lucky you! I know you are so happy.

Oh Fancy...Big (((hugs))) to you. I wish I could make it better for you. Is your son still waiting to be transferred? It may not seem or feel like it, but God is working in your life and your son's. He will not leave you to carry this burden alone....it's hard to be patient, I know. So much is not the Lord's doing, but in those cases, that is where He steps in to give us the strength to endure what others make us face. Have Faith Fancyone, I am holding you up to the Lord in prayer. May He grant you the peace you need, and comfort you in these trying times. We are here for you as well, lean on us my dear sister. God Bless You.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
they will soar like wings on eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

hello fancy. praying for you dear. like reg said... have faith and wait on the Lord. He is faithful to fulfill His word and promises.

Lord, help Fancy to rmember that You are always there.. listening to her heart, hearing every prayer. With You no problem is hopeless, no concern to small. because we're precious in Your sight - You love us one and all.
Thank You Lord that when we are weak, You bring us strength to enable us to fight on. Thank You that You are Faithful to complete the work You began in us.
We praise You Lord for Who You are.

momak it never hurts to talk to your dr. and the nurses they see all kinds of people with all kinds of stress issues.even if you are not ready to try anything you have at least started the discussion i have been going threw other stressful things for the past 9 months it just got to me and i had to think about my pysical health and just needed to take the edge off..and didn't want any thing that was addictive . i made that point perfectly clear to my dr..so that when and if life ever calms down i can easly try to live with out meds.as i have done in the past.. but right now i have chosen to get help .

been wondering where you have been, fancy...hope you get on the upswing soon! miss ya here!

regg,deb,thank you for the info,im only working part time right now,but have been getting ready for a photography contest,that kept my mind busy for a while,but i made an appt for next week,we shall see,,,,,fancy,im soo sorry,please try not to cry,i know i have no right to say that,i cry over anything here lately,god is watching over you and your son,we are all praying for you both,dgal you are always ready to give support,for that i thank you,and im always praying for you ,your son and family,thank you,moma k

moma k-how dear that in your own pain you take time out to post to encourage others!

(((hugs))) Fancyone...hoping and praying you are finding some peace. God Bless you.

ever have so many emotions you just do not what one you feel...is this what helpless feels like

Hi Fancy, I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. When my son first went in two years ago I could barely function. There were many days all did is cry, sleep and pray. Then I tried walking crying and praying. The exercise did help. God held me tight. As I know He is with you. You have to be gentle with yourself. You are grieving. We all are experiencing great lost. I will hold you and your son up in prayer. Jill

deb, that is so true, the mix of emotions. sometimes I have to not allow myself to dwell too long on my son. right now he is where he is, and nothing can be done about that. so I do something about things I CAN. I write him, I try to get the house organzied, I make calls to other lonely folks, I reach out here. it helps me a lot in thinking of others I forget my own pain.

thank you jancy ..yesterday was just the day after the visitation weekend..so i get a bit emotional. and very numb....today i actually ate lunch and even shaved legs and ta da... i cooked dinner!!!!!now how is it that those are now considered major acomplishments in life.there were so many good things that took place this weekend at visitation and so many bad..so it takes me a day to organize my feelings. i agree it is easyer to reach out then to reach in....

thank you jancy ..yesterday was just the day after the visitation weekend..so i get a bit emotional. and very numb....today i actually ate lunch and even shaved legs and ta da... i cooked dinner!!!!!now how is it that those are now considered major acomplishments in life.there were so many good things that took place this weekend at visitation and so many bad..so it takes me a day to organize my feelings. i agree it is easyer to reach out then to reach in....

lol leg shaving...I get so tired of that! will it never end??? why does it keep growing, and can it go bald when get old ...please...:D

I have to laugh at myself being so "organized" and then spelling it organzied:haha:

I miss my son now that I have hugged him at the visit Sunday, too. Hope he calls tomorrow. sigh. then again...I will worry when he gets out as well. :eek:

wondering how fancy is? and how about Bless the Inmates???

by the way,where is BLESS????and FANCY?????????and LAVINA???????????????,OH,and FLYMOM???????

The problem with the registry is that the people that register are generally not going to reoffend anyway. Like people with legal guns aren't out doing drive bys. My son (now a SO) used to go around the neighborhood selling stuff for school. Well one day we were looking on the registry about 8-9 years ago and our neighbor right across the street was on the list. My son said oh mom that must be why he will never buy anything from me. I don't know what mistake this man made, but he obviously was not going to try it again. Did it bother me he lived across the street, no. Plus those that reoffend are in prison, so we don't have to be on the lookout for them anyway. Kansas decided not to do the can't live here or there rules because they have seen that the person usually knows their vicitm (family or friend) or will abduct them from somewhere other then the house next door. Tell me where there cooking METH is what I want to know that is what ruins lives. Get people addicted then they end up in trouble, very sad, very sad.

The problem with the registry is that the people that register are generally not going to reoffend anyway. Like people with legal guns aren't out doing drive bys. My son (now a SO) used to go around the neighborhood selling stuff for school. Well one day we were looking on the registry about 8-9 years ago and our neighbor right across the street was on the list. My son said oh mom that must be why he will never buy anything from me. I don't know what mistake this man made, but he obviously was not going to try it again. Did it bother me he lived across the street, no. Plus those that reoffend are in prison, so we don't have to be on the lookout for them anyway. Kansas decided not to do the can't live here or there rules because they have seen that the person usually knows their vicitm (family or friend) or will abduct them from somewhere other then the house next door. Tell me where there cooking METH is what I want to know that is what ruins lives. Get people addicted then they end up in trouble, very sad, very sad.

OOOPPPPP got that on there twice somehow. Well navigation is really not my thing. :D

by the way,where is BLESS????and FANCY?????????and LAVINA???????????????,OH,and FLYMOM???????
I think Flymom is still on vacation. As for everyone else, my prayers are with you. We do miss you, may the Lord fill your hearts with peace.

The problem with the registry is that the people that register are generally not going to reoffend anyway. Like people with legal guns aren't out doing drive bys. My son (now a SO) used to go around the neighborhood selling stuff for school. Well one day we were looking on the registry about 8-9 years ago and our neighbor right across the street was on the list. My son said oh mom that must be why he will never buy anything from me. I don't know what mistake this man made, but he obviously was not going to try it again. Did it bother me he lived across the street, no. Plus those that reoffend are in prison, so we don't have to be on the lookout for them anyway. Kansas decided not to do the can't live here or there rules because they have seen that the person usually knows their vicitm (family or friend) or will abduct them from somewhere other then the house next door. Tell me where there cooking METH is what I want to know that is what ruins lives. Get people addicted then they end up in trouble, very sad, very sad.

Hi JeffSue, well there is much to debate about all of this. I would not say "people who are registered are generally not going to reoffend anyway".
There is no guarantee of that, whether they are or aren't registered.
"Plus those that reoffend are in prison".
Again, not all who are re-offending are in prison, many are not, they just have not been caught.
The registry has many flaws, I don't debate that for one second. But it will serve a purpose if they can get these flaws fixed.
"Tell me where there cooking METH is what I want to know that is what ruins lives".
Again, sexual abuse and sexual assault does ruin lives, as much as any drug out there. Do I want to live next door to someone cooking meth? Of course not, nor do I want to live next door to a child molester, or rapist. There really is no way of knowing for sure of who is doing what and where, until that person is caught and it becomes public. And than the person has to register, but unfortunately, the registry doesn't tell you the specifics of a case. It just lumps them all together, which is part of it's flaws.
I guess what I'm saying is we cannot excuse any of these or any crimes. A crime is crime, when you commit one, there are penalties. Some are unfair, yes, the system is flawed in itself. But we have to remain realistic about the crime itself. :twocents:

Good points, but I do think they need to figure out a way to have like a levels system or something? Ya know forced, incest, teen sex, rape kinda need to distinguish. They are working on that in kansas right now, but it is still in the works. I may make some people mad here, but to me incest it the WORST, that is your family. Oh yes people that are molested do have tons of problems, I know I take care of them when they are adults and are cutting on them selves. But have you seen people on Meth, or huffers, it kills the brain. I am not kidding. Just come to work with me a few times and your eyes will be opened. It is horribly sad.

Good points, but I do think they need to figure out a way to have like a levels system or something? Ya know forced, incest, teen sex, rape kinda need to distinguish. They are working on that in kansas right now, but it is still in the works.
Yes, at least they are aware how flawed it is right now.

I may make some people mad here, but to me incest it the WORST, that is your family.

Again, although incest is terribly bad and damaging, ANY form of sexual abuse or assault is terrible and damaging to the victim.

But have you seen people on Meth, or huffers, it kills the brain. I am not kidding. Just come to work with me a few times and your eyes will be opened. It is horribly sad.

Yes, I am aware of the effects of substance abuse. I am also experienced with a few state hospitals in Tx. Though from what I saw, maybe 2 or 3% were drug related. Mostly schizophrenia, bipolar, and OTHER mental illnesses, and usually only people who are uninsured OR under insured who could not afford to be in private facilities during the times their illnesses became unmanageable.

jeffsue, heck with a level system, do away with the stinkin registry. The truly dangerous guys have not been caught yet or are in prison and no one thinks of watching uncle Bob or Cousin Joe or the girlscout or boyscout leaders. Stranger danger is real but not the biggest threat. The number of people being caught up and forced on it renders it worthless. A guy peeing at the side of the road could be a casualty of the SO registry.

We had an article on our news today that said one in 1 teenage girls had and STD and of the variety that leads to cervical cancer. Clearly these kids are sexually active and how many of them are going to be tossed away before this madness stops.

http://www.theindychannel.com/health/15564916/detail.html

That has been on the major news all day, I was floored by how many young teenage (some barely) are infected with an STD! And I agree to a point, I think the John Coueys of the world should def be registered. As well as the guy I personally know who is a brutal rapist. I pray he never gets out. But than again, he wouldn't have registered anyway, so yea, the dangerous ones just are not going to bother and hide out under the radar til caught again.

Support, God I need it. My friend/bf has brought up a lot about my son lately, not positive, but there real is no positive if they are not yours. He was in the courtroom blubbering with me when it all came down to the plea and the 20 years, the released jurors were in tears as well. My son should have NEVER taken the plea. Long story why. Now my bf is not really accepting the visiting thing, the fact that I will see my son ever chance I get.

He forgets how he served 17 days for his dui after we met and picked him up every day (6 days a week) to take him to his job (he was selfemployed so a friend was his employer). He had it easy. Maybe if he had spent every one of those 17 days in jail he might have a better understanding. That's going to bite him in the ass because he is still drinking and driving. He's about an hour and a half from me and was just here for five days. Here if we drink, we are three blocks away, there he is 8 blocks? Why drive? I really do not need another loved one in the system. He fails to get that so he attacks my son's situation instead.

Anyway, just had to vent. He just does not see what his fate could be. I read it here daily. God Bless Him, I love him, but I know I cannot change him. it's up to him to make that decision.

hey momofns. I hear ya. maybe it is just that because he is not blood he just doesn't understand how it is w/a parent. heck, even my sons natural father (and I use that term loosely).. he could care less, even likes the thought that because of him david is in prison for most of his life. he is a very sorry unhappy person. brags that he is a pedophile. so why doesn't the cops pick him up instead and then add child beatings, rape of his daughter, etc. because no one cares except those of us who become directly tied to this. see, now you got me venting LOL.
anyhow, just wanted you to know someone is listening & you arent alone.
you go ahead and visit & write your son 20 times a day if you want and I say phoey on the bf if he cant understand. sorry just my own opinion.
praying for you dear. hang in there.

Not accepting of visits? :mad: Well too * bad for him! BF needs to S.U. (shut up)..........sorry but NO WAY would ANY BODY keep me from visits if I could have them. (I live over 1000 miles from my where my son is). And if one did not support my visiting, than one need not even speak about it. Period. :nono: That could get one's feelings terribly hurt with what I'd have to say back. :rolleyes: No no no, don't even let him go there. Especially when walking such a fine line himself. I think I'd say to him, "well when it's you in there (BC we all know that is where he's heading by D.& D.) please don't expect me to be "supportive" and visit you". ;) Ok I'm a little irked at BF for you, I will stop now. And I hope he stops this non-sense. (((hugs)))

today is not a good day for me i am no longer with the guy i met through penpals im going to miss his leters he was in my life 4 for half months and on friday i got upset because i found out days before he didnt tell any one onm the out side about me . and his sister told him i wasnt gonna write him and he said thats cool , he told his mom about me at the end and his sister saw me on my space, she acted friendley but i think it was fake , im trying to for get about him after i was writing him almost every day . and he doesnt even care, not even to explain why i was a secret ,

I hear ya, momofns, so sorry for your sadness and pain. If your Bf is not supportive and thre for you and your son, I would not have him. My BF has been there since the day he met me and my son. even when my son didnt deserve it, my Bf stood by.

if Bf didnt I would choose my son over him any way...lol

MEEEN-
that guy didnt deserve you. find someone in real life to be with who appreciates you.

WELL,HERE ME GOESSSSS,:angry: first of all,this time of trouble is between you and your son,NOONE,BUT NOONE,SHOULD EVER,EVER TELL YOU YOU CANT SEE YOUR SON,OR TRY TO CONTROL THE VISITS,:blah: GOSH THAT JUST BURNS ME UPPPP.ok,now this is what i told my old man{aka,hubbbbby},look i had him BEFOR I HAD YOUUUU,and second of all,HE HASNT DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENT THAN YOU HAVE,THE ONLY THING IS HE GOT CAUGHT,YOU DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad: STAND YOUR GROUND,HEY I STAND BY YOU IF ITS SUPPORT YOU NEED:D

Thanks for the suggestions. He is now living an hour and a half from me (bf) then it is another 4 hours to where my son is. I sent him a card yesterday (not the first one I wrote when I was angry stating the fact he could be where my son is if he keeps drinking and driving). Instead I suggested he not call me when he has been drinking as he is not a nice person and perhaps he has a problem but I know I am not the one who can make that stop.

Anyway, I am going to see my son Monday, whether I stop at bfs on the way is questionable. He will not discuss what he said and will move on like it never happened. It is hard as he was there to support me and my son since my son was arrested in August. He is also the first relationship I have been in since my husband of 18 years passed away in 05. We had been together over a year when my son went to jail. He is a very nice person when not drinking.

We'll see what happens. I have trips to make to my home in e wa this spring to either rent it out or sell. My son also has a house in town there that I have to rent or sell as well. The problem is the market now but I am will to take a loss just to get out of there. My goal was to move to Mexico in 09 (it was 08 before my son went to jail).

I'm praying, Holy Week is coming, I know God has a plan and lesson. I just have to relax, pray, live for today.

My 28 yr old son was sentenced this week to life without the possibility of parole plus 20-40 yrs.

I am trying to have hope, but it's so hard coming to terms with this.
He is in PA, last I knew he was at CFCF, but now I don't know.
I don't think I will make it through this.

dfritzz

Hello dfritzz, I am so sorry we have to meet like this. I am so very sorry to hear about your son's sentence. (((hugs))) There are other mother's here who are in your same situation and did not think they would get through it either. Now they are learning the new ways to be there for their son's, and this new way of life, that now includes the prison system. The very beginning is so hard, it truly is a grieving process. There are also some mom's here who's son's are in the PA DOC and they will be able to answer your questions regarding the prison system. Know we are here for you, you are not alone in this. I will keep you and your son in my prayers. God Bless.

My 28 yr old son was sentenced this week to life without the possibility of parole plus 20-40 yrs.

I am trying to have hope, but it's so hard coming to terms with this.
He is in PA, last I knew he was at CFCF, but now I don't know.
I don't think I will make it through this.

dfritzz
I am in PA. is your son in federal or state system?
try this locator to find him:
http://www.cor.state.pa.us/

I am so saddened by these kind of sentences. How they decide upfront that a person cannot change in their whole life and must be incarcerated the rest of their lives? It astounds me!

I dont know what CFCF is, but most males enter the PA system thru one of two large prisons in PA, one on the west and one on the right. after that they get a DOC number and are sent to Camp Hill (SCI Camp Hill)

At camp hill they are given 10 stamped envelopes and can write home right away. they are in cells 23/7 while they undergo a few weeks of testing: physical mental and security needs. my son was ok with being in the cell all day as that let him be safe while he viewed the scenery so to speak. they get mail every night at 7PM so write to him a lot.

once they are done processing, perhaps your son will get to go to the library or gym or outside. they give them all a coat and a hat. my son loves being outside.

you might not get a call for a while. for me it was 3 weeks and I hated not hearing his voice! they go thru a process of okaying a call list first. one day he will call.

be good to yourself for a good long while. rest up like you are in recovery from a devasting disease as this can overwhelm you. in time you will learn the ropes of your new life with your son.

I am so very sorry for your pain. here I am giving you advice and my own son will be out one day in time. one day you will be able to guide others the path you have trodded with your tears. sigh. and HUGS.

I don't know how I missed this thread yesterday dfritzz, I'm so sorry. Another mother said it best some time ago after her son got 60 years. She and her family will now have to face different types of memories. It's not what we planned, but it is life, and it is his life. There will be lots of happy moments through letters and phone calls, still stories to share pictures to send. It certainly is not what one planned, but now it's just different. I think it was Shwnsmom that posted it. I was amazed by her strength and admired her quick turn around in planning her new found future with her son. I wish I could find that post, it was poetic and showed a mother's strength to stand by her son no matter what. I hope some one comes along and remembers the post and can give you a link to it, I know it would help you out right now. I'm sorry I'm not much better at the computer, still a newbie on this. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Wendy

Oh my gosh dfritzz, the post is still on here at the very bottom, and it was by shwnsmom. Please look there.

Wendy

Thank you all so much, I'm sorry to be so down, it's just that I can't wrap my head around this yet. I feel as if I am in a living nightmare from which I will wake up.

Dawn

I just found out that my son is at graterford.

Dawn

Dawn you never have to apologize here. We are here when you just want to kick and scream. Or just to let it all out. We've all done and still do. It helps to know you have people to go to that understand your pain and do not judge. It is so hard to find someone other than those that go through it, to understand. Just try and take care of yourself, it's important right now. Just know we are always here.

Wendy

Thank you all so much, I'm sorry to be so down, it's just that I can't wrap my head around this yet. I feel as if I am in a living nightmare from which I will wake up.

Dawn
there is no way to wrap you head around this...it is a nightmare.....but you are not alone.

Hi Dawn, glad you found him. Just wanted to let you know, you and your son are in my prayers. I know there really are not any words that console you right now, so instead, I am sending up many prayers. I am holding you up to the Lord, may He comfort your heart and fill you with peace. God Bless.

my cousin spent many yrs at graterford and is now out and fine. he said he got a job at graterford and he was ok.

it is prison, but it is do able.

there is a site for graterford on the PA prisontalk forum.

You are right, Wendy. I just finished visiting my son for 7 hours today. We had a wonderful visit. He seems happy when I seen him. I guess he is facing what is before him. I took off at 5 a.m. and arrived there 5 hours later. We spend the day chatting, playing chess, scrabble, and eating from the vending machines. I get to bring in $15 in quarters. I really cannot remember the last time my son sat for 7 hours having a good time (except for three weeks ago when I was there, but he was a little more tense then). We share letters and he wants a certain kind of shirt in his next qtrly pkg so he can get his picture taken so he can send it to me to copy and send to others. He bought himself a lamp for his cell yesterday.

It is funny how the little things seem more important now. I pray and hope it continues as it is, but know we have more things to come, but for today it is okay.

Hello,
Does anyone have a loved one at Taylor Work Camp? I have a son there and he was sent to confinement because an officer claimed he disrespected him. I know my son and he knows this camp is tough. He was working off grounds and he wouldn't do anything to mess that up. He's suppose to have his hearing this week. He hasn't been in any trouble and he gets accused of talking at medical and get sent to confinement. Now he can't have visits or call me. He's only allowed to write letters. I don't know what to do. If anyone can give me some informaion on what to do, I would greatly appreciate it. God bless you all.
_________
BT's Mom

dawn, I am so sorry for posting this so late. I am sorry to hear of your son. my son also has a life sentence hanging over him, though he may get a parole in 25. big deal he will be in his 60s then. but please know that many of us here know the pain you are in right now. It is so hard to walk this road. but you can do it. it is a matter of taking one step at a time, one day at a time. God will help give you strength as you need Him and we are here also to encourage you, to support you. to listen.
you need to be strong for your son. write him as often as you can. visit when you can. always encourage him. love him unconditionally.
prayers for you and your son.

Dutchgirl 1, Thanks so much for your support, everyone says it will get better, but oh my lord I feel so broken now. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. Yesterday I called a family counseling center, because I feel I need some help, and they said they would review my info and get back to me in two weeks, what the f... kind of help is that.
Dawn

Bt's Mom,
My son was in curran fromhold for 3 1/2 years awaiting trial, he worked as the chaplains aide and never got into any trouble. One day my son was in the Chaplains office with the Chaplain and a co, the chaplain was getting ready to leave for the day and my son merely handed the Chaplain his coat, the co had my son charged with attempted ecape, and he was put in the hole. I spoke with the Chaplain and he corroborated my son's story.
At the so called hearing they dropped the charge and instead charged my son with disrespecting a co and gave him five days in the hole, they refused to let him out after the five days and made him stay in the hole throughout his trial, only out to go to court and then back to the hole. I couldn't visit with him or talk to him on the phone to give comfort to him during the trial, the bastards even banned the Chaplain from visiting him.
What the hell is disrespecting a co, most of them are idiotic morons, and but for the grace of God, should be in jail themselves.
I even bought brand new clothes for my son to wear to court and left them in the hands of the Co's in the office, guess what no clothes for court cause the scumbags stole them.
Anyhoo just ranting, you might try contacting the prison society in Philadelphia.
God Bless,
Dawn

Speaking of cos, that was the part of the visit that pissed me off. There was the one @#% that thought he was so cool, wore sunglasses the whole day. He looked worse than any of the inmates visiting, looked like a criminal, the inmates looked like us. He was a jerk.

Anyway my day was great, this morning I'm not so good. It is all so sad, and reading the posts from others and what is happening with your children is soooo sad. I probably better go to the prayer thread and read some good words to make it through this day.

Welcome to those Newbies I may have missed in this thread or other threads on PWCIP. We all have felt the pain you feel, the anguish you feel, the sadness you feel, the fears you have, the questions you ask, the grief you feel. And we also have had some joyous moments with our sons and daughters in prison. No, they're not necessarily *Kodak moments* but it is possible to share a smile, a joke, an occasion or a laugh w/ our children in prison. It's not what we expected, but we can make memories that we can look back upon later. My son has become closer to God since he's been in prison and THAT is very joyous to us. My son occasionally laughs his light-hearted laugh that I've always loved and I treasure those. He is alive and safe, and for that I'm most grateful. God is good and He doesn't let us down. Keep that in mind when you feel despair infringing on your space. Thoughts are things! Think joyous and peace-filled thoughts and that will become your reality. It takes time. And time we have plenty of.... right? Hugs to all of you!

dawn.. yes I know it is so hard, and don't ever apologize for the need to rant or vent or ramble. that is why we are here. to listen to each other and provide a listening ear and support.
hang in there. it may seem like it will never get easier, but it does really. not so much the hurt going away but easing up and easier to go thru each day.

I know that hurt as we all do that are here. It does get easier I think because we as Mom can't fix this for them. So we have to trust in God that He will take care of our boys. /girls. And He does. Thank You God for taking care of our babies! Without You we would never feel at ease for them. Amen!

thinking of all the parents here today!

Jancy,
You are just so sweet. So nice of you to take time out to send encouragement to all of us.
God Bless you and yours.

Dawn

It's one of those days/nights.....
Haven't heard from my boy since Saturday. He said then that he'd call back on Monday. Never heard from him. I know he spoke with his girlfriend on Sunday and they argued and she hung up on him. I wish they wouldn't speak at all anymore! The conversations aren't always good and I've told her before to try hard not to piss him off while he's in there because he lets his anger get the best of him. So now of course I'm wondering if something has happened to him and that's why I haven't heard from him. Ugh. I hate these nights. I want to hear his voice but I'm also afraid that he's gonna call and tell me something bad happened in there.
All I can do is pray and come here for support.

Jame, I hope you hear from your boy today, I know what a worry that is. I just posted somewhere, that I could come up with a hundred scenarios, as to why I didn't hear from mine, and I have never been right yet, in any of them! You can't help but worry, after the argument he had with gf, but it may not even be related to that. That would have been my first gut feeling, but like I said, I haven't been right yet! Hang tight mama.

Wendy

I hate waiting for those calls as well. it would be so nice if WE could call them once in a blue moon!

Hello everyone,
I am really have a hard time today. I miss hearing my sons voice so much he would call everyday before he went away, I havent talked to him in a week and I am so worried about him. I moved away from the state we lived in when he got married I didnt worry about him because he was doing so good and he had been with his now wife for a few years. So I thought he would be fine. Now he is locked up his wife and son are still there waiting for him and I can go see him or wasn't able to go to court for him.Due to financial reasons. Sometimes life just really doesnt feel worth it. I have my other kids and grandkids and I guess thats what keeps me going, but now my mind is always with my son who is in trouble. When does it get easier?
Yesterday I went to lunch with some girls from my job and the lady who works there said she was so excited because her son was home after 5 long years, and I said oh wow where has he been? And she had a funny look on her face and mouthed jail, I felt so bad for asking but I really didn't know. I just said well he is home now and thats whats important, I wanted to grab her and hug her and ask her how she made but I couldn't. I still feeel the urge to go back without my coworkers and ask her how to keep on going everyday and live a regular life without feeling guilty, sad, you know. All I think about is not the next 24 months he will be away but the precous time lost with his family and I am scared when he gets out he wont be able to live with his wife and son he is an SO , he will be on probation for 5 years. I havent voiced my concern to him or his wife because I know the thought of having his family back is what keeps him going. I am really scared though. Well sorry for rambling just needed to get this out. Thanks

This is what we do Callygirl, vent. I'm so sorry you are having a bad day and haven't heard from your son. Thank goodness he has a short sentence. In regards to your sons living arangements after he gets out, you might want to check the LASO forum, they have great insight there, if you haven't already checked it. There are several moms from this forum on there also. You are so fortunate, and so is he, that he has a wife to stand by him. Maybe you could have her check out the LASO forum as well. A lot of people there are supporting SO spouses, brothers, sons, and it would probably do her some good too. There are ex offenders that can give all kinds of advice. I hope your day gets better, and tomorrow even better.

Wendy

Hi Callygirl. like Wendy said before me, so sorry you are having a bad day. we all still have days like that. even after a while. my son has been gone 4 yrs now. with a lifetime to go. the days do get easier, it just takes some time. not always 100% but easier. less bad compared to good sometimes.
you know, if you found some one who understands what you are feeling, I would try talking to your co worker alone. are you friends or just co workers ? but of course if that doesn't work out, we are always here for you.
praying for you and your son & his family too..

It's one of those days/nights.....
Haven't heard from my boy since Saturday. He said then that he'd call back on Monday. Never heard from him. I know he spoke with his girlfriend on Sunday and they argued and she hung up on him. I wish they wouldn't speak at all anymore! The conversations aren't always good and I've told her before to try hard not to piss him off while he's in there because he lets his anger get the best of him. So now of course I'm wondering if something has happened to him and that's why I haven't heard from him. Ugh. I hate these nights. I want to hear his voice but I'm also afraid that he's gonna call and tell me something bad happened in there.
All I can do is pray and come here for support.

I hate when that happens- our imaginations run riot. Have you heard from him yet Jame? I'm thinking of you.

Hang in there Callygirl. It does get easier. You have to give time time- be gentle with yourself. When I had a bad day, I found it helped to do something for my son- write him, print out some photos, find some puzzles or articles etc. It's a shame he can't phone you.
Why not give your co-worker a call?

oh those dang bad days. they do come and go. when I have one I cry most all day or am at least teary eyed and quiet. I love my son's voice on the phone, the lil brat.

your son will call you soon. he misses you and thinks of you a lot too. be sure to mail him stuff, letters, pictures, jokes. he will be ok. so will you. it is hard when they are far from you. his wife and son are waiting for him so that means he is loved and has been a good person to them.

I too would contact that coworker and let her give you some support. dont let your worries of the future steal TODAY from you.

and the nice thing about contacting your co-worker is that though it is great to have support here at the forum.. and I do love all of you, but if I had a close friend / confidant to share with, even get hugs & physical connection & encouragement from... well..
my hubby does good, but sometimes you just need that special friend.

HE CALLED! Seeing that familiar area code and number come up on my ringing phone sent a wave of fear through me. I made my hubby answer first so he could find out if our son was ok. Once I knew he was I grabbed the phone. LOL He sounds tired, sad and says he looks sick. He looked in the mirror today for the first time in two weeks and he says he's pale and has circles under his eyes. Told me that other inmates said he looks like he's dying. He said he looks old even though he's only 20. I explained that he's been through a lot and it's taking its toll on him. I assured him that we'll get him checked out by the doc when he comes home in May. Hopefully that will ease his mind. He really believes there's something terribly wrong with him. I felt such relief after he called but now I'm a bit freaked out about his health. Does the worrying ever end??!!

The worrying never does end does it? I have 5 kids I remember thinking when my oldest one was almost 18,( he was already a handful )I would never have to worry so much again as soon as he turned 18 HAHAHA 3 months after turning 18 he was arested then I found out the worring will never end. I guess thats called unconditional love. But we have to be thankful at least we have them to worry about. Could always be much worse.

Hi Good Friends,
It's been a long time since I posted but just wanted you all to know that the contact visit we had with Jonathan was great. We sat around a table, there were a few other contact visits going on at the same time. Jon took my hand and did not let go of it until we left, 45 min later. Just wanted to thank you all for praying. He is doing better now in medium security. Now we are praying for favour from the judge when he goes for his sentencing, April 21st. He will call on Easter and just talk a little.
You guys are the best, I am still praying for everyone, my heart is always burdened for you all.
Love Ya,
Susan W

Jame so glad he called! my son was looking sickly but he is good now. the prison food, no sunlight, not sleeping right takes its toll.
your son will get into a better routine soon. my son lifts weights, goes outdoors and has gotten used to the food and lack there of ... :rolleyes:

so true Cally...I thought 18 was the magic number because I got married at 18 and never asked my folks for a thing after that. not true. my older son lived with me til he was 29-and no problem.
tony had to be tossed out many a time and starting right before 18.
hmmm who woulda thought --I mean those darn babies look so cute you think you just might have one or three...LOL

hi susan! glad Jon is more at peace, makes your life better too!

Oh Jancy, you make me smile so often. You really are a blessing. We had two, then started keep foster children. We adopted one who was a hard to place baby, then two, then 5. It's kinda like I was with potty training. I had so much luck with the first & second child, I thought I'd write a book, then the third child came along and...............Oops! Forget the book. But I love them all and wouldn't change being their mom, even knowing the heartaches.

dfritzz,
I know how you feel. My son went to his hearing and they gave him 15 days (because of lies). But the time starts on the day of the hearing, not from the time he was placed in confinement. So really, if you look at it, it's more than 15 days. I was told that the first week of confinement could be attached at the end, if classicification approves it. I will find out next week what they will decide.
It's sad how the Co's can make things up. I don't know how some of them go home and sleep at night.
We have to stay srong for our sons. I will keep you and your son in prayer.
God bless you and may He keep a hedge of protection around your son. In the name of Jesus, amen.
_________
BT's Mom

Thank you BT's mom, I apprciate it so much.
And God Bless you and yours too.

Dawn

Jancy, I read earlier about your sons commendation and didn't jump on right away, I was just checking on everyone. Then wasn't on for a day or so, and now I can't find it! I didn't forget it and wanted to congratulate you on it. What a proud moment for you, and I'm sure it gave Tony a little humble pie for dessert.

You ladies that have gotten your long awaited calls and visits, congrats also.

Wendy

jame, yea for the phone call. hang in there and we keep praying for good to come.

hey all .. mostly all ok here, but this morning I am a little blah. in the mornings before I go or hubby goes to work, we pray together for the day. this morning while praying, hubby says.. Lord don't know where this is coming from, if not you then disregard, if you well, we ask for favor. then he asked for david to be released soon. Ohh how I want that. I need him, his kids need him, their moms need him. sometimes, when I hear something or someone promises something etc, I start counting on that then get hurt. I don't want to read too much into it, but yet I want it so bad. so now, my heart is a touch sad & hurting. just a little pick me up prayers would be so appreciated right now. thanks

D'gal, I wish I could just fly up there and give you a big hug. I'm sorry you are feeling down today, the holidays have such an impact on us. We should be celebrating and we can't help worrying about what our boys are doing. I pray that your day gets better and tomorrow you have a blessed Easter.

Wendy

thanks wendy. see, I am not that rock you always said I was. I have weak times too. I know God will do whatever is right in His eyes. He knows what david needs more than I. maybe if david had contact visits would be easier if I could just hug that brat of a boy. :)
You have a blessed Resurrection Day also.

p.s got my wrist bands. am wearing mine :)

D'gal, you are still the reigning rock! Just because we have bad days, doesn't change that. God made us human with all the emotions that come with it.

Wendy

i am new to this so bear with my son is being sent to the prison next month but i have no idea hw long yet or or sure which one i just need all support and prayers for lowest time and strength to help him and me get thru it thanks for listening

mimmis1, welcome to parents with children in prison. You will find a lot of support and prayers on this forum. We all have a child in prison, and all of us here know the pain and suffering that entails. We come here to cry and vent, and share our bad days and as time passes the good days.

You are at the hardest part of your journey right now, not knowing. Once you know, you can begin the journey forward. Hugs and prayers to you and your son and family. Please read some of the other posts and replies here to get acquainted with us and our journeys. It will make it easier for you to jump in on any of the threads and become part of the family. We are a family here, and we are glad you are now part of it.

Wendy

mimmis1 hello. I am sorry to hear you also have a child going into prison. like wendy said, we all have a loved one in prison and we all understand how hard this is, especially the beginning. you will find listening ears here, as well as support. as time goes, it does get a bit easier, the hurt is still there, but easier to bare each day you get stronger.
prayers for you and your son.

i am new to this so bear with my son is being sent to the prison next month but i have no idea hw long yet or or sure which one i just need all support and prayers for lowest time and strength to help him and me get thru it thanks for listening

Welcome, Mimmis! I'm sorry we have to meet this way, but I am glad PTO is here for all of us that need it. You are among friends here and your son will become one of my adopted nephews. You see, our children - all of them - are precious to all of us, too. Come back as often as you need or are just wanting to spend time w/ someone who understands what it's like. It's not an easy trip, but it's a do-able trip when you have friends along with whom to share.

hi ya mimmis! I am slipping on the computer here as I unexpectedly got some puter time .... lol
holiday weekends can be slow, more folks will be back to welcome you monday or so.
you are gonna make it and so will your son.
stick around, read our tales, laugh and cry with us, and when you feel up to it, tell us more.
be good to you thru this time.

Hello dutchgirl1,
We all have our weak moments and like Wendy said, God made us human with all the emotions that comes with it. I thank God that He is our rock that we can stand on. God bless you, your husband and son. May He keep you cradled in the palms of His hands. Have a blessed Easter!
_________
BT's Mom

Hello All,

I have not been on in a few weeks and you may not remember me as I was pretty new anyway. My son was arrested on arson charges in November. We just got him home on bond (my parents helped us out). I am so glad to get him home but now I am constantly worried he will say something on the phone or do something against the rules. I hate having to be a cop and say yes or no;"can my girlfriend come over, can my friend just stop by for a second, I have not seen him in five months". I told my friend yesterday that I have to let him take responsibility for himself. But I don't know if I can. Anyway, I am enjoying him and spoiling him, he has lost so much weight, I am trying to fatten him up before he goes to prison. I still need your prayers that everyhing goes well and there will be mercy for an 18 year old with no record who made a huge mistake. Your right not knowing is the worst part. Well, maybe not the worst I guess time will tell.

Welcome, mimmis1!
You couldn't be at a better place for support. I haven't been a part of PTO long, but the support and kind words I have received has been a blessing. We're all on the same road - with a son or daughter in prison. I have friends that say - they know how I feel and I thank God for them. But unless you are really going through it, it's really hard to understand the hurt of having a child in prison. You are among friends who understand how you really feel. Just take one day at a time.
God bless you, your family and your son.
_________
BT's Mom

lynns, hopefully they will have some compassion to spare. Enjoy spoiling him.

Happy Easter, to all the families and all those that are incarcerated.
May God Bless and keep you all.
Also may God be merciful to all those awaiting trial.
I will pray for you all.

Dawn

lynns, enjoy this time and May God exceed your expectations of a hopeful future!

Hi guys! Happy 1 day past Easter!
Maybe our kids had a special meal.Sometimes they do for holidays. I am drawn to this site even if I have nothing to say, because I just want to be with you. Everyone sounds just like me.I didn't know anyone else felt like me. I work so much and have so much going on--a really sick grandbaby,etc.and everyone else is I know is too tied up in thier own issues to care much about 1 drug addict who went to prison.It's just me. and just you, right.Love ya' Brinda

specmom so true. This site is so uplifting even though it's all about sadness of where our children are but it has helped me so much in my walk with God and faith in people again. We have a lot of great Ladies and Men here! Thank you everyone!!!! You are truly our gifts from God each day!!!!

Okay, it's one of those days. Grandchildren swarming around, all on a sugar high. The other grandpa picked up my Baby Jordan and I'm missing him. I just can't get to the point that holidays don't bring me a real bout of sadness. I got a call from my son yesterday. He gave me 4 phone numbers from fellow inmates to call their families since they couldn't make collect calls. He's always had a soft spot for those that have less than him. Even in prison he's always sharing with someone. By the time I got the numbers from him someone tells him he has to get off so I didn't even get to talk to him.

I am sad, but the kind of sadness a Mom feels when she needs to give her child a hug and she is unable to.

My son sent me a beautiful Happy Birthday Mom card. I was so suprised that he was able to purchase one that nice. And of course he wrote me the most touching note inside. How I am praying that these lessons he is learning late in life will somehow make it to the "free" world with him. I get to see him every three to four weeks but I miss him being able to call me and hear him say,"I don't need anything, just calling to talk with you" So when I got the birthday card I felt I was entitled to a good cleansing cry. No matter what mistake my son made, he still has a big giving heart and still loves his mom.:)

vicloo.... ((HUGS))

Welcome Mimmis please come back often, read the posts and share if you feel the need to. I know when I first began this painful journey I was addicted to finding out info. Please know that we all understand and are here for you.

Lynn... I remember you! I am so glad your boy is home for a time. Enjoy him. It's stressful I am sure, yet joyful. I had two month's between sentencing and my son actually going to prison. Two months precious months I was able to be with my son everyday. I made all his favorite meals, I snuck in his room while he was sleeping and layed my hands on him and prayed like I never prayed before. I remember those two months. I encourage you just to enjoy him.

Mother J.... I drove through a snowstorm last night in your neck of the woods. :cool: I know how hard the holidays are. Regardless of who is around us or what we are doing there is a hole in our hearts. Jordon sounds like an incredible young man. I am so impressed by his heart to reach out to those who are hurting. Jordon is being used behind the walls and I thank the Lord for that. I ended up not visiting my son. It was a very hard decesion but one that he actually made for me. I just could not tear myself away from my grandson. The orginial plan was for me to spend Fri. and Sat. with him and visit David on Sun. Sat. my son informs me I could see Chance David all day on Sunday. This Mama's heart was so torn. I had planned on driving 2 hours north each way to see David. Then I would have had to drive 10 hours back home. David told his girlfriend for me to spend the day with Chance David. Oh how glorious the past three days were. Now here I sit and my heart is in New York. I am so proud of my son for his selfless act as I am of Jordon. We go through another holiday and God's grace is sufficient for today.

Hello Everyany One Else Have A Love One In Beckley.just Feeling A Little Down Today.i Miss My Man Hes In F C I Beckley In West Virginia. He Will Be Home Soon. I Love You Baby.need Some Encouraging Words Anyone.i Love You Baby.

Hi Angel028...I certainly can feel your pain, I miss my son on a daily basis, but you can be certain that he is thinking of you and missing you too
(((((angel028)))))

everyone else is I know is too tied up in thier own issues to care much about 1 drug addict who went to prison.It's just me. and just you, right.Love ya' Brinda
so true, Brinda. no one cares about my son but me and my BF, not even his own dad.
Mother J- you raised a fine son!
Angel, hope your heart is not hurtin as bad as the day went on.
vicloo...so glad he remembered your birthday, him being busy with that and getting a card for you and writing in it...that helped him too. it helped him forget where he was and he was concentrating on you at that time. good for both of you!

Hi all, I had a good holiday yesterday, though I was not able to make the dishes that my son likes, I just couldn't.
Today is another day, I cried on and off most of the day.
My husband of fifteen years, though not my sons dad, tries to be very supportive but he just dosen't get it. He buys me things that he thinks will make me happy, but they just don't. He keeps telling me that I have the right to be happy and that I have no reason to feel guilty, and I need to look forward to the good life we have, but I just can't move forward. I don't care about anything anymore. My dr. gave me an anti depressant that I started today and it made me feel horrible, I'm not gonna take it anymore. I can't stop thinking about my son his trial and the finality of it all and I just want to die to make the pain go away.

Lynn, like Davidsmominva says, enjoy the time while you can. I think it is great that he is home before going to prison. we didn't have that option. david was locked in county 3 yrs before being moved to the prison. :( so you need to grab all the time you can and hold that in memory until he comes home again.
jancy, I know what you are saying about not caring. davids 'dad' and I use that term loosely.. he laughs about it. first he destroyed my son by abuse, then laughs at what he did to cause him to end in prison. I thank God daily that my hubby loves my kids as his own and he stands with me all the way. And I thank God that He loves us all more than we can know.

dfritzz..I am so sorry you are hurting so bad. we know and understand that because we all have been there, and at times are still there, hurting and not knowing what to do about it. your husband is partly right, you should not feel guilty and you do have to have times of happiness in your life. it isn't feeling any less about your son if you do have those times. you still think of him, miss him, etc. but yes you do need to move forward, even if it is slow. but I pray that your hubby will come to understand and have a change in his heart and be more supportive of you.
maybe he is just trying to encourage you and that is the only way he knows how. know that the Lord is watching over your son and He will take care of him.

prayers for all today. :grouphug:

Hi all, I had a good holiday yesterday, though I was not able to make the dishes that my son likes, I just couldn't.
Today is another day, I cried on and off most of the day.
My husband of fifteen years, though not my sons dad, tries to be very supportive but he just dosen't get it. He buys me things that he thinks will make me happy, but they just don't. He keeps telling me that I have the right to be happy and that I have no reason to feel guilty, and I need to look forward to the good life we have, but I just can't move forward. I don't care about anything anymore. My dr. gave me an anti depressant that I started today and it made me feel horrible, I'm not gonna take it anymore. I can't stop thinking about my son his trial and the finality of it all and I just want to die to make the pain go away.
(((hugs))) I'm sorry for your pain. You have to go on though, you are your son's life line now and he needs you more than ever. Please go back to your Dr. and tell him/her that one made you sick, and try one of the newer sertraline anti depressants. I had to try a few before I ended up on Zoloft, with out side effects. Also, take it before you go to bed at first, so you sleep through any side effects. Than ask for a referral to a counselor. Meds and counseling together do work, but it is not an over night cure, both take commitment. I don't mean to lecture, I just know that for your son's sake, you have to get well. Do it for him, if not for your self. Please? I am keeping you and your son in my prayers. It's a grieving process, and you have to allow your self time to hurt, heal, and accept. But getting help is so important, when you feel this depressed. God Bless you.

good words reg!

Motherj is clawing her way back up. Had a few days when I just couldn't deal with the thought of another holiday without my baby boy. :cry: It seems that it just doesn't quite affect the dads like it does us moms. So I've kicked the teenagers off my computer and I'm ready to join the group again. Think maybe we could all use a good :grouphug:

Specsmom, I received a call from Jordan today and asked if the had a nice meal on Easter. He said "You've gotta be kiddin' Mom. We don't ever get a special meal here." I'm going to make sure I get his Spring goodie box sent. Bless his heart, he had me make another phone call for a fellow inmate to let his mom know where he was. She had no idea where her son was and was relieved to know that he was okay.

Dfritzz, if you really need to be on an anti-depressant, don't give up on the first try. I have seasonal depression, so add emotional distress to that and I'm a mess. My first experience with an anti-depressant was awful. After a couple bad falls, I decided it wasn't working for me and they put me on another medication. That one made me sick the first few days, but now I'm doing great on it. I only take half of the amount the doctor originally prescribed, told him I didn't want to be doped up. Make sure that the doctor whose doing the prescribing has a lot of experience with these drugs. Reggie42 gave you some good advice. I'm praying for you.

Jill, I'm so happy you had such a great time with Chance David. Little ones need that special "Grandma" love, and I'm sure you were showering plenty on that sweet baby. I find my grandchildrens love so pure and healing. I know you must be aching for the smell and feel of that baby now. It is good to see our sons caring about others. It was truly an unselfish act for David to encourage you to stay with Chance David. I'm sure David is very secure in your love for him. I hope that is partly why our sons can care about others.

This is turning out to be a novel, but I want each of you to know how much I appreciate each of you and your concern for others while living with your own pain. God bless each of you!

MotherJ, that was a very nice post, but I couldn't help but wonder about Jordan's hair! Did he mention whether he had the rest of his afro poof shaved off. I have had such a mental picture of the description you gave us of your last visit and I laugh every time!

Wendy

:haha: I'm sorry I left the story hanging. Yes, he did get it cut and is now working on waves. That's a much better look.

my son said they had bologna sandwiches for Easter dinner. LOL they do not serve ham as so many do not eat pork he said.

My son promised to call on Easter and didn't. My husband is angry with him now so there is no peace again. Since he got moved to medium security his visiting hrs changes, when he was in Max my boss let me leave early at 1:30 to see him but now we can only see him Tue from 9-11, since my husband works night shift he was going in after work but since he didn't call he didn't visit. I don't know if this was good to do or not. I tend to be co-dependent, I pray I can stop controlling and let go.
Susan W

SusanW, there may well be a good reason your son didn't call. My son usually calls on Sunday, Easter or not. We didn't hear from him this Sunday, and I was a bit down in the dumps because he didn't call. I found out today that his prison was on lockdown and is being searched and ripped apart, looking for what, I don't know. There were 2 inmates that escaped from the medical facility next door, early Sunday morning. I hadn't planned on sharing that story here, but my point is that it is not always in your son's control, when he can or can't call. I hope you can relay that to hubby. Rather than be angry, anymore my first response is worry. I hope you hear from your boy soon. Keep us posted. I'm beginning to think you have to be a mom to understand all this, dad's just don't get it.

Wendy

Susan, Wendy is right. He probably could not call for some reason out of his control. She sure is right about the worrying first too, that's what Momma's do. I hope you hear from him soon, you and J are always in my prayers. :grouphug:


Have I mentioned how much spring sux? :eek: My son's birthdays are in the spring, than it's Mother's Day in May. :cry: When I'm at home, it's the best BC I get to spend it all with them and my own mother too. Yea, I still miss my mommie too. :o But this year I'm far away from all, and one of my boys is in that awful corrupted prison called TDC. :mad: It bites. Thanks for letting me vent, sorry. I'm just b****chy these days. Wake me up in June. :sleepy:

Hi,
I'm new here, but so thankful for this board. It has been a real blessing to me already.
My son was moved to Coastal (GA) in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. I am sad that we can't visit him for 6 weeks, maybe even 60 days. He was in Cobb County Jail for a probation volation since 2/7, and we saw him every week. But many prayers are going up for him and us, and I know God is working in his life.
B.

Hello Miralari welcome to the parents forum. I am so sorry to hear you have a son in the system. all of us here understand how hard it is and want you to know that we are here for you with listening ears, support, prayer.
my son was county for 3 yrs before going to prison 3 1/2 hrs away. while county we saw him nearly every week.
Yes, God is working in his life, in all of us. please know we are here for you.
may God Bless

miralari..I was so sad when my son was moved too. I used to drive by the jail he was in and felt better he was there. when he was moved he went 6 hrs from me.

it gets better. he is now only an hour from me and I know his life is ok.

your son will be ok. he will. hang in there thru this time and be sure to write him a lot and send pictures. he will really appreciate that.

susanw-he will call. it is hard when they cannot tell you why they didnt call. you will find out and learn to have faith even without hearing from him or seeing him.

when my son was in county i got to see him twice a week 45 min drive..now i can see him 2 weekends a month 4 hr drive one way.theres a facility only 10 min from my house they wouldn;t place him in ...i guess because his friends mom works there.:( :confused:


praying for you and your son

Hi everyone, I feel the same, my 22 year old daughter was @ county for 3 years before going to Chowchilla, CCWF. I was 20 minutes away and saw her on Friday, Sat, & Sun each week. Now she is 4 hours (one way) up north in reception. Haven't seen her in 2 months. We are waiting to get approved for visits but it seems like an eternity!

She seems to be taking it all in stride knowing she is almost ready to come home. She says state is a lot better than county. Her first letter was amazing! She said she went outside in the yard and for the first time in 3 years she saw the sun, felt it on her skin, and touched the grass. Then a few days later they got to go in the yard at night and she saw the moon and it was beautiful. She said they get "real" food like chicken and pizza and it's great for prison!

But the best part is she is reading the bible to her 8 cellmates every night. She said they make a great "captive" audience. LOL!!!!!

Funny how we take little things for granted. I miss her so much!

God Bless our children,
Mak

mahkenna, I'm glad she got moved. I think everyone who's been there agrees that prison is much easier than jail. Much more freedom for most of them. Hopefully you will get to see her soon, but isn't it great that she has such a good attitude. It helps us mothers when our children are at peace.

mak, that was such a nice post!

Hi Mak, I'm so glad she has been moved. Isn't it amazing how the things we take for granted everyday there is someone somewhere that is in marvel of it. I remember Charlie telling me the same things as your daughter about being outside.Seeing a flower in bloom, a bird passing by. All those wonderful things that God has given us.
God Bless You! & Yours!

Today I received the third call from my son this week. He appoligized for the cost of calling so often, but said that it makes his days go so much better hearing my voice. :cry: I miss him sooo terribly.

It's always nice to hear my son's voice and hear him laughing. He called twice this evening since the first 15 minutes, just wasn't enough. And I straight out said to him, "Yanno, I think if you weren't in prison, I wouldn't be talking to you but visiting you in a cemetery." And he said, "I think you're right." And it was good to have that out and in the open. As much as I felt that way, I never said it to him - but I did and I'm glad I did.

He's so homesick and so lonesome up there in "Siberia." I'm hoping within the month we can make the 500+ mile road trip (one way) up to see him. We'll bring our snow shoes! ;) I hope he HATES prison! Hates it more than any thing in the world. Yet I want him to love God for giving him another chance to fix his life.

Tonight the family got together for our eldest grandson's 20th b'day. Matt and Nathan were close as babies and youngsters. Nathan is 3 months younger than Matt. So they were raised together in many ways since our oldest daughter is Matt's mom. (and there I was at age 40 with Nathan!) It was a wonderful time of my life. He gave me so much joy and still does.

I sent him the lyrics to "My Kairos" and he got that today in the mail. I told him to read it a few times to get the full impact of the words, because this time was God's way of grabbing him by the neck and saying: Hold on, Partner! You are mine and you're messing up big time!!!! And before it gets any worse, you're going to go where you are protected from yourself - and you WILL learn what you're here for, or you will die trying. Thank you, God! We are blessed.

My prayers tonight will include all of you and your children and families. I pray they all feel the comfort of Jesus watching over them tonight and that they have sweet dreams of happier times.... at least tonight.

Love,
Mary

When I can I take one of my son's sisters to visit with me...they always can make him laugh...I love to hear him laugh

I received this via e-mail and thought I would share....at some point this is probabbly how we felt (or our incarcerated loved ones) or we may still have some of these feelings. Take courage in knowing God loves us just the way we are....don't worry about trying to clean yourself up, let God handle that because it's bigger than you.

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then askes "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen you will never loose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still PRICELESS to those who do LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are and WHOSE we are. You are special - Don't ever forget it

Count your blessings, not your problems. IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT - HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT.

Too Blessed to be stressed, Too Annointed to be disappointed!!!!!

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen you will never loose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still PRICELESS to those who do LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are and WHOSE we are. You are special - Don't ever forget it


What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing it w/ us.

self esteem is so important. how can you love others if you hate yourself?

Sonyarod, that reminds me of the joke about feeling like a million bucks, all green and wrinkled. That was a lovely post, thankyou.

Wendy

to those who lurk and are not yet ready to post, I am hoping that your spirits are uplifted as you read and realize you are not alone.

sending out to the lurkers a hug...a quiet gentle one.

sends out..a open invitaion to all the lurkers....come one in the waters fine...there are no gators or sharks here..just loveing...understanding..folks..who have lots of love to give. an amazing group

I need a few shoulders to cry on and help brace me up today. It is victims awareness week and in the lobby of my office, are about 6-7 silhoute cutouts w/ different victims from our county. the guy who was murdered is one of them and the name of the guy who killed him also my sons name as the conspirator. I am not dealing well with this today. was not expecting this. near breakdown point right now. and I have to see these all week ? God help me get through this.!

OMG D'Gal. I am so sorry. I know that has to be very difficult to deal with. What a shock to walk into that.

You will get through this. I know it won't be easy but I know you can do it. You have such a grounded faith that I know He will be there to help you through this.

I will be saying special prayers for you also. Power in prayers. I know there will be many others that will join in. We will all be here to help you through.

Love and Blessings.

I need a few shoulders to cry on and help brace me up today. It is victims awareness week and in the lobby of my office, are about 6-7 silhoute cutouts w/ different victims from our county. the guy who was murdered is one of them and the name of the guy who killed him also my sons name as the conspirator. I am not dealing well with this today. was not expecting this. near breakdown point right now. and I have to see these all week ? God help me get through this.!

Have them remove it as it is too sensitive an issue for you Dutchgirl. You can do it! Don't be afraid to stand up for your feelings about this. You count too. They don't need an employee on the brink of breakdown because of those exploitations. They know where that can lead...Health and Lawsuit issues.

I need a few shoulders to cry on and help brace me up today. It is victims awareness week and in the lobby of my office, are about 6-7 silhoute cutouts w/ different victims from our county. the guy who was murdered is one of them and the name of the guy who killed him also my sons name as the conspirator. I am not dealing well with this today. was not expecting this. near breakdown point right now. and I have to see these all week ? God help me get through this.!
ok now I am angry:angry:this is a violation of your son's rights! he is already being punished. GO to whomever hung that up and make a stink!

what the hell are they thinking?? I can see posting about the victims if they so choose, but not the people involved. honestly I might be sad and want to crawl in a hole but that sadness would be followed by a firey hell on wheels mother bear out there demanding my son's name be removed.

if not, there are always spray cans of paint. :cool:

May God uphold you as he knows dang well as his own son was falsely accused and defamed by stupid people. guess who won in the end??

(((hugs))) D'Gal, I am saying prayers for you. I agree with the others, ask that your son's name be removed immediately. Stay strong, the Lord will carry you through. God Bless you.

This is my first post on this site. Ovietor, you inspired me. For, having your son's name listed in a public place must be horrific. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am the mother of two sons. One is a special ed. teacher. The other one is in a California prison charged as a sex offender. So...the thought of his name and picture plastered on the internet is...let me think of a word..earth shattering.
He was a single father, newly divorced from his high school sweetheart. He was living in a small town which he was fairly new to. While at a community pool a young women approached him. They talked. She got his phone # off a flyer he had posted on the community bullentin board, (which I had made for him) to advertise his log beds and furniture which he made.
His son was his life, which is why he tried to work at home as much as he could.
His ex-wife and new boyfriend were causing so much grief. They were in a custody battle. On the day our son won full custody of his son, he was arrested.
Charged with touching this girl. She was 16. He was 32. We lived 12 hours away and were not able to attend all the court hearings. On one occasion, they offered him 6 months in county jail if he would plead guily. He refused. Our first attorney who we had paid 25,000 was dismissed by the judge on the day of trial. Our son's second attorney had only two months to prepare and didn't. Our son was sentenced to 6 years in prison. Our grandson was taken by his mother, of course.
My problem...her new (now husband) is raising our only grandson and he is raising a daughter who he kept after getting a 15 year old pregnant (unreported) So, our son can not see his son, but this man thinks he is better and dictates when our son can talk to his son! I can't get past this. Our grandson who we were extremely close to is now distant. And they have moved him out of state!
Our son has 14 months left on his 50% sentence. Do you think he will get to see his son when he gets out. He was accused of touching. Not sex. This man got a 15 year old pregnant. Do you think we have a prayer..I would like your opinions. Thanks for letting me vent.

exployer,
welcome in to our comfort spot. yes of course your son has a prayer. here is one right here:
Dearest Father God,
please give hope to this family, they have been disappointed in the past by the failures of those in their world. send the right people to get things on the right path. remind this family that they will be reunited in your time and plan.
comfort and peace to these folks.

D/C I am mad but going to use it to pray.

Lord in the name of Jesus I pray you give D/G the strength, mercy and grace to get through this day. There is NO CONDEMENATION THROUGH CHRIST JESUS. I pray Lord touch D/G's heart right this moment that she knows who she is in you. Lord whisper in her ear there is no shame, only grace. Lord David and her are yours and you are in them. The world can be hateful , Lord but we aren't of this world. Remind D/G of all of this. Lord I do pray you turn her sadness into joy. Lord give her all she needs this day. Hold her in your loving arms I pray. In Jesus name. Amen

I was so mad and sad when I first read this post I had to pray.

Now..... my legal hat is on Bless is so on it.

HAVE THEM REMOVED IMMEDIATELY! YOU CANNOT BE A VICTIM AT YOUR WORKPLACE!!!

I would state that they are making you physically and emotionally ill. How can you work in such an environment. If they refused then tell them you will file a motion to have them removed(bluff). Therefore, you will have to have sick time off from work(paid of course)

Come on D/G you got the Lord, Us, and prayers that got you front and back .... Like Bless said, 'YOU CAN DO THIS".

We all know you can. Prayers, love and thoughts with Hugs.... coming your way.

Exployer.... I didnt want you to get lost in the shuffle.

Welcome. I am glad you found us. I was outraged by your son's circumstances. I know your heart must be broken, and to add insult to injury you can't see your grandson? How is that possible?

Please tell me you are fighting this. What about father's rights , grandparents rights?

My heart breaks for you and the injustice. I have to know that we serve a God of Justice and you and your entire family will receive it.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Please come back often. You will receive nothing but love and support here.

May God's strength get you through today.

Jill

This is my first post on this site.

Welcome here, How horrible you're son and you and your family are going thru this. Keep on working on this I say. I've heard that grandparents have some legal rights too. Other's here know about this better than I would and they'll chime in as soon as they see your post with love and support and knowledge.

God Bless You, your Son and Your Family

I just tried post to D'gal and Exployer and it has gone into cyber space if this one makes it I will try again.

thank you all for your prayers. I decided I could not work today, maybe now that I know it is there, I can deal better later. I guess the surprise and shock of it was mostly that it has been four years past, now suddenly they want to do this !
my boss said she had no clue when asked about them doing something what it entailed. I truly think if she had known the extent, she would have been sure either I knew it was coming or told them not to do that one.
I don't know how I will handle it, I do understand the victims right thing, I think I was just blindsided today.
but I do thank all of you for your encouragement and your prayers.

Exployer first to you, I'm so sorry your family is the problems that they are. The questions you posed here can be better answered at the LASO forum, here on PTO. There are l ot of wise folks there that have dealt with this very issur. Not just moms, but wives and ex offenders. I really hope you take a look on that site and then come back and let us know. We don't judge hear, we are hear for support, but the best info. you are asking for is there. Come back to our mom forum, we will be waiting for you.

D'gal, I'm so sorry your are dealing with this today. Do the folks at work know, or is this just random. Even if it were random, there is certainly a lack of tact here. Not all clients or patrons want to be assaulted with this. Look at the people who take offense at Cristmas and religious icons in the work place. May folks are not equipped with a morbid sense of imagination, and don't appreciate being forced to look. I hope you looked at some of the other advice hear, and insist it's take down. You may well have a legal stand here, and if my wish was not granted, I would throw that around.

Let us know what happens with this D'gal, I don't think I've ever heard you so distraught, and for this I'm worried.

Wendy

wendy dear. dont be too worried. The Lord is calming me down. yes, I am still upset, told hubby it was like the beginning all over again. feel like crying off and on still, my heart hurts. this is definetly one thing that wont go into my next letter to david. I don't want him bummed out. as little as they do for them there (a yr now, still hasn't seen chaplain even w/ numerous requests) don't want him sick or worried about mom. still don't know if I will request it taken down, why should they consider that out of the others. fairness yanno ? prayerfully by tomorrow I will be better equipped to think/deal with it all.

There you go, go on home and hopefully it won't be there in the morning. Maybe you can warn them you won't be coming back until it's removed, and letting them know you will be seeking outside advice as to your options. Even if you have to leave it on a machine, after hours, and they get it first thing in the morning. I wouldn't let it drop after leaviing for the day. Make sure you have a copy too.

Wendy

hello explorer, and I am sorry for my delay in saying hi and welcome to the forum. one of my bad days. I am sorry for all you are dealing with, and like others have said, there are others in the forum who can identify more than I. but know that you will find support and prayers here. God has a purpose for each of us and will walk the rocky road with us and never leave us to fend on our own.
praying for you and all your family, including your son and grandson.

dgal,
if i could put my hand on your shoulder and let you have every oz. of my strength i have to give... to help you threw this i would....

Dutch girl sooo sorry to hear about your day. I am glad you went home, no since in feeling that bad through work. I know vitims have rights but like you said your son is doing his time, this is like double jepordy. They should remove the name of your son and any others that are doing their time. Prayers go out to you. I agree do not tell your son, as mom's it is our job to protect our kids no matter how old they may be.

Explorer, I to have a son who was labeled a sex offender his picture is on my signature so people can see the true face of a sex offender. Go to the loving a sex offender forum. There are people who have been through this and done their time as well as family and loved ones of those. I know it is unfair how some get into trouble and others don't, and that sucks but that is life unfortunately. Then I won't even get started about the girls that cause all this because I will just get angry and that will do me no good. Grandparents have rights and fight for those rights.

Still no call from my boy :cry:If I just knew he is ok I would feel better.:shrug:

wendy dear. dont be too worried. The Lord is calming me down. yes, I am still upset, told hubby it was like the beginning all over again. feel like crying off and on still, my heart hurts. this is definetly one thing that wont go into my next letter to david. I don't want him bummed out. as little as they do for them there (a yr now, still hasn't seen chaplain even w/ numerous requests) don't want him sick or worried about mom. still don't know if I will request it taken down, why should they consider that out of the others. fairness yanno ? prayerfully by tomorrow I will be better equipped to think/deal with it all.

Good idea not to tell your son :( Hang in there DG. I'm betting the victims familys are not too happy about this either if they were not given a choice to or not to participate in that campaign or if they even knew about it happening. :mad:

I just read about these two situations and both have my blood pressure soaring. Dutch, I just can't imagine.............Yes, I guess I can. People can be so cruel, thoughless, and so on. The situation should be rectified imediately. It seems to me that it could cause discomfort for more than you and others would want it down. Having said that, I am praying for you and know you will do the right thing. I'm so very sorry.

Exployer, it made me so sad to read your story. I have 7 children, my oldest daughter is a biology teacher and my youngest son is in prison with a sentence of 43 years. I would suggest that if it is possible for you, that you ask for visitation with your grandchild. One of our children had a child by a man who went to prison on a drug charge. The paternal grandmother
never bothered to visit with my grandson, but when he was almost a year old we received papers to go to court. She was suing for visitation rights. This woman was a serious alcholic, but the judge ruled that she could have visits two days a week with the baby. He said that the father would be coming home and the child needed to know his paternal family. (She had the baby to her home once, but he cried the whole time so she decided to do hour long Sat. visits at our home.) If you have visits with the child it will look good to the court when you son is released. If the childs mother tries to fight visits then he will most likely have to go to court, but I can't imagine a court ruling against you or your son. May God bless you and your family.

justadeb,
call your son's faciilty and ask his counselor or social worker how he is.

Explorer,

You've probly found all this information already. But, I did a search in the internet browser. "Do grandparents have a right to see their grandchildren?" Lots of links came up. Here's one.

http://www.abanet.org/publiced/practical/visitation_grandparents.html

Now if I can find one on how to Heal D'Gals broken Heart today. But maybe this will help a bit.
http://www.seobook.com/images/we-love-you.jpg

D'gal, just a suggestion here. This sounds like the victims rights group has stepped over the line. You might want to call the ACLU. Even with the Lord strengthening you through this, I am not sure it is correct for them to do this. If they knew that your son was one of the names that is a direct attack, if the did not, the whole thing is certainly in poor taste, and perhaps they should be called on it so they don't do it to others. Some victims rights group, victimizing others. Like I said, just a thought

Ya! Well said Perque

I am overwhelmed with your kind responses and information (Bless the inmates) what can one say but Thank you.
Every state has different laws. It seems that in California Grandparents do have some rights but not many. Even though the judge ordered contact visits between our son and his son, our prison system doesn't allow it. Besides, like I said, they moved our grandson out of state, which makes visits hard.
I call, I send cards, I send money, I fly to visit and see ball games, (which gets expensive) I flew him down after Christmas this year. But, for the first time, he was distant and even rude. He collected his Playstation 3, and went home. Today, his mother sent me bills for all his clothes and baseball gear. I paid for all their phone bills so my son could talk to his son. Their phone has now been blocked since Dec.
Our son left money for his son's support with his ex-wife before he went to prison.
I'm so sorry to have gone on and on. This is so heart breaking. To basically lose a son and then our grandson. It's heart breaking because we feel that our son is innocent. This girl called our son. He never called or contacted her. When he found out how old she was he got angry and asked her to never contact him again. Her feelings got hurt. Her mom read a letter she had written and the rest is history. All it takes is an accusation. No proof. No investigation. She was no child. She knew exactly what she was doing. So part of my problem is that I don't consider my son a SO. Enough said.

Dutch girl,
I feel I know how you are feeling. If your like me, it's hard to cause a fuss at the place where you work. But, you are a victim here. What if it were the other way around and you were the victims parents walking into something like that? You are innocent. You have rights. (Even though as parents of inmates, it sure doesn't feel like it.) I would call it mental distress. I couldn't work under those circumstances. You could get a doctor's note. No one could expect you to work with that in your place of work.
I taught school for 30 years. I absolutely loved my job. But, after my son was considered a SO, I decided to retire. How could I hug my kids, my students, who I loved and ever feel safe in doing so again? I now fear for my other son, the teacher. We even told him he should consider another line of work. (Too risky these days) Everyone is sue happy and we now know that all it takes is one accusation.
He hasn't listened to me. LOL. I send my love and prayers to all you mothers out there tonight. Take good care of yourselves.

Aww Explorer, Hugs! I have the others girls here to thank for helping me everyday to get thru things, if not for them. I'd be in a little basket someplace and crunched up. Thank you everybody! I hadn't really thought about grandparents rights until I saw somebody here talking about it one day. I never imagined the heart ache and red tape involved. Sounds like a Pose is out there preying on your Love for your Grandson and your Son. Sigh.

Also heard about this thru the girls here. Thanks to them again! It's Called 21st CenturyTea Party if you haven't heard about it yet. A movement to fight the unfair laws. http://www.21stcenturyteaparty.us/

I wonder if D'Gal went into work and drop kicked somebody in charge of decorating the office with inconsiderate things. No! I'm only kidding! God Bless You D'Gal. Whatever you do, we're all behind you here.

Who poured me a cup of coffee with 18 tablespoons of sugar in it at midnight? huh huh huh huh huh huh! Who poured me a cup of coffee with 18 tablespoons of sugar in it at midnight? huh huh huh huh huh huh! :)

Any offender listing is probably a false sense of security. Just because you know where they live, does not mean that is where they will strike. A better choice to protect your little ones would be to ensure that our prisons have programs to help these people to not re-offend (and most do not). And for your state and local government to be active in helping them find housing and jobs so they can start over and have a life. Communities need to accept that they have served their time and give them a second chance to show they want to have families and get on with their lives. If we treat them like outcasts, how can they find work and housing?

whynow2007, I read your post on the other thread, and I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but I do want to welcome you to the parents forum. As far as registering, you might want to check with LASO forum on here. They are the experts. Then come back and join us here as the mom of an offender of any nature. We have some moms here that are both the mom of the victim and the mom of the offender. Once that is out in the air, we come together as grieving moms for our sons in prison. I strongly suggest that you visit the LASO forum for any answers you are looking for regarding registering. There are a lot of very wise people on that forum, some of them ex offenders that give invaluable insight. Many of our moms here are also on that forum.

You sound so hurt, and I grieve for you as we all do for one another here, but it seems you want answers also. Go on that forum and check it out for your answers, and then come straight back here, we will be here for you.

Wendy

Thats right Wendy.... great wisdom and advice.

Come on back any time we are here for you! whynow! It will get better I promise. All you got to do is one day at a time. Sometimes, only a minute at a time.
God bless.... hurry back Jill

Hello and Welcome WhyNow. Everybody is right about what they've said above. God Bless You and Your Loved Ones.

I haven't seen D'Gal online here today. I Hope she's ok. That was a nasty happening that was thrown onto her plate yesterday :|

up for those who might be lurking!

I'm feeling so damn lost, I don't even know what to think right now about anything.

welcome to our world smyles, please know you are not alone...say any thing and i can promise you someone here has something to offer you to help you

I'm feeling so damn lost, I don't even know what to think right now about anything.
Hi with a hug, there smyles78-
welcome back to a very loving place. We understand. sometimes all you can do is read and watch as you are too numb to speak up yourself.

so you peeked in and said you are here. come pull up our comfy cushion and lay your head back, eyes closed. hear the soft melody? smell the breeze like clothes hung out to dry...you are safe. we are here. we will not go away.

when you are refreshed, tell us more of your story. I know you have posted before-
you are not lost, but are found. How is your boyfriend...is he trying to get paroled?

I'm feeling so damn lost, I don't even know what to think right now about anything.

Hugs Smyles! I'm sorry you're feeling this way. This stuff puts us all in a new condition that we have no idea what to do or when or why or how. All sorts of things layed on us in a blink of an eye. How do we handle this new frontier. We're all here for You, eachother and ourselves. God Bless You and your Loved Ones.

I was looking for info for the Tea Party Prison Reform and came across this website that listed quite thoroughly, contacts for every state, etc.

Take a look and see if this is something that can be of help to your child when he/she is ready for parole or release from prison. It's a huge web site.

www.addictionsearch.com (http://www.addictionsearch.com)

Mary

I'm feeling so damn lost, I don't even know what to think right now about anything.

((((Smyles)))) Welcome. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help. Take care.

Love,
Mary

I'm feeling so damn lost, I don't even know what to think right now about anything.
:( I'm sorry for your pain. I'm really sorry if it is TDCJ you are having to deal with. :mad: Come back and join us, we are here to listen and support you, take care and God Bless.

For all those who are new. Welcome. I too am sorry for your pain. Keep coming in here, like it has been said we are here for you 24/7.


One day at a time, or one minute even. God bless

Hi guys, I just wanted to let you know I'm still around and dealing with life. Lots of life. Each time a new person comes in and describes thier pain--my heart gives an twist in my chest and I remember those first years. The day my son walked away into that pit. He is so strong for a baby. So Smyles we all grieve with you. God be with you.
Love, Brinda

thank you soo much for your kind words.....I just don't know if I'm strong enough for this. He's the first thing I think about when i open my eyes, he's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and he's in my thoughts all day. I just sit and cry and cry. I miss him soo so much....I don't know I keep myself very busy with the kids and work and I've started school but things are just so hard right now. he's up for parole and I've done everything I can...but what if it's not enough...my heart is juts twisting up

Oh dear I know I am so sorry. When is he up for parole? We all will be praying. Please try to stay stong. He needs you. I know its hard. This site is a miracle working place. Stay here with us. We will love you through. I promise we serve a huge God and He has put others in your path for a reason. God bless you.... Sending thoughts, prayers and love your way!

I just have the blues tonight. Went to see my son today - who by the way, looked great and had a great attitude, but I get so danged depressed when I come back home. I only get to visit every couple of months so they are very special to me. Our visit today got cut short cuz of severe storms in the area, so everyone had to leave the visiting area. Talk about heartbreaking. I couldnt fill my son up with sandwiches or snackies or buy him lots of pop - I just didnt get to spoil him like I love doing. Usually he goes back bulging at the seams :D And we were having such a great visit until mother nature had to act up :blah:. My "good side" says I should be happy for time we did share, but my "onry side" is upset that I had to leave before I was ready to. Another woman was crying - she traveled almost 3 hours with 3 small kids. How heartbreaking this life is for everyone involved.

I always look back when we are leaving and see him sitting there and it just rips my heart out of my chest. I want to just pick up the phone and tell him how much I miss him and how much he means to me, but I cant even do that.

He will be facing the parole board again this summer and I am so stressed over that. I dont know if I can take it if he gets flopped again. Then I get so angry at myself for being selfish. He is the one living that nightmare and Im home whining on whether I can handle it. Course I dont let him know my fears - I always try to stay encouraging for him, but inside Im a bunch of nerves. I dont see why they would flop him, but Ive read about so many loved ones that had been flopped over and over for no apparent reason, but they still happened. Is it the prison system saying "we warned you - you didnt listen" type thing? Do they just let them sit for a few extra years in hopes that this is a lesson well learned?

Dear Lord, when will my family ever find peace? I just want my kids to be happy, ya know? That isnt a whole lot to ask, is it?

Thanks for listening everyone - I seen this thread and just couldnt resist. I needed a shoulder to cry on and you guys are always there for me.

he's up for parole now, he's already had his IPO interview. It was about two to three weeks ago now. I am trying, I don't want him to know how upset I am. I just don't know how to do this....please pray and thank you all so much. this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...

Dear Smyles and Leenie, I wish I didn't but I know all too well what you feel tonight. I was strong and doing okay and then tonight the sadness just overwhelmed me once more. It isn't ever easy is it. Even the best of times now can suddenly turn and you feel so helpless and out of control. As Leenie said, all we want is peace and happiness for our families. Going through this sure makes us look at what is truly important in our lives. :grouphug: ladies and we'll shed a few tears. I'll renew my prescription and it'll ease my grief just a bit. Let's throw our grief, pain, tears, at God's feet and let him lift us up with his love and strengthen us. God bless you.

I just have the blues tonight. Went to see my son today - who by the way, looked great and had a great attitude, but I get so danged depressed when I come back home. I only get to visit every couple of months so they are very special to me. Our visit today got cut short cuz of severe storms in the area, so everyone had to leave the visiting area. Talk about heartbreaking. I couldnt fill my son up with sandwiches or snackies or buy him lots of pop - I just didnt get to spoil him like I love doing. Usually he goes back bulging at the seams :D And we were having such a great visit until mother nature had to act up :blah:. My "good side" says I should be happy for time we did share, but my "onry side" is upset that I had to leave before I was ready to. Another woman was crying - she traveled almost 3 hours with 3 small kids. How heartbreaking this life is for everyone involved.

I always look back when we are leaving and see him sitting there and it just rips my heart out of my chest. I want to just pick up the phone and tell him how much I miss him and how much he means to me, but I cant even do that.

He will be facing the parole board again this summer and I am so stressed over that. I dont know if I can take it if he gets flopped again. Then I get so angry at myself for being selfish. He is the one living that nightmare and Im home whining on whether I can handle it. Course I dont let him know my fears - I always try to stay encouraging for him, but inside Im a bunch of nerves. I dont see why they would flop him, but Ive read about so many loved ones that had been flopped over and over for no apparent reason, but they still happened. Is it the prison system saying "we warned you - you didnt listen" type thing? Do they just let them sit for a few extra years in hopes that this is a lesson well learned?

Dear Lord, when will my family ever find peace? I just want my kids to be happy, ya know? That isnt a whole lot to ask, is it?

Thanks for listening everyone - I seen this thread and just couldnt resist. I needed a shoulder to cry on and you guys are always there for me.
I'm really sorry your visit got cut short, that time is so precious. You know, my story is sad and pathetic really, I have been on both sides of this. I remember being that one sitting at the table when her mother left, and I can promise you, your son is feeling the same way. I used to watch my mother or son's leave, and it tore my heart out. I smiled and waved, and put on a brave face, and quietly silently cried in my cell in the dark hours of the night. Now I am the mother, and I live in another state and haven't seen my son since Oct., no phone system, only letters. No it's not too much to ask for, happiness...........that's all we want. One day, beyond this world, passed this earth, we will have that glory. I lost track on my thoughts, sorry...........just know he is thinking of you always. And just like we need to know they are ok, they need to know we are ok. Trust me on that, it is their strength. Love and Prayers.

Smyles and Leenie so sorry to have to meet this way. I will be praying for the both of you. My list just grows and grows, and my pain eases as the list grows due to the support that I get here. :grouphug:

he's up for parole now, he's already had his IPO interview. It was about two to three weeks ago now. I am trying, I don't want him to know how upset I am. I just don't know how to do this....please pray and thank you all so much. this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...
You can do this, even if parole is not in God's plan right now. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger, if you fight back with all your might, and never let it break you. I know it's hard, I was denied parole every time, and did my sentence day for day........I live with a terrible guilt for not being able to be with my son's all for defending some one else's daughter..........but it is what it is.........and I will not break. For my kids sake, for my own mother's sake, I will fight. Please, keep fighting for your son. If he comes home, Praise God, if not, thank God anyway, for the love you two have. Sorry, I got off course, just hang in there, come here for support, and keep being there for your son. Love and Prayers.

I just have the blues tonight. Went to see my son today - who by the way, looked great and had a great attitude, but I get so danged depressed when I come back home. I only get to visit every couple of months so they are very special to me. Our visit today got cut short cuz of severe storms in the area, so everyone had to leave the visiting area. Talk about heartbreaking. I couldnt fill my son up with sandwiches or snackies or buy him lots of pop - I just didnt get to spoil him like I love doing. Usually he goes back bulging at the seams :D And we were having such a great visit until mother nature had to act up :blah:. My "good side" says I should be happy for time we did share, but my "onry side" is upset that I had to leave before I was ready to. Another woman was crying - she traveled almost 3 hours with 3 small kids. How heartbreaking this life is for everyone involved.

I always look back when we are leaving and see him sitting there and it just rips my heart out of my chest. I want to just pick up the phone and tell him how much I miss him and how much he means to me, but I cant even do that.

He will be facing the parole board again this summer and I am so stressed over that. I dont know if I can take it if he gets flopped again. Then I get so angry at myself for being selfish. He is the one living that nightmare and Im home whining on whether I can handle it. Course I dont let him know my fears - I always try to stay encouraging for him, but inside Im a bunch of nerves. I dont see why they would flop him, but Ive read about so many loved ones that had been flopped over and over for no apparent reason, but they still happened. Is it the prison system saying "we warned you - you didnt listen" type thing? Do they just let them sit for a few extra years in hopes that this is a lesson well learned?

Dear Lord, when will my family ever find peace? I just want my kids to be happy, ya know? That isnt a whole lot to ask, is it?

Thanks for listening everyone - I seen this thread and just couldnt resist. I needed a shoulder to cry on and you guys are always there for me.

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=609

Leenie, dear friend from Michigan, you may have seen these messages on the Michigan forum about parole, etc., but in case you haven't, here's a link to them. (gosh I hope it works) Preparing for parole is almost a strategic military game; you must have all players in the exact alignment with the planets Mars & Uranus to get a parole these days.

Any way.... I printed these up and sent them to our son a couple months ago and I think it's time I reminded him to review Volume VI of my "Mother's Handbook for Dumb Kid who landed in Prison." :cool:

I know they mention getting lots of letters from family and friends and community leaders (ministers, teachers, priests, librarians?) to write on his behalf. I'm still looking for the 'family' I can depend on. I found the rest. haha

Best of luck to your son. Also in the Michigan forum, there is some articles from local newspapers on recent discussions of the cost of flopping vs release on tether. I wish the best for you and your family.

Take care.
Mary

the pain we can all feel inside...just reading another's words. we truly know what it feels like in so many of the posts. Our tears burn our eyes with sorrow and sympathy for those goign thru hard times.

Someone here, I think it was Jame, said that no one misses our kids the way a mother does (or a good dad).

it leaves a hole and an emptiness.

I do think we have to remember our men in prison are not emotionally the same makeup as we are. they suck it up and go back to their lives and do what they gotta do. they hate that we hurt. My son told me yesterday he is so sorry he is causing this trouble and never wants to do this again. I could hear in his voice that he is humbling himself.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. Be good to yourselves, and take some R&R time even if it is just to sit on the porch or tuck in on the sofa.

the pain we can all feel inside...just reading another's words. we truly know what it feels like in so many of the posts.

I do think we have to remember our men in prison are not emotionally the same makeup as we are. they suck it up and go back to their lives and do what they gotta do. they hate that we hurt. My son told me yesterday he is so sorry he is causing this trouble and never wants to do this again. I could hear in his voice that he is humbling himself.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend. Be good to yourselves, and take some R&R time even if it is just to sit on the porch or tuck in on the sofa.


It's so true, Jancy. You said it so well, too. The sons are much different than us. I wonder if we need to be mommy more than they need to be a son. I think we, as moms, tend to thrive on nurturing someone or some thing (my little dog for example). And because we moms and dads are often the sole support for our imprisoned kids, and are faithful and loyal and trust-worthy -- we get the phone calls and letters --and that makes us almost like their ONLY LINKS to the outside world anymore.

Will they need a mommy when they come out? And do I want to be mommy forever? Nope. I want him to be independent and prosperous (legally) and respectful and loyal to us, his mom and dad! But no ties to my apron strings.

These are extenuating circumstances in the MOM HANDBOOK. Maybe I'm wrong; it's happened before that I've been wrong. But I think we see them in danger in prison - and we go on ALERT! I don't know what will happen when our son gets out. Will I still be on ALERT? Probably, but it might be worse.

Anyone else know what the heck I'm talking about?

Mary
part of it is that we have to balance what we exhibit to our sons, esp if they have used us in the past. My son was a master manipulator who could pull my heart in his direction with just the tone in his voice.
He also had so little support from anyone since birth but me. I actually liked his company, his humor, we have the same sense of seinfeldism.

his dad and his brother resented him. he rarely had any friends even now...no male friends. I think that is why he got so into having women as companions. He had no trouble charming them.

I am much more reserved with him. I do not want him in danger or pain and I know dang well when he gets out he will come here mostly because he has no place left to go. iI do know he loves me as well as he can love anyone. People have disappointed him since he was small. the anger in him from the rejection he has dealt with from other males and teachers, etc. is still there.

But they are grown men now. all of our children are not children anymore. we as parents must help them face the adult relationships they will encounter whether in prison or out free. We stop coddling as much, we are here and sometimes that is all they need to know. They will grow more mentally if we step back a bit.

I am ever mindful that one day I will die and not be here to be his sole and soul support. I want him to be able to make it and so I step back.
I only visited him twice even though he is an hour from me. I only send 10 bucks now and then so he knows I cannot support him financially in prison, he has to eat what they serve him and live with it. I do send him books to feed his mind once a month.

when he gets out I will not be on alert. his choices are his choices. he never listened to my advice any way. I refuse to live in fear waiting for the next crisis.

Jancy we so need your wisdom. As a Mom looking at a little over a year till my son is home. I am totally clueless what to do, when do it, how to do it....

I know the love I have for my children is so intense that I have to let them fly. I want very much for them to be happy.

I will always be on alert. I cant turn that off. Or maybe Jancy you can help me learn to do it.

you can start with some simple free stuff to educate yourself.
go to the library and borrow these two books:
codependent no more by melody beattie

boundaries by townsend and cloud

I also read this site often:
http://coping.org/parenting/11f.htm

I so wish I had the gift with words that you ladies possess. Jancy, what you said about your relationship with your son rang so true to me. First let me say that my adopted children are as dear to me as my biological kids. This might not sound right, but in some ways I love them more because they come to me having lost their biological families. All of them suffered abuse and/or neglect while in the womb. "My son was a master manipulator who could pull my heart in his direction with just the tone in his voice. I actually liked his company, his humor,... I do know he loves me as well as he can love anyone. People have disappointed him since he was small. the anger in him from the rejection he has dealt with from other males and teachers, etc. is still there." And when Mary wrote.... "The sons are much different than us. I wonder if we need to be mommy more than they need to be a son. I think we, as moms, tend to thrive on nurturing someone or some thing. And because we moms and dads are often the sole support for our imprisoned kids, and are faithful and loyal and trust-worthy -- we get the phone calls and letters --and that makes us almost like their ONLY LINKS to the outside world anymore." You put my feeling into words.

It has bothered me that with 6 brothers and sisters, my son hears so little from anyone in the family but me. The attitude from my older children has been, he got himself into this and now we have to see Mom and Dad suffering for the rest of their lives because of it. I haven't said much about it until this morning when my oldest daughter called. She is such a fine Christian woman, dedicated mom and teacher. Well, I explained how much it would mean to me for her to send her baby brother a card. I explained that he is not in prison to learn a lesson and will be released in a year or two. It breaks my heart that I am almost his only link to the family. She has agreed to contact him and had some great ideas about books and such she could have mailed to him. I praise God for this!

MotherJ, I know what you mean. My older four adult kids all have families of their own - and I reminded them that this could happen to any one of them, too. (God forbid, but all it takes is one bad decision in the wrong place at the wrong time.) Two listened. Two choose to ignore which is a real head slapper because those two did things that should have put them in prison years ago, but laws were looser then and the cops weren't as fast as they are today.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone - not anyone.

DutchGirl1. I just read what happened to you at work, and I am furious! I don't know how large your workplace is, but before I retired I worked at a 1200 employee county hospital. I want to assure you that if that had happened to me, I would have taken it down and I would have been in the ceo's office demanding an apology. They didn't call me "Sparky" for nothing. I have never heard of something so unfeeling among co-workers, and I worked with some real "cats". I hope that you are able to accept that some people have their brains in the wrong end, and forgive them in time. In the meantime, head up-shoulders back-walk tall, and ignore fools. They aren't worth your tears. And thank you again for your kindness and pm.

I am late getting here today. there is so much here today that I don't know if I can cover it all. so if I leave something out please forgive me.

smyles, leenie. I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. I know one of the biggest questions in the beginning is "will this pain ever go away". it seems we hurt for ever so long. It does ease somewhat, makes the days easier to get thru. but it is always nearby. you can feel it lurking near your heart just waiting to spring and cause all you gained to be ripped away and have to start all over again. It is as many as have said before, a daily day by day, step by step. prayer to prayer.
I pray for both of you. God has a purpose that we dont' see or understand. but He always works things for our good. sometimes we just have to wait until He is ready to reveal it all. Have faith.

motherj, jancy, jill, mary, reggie.. all words spoken here ring so true. thank you for what you share. and I know how it is with having the other kids and how they don't write to their sibling. with 4 other kids, only 1 sister writes to her brother. not often but something is better than nothing - like the others 3.

smyles, thank you - well my building is a county office, recorders, treasure, assessors office. I have always been a very quiet person, anti-conflict. I just stayed out of the lobby and it is done now. monday will bring normalcy again. but thank you for your thoughts. it means a lot to know others care about injustices, or other negatives that happens to family of incarcerated ones.

D'Girl I am so glad you made it through that horrible week at work. I do hope this coming week is back to normal for you.

I am hoping that my son's half brothers and sisters (thats the only thing his dad new how to do was make babies) will write him. Since I haven't gotten a call yet I don't know if they have. I am thinking I will get a call this weekend. But it is my weekend to work two 12 hour shifts so I hope I don't miss it.

D'Gal, I pray that the horrible display is gone now. I pray for a peaceful week at work for you.

Jeffsue, I hope you finally got that phone call.

Ladies and Gents.

I pray it is a good week no a great week for all who comes here.

I slept very little last night. I am worried sick about this court appearance this morning.

I am off to court, please pray!

Love,
Jill

Jill, prayers are definitely up for you. Lit a candle too. Good luck and let us know how it went.

Love and Blessings.

Jill, I pray that everything will be okay and that God holds you and you loved one gently in his loving care today as you face the unknown. My prayers are with you.
Mercedes

Jill hope I'm not to late just said a prayer for you going to court.

first, thank you all for your love during my trial time last week. yes it is a new week and God is good.

jill, prayers for you dear.

Father God, we know that nothing happens to us outside your will. Lord we know that you love us and want nothing but good for us. That when the enemy attacks us, you will uphold us in truth and righteousness. Lord we ask in Jesus name that you be with our sister Jill right now, that you form a hedge around her that the enemy will not succeed in bringing her down. She loves you, she is one of your children. Lord we thank you right now, knowing in all confidence that you hear us and are at this moment already working your wonderous works. thank you. in Jesus name.

Amen!

I pray God will fill the room with his Powerful Love.

Amen to all the prayers said above!

Jill, you have us cyber angels on your shoulder.
Check in when you can!

Dear Jill, I had trouble with sleep last night also, lifted you up in prayer.


"O Lord, which art my God, in whom only I trust, save me from them that persecute me, and deliver me from mine enemies. Let not this man devour my life, as a lion does his prey; for of none seek I comfort but of thee alone" (Ps. 7:1-2).

D'girl, I don't know how I missed what happened at your place of employment -- it must have been very disturbing -- and altho I don't know what happened, I wish you only peace and love and compassion - just as you give to all of us.

I'm glad it's a new week, too.

Love ~~~
Mary

I am feeling guilty and I could use some input. The first week or so after my 17 year old sons arrest his picture was on the nightly news, in the news paper, and on the radio. I avoided even turning on the radio for about 2 weeks. The press is finally dying down. However, when I walk through the grocery store of our small town I feel like everyone is staring and thinking evil thoughts. I appreciate the handful of people who actually talk to me about it. To be honest I AM embarrassed by what my son did. I am not embarrassed of him, I love him deeply and forever. Then I feel guilty for the embarrassment. Any thoughts? The range of emotion I have felt the last 3 weeks is stagering.

Hugs Alecsmom! So good to see you came here for some support. The Heart Nurses are on duty and we're all a big bag of emotions on a rollercoaster of our lives. Love and Blessings to You, Your Son and Your Family.

I am feeling guilty and I could use some input. The first week or so after my 17 year old sons arrest his picture was on the nightly news, in the news paper, and on the radio. I avoided even turning on the radio for about 2 weeks. The press is finally dying down. However, when I walk through the grocery store of our small town I feel like everyone is staring and thinking evil thoughts. I appreciate the handful of people who actually talk to me about it. To be honest I AM embarrassed by what my son did. I am not embarrassed of him, I love him deeply and forever. Then I feel guilty for the embarrassment. Any thoughts? The range of emotion I have felt the last 3 weeks is stagering.

I am so sorry that your family had to become 'famous' in this way. I often wonder how movie stars deal with the paparazzi day in and day out -- but this is different, isn't it. Someone here will be able to help you with this. I don't know what to say except to send you hugs and tell you "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF because you are a mother of someone who made a serious mistake. With all the feelings and emotions we go through as parents with children in prison, who needs the gossip to add to the mix? I want to say "ignore 'm" but I know that's easier said than done. I hope it dies down for you and people will remember that we are all vulnerable -- we above all know this: It can happen to anyone.

Love & Peace to you~~~
Mary

I am feeling guilty and I could use some input. The first week or so after my 17 year old sons arrest his picture was on the nightly news, in the news paper, and on the radio. I avoided even turning on the radio for about 2 weeks. The press is finally dying down. However, when I walk through the grocery store of our small town I feel like everyone is staring and thinking evil thoughts. I appreciate the handful of people who actually talk to me about it. To be honest I AM embarrassed by what my son did. I am not embarrassed of him, I love him deeply and forever. Then I feel guilty for the embarrassment. Any thoughts? The range of emotion I have felt the last 3 weeks is stagering.


I had the same kind of feelings here @ work right after my sons arrest.
one of the ladies I work with kinda knew my son because she knew his fiance. she is also a gossip person. I just "knew" that she had spread the word and that everyone was talking behind my back and such. well, I don't know if any of that happened. I do know that the few I have talked w/@ work who know or know because I said something, have been kind.
my thoughts... hold your head up and don't let anyones negative thoughts dictate your feelings/emotions. the only one we have to be concerned with on how He feels about us is God. and He will never look down on you or laugh @ your circumstances. He is right beside you walking this path and supporting you.
God Bless.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through Alecs mom. I know the feelings well. A year and a half ago my son, along with three acquaintances, committed a crime. It was front page news for days that turned into weeks and then into months. It still hits the news a year and a half later as each of the defendants has been tried seperately and has seperate appeals. My son was on the run for 6 weeks and during that time our address was reported which gave us cause to fear for our families safety. Our family and friends were followed and searched from time to time by the police. For a number of months I dreaded going outside my door. Was I embarrassed? Most definately and scared, and heartbroken. I had been active with volunteer work in my community and just knew none of the organizations would want my name associated with them, but I was wrong. Slowly I ventured out and learned to hold my head high. The bad decisions that my son made were his own and he is paying a dear price for them. Embarrassment is not a problem for me now, but there are things I still am working through. Healing is an ongoing process. I hope you will feel at home with us at PTO. I know you will feel understood, unconditional love and support and you will have a safe place to vent as you heal. May God comfort and bless you.

WEll, I sure can relate as well! My son was arrested for a series of arsons, 3 years ago this past Dec. We live in a small community- tourist community. There's another series of arsons going on about 45 minutes from us, so, our community paper keeps putting my son and his "friend" in the paper again! As an example!
I went to the library with 2 of my daughters the other day, I had to go into the one that's smack in the center of where the arsons were. Everyone knows my mother,( and loves her) so everyone knows me, and knows I'm the "arsonist's Mom." Well, going into the library, I said to my daughters, 15 and 12, if one person says anything you are going to see Mom flip out!!! My poor 15 year old, who is an "easy" child, has been with me twice, no make that 3 times, when we've overheard comments! Last time, I got the guts up to look at the old lady and smile! She turned away from me faster then I would have thought she could move!! OK, so now that I've gotten the guts up for that, my husband says, I should look at the person, go up to them, and say, "Is there something I can help you with, or a question I can answer for you?" sooooo, that's my plan! I will do it, I used to hang my head in shame, want to hide, but no more! I got tired of being "judged" for something I did not do! I tell myself, "hold your head up, hold your head up, hold your head up!" you get the idea! The only one I want judging me is Christ! The media, to be honest with you, was the hardest to deal with, apart from the , the , I can't even put words to it, the "feelings" I felt when I heard he had been arrested for that.
I learned who my true friends are, My true friends stuck by me like glue. The chaplain of the fire dept., happens to be a deacon at our church, he was very supportive of me. Church was my safe place, though it didn't feel that way at first. It's a huge church, and I lector, a very visible ministry, so I didn't feel "worthy" to be up on the altar, reading the Word of God. The priests supported me, and reminded me, it wasn't me who commited the crime, only God can judge. They told me if anyone said anything negative to me, that person would be dealt with by them. They were fiercly protective of me. They said they had to keep church a safe place for me. So, I still Lector, but wonder if people are talking about me. One cop, stared at me for weeks, everytime I attended church! Never spoke, but I could "feel" the stares.... It stunk. Other cops, who know me from other places (like football with another son), couldn't have been kinder.
The worst comment came from another home schooling Mom. The type, with the "perfect" children, "perfect home." I bumped into her in a parking lot, she came up to me and said, "why did your son light those fires anyway?" She got more of an answer then she expected!
Hold your head up, it's normal to feel the way you do, but it's not right. YOu are not your son, you didn't do the crime, we are not responsible for our children's decisions, it does not make you a bad person, or a bad Mom. (just a sad one).
I am sorry you are going through this, the media can be relentless, but it does let up. Other news will take front page. (be aware of anniversary dates though).
Take Care, do something nice for yourself!

I am feeling guilty .... However, when I walk through the grocery store of our small town I feel like everyone is staring and thinking evil thoughts. I appreciate the handful of people who actually talk to me about it. To be honest I AM embarrassed by what my son did. I am not embarrassed of him, I love him deeply and forever. Then I feel guilty for the embarrassment. Any thoughts? The range of emotion I have felt the last 3 weeks is stagering.

Alecsmom, I cannot imagine that everyone in this forum has not felt what you are feeling. It has been many years since our situation started, and sometimes I still feel like people are staring. Our name is unusual, and our town is small. But, like the others have said, it was your son, not you, and you should never feel guilty or embarrassed to love your son. Nor should you feel guilty for being embarrassed, it is natural to feel that. It will pass. Eventually you will see that the rest of the world has their own lives to attend to, just as you will be moving on as well. Just love your son, do what you can for yourself and your family, and let the rest of the world take care of itself. If they are being harsh or judgemental, then that is truely their problem, and they will have to answer for it one way or another, whether you believe in the judgement of the Lord or Karma, we all have to answer for our own actions.
Take care Alecsmom, hugs to you.

Dear Alecsmom, I say ditto to all that have spoken. I am sorry you are going through this. I like what "Flysmom said,"Keep your head up", noone I mean noone is better than you.

People that judge are insecure. Regardless, of their so called"perfect"life. This nightmare could happen to anyone of them. You have not committed the crime. You son did and you love him. PERIOD! That should be your answer to anyone. Your son is paying and you still love him no matter what!

Oh boy, this is a hard world, hard people. We can choose to be like Jesus and turn the other cheek. Or crawl in a hole, or lash out at anyone. The simple truth is we are hurting and we don't know what to do.

I say if you know God run to His arms. He will comfort you.

I am sending love, prayers and thoughts your way. Come back here 24/7 we will love you through this.

Alecmom,we Have All Had To Suffer From What Oyr Children Did To Some Extent,but You Dont Have To Suffer Forever,only As Long As You Let It,you Are A Mother Of A Son That Broke The Rules.period.my Son Was An Escapee,we Were Followed,i Was Arrested,my Home Was Searched Over And Over,till I Said Hell No,nomore,dont Come Back Here,he Isnt Hiding Here,,the Tv,,every 30 Minutes Or So,i Told One Cop That Had They Done There Damn Job To Begin With And Busted The Drug Dealers That Helped Him Get In This Mess,on And On I Could Go,,but You Should Never Let Anyone Bully You Into Thinking You Should Be Ashamed,there Are No Such Thing As A Perfect Family,,and If One Person Says Anything To You,,remind Them Of That,,we Love You Here,this Place Is Loaded With Great Sisters To Talk To,,,,,,hold Ur Head Up Girl!!!!!!!moma K

Lordy MamaK! You all went thru such an ordeal :(

Thanks to you all. Knowing that many of you have been through this and SURVIVED brings me hope. I look forward to the day I may offer hope to others, as you have to me. I'm sure I'll have many questions in the future and it's reassuring knowing I have a place to turn.

Alecsmom,
no doubt you will encourage others with what you learn down the road. Even if we do not want to learn this stuff, it is funny but it seems others will come to you as if sent by God himself to help them by your experience.

I didnt sign up for this "school"
LOL it was thrust upon me, but now that I am here, I plan on at least getting into our lil sorority here.. :wink:

Alecsmom, I am sorry that you have to go through this. As you can see from previous posts you are not alone. It will get better in time and people will get on with their lives and they will forget.

Our high profile case went national 3 1/2 years ago, TV, talk radio, internet, you name it. What was worse the D.A./Jail would not let us see or speak to my daughter for a month. They held her and her boyfriend in protective custody and all we had for information was the news. The D.A.'s office would not speak to us about the "pending investigation". As I'm sure you have experienced, the press was less than kind, and as days went by my daughter and her boyfriend were accused of more and more. Accusations were flying and it became more and more horrific as time went on. We didn't know what to believe and never knew our daughter to be the type of monster the news was describing. We hid out for weeks at my sister's home as the news vans circled our house. The shock wave hit our small community here in Orange County, Ca and reverberated across the US.

Long story short, my daughter put herself and her son in dangerous situation. She paid a price for that. She was 19 and pretty naive, now 22 she fully understands what she had done and accepts the responsibility for it. The D.A. gave her time served, she will not face trial, and she will be coming home soon. She has matured into a better person.

Her boyfriend is standing trial as we speak today. He will be going away for a long time. He was at least man enough to clear her of his crime. I have been waiting for the news vans, the reports on TV, talk radio, internet and so on, but NOTHING!!! 3 1/2 years later and nobody cares! But for now we will thank God that my daughter and her son are alive and doing well.

Hold your head up and don't look back. You are not responsible for what you son has done. I think you will be surprised to know that most people agree with that statement. I know how much you love him and that love will be his and your saving grace!!!

I hid out for a while after my daughter was arrested. Yes I too was shamed!!! One day in church, almost 3 years ago, my pastor Rick Warren taught again about the Purpose Driven Life. I realized that God brought me to this place to use the pain I was experiencing to help others. You know the lemonade saying....... "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well in time when the SHOCK is over, let me encourage you to get out the sugar and start squeezing!!!:D It will transform your life.

Today 3 and a half years later, I am still the everyday Southern California housewife but now I have a jail/prison ministry. You and your son can both turn those lemons into lemonade too! My daughter and I did just that and we both now have a passion to continue this work when she comes home. It helped my daughter to feel productive and a way to give back, not to mention redirect her pain.

If you ever need help or want to talk "pm" me anytime. I am getting ready to start visitations at California Central Women's Facility and California Institute for Women, to see some of my girls and my daughter who just came out of reception. I am quite excited as these girls want to start some new inmate projects for California. God has a new journey for us, everyone is welcome, bring your lemonade extra sugar pleeeeeease! :drool:

Be good to yourself and God Bless,
Mak

PSSSSS.. Stay on this site! It is a GREAT source for support and information! LOT'S of GREAT people here who can help you through!

Beautiful! God Bless You, your Daughter and Your Family. God Bless all the girls you are helping. I'm so proud to know you're out there doing what your being called for.

mahk....
Amazing!!!!!! I'm so proud to know someone like you!
God bless you and your daughter and I wish you every success
And I will say some prayers for the guy on trial today. I pray he learns some lessons, too. God is good. He is merciful. He is immortal.

Take care!
Mary

hey ladies. don't know what is going on today, but I am feeling near to tears and some discouragement. I have no clue why. sure could use a few hugs and prayers today.
thanks.

:grouphug::grouphug:Dgirl surrounding you in love and prayer:grouphug::grouphug:

Hugs Dutchgirl. It's going to be ok. Evil is trying to knaw at you. Slap it down and put it in it's place, which is to be nowhere near you.

Lots of hugs Dutch. Sometimes we have an answer for our feelings and sometimes they just come out of nowhere, but that doesn't deminish how they make us feel. I'm saying a little prayer. May God lighten your spirits, ease your load and surround you with love.

hi ya dutchie...
it can do that to you, a roller coaster ride.
hey...I had my colonoscopy today and endoscopy...(all is well 'cept for that dang hiatal hernia...) so today I was fearful, restless in sleep last night...and here I am back at the computer.
life changes sometmies by the moment. take this one. then the next. be good to you. I like to go outside, preferably by a creek or stream and sit and watch the birds and creatures. Even if I just call a friend and see how they are, or make coffee and plop on the porch...makes me take a moment of peace. peace is like yeast. A bit grows and multiplies.
(HUGS)

Wow! Thanks for sharing MAK. Your testimony is all about God and what I believe and always say, "what the devil meant for evil God will ALWAYS turn it for good.

God bless you and your family. Thank you for being faithful. No doubt many people will be healed by your message.

I wish Rick Warren was my pastor!

Lord in the name of Jesus. One of our sisters is hurting. I lift D/G up to you and pray God that you touch her mightly today, this moment, this day.

Lord give her comfort. Let her see how much she is loved. Let her feel the love you have for her . Let her feel our love for her.

I pray that you supernaturally put someone in her path this day. Let this person be one of yours Father. Let this people shower D/G with kindness and love.

Lord I ask that you whisper in her ear, how very much you are pleased with her.

I pray for her son David. Lord, the name David means God's beloved. I pray you also give him a special touch of your grace, mercy and love. In Jesus name. Amen

amen, and amen

D'gal, hugs and prayers to you.

Wendy

D'girl.......consider yourself hugged and pampered! :grouphug:

If I were your neighbor, I'd bring you over a glass of iced tea w/ some lemonade added for sweetness, and a big box of Danish. The Danish things that have fruit or cream cheese on top and they melt in your mouth because the pastry is all flaky and crisp...... then I would have you sitting in a recliner with your feet up and I'd give you a soft pillow for your head and shoulders and put some soft -- very soft -- music on and open all the windows to let the fresh air in and I would read you poetry ....



There once was a man in Nantucket.....:eek::blush:

Oh..... wait.....wrong poem.....
where's that other poem by Emily Dickinson?:heart::heart::heart:

Love,
Mary

D'girl.......I'd bring you over a glass of iced tea w/ some lemonade added for sweetness, and a big box of Danish...then I would have you sitting in a recliner with your feet up and I'd give you a soft pillow for your head and shoulders and put some soft -- very soft -- music on and open all the windows to let the fresh air in and I would read you poetry ....



There once was a man in Nantucket.....:eek::blush:

Oh..... wait.....wrong poem.....
where's that other poem by Emily Dickinson?:heart::heart::heart:

Love,
Mary

Mary...your so sweet
and FUNNY!!!

Wait a minute....how do you know about the man from nantucket?

Yes she is so sweet! Maybe this is why D'Gal didn't come back! MDF moved in next door to D'Gal and having yummies pastries together?

Mary, I know the danish are comforting, but what happened to the diet?

D'gal, I so hope you are feeling better today. I haven't seen you yet this morning. Don't tell me I just get back in the swing and now you go MIA.

diets are for sissies.......<koff>....ahem!......when a friend needs me, out come the Danish! or eclairs! or whatever she needs most! and only the BEST for my friends.

:) good morning. I am here, I am doing better today. turns out hubby had a bad day yesterday too.

mary thanks for the 'tea and sympathy and the danish. mmmmmm and my two favorites there are eclairs and bavarian creme filled donuts. just for the record :)

thanks all for your prayers. what would any of us do without each other.

Great to see you back and feeling better today D'Gal! Huggers! bavarian creme now that's a word I haven't heard for a longggg time. If you want to somebodys eyes gloss over real fast out here in California, Dunkin Donuts, ask them for barvarian cream. heheh!

Dutch, I just read your post about having a bad day, I am so sorry I showed up late! But I am praying for you all the same. Glad to hear you are doing better.

I have to tell you how much I have enjoyed your wisdom on this site. I sometimes get "lost" in this large community (so many threads) but when I do I seem to bump into one of your posts. It's like bumping into a friend, you know a familiar face!

You are always the first to, Welcome, Encourage, Pray, and Direct, newbies and anyone who is hurting or needs assistance. Your grace is a gift and you wear it well. I can say for myself that you have been a blessing to me and I hope you are feeling better.

We all can relate to the bad days, but we are here do lead you back to the GOOD Days! So many wonderful people on PTO wish you well and thanks for the encouragement you have shared with us all!

God Bless,
Mak

D'Gal is our stepping stone, our guidance, and our mentor.
We do love you D'Gal, I'm glad your feeling better! :)

hi all, can you peek over and meet pinky at this post?? thanks! she needs a welcome hug.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=330776

i peeked i posted but i am not really qualified right now to offer much

thanks deb, I think even a hug and hello is something we are all qualified for! LOL

i am right now at a loss for what mood i am in...

well then, here is a pittsburgh hug for you...
that comes with fries and cole slaw right on it>>LOL

thank you, jancy...maybe you should have moved your plate befor the hug? :)

as I said it is a pittsburgh thing. the big sandwiches here are called Primanti Brothers. they are huge, and they put the fries and cole slaw right on the sandwich. so we say "it comes with the fries and cole slaw right on it" that means you have a big one!
http://www.primantibrothers.com/header/images/header.jpg

Look familiar Jancy?

Yum!

In the Syracuse area there is a resturant called Heidi's. It has been opened for years. They serve Hoffman hotdogs. OMG the bestest hot dog and coney(white hotdog) ever!

The last time I was up there I ate there for 3 straight days. Never got tired of it.

Can't wait till next weekend. It will be one of my first stops, my first stop of course, get my hands on that baby!

:) good morning. I am here, I am doing better today. turns out hubby had a bad day yesterday too.

mary thanks for the 'tea and sympathy and the danish. mmmmmm and my two favorites there are eclairs and bavarian creme filled donuts. just for the record :)

thanks all for your prayers. what would any of us do without each other.
Just for the record...my favorites too :thumbsup: We'll have to share some

Each summer when I travel for my workshop, the first thing I do is research the restaurants in that city. Then I make sure to take elastic waist pants for the trip back. I've eaten my way through a lot of cities.

Each summer when I travel for my workshop, the first thing I do is research the restaurants in that city. Then I make sure to take elastic waist pants for the trip back. I've eaten my way through a lot of cities.
hahahaha...that's great...I was going to hit the Thanks button, but that didn't really make sense...they need a :thumbsup: button.

yep that is the place, I see you have been in my fav restaurant in PGH's strip district! next time I will meet you there!

I like that photo you put up of J and the babe!

Hey ladies, it seems the only support you needed today is a good solid girdle eating at those fantastic places! I'm so jealous. We don't have anything like that near here.

When hubby goes to L.A., he stops by 2 places that we always loved and brings home large "take aways" that he packs in thermal bags. One is Johnnie Pastrami, and the other is Tito's Burritos. They both get a kick out of the fact that hubby is loading it up to bring to Mexico, and go over and above what he pays for. Hold the bread and tortillas, we just want the fixins!

Did you ever hear of The Stinking Rose in LA, Wendy? EVERYTHING in the restaurant has garlic in it, including the ice cream. And how about Baker's Square in Anaheim. I had their fresh strawberry cream cheese pie at least once a day the 6 days I was there.

Maybe they should call it the stinky rose. LOL

MotherJ, I don't know the Stinking Rose, but I went to many a garlic festival in Gilroy!! Ice cream and all! Baker's Square in Anneheim was not too far from me at one point. I ate it well. I lived in Fullerton at the time. Is that close enough for ya?

Ladies, we need some prayer warriors in action. I not able to give details, but Jill needs our prayers in a big way right now. You are aware of some of her concerns this past week.

Prayers going up for Jill. Hope all will be OK.:grouphug:

Joining in prayers for Jill................

Jill, if God is for you, who can be against you?
keep the faith, baby!

I was thinking tonight about my lowest point during the past couple years. It was when I was so scared and anxious I could not think. All I could do is repeat the 23rd Psalm over and over and over. So many nights I fell asleep repeating this Psalm.


Twenty-Third Psalm

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff--they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.

--- Psalms 23: 1-6

Thank you MotherJ.

Phil. 4:7 has always been one of my favorite scriptures. But yesterday God gave it to me with a new meaning:
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the PEACE of God, WHICH SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I understand that my son is in a horrible jail, so God I ask for Your Peace which surpasses the understanding that my son is in jail, to guard my heart and mind in Jesus' name.
Thank you, God, for your Peace.

Hey Pamz, just left you a message on the "sons and daughters' part 2 thread. Glad to see you are doing well! I love the verse thanks for sharing we all could use that one!!!!

I will be praying for your son, what jail is he in? Have they had lots of problems there? I will be praying for his safety!!!
God bless,
Mak

THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR LOVE AND PRAYERS.

God moved quickly in Brad's life. All is calm.

Thanks again.

Let's pray for those in Ca who still havent heard from their sons. Wendy comes to mind.

Lets. bombard heaven with prayer that Wendy hears from her son.

Davidsmom, good idea, but let's pray for sons and daughters who we have not heard from recently.

I haven't heard from my daughter for the last week, she just came out of reception and given housing. The women in her new cell told her she wasn't wanted and to get out. (like she has a choice) She found out that they were all lifers and didn't like the fact that she wasn't. One of them pulled her aside and told her "firmly" to get a transfer fast and said that not all lifers are like this but she would be better off someplace else. Thank God for this woman who helped my daughter!!!!!!

She applied for the transfer and called to say she got it. But I don't know when or where or if she ever got moved. That was the last I heard from her. Truth be told I'm a little worried but I know she is in God's hands.

So please pray :help:for her and I will be praying for everyone's "babies" too.
Thanks for the never ending support!!!
God Bless,
Mak

Lord I do pray for MAK's daughter. I pray Lord that you swiftly got her transfered and she is safe, comfortable and has peace. Now Lord I pray you give her Mom and her entire family that peace. Come and whisper into this Mamas ear that all is okay. Let her hear from her daughter I pray. In Jesus name. Amen

I pray all parents who are waiting for the phone to ring... May it ring. Lord let them all hear from their children. I pray In Jesus name. Amen

Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For getting over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say (x7)

Thank God for this site.... its a safe place to say what we need to say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTpy_L1dALA

Thanks Davidsmom, you are a blessing!

mac that's awful. but the first thing the girls said to me when i had my little visit to county was are you staying or going?...all i could say was ... i have a choice? they laughed..thank god
i pray your daughter finds women who still have hope.

MAK keeping your daughter and you lifted up before the Lord.


Isa 40:31 (http://www.searchgodsword.org/desk/?query=isa+40:31&translation=nkj&st=1&new=1&sr=1&l=en) - But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Thanks for your prayers and support. You ladies are the best!!!

The phone rang this morning but I could tell by the ring it wasn't her. I didn't even pick it up.....not sure how I know when it's her?????? The two times she has called I knew immediately it was her and ran to the phone. It must be a God thing.:bow: I am very connected to both my daughter 22 @ CCWF Chowchilla Prison and my 19 year old son still at home (Mr. College).

As the telemarketer left their message this morning I said a quick prayer for my daughter and left it up to God.

Today I am going to work on my flower garden project. GSPack started a "movement" where we all plant gardens...flowers/veggies...for our loved ones. Then we can take pictures for them so they can see the progress. We can love them through our gardens!!! I have my daughter, and the girls I sponsor, one in CIW Chino/Corona, one still @ county, and two @ CCWF. This garden will be in their honor!!!

Since I have started this garden project I have received "donations" from friends and family. I now have 2 beautiful pots of roses, a garden fairy, a sundial, and a box of assorted garden signs and goodies, not to mention what I have purchased. What a nice surprise to receive the donations!!!!! Not sure where I will be planting all this stuff yet, so I have my work cut out for me! It's a beautiful day so I am going to get started. Thanks again for your prayers and support ladies have a great day!
God Bless,
Mak

Mahk, let's hope you hear from your daughter SOON. You will be in my prayers! Your garden sounds beautiful.

I'm not much of a gardener any more. (bad back & knees) But I sure can grow that gorgeous sea grass! Yup, tons of it and I love watching how it sways with the breeze. Reminds me of the ocean. (I know. It's a stretch going from sea grass to the ocean, but I can do it, I really can!)

God, watch over our daughters and sons. Keep them safe. Protect them. Nourish them. Give them a kiss from their moms and dads! a flutter of a breeze will be enough Lord for them to know we love them and miss them!

Mary

here i go again..i knew something was up a last visit son was in a mood... he must have been threatened... and it happened. my son's po called .. he was in a fight. the other kid admitted to hitting him.grand oh he is fine.. but there was anouther fight he was in there still looking into. no details on that one...WFT!!!!!!! put my kid on the phone .. i want to talk to him.. oh i am going home now ill leave a e-mail message for the superintendent?????? why why why

oh and to have to say oh thats good someone beat him up at least he didn;t beat someone up .. is sick just plain sick that i even have to think that..but i am not sure if the secound fight wasn;t him first this time

ok guess who called yuppers the superintendent.
he said he is sorry he had to make this call and he is getting really ticked off at this junk..... and they then let me speak with my son..20 min..he didn;t fight back.. just stood there once again.. then once again said is that all you got... thats my boy. but once again his right eye got hit.. i had a talk with him about he needs to figure out why he lets his guard down on his right eye ..and work on that. oh this is in no way over... i am not appeased yet... no he didn;t start any fight.. the superintendant thinks it's because he dosen;t fight back.. just walks away...after and kinda blows it off..

have i mentioned if he fights back leaves a mark on the other kid he gets put in isp. and gets 30 days tacked to his time

Deb,

I am so sorry that again this has happen. I know you must be so upset. Please know I am here all night if you need to vent. I will be praying too!

Love, Jill

thank you so much, davidsmom i am so sick of this... i have to deal with this along with a idiot husband ...(soon to be ex).who had me arrested and now says i owe him gratitude because it was he who had them drop the charges against me.. and if it weren't for him .. he says i am not showing enough remorse and gratitude???? i do not need this..

Deb'
wow, I will be pray ing for your son, is the non fighting thing something he just decided not to do?
My son has also decided not to fight it happened twice so far, he went into his cell and punched the cabinet, the other person followed him into his cell but then left, a week later someone els punched him he just walked away, , I don't have words for it.
Iwill pray for you to be encouraged and that your son be kept from evil, and divine protection for your son.
Vangee

justadeb,
when my son would get hurt, I felt his pain too.
he has never been hit in prison because he tells them, you can hit me but I will hit back and I have a very bad anger management problem and will not stop.

I am sorry for your pain and worry. God bless and protect your dear son.

thank you vangee, yes he has no desire to fight he is just trying to do the time he has to do...not looking for more time.. he is a strong young man. and i have instilled in him that he is actually stronger then the boys jumping him. and they are just proveing how weak they are.. he has proven to himself... he is not going to go to there level.... i have told him he dose not prove he is a man based on weather or not he ..can hurt someone. being a man is letting someone hurt you.. and then walk away...let them live with there actions because they dont look stronger in the end .. my son dose... hurting someone is not in his character.

my son just keeps asking these other guys there address and phone number and tells them he'll get back with them on the outside... ok covers my little giggle... he's taking names and setting dates...;) and i told my son to let them know i'll be more then willing to rent the boxing ring ;)
i doubt any one of them will show up. i am just so ticked off... i know my son can get knocked around...n take it... i gave him his pep talk about why he is letting his right eye guard down. ;)

thank you jancy.. i am not hurt actually just ticked.. there's not a fair fight...oh let me add he knows how to fight that's the big problem he's been disciplined in why, , how and when to fight. :) it's how he can maintain control. dang it want to see him box one of those fools fair...:eek::thumbsup:

justadeb, thank your for your courage, you have so much of it, i need some, when my son started this no fight thing i was really afraid. One time I tolld him hit them bsack and go to the hole, you can use the vacation, he didn't and it's been ok.
yes you have courage.Father in the name of Jesus Christ Please protect justadeb son, keep him safe from those around him and lord, I pray the next time they go to aprroach the young man to fight i pray they get caught, and I pray they are made an example of and they won't bother justadeb's son anymore.
please lord meet him at the point of his need. Help him to hold his peace just as he is now doing, that is a gift because not everyone can do that so i do thank you Lord for helping him in this way.
Comfort his mom, and help his eyes heal
Amen

aw shucks vangee... i am not the special one. my son is and i make sure i tell him i am proud of him that he has a strength in character i can only wish i had at his age.
thank you so much for that prayer..i pray not for revenge on these other boys.. just that they learn to feel in there hearts that........ all they did was inflict pain on another human..for no purpose . it serves no purpose. they will live with this on there souls.. may god bless them for there broken souls..

Deb,Jancy and Vangee'
I saw my son this weekend and he too had been in a fight.He said that he owed a guy 2 boxes of cookies and the guy said he would have to fight him for it. My son told him he had no money on his books to repay him, (my fault-I guess, I try but it's not always perfect) but the guy insisited that he had to fight him in spite of the fact he was going home in a few days and he is much smaller. My son said the guys' friends all told him he was being stupid and my son told him he'd get the cookies or the dollar fifty somewhere. But no-the guy attacked. so he did fight back and the guards came and the little guy had a black eye and busted lip. The guards looked at everyone's hands to see who's hands were messed up--but no ones were. A major case averted.I can't take one more case that ruins his chances at parole.Why would that guy do what he did? I admire the ones who just can take it. And I was wondering? Are we safe here? I've seen D.A.'s and others on the site. Could we get someone in trouble or should we be careful? Just asking. Specsmom

well if you are worried specs mom i would say this is hear say...but who knows ..... so hit that edit button and. remove the words that might incriminate...and add.. allegedly?

but besides that specs mom how was your visit.do tell..

It is extremely difficult to know that people are jumping or fighting our sons for a box of cookies, or a honey bun. And if they fight they get in trouble, and if they don't fight there is a possibility that others will continue to just pick on them, I told my son if it gets to hot get out of the kitchen and go lock down. How mush mess can they take and I've always tod my son you need to know the officers name on duty,
they are not that busy that they don't know these fights are taking palce or even that there is a fight in progress, most officers are there for a paycheck and they could care less, most not all. most often than not there is always a snitch that is why they find the drugs and weapons that they do, someone told.
so I say there is cause for concern, but it will either break them and us or make all of us stronger.
I really think of all this we will all get stronger. I call my sons counselour all the time, and I have a couple of questions about how they run there prison in the south. It is just different than in New York.
I just get really angry when officers act like they have to much to do and they have all these fights, because i've been on the other side.
specsmom, it will be alright.
It really will.

ok vangee i had to chuckle.. if they put a honey bun in the prison.. the boys will kill for her...;) sorry my silly mind at work

I know this has happened alot with my son, in fact several fights have broken out. There is mersa in the prison also, I don't know if my spelling is accurate but it is a terrible disease that once it gets into your blood it can be deadly, my son said it is being ignored there by the nurse and that someone has it on his head and it is becoming infected. I told my son he needs to get out of there and not get into any fights where blood or body fluids may be exchanged. Please pray for the unsanitary conditions in these prisons that they seem to close their eyes to and also all the unncecessary fighting that goes on for ridiculous reasons other than they're just frustrated or want to be the big man there. It is crazy and I feel for you.
Susan W

today i talked to my son, he is upset because he was the one moved from the good dorm. while the three who jumped him are still there.. yes i said 3 jumped him
i told him to hang in there chin up and when they try to tease him for not fighting back.. ...........tell em my mom taught me not to hit girls

my son called last night unhappy as well. he is being moved today to a cell with a man who is loud and obnoxious. I told my son to keep the vision of his own son here waiting for him on his mind at all times. I also told him God is there. Talk to him.

Fighting over cookies. sad. A lot of the prison fights are over food. My son said last night he fears he is being institutionalized and is just like all the others there. they get a certain way from being locked up.

aw jancy... i swear....mind games su**
but hey we both got to talk to our pissy boys.........lol

Susan W, I'm afraid I know way too much about MERSA. When my son's baby left for NY City with his mom, she sent him back two months later with an infection on his neck. It started out as a small pimple and turned into a knot about as big around as a quarter overnight. After he was hospitalized and back in good health she took him back to New York again and about a month later he was back with an awful boil like infection in his pubic area. It responds well once they get them on the correct medication but can be deadly if not treated especially in infants and the elderly. What I was told by doctors at UVA was that about 1/3 of the population carries MERSA and you can pick it up on a grocery cart handle any day. If a prison is ignoring it they could be in for a real problem although most of the prison population would most likely not develop it. I was the one who took care of my grandson and stayed with him in the hospital and never caught it, but his mom and 3 of her sisters all got it, some of them several times. Nasty stuff!

justadeb,
this is vanessa you are really funny! I just read your reply to my story and you said the thing about the honey bun.
Sorry about your son, I swear some of these prisoners aught to be ashamed of themselves, three to one, and they moved your son and left the other three there.
The prison systems are rotten to the core and the officers who work them some of them was a minute from being an inmate themselves.
justadeb I will be prauing for you
vanessa

Praise Report.....previous page posts!!!
I finally heard from my 22 year old daughter!!!!!!!:yay:She is doing good!!! CCWF, Chowchilla, California had a phone issue and they couldn't call out for about a week where she was. She did not get the transfer out of the lifer's yard but she said they are not harassing her anymore. All transfers have been suspended they have run out of room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She only has 5 months to go......we are praying she gets kicked and comes home!!!!!!

She has made friend with two of the women who she attends church with that are on the same yard. They are watching out for her. She has been selling and trading the homemade post cards I have been sending her. The women love them!!!!! Said she is making enough to buy her necessities from canteen. She said to keep sending them!! I knew it was money well spent for my color printer!!!!!!

Thank you all for your prayers and concern. Thanks for the continued support and friendship, I couldn't have done it without you!!!!!!!
God Bless each and every one of you, :clap:
Mak

wow mak! what a great post and so uplifting. good news is always appreciated...helps keep the corners of my mouth upturned! :)

Hi all,

Just wanted to say Hi from the Great State of New York! I also wanted to thank you for your prayers. I have seen my beautiful Grandson all day yesterday and all day today.

We took him to see his Uncle David in prison. What a glorious day. We got to sit outside! Chance David made the awful ugly place beautiful. Uncle David got tears in his eyes. Chance David was so good never cried and laughed most of the day.

I got a room in this awesome house. I saw it on craigslist. Its on the lake. Wonderful landord. I woke up this morning went outside and saw the sun coming up over the mountain at the lake. What a great way to start the day. I wasn't sure about the room as I will only be here 5 days out of the month. I am only paying $250 a mt. Now I know everything happens for a reason. This place is a refugee and a piece of heaven. My landlord said my son can come out anytime. All he has to do is call and he can use her boat. I thought what a healing place for him to go when he needs to get away.

David spoke to Bradley very a long time in private. Bradley seems to be okay. He is very happy I am here. We have been celebrating his birthday since I got here Thursday night.

I got tons of pics and hope to share them when I get home Monday.
I dont have time to get caught up. We are headed to another bday dinner. Hope and pray all that is well with all of you.

I miss my girls! Have been thinking about all of you. I basically prayed the whole drive 520 miles. Hope you are feeling my prayers! I have felt yours.

Thanks again. I will post later if I can.
I love you all

Jill

Just In Case You Get To Drop In Jill...we Miss You Too!! But You Sound So Happy And That Makes Me Happy When I Can Feel Your Happiness!! Enjoy Every Single Min You Have There!!take Care, Have Fun, Drive Careful While Driving Home To Us!! We Love You!!
As Always Prayers And Love To You And Family!!!
God Bless
Love Carlene

Jill,
how dear of you to share this with those here at "home"
enjoy!

Thank you so much for the chance to just write my pain and let some of it out. My boo was just an hour and a half away, so while I've been struggling to get a decent lawyer to help him, I could afford to see him on the regular, and keep his spirits up.
Then, outa the blue, they moved him! I went to visit yesterday, and they said, "no visit, he's going tomorrow." We found out Saturday, but not that I couldn't see him sunday. I know he must've been hurtin' bad. Now his counselor told me she couldn't say where they sent him, but it's over 5 HOURS AWAY!
i know I shouldn't complain, when there are whole families that hardly get to see their hubby/daddy...I just feel such despair...:cry:How will he ever get any help (what a joke) this is his 5th prison in less than a year. Like everybody else, there is no good mental or medical health care for him. I know its a horror for everybody, and I feel their pain too, but today, please pray for this soft-hearted giant who is a victim of the system, once again. and for my strength...

I'm going a little crazy....my baby's IPO interview was on like April 7th I think. That's seven weeks....how long does this usually take to get something back? It feels like it's been so much longer, however, after counting it has only been 7weeks. His PED was 1/9/08, however, he didn't get there from county till 2/7/08. I thought they might move things along a little faster bc of that. I don't know...maybe it's a good thing they are taking so long...then again, maybe this is normal and that doesn't' mean anything.

I'm really missing him and finding this harder and harder to deal with. I am becoming just overwhelmed at least once a week....I don't know how I'm going to get through this and then to think that he might not get paroled...well I just can't even think that way.

OMG!!! I just got a call from our attorney. She is speaking with the Parole Board Thursday!!! I'm a ball of nerves now!!! I was soo anxious to hear something, anything and now I can't stop shaking!

Please say a prayer for us, I'm scared to death!

Saying a prayer for your son, and you too Smyles78. I hope everything goes well for him, we need some good news.

WoW Smyles,
Definitely sending a prayer up for you ! and son! It is so hard to wait! Good luck and let us know. Specsmom

TinkNY,
We all feel your pain. The first year my son was in they moved him from county on Christmas Eve,in a huge snow storm,and that night there was a wreck of a prison bus on the news. Of course the news kept showing the EMT's carrying off bodies .Dear God I thought I would die! Eventually I was able to find out where my son was and that he wasn't in that wreck. A warden of a prison in our town took pity on me and found out for me after I called that unit. What a fun Christmas that was--yea good times. They moved my son with no underwear, and no shoes in a orange jump suit that was way too small because he's a big guy. That was a really bad year! I'm so sorry for you-really. I know how you feel. Specsmom

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up :broken:[quote=specsmom;3610946]TinkNY,
We all feel your pain. The first year my son was in they moved him from county on Christmas Eve,in a huge snow storm,and that night there was a wreck of a prison bus on the news. Of course the news kept showing the EMT's carrying off bodies .Dear God I thought I would die! Eventually I was able to find out where my son was and that he wasn't in that wreck. A warden of a prison in our town took pity on me and found out for me after I called that unit. What a fun Christmas that was--yea good times. They moved my son with no underwear, and no shoes in a orange jump suit that was way too small because he's a big guy. That was a really bad year! I'm so sorry for you-really. I know how you feel.And I will say a prayer for you. Specsmom

My emotions are all over the place today. I realize I am tired, yet I feel so darn sad.

I need to vent. My sons have a friend who got 1-3 for probation violation. This kid is a really small guy with a big mouth. So he gets sent to state prison, constantly in trouble he has been in for over 3 years. He is in trouble I know cause he is so little he has to defend himself.

So my son tells me this weekend he is in the SHU(box) for 18 MONTHS. MY GOD! How is that not cruel and unusual punishment.

My youngest son went to visit him a few weeks ago. He said it was so sad. He was freaking out for the first hour of the visit. Looking around couldnt sit still.

I just cannot get the picture of this little guy out of my head. I just dont think in a free country this should go on.

Well thanks for listening. I am really torn up over this, plus I miss my boys and I feel so darn sad.

i have just tryed to reply to 10 or so posts.. and i just can;t do it right now i just can;t seem to find words..the right ones
have a great night god bless those who are struggling tonight .

I really needed it today and thanks to wonderful ladies here at PTO, I got more support than I ever thought possible. I wish I would had joined here 7 years ago. I'd have more knowledge and be more educated and I am thankful for all the support I got here. GLAD I JOINED!!!
Stormy~~:heart:

Hello Everybody! I am reading your messages here, and it's soo sad to see so many more who are carrying heavy hearts. I'm so sorry and I'm really glad you are here among the hearts who feel the same. God Bless All of you.

Hi everyone I couldn't help but notice that it's time for some prayer!!!:D
Just want to send a word up to heaven for all of you!

Tinkny...Praying for your "soft-hearted" giant and that you find strength to be the best Mommy and wife you can be. May God bring you peace to help you through!

Smyles...Praying for favor before the parole board. Bless your attorney with wisdom and knowledge and the gift of reason and persuasion!

Wendy...Praying for your son that he be protected. Quicken his heart to know how much he is loved. Praying for Mom that she receives blessings and strength.

Davidsmom...Praying that your son's friend is protected and is released from SHU. Make this the defining moment to help him get his life on track.
Praying for your son that he is protected and knows his Mom loves him more than anything. Let this be his motivation to live life to the fullest when he comes home. Momma I pray for your kind heart and gentle spirit, may God bless you with peace and comfort you with hope.

Specmom...Praying for your son and his safety. God protect this boy and give his momma the peace that she needs.

Justadeb, Stormy, and Bless...Thanks for the uplifting words! May God comfort and continue to bless you and your loved one!

God Bless :bow:
Mak

Thank you Mahkenna! That was very sweet of you to say these prayers for everybody. God Bless You! You are very special. We needed that! wew!

Oh I like the little icon you use! How cute! May I borrow? hehe!
God Bless! :bow:

adding my Amen to Mahk's words and my own purple heart thoughts as well.
Tinkny...Praying for your "soft-hearted" giant and that you find strength to be the best Mommy and wife you can be. May God bring you peace to help you through! You are on my heart and mind as well. May God close the gap with you and your hubby if even only in your hearts if that must be for now. I do not understand the system at all. sigh.

Smyles...Praying for favor before the parole board. Bless your attorney with wisdom and knowledge and the gift of reason and persuasion! God speed your request as he calms your mind thru this journey!

Wendy...Praying for your son that he be protected. Quicken his heart to know how much he is loved. Praying for Mom that she receives blessings and strength. May you hear from him soon! You are always there to comfort and spread smiles, may your own face be smiling with knowledge that all is well for him.

Davidsmom...Praying that your son's friend is protected and is released from SHU. Make this the defining moment to help him get his life on track.
Praying for your son that he is protected and knows his Mom loves him more than anything. Let this be his motivation to live life to the fullest when he comes home. Momma I pray for your kind heart and gentle spirit, may God bless you with peace and comfort you with hope. Amen as well, I did read this yesterday and I confess that I immediately turned off my computer. Like justadeb, I was speechless with the sorrow of our lives with loved ones in prisons. My own son spent 90 days in total isolation in a horrid county jail followed by a brief out time and then 90 more days. It tore me up to know he was like that and I have a particular horror knowing there are many many untold men in that situation at any given time. God please show your presence to these souls and have your son, Jesus, lie with them and whisper comfort to them thru this time.
God bless all those who weep, know that they will be comforted. :grouphug:

Amen Jancy! :bow:

I'm so very sorry your son was put into that situation. I'm using a borrowed things from Mak :bow:and a word from MDF. I Despise it all!

Thanks Jancy, I got my call, no 3 from him on Sunday. Can't remember which thread I posted it in. Still on lockdown but they had phone privileges last weekend, not sure when I'll here from him again. I hope all is well with you!

Wendy I'm sorry they're still on lockdown. I don't know what happened. Why did they do this? I pray it's lifted soon. I know how much you worry. Being sooo far away.

Thanks Jancy, I got my call, no 3 from him on Sunday. Can't remember which thread I posted it in. Still on lockdown but they had phone privileges last weekend, not sure when I'll here from him again. I hope all is well with you!

ahhhh huge sigh of bittersweet relief. so good that you heard from him! with my son, as soon as I set the phone down I am sad for a bit til I regain composure.

I have been catching up here in bits...my BF's closing is friday on his house and the moving and condensing two houses into mine...ugh!! but a good ugh...lol

yeah jancy the closeing on friday. the day you close the one chapter. and start a new one....best wishes

Holy Smokes I am sitting here reading MAK's prayer with goose bumps all over me. THANK YOU!

I too add amen and amen nothing left to add.

I pray for Mak's family , herself, her finances. I pray for a double annointing of strength and power to move in impossible situations. I pray for a hedge of protection around her and all those she loves. I pray for more wisdom, mercy and grace in her life. In Jesus Name. Amen


I ask that you continue to pray for all those who are in Shu's. Please pray for Jeffrey with 18 months in that hell hole.

My mind can't go there today. It hurts too much!

How do they determine how long somebody is to be in solitary confinement! IRK IRK IRK! I despise it!

Bless M.... outragious isnt it. I am not sure but I think in NYS they go before some CO's and it depends on what they did.

Where is Reggie today.... We need her input on this.


Let's go over to the Paddleboat and get outta here!

thanks deb! I am very happy but very crowded here. I have four couches in my gameroom and three coffee tables, and well, tons of stuff since I store my son in prison's stuff, my son's stuff who moved out and moved into a furnished place til august.. so he needs the stuff again...AND BF's stuff not to mention my own. I did sell tons of BF's stuff on craigslist.

come August I am clearing out or having a big bonfire and you are all invited, I will supply the weenies and beanies. :)

Jill, I cannot tolerate the thought of segregated housing units...isolation or whatever they call those closets.

I do not know how all places work but in county jail they can send you for 90 days and then a hearing then another 90 days. my son was sent there for giving his shoes to another guy for a candy bar. they were not allowed to trade stuff. I called the warden and the social worker, the lawyer...nothing stopped it. I was a raving lunatic. My son was losing his idea of his own identity and saw no one for months and only spoke thru a slot, the other men tried to whisper thru cracks in the cement block walls. it was unthinkable...a horror for both of us.

Ok! sounds good. I dunno where she is. I'm starting to worry. Yes it IS outragious. IRK IRK IRK!!

I do not know how all places work but in county jail they can send you for 90 days and then a hearing then another 90 days. my son was sent there for giving his shoes to another guy for a candy bar. they were not allowed to trade stuff. I called the warden and the social worker, the lawyer...nothing stopped it. I was a raving lunatic. My son was losing his idea of his own identity and saw no one for months and only spoke thru a slot, the other men tried to whisper thru cracks in the cement block walls. it was unthinkable...a horror for both of us.

Maybe that's something the 21st Century Tea Party can start digging at at some point. It's got to end. I didn't know they were not allowed to trade. Sigh. I'm so sorry this happened to your son. And You.

I was thinking of the 21st group too.

Jancy I am so sorry that Tony went through that!

It is absolute torture. Mentally I hear its the hardest for them. Nothing to do. In NYS they cant have books. Paper and a pencil are the only things allowed. My God

I thank God they can have visits!

I got to forgetaboutit for the night.

Jancy bonfire sounds great. I will bring the fixings for smores

i truely think thats one of the main reason my son keeps his nose clean.. he wants no part of that hole..yup they even have them for teens.. i know he did one day in it while at county...he was being a comedian..and hid for count.. they only kept him there for 3 hrs...hes lucky that guard had a crush on his mom..;)

he was being a comedian..and hid for count.

hahhaha I don't mean to laugh! But I can so picture that. These silly kids the stuff they do sometimes. hahha! I remember hiding when I was a kid too. heheh! I thought it was funny. I didn't know half the mountain was going to go out looking for me. They were about to drag the pond. heheh! I was rewwy sawwy for it later on. ewps!

tis no problem bless. laugh away..i always say my son is smart ..but not too bright..;)

HI EVERYON, THIS IS VANESSA, I HAVE MISSED TALKING TO YOU GUYS. SOUNDS
LIKE EVERYONE IS OK! i'M SAYING HI TO ALL THE NEWW FOLKS ALSO, i WAS CALLED BACK TO WORK. tHEY CALL ME WHEN THEY NEED ME, SO I DON'T KNOW WHEN I HAVE TO GO IN, AND TRYING TO GET BACK ON TRACK IS A LOT.
I'M ON WAY WAY TO CHURCH. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.
I WILL POP IN FRIDAY.
YOU KNOW TOMORROW IF NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER, SO I WILL BE GOIG TO A
PRAYER OUTING TOMORROW(THURSDAY ) EVENING.
GOD NIGHT GOD BLESS HUG HUGS AND MORE HUGS
LOTS OF LOVE
VANESSA

have a wonderful evening vangee, and thank you for thinking of us

Hi Vangee,

Thanks for popping in. Thank you for your sincere powerful prayers. Thanks also for reminding my of the National Day of prayer.

Will be praying even harder tomorrow! Take care Vangee and expect a miracle!

Love,
Jill

Great to see you Vanessa! Thanks for stopping in and giving us a 'howdy.' Looking forward to hearing more about what's happening in your world on Friday.

I need a perm. That's on my agenda. Baby fine hair sucks! Did I say that?? What I meant to say that God was so kind to make my hair thin -- not my butt -- not my thighs -- not my girth -- no my hair is thin and baby fine! God is good. When and if I get to heaven, I'm going to ask about some of these little glitches he blessed me with. :D

Love & Peace!
Mary

MDF1965
HI I ALSO NEED A PERM REALLY REALLY BAD, I'M WIGGIN IT THESE DAYS, IT IS REALLY VERY EASY.
mY SON JUST CALLED ME AND TOLD ME HIS DORM WAS ON LOCK DOWN THIS WEEK A COUPLE OF THE OFFICERS GOT BEAT UP, I ALMOST SAID YES WAY TO GO, BUT I HATE IT EITHER WAY, INMATES GETTING BEAT UP BY INMATES OR INMATES BEATING UP THE OFFICERS. THE INMATES BEAT UP THE OFFICERS SO BAD THEY SHUT DOWN SEVERAL DORMS.
MY SON IS OK, HE SAID HE WAS NOT INVOLVED, BUT HIS BUDDY WAS. MY SON IS VERY WORRIED ABOUT HIM, HE SAID HE HAS NOT SEEN THE GUY SINCE THEY LET THEM OUT OF THEIR CELLS.
ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW, I THINK I STARTED HUMMING, THEN I STARTED TO SMILE. I WAS TINKING ABOUT THAT SONG THAT SAYS HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS, HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IN HIS HANDS...
SO YOU GO GIT YOUR PERM, CAUSE I'M GOING TO GET MINE.
I ALMOST START TO TYPE EUBONICS, I WRITE THAT WAY TO MY SON SOMETIMES TO MESS WITH HIM AND SOMETIMES, I HAVE TO STOP MYSELF. THAT COMES FROM BEING AROUND TEENAGERS ALL DAY .
HAVE A GOOD ONE
HEY DAVIDSMOMMA
HEY JUSTA DEB, LET ME GO TO BED. I TRY TO GET UP AT 4 AM BE IN THE GYM BY 5 AM. 69 MORE POUNDS TO LOOSE.
VANESSA

Wendy I'm sorry they're still on lockdown. I don't know what happened. Why did they do this? I pray it's lifted soon. I know how much you worry. Being sooo far away.


The lockdown was over yesterday. The guards intercepted a "kite" which I found out really quick, was a note passed from one inmate to another, threatening a CO. So they lockedown to search and found 2 bullets on 2 different yards, 1 week apart. So they kept on searching, looking for a home made gun. They then decided that the weapon had been passed from one yard to another while the search was going on, so completely searched again. 5 weeks worth. They weren't allowed yard the entire time. It was chaos. But all is well now thank goodness.

Wendy OMGooodness!!! I had no idea! Thank you for telling me. God watch over them all pleassse. How the heck, homemade gun. I can't even imagine. sigh. I'm glad your Son is ok. wew! That's just awful all that happened. I'm sorry, I know how worried sick you are all the time.

Vangee I'm sooo sorry that all happened there too. Just when you think all is calm, something happens. ARGH! It's so good to know your son wasn't involved. I hope everything works out and fast as possible. It's awful entire groups suffer for the actions of another. It's not fair :(

Wendy.... I am thrilled for you! No more lockdown. Thank God!

Why can't people just play nice? :::mumblinggrumblingtomyself::::
Just keep their hands to themselves. Do their work; mind their own beezz wax..... sheesh! I sure am glad it's over, Wendy. You must be so relieved. Yay!!!

Love ya's,
Mary

thats wonderful news...wendy.:thumbsup: now lets pray those few don't ruin it for rest again...

wendells...so glad your son can go outside again. my son looks forward to that more than anything. you had a long wait to hear this good news!

vangee...

HI I ALSO NEED A PERM


ME TOO !!!!

i don't do perms.. i can not stand the smell in my house.... i'll forgo that money..besides more money in color..;)

i don't do perms.. i can not stand the smell in my house.... i'll forgo that money..besides more money in color..;)

Thank g'ness the salon gets the smells and I get the curls. Trade off is I do my own coloring and forego the monthly coloring at the salon so I can take my dog to the groomer and she charges less. Maybe I should see if the groomer does old ladies! But no, wait -- dogs don't need perms. :cool:

Mary.... I dont care what your hair looks like . You are beautiful to me inside and out!

I need color. Heavy duty color.

Loreal isn't even making a dent! :(

Ladies I just spent $150 on getting my hair with highlights. Guess what it looks like blonde on top of even blondier. I could have spent $10 and got the same or better results. Grrr

Good Morning. oh boy do I need support today ! my heart is heavy and I am really tired of this valley, if I could just get to the mountaintop, then go back to the valley, maybe some different scenery would make it easier.

my youngest daughter, who has had alot of emotional problems etc, starting in her teens to now (35). she is in alaska, not a good place for her. she has an alcohol problem and when she is there she drinks more, and the relationship she has been in is not good. (my opinion - she should get back w/her hubby *the are divorced). anyhow, this time, she is in jail. oh the sentence wont be too bad from what I hear, and she is claiming self defense. he told me she was picked up on dui, but she says that isnt quite right and that he hit her too. she cant leave state right now, but am praying that in a few months, of course depending on her sentence, that she can come home. where we and her pastor and others love her and can help her. she said she is ready & that she knows she needs help. it is a start.
she gets a pd today, told him and her, I want a name & phone # so I can talk to this pd about what is going on.
thanks for listening.

Oh D/G I am so sorry you are dealing with all of that. I know for me its bad enough to have my son in prison and on top of it all I worry constantly about my younger son and grandson.

I will be praying God makes a way for your daughter to come home!!!! Keep you chin up we serve a God that answers prayers.

My son was going to join the Army last week. I asked for pray for him. He called yesterday and he has a new job and also filed papers to get joint custody of his son. Thank you Jesus!

Please stay strong..... God is on the move. I pray Him moves quickly in your daughters behalf.

Keep us posted. I love you!

Its been 2 years today my son went to prison. Its so funny even if I didn't know what day it was my heart, soul and body do.

I spoke to my son twice this weekend. He to is feeling low. His gf does too.

I will be so glad when this day is over. I woke up tired. I have a very painful shoulder injury and can't lift my arm. On top of that.... Mz Margaret is not behaving.

I wish I could go to bed for the day.

dutch and Jill:
you both have every right to be sad today. when our grown kids are hurting, we hurt too. the string that binds is truly in place!

My prayer for you both is that this day God uses you to his glory in some way. So that in being all you can be for others, you are also blessed with that peace that surpasses all understanding.

hugs and a sit on the porch for a spell with a cool drink and friends to comfort you! (cyberly of course!)

I was just thinking.... last weekend when I saw my son. I have this little prayer box on a chain. I also had dog tags made when my son first went in. It says, Team David Whatever it Takes 2009. I gave them to all of my family members and his gf. I wear it constantly.

So I am sitting there and I asked David he he would write something to put in my prayer box. He said, "I will write something I so want you to have."

I opened it last night. He simply wrote PEACE

That is my prayer for me and all of you today!

Also.... I thought of this yesterday. One Mom here wrote she missed most hearing her son's voice whenever she wanted.

I went out and bought a voice recorder yesterday. So when my son called, he said I love you Mom. I recorded it. I also recorded his laugh. He has a great laugh.

This has brought me so much joy. I keep playing it over and over.

I am really really trying today to keep my feet moving. The tears wont stop coming. I can make jokes all day and still I can't stop the tears.

Two years ago our lives were changed. Two years ago my son's freedom was taken. As I think of him today laying on that cot, not wanting to talk, eat just sleep. I so want to hug him. I so want to tell him how much I love him.

Instead I keep playing this recorder over and over just to hear his voice.

I hate this! I hate that as Mom's we all have to go through this pain! I am so damn mad, sad and lost. I have faith but today I just want to go to bed. Instead I keep moving my feet and they end up back here.

I would give all of my "thanks" to Reggie if she was here. I pray she is enjoying her "freedom" day.

Sorry ladies I have to vent may just stay here all day.

Jill and D'gal this is one of the rollercoaster days we have described so many times.

D'gal I posted to another thread about your daughter, but I will say it again here. I can so feel your pain for her. It's such a helpless feeling to be so far from our children when they need us the most. It truly is my heaviest burden. I am glad to see that although overwhelmed by this new turn of events, you still possess the good sense to request phone #'s etc. I pray for strength for you today, I know you had the wind knocked out of you with this news.

My bad.... I know D/G is hurting so much today. I too know how it feels to be so far away. I am so sorry D/G you hurt!

Vent to your heart's content!

And lots and lots of compassionate hugs to you, who are hurting today!

Good Morning. oh boy do I need support today ! my heart is heavy and I am really tired of this valley, if I could just get to the mountaintop, then go back to the valley, maybe some different scenery would make it easier.

Warm Hugs D'Gal. I'm soooo sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to your daughter. You didn't expect these extra hurts and worries. Lord knows your plate is already filled to the max with other things. I pray you can temporarily put some of those things on an extra plate.

Salt and Light you know. Salt is a preservative. Salt up those extra burdens. Put them on that other plate for awhile. They will be there in the light when you can get back to them.

DavidsMom you just do whatever it takes to get thru today. Things go UP and down and UP and down every single day. Keep holding onto that prayerbox. Your son wishes for Peace and he's working on it too right now. He's in there expressing himself too. Maybe to a few buddies. They all share in their own way. Just like we do here, just differently. Peace Sister.

yeah.....1039 To Reggies 1033. Thanks Thanks Thanks .... Its Silly I Know But Its Made My Day!

My bad.... I know D/G is hurting so much today. I too know how it feels to be so far away. I am so sorry D/G you hurt!

Jill, thanks but it sounds as if you are hurting way more than I. I know it hurts to think about all this. 2 more months will mark davids first yr 'there' (not county). cry and vent dear one. crying cleans the soul and venting/sharing your burdens w/ others is not only scriptual, it lightens your load. we gladly share carrying that w/ you.

prayers for you my dear.

D/G lady you are one wonderful annointed caring Christian woman. Where o where would I be without you! You are hurting and reaching out to me.

Thank you .... Praying hard for your daughter's quick trip to your arms. I wish you were my Mama:)

yeah.....1039 To Reggies 1033. Thanks Thanks Thanks .... Its Silly I Know But Its Made My Day!

I don't know what this means! But whatever it is I like it! It made your day! woohooo!

silly girl. I WAS in competition with Reggie to get more "thanks" then her. I won

OHHHHHHH!!!!! hahaha!

Davidsmom, I just added a few more So THANKS to Davidsmominva,
Thanks davidsmominva Thanks davidsmominva Thanks davidsmominva!!!!
:yay::wave::dance::wave::yay::yay::wave::wave::dan ce::dance::yay::yay::wave::yay::wave::wave::dance: :yay::yay::yay:

Davidsmom, I just added a few more So THANKS to Davidsmominva,
Thanks davidsmominva Thanks davidsmominva Thanks davidsmominva!!!!
:yay::wave::dance::wave::yay::yay::wave::wave::dan ce::dance::yay::yay::wave::yay::wave::wave::dance: :yay::yay::yay:

Hope that helps:D

for all my pto sis's.
this is the best way I can think to say thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrdJ2V3r7Y

Dear MentalFloss,

I wish I had your courage. You saved your sons life! If I would have taken the steps you did my son probably wouldn't be in prison. I admire your courage!

Please continue to come back here. You will find love, support, prayers and at times lots of laughs.

God bless you and your son!

Great vid D'gal.....still chokin back the tears... Thanks!

thanks belongs to all of us by being a support and caring for each other.

thanks to the Lord for bringing each of us to this site and each other

Hugs D'Gal! Thank YOU for giving to the Lord.

Dear MentalFloss,

I wish I had your courage. You saved your sons life! If I would have taken the steps you did my son probably wouldn't be in prison. I admire your courage!

Please continue to come back here. You will find love, support, prayers and at times lots of laughs.

God bless you and your son!


I didn't see any post by MentalFloss, it sounds interesting, where do I find it. I went back on this thread a few pages and didn't find it.

wendy look at thread... lastday.

I think Bless has done the most thanking...
it is more blessed to give than receive right??

Long live faithful and thankful Bless...!!

ummm are you talking to me Jancy???? Yes, I agree it is better to give. Yeah Bless

It really was just a competition thing we Reggie and I. Just a silly thing... Oh by the way I WON!

Dear girls and guys,
I am really down today. I am a nurse and I've been really desperate to make extra money for another parole attorney for my son--so 2 days ago I went to the TDCJ in our town and applied for a job. They are giving a huge sign on bonus and they pay well and have good benefits.And wouldn't it be sort of poetic justice if TDCJ payed to get my son out.......Well, I went to be shown around the unit--it has a hospital, which is where I'd be working.It was like walking into hell. Sick old men , mostly dying.Cancer, and kidney failure, and the aftermath of drug use. It was sooooo sad.This prison has a lot of lifers and mentally ill people I guess. I was shaking like a leaf .I have said I would do anything to help my son, but I don't know if I can do this. What do you guys think? My husband said,"Don't you see a ministry?" Yes, could I be kind to someone who is dying in prison? Of course! Could I know my son is in a place like that and see it -for real- every day.It might kill me. I've been upset since I went there. They asked for information on my son and they might not hire me anyway , I guess. It's up to the Warden.I haven't returned the information yet because I'm still thinking......Help me please. I value your opinions.

Specsmom, my son had to spend a few months in the hospital. He did not have cancer, or any number of such illnesses. He was seriously assaulted. I credit the care from the nursing staff for a good bit of his recovery (God gets the majority). There were a couple of sad cases. The hospital he was in provided chemo, dialysis type care. I'm sure it is not easy, but compassion can really help.

I wish you well with what ever happens.

Dear girls and guys,
I am really down today. I am a nurse and I've been really desperate to make extra money for another parole attorney for my son--so 2 days ago I went to the TDCJ in our town and applied for a job. They are giving a huge sign on bonus and they pay well and have good benefits.And wouldn't it be sort of poetic justice if TDCJ payed to get my son out.......Well, I went to be shown around the unit--it has a hospital, which is where I'd be working.It was like walking into hell. Sick old men , mostly dying.Cancer, and kidney failure, and the aftermath of drug use. It was sooooo sad.This prison has a lot of lifers and mentally ill people I guess. I was shaking like a leaf .I have said I would do anything to help my son, but I don't know if I can do this. What do you guys think? My husband said,"Don't you see a ministry?" Yes, could I be kind to someone who is dying in prison? Of course! Could I know my son is in a place like that and see it -for real- every day.It might kill me. I've been upset since I went there. They asked for information on my son and they might not hire me anyway , I guess. It's up to the Warden.I haven't returned the information yet because I'm still thinking......Help me please. I value your opinions.

if this is the right path, God will take your hand and lead you down it. Then again, maybe you need to use your nursing skills in a more upbeat place like a nursery or in home health care???

May God guide you and keep your mind at peace in this decision.

specsmom, that would be a tough choice if they do offer it to you. But I think the thing that would make up mind would be that I know I would want the best care for my son if he were in that hospital and that ill. Therefore I think I could do it if I were giving other families the same thing I would want and pray for.

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww, that's at tough one. I would think it would reak havoc on your psyche, especially with your son being in prison. If you have been so upset for 2 days after only visiting, I can't imagine how you will cope with a daily dose, and dreading going. The whole visual of just entering your workplace before you begin your shift, gives me the willies. On the upside, you could look at is a temporary job, unless you are required to sign a contract, just until you have the fees for the new attorney. I know for sure I would submit my app. and refs., and maybe let them make the decision for you. Even if they offer you the position, you won't be obligated to accept, and will have had time to think about it further.

I too am in nursing. I thought about working at the women's prison at one point couldn't do it.

My thought if God is calling you to do this, He will give you all you need to do it.

I have a good friend who is a nurse at a men's prison here in Va. She told me at first she hated it. The men were so rude. Then once they tested her they become respectful. She has been there for 5 years and loves it!

I can think of noone more derserving(except our elderly) that should receive kind, care, and dignity as they lay dying. Many of those inmates probably do not have anyone. I sometimes wish God would call me to do it.

I also thought I could never work for Hospice. I did and it was absoulutely one of my favorite jobs. God gave me all I needed to do it as He will with you.

HAPPY NURSES DAY! THANK YOU FOR DOING WHAT YOU DO!

Happy Nurses Day to you all! Thank you for your kindness and selflessness. God Bless you all! :)

Thanks guys,
Your answers really help. Kind of makes me put it in perspective. Tigrldy I can't imagine an assault that put someone in the hospital for 2 months.I am so sorry! But you're right there is a need.Thanks to you all, Brinda

im soo down today.. mathew is never off my mind the what if what will come.. im a person who always has the control.. and it's weird . this has made me powerless, faithless, douthful, scared,angry, hateful, i sware i dont know how i hold it together i really dont. i should be curled up in a corner .

last nite i screamed and cried and begged to god.. but he aint listening

That's the way it was for all of us in the begining, it's the not knowing that is the worst. As strange as it sounds, when your son is sentenced you will both know what the future holds, and adjust your life accordingly. The fear of the unknown will tear at you. Just know that it won't be long before you know what's ahead for you, but also know that this is the worst time for you. It will get easier roylebabe. Just stick with us. Almost all of us have been at this stage, a few are still waitng for sentencing, but we all know that this is the most frightening time. You might not think so right now, but you will hold it together. It's not life as we imagined it, it's a different life, but we do adjust, and are there for our sons. They need to know we are OK. Be sure and take care of yourself. It's so easy to fall into the trap of not eating or sleeping, and that darkens our days and fuels depression. I know you think it's the end of the world right now, but it isn't royle. Once you know what's in store for you, you move forward from there. You can do it royle, we all have. Prayers to you and your family.

Dear Royalbabe,

God is listening! I know it doesn't seem like it but truly He is. Cry, scream, kick get it all out friend. You are dealing with lost. Pure and simple. Its the same process as losing someone to death. Same emotions. The grieving process is for anyone who is dealing with lost. I am a former Hospice nurse and hope this may help you.

We've all experienced grief. We've all felt those intense rolling waves of emotion. But, do we all experience the same feelings each time we lose a loved one?
What Are The Stages of Grief?

Many people have tried to explain what grief is; some have even identified certain stages of grief.
Probably the most well-known of these might be from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book, "On Death and Dying." In it, she identified five stages that a dying patient experiences when informed of their terminal prognosis.
The stages Kubler-Ross identified are:

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Many people believe that these stages of grief are also experienced by others when they have lost a loved one.
Personally, I think of these definitions as emotional behaviors rather than stages, per se. I believe we may certainly experience some of these behaviors. But, I believe just as strongly, that there is no script for grief; that we cannot expect to feel any of our emotions in a particular set pattern. I do agree that acceptance is probably the last emotion felt, and in some instances it may be the only one.
A lesser known definition of the stages of grief is described by Dr. Roberta Temes in the book, "Living With An Empty Chair - a guide through grief." Temes describes three particular types of behavior exhibited by those suffering from grief and loss. They are:

Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU CONTINUE TO COME BACK HERE. USE US AS YOUR LIFELINE!

God bless you!

Jill


ps I am going to be gone this weekend. I may rent a laptop just to stay in touch. I however, am pretty sure where I am going there is no service.

However, many many others are here for you!

Hey Royle, I wish I could be as positive as these other mom's. I'm more in your boat though. My son has been in nearly a year, and it has went from bad to worse. He has a short sentence but it has been so hard on him. Which of course as his mother, I feel every ounce of his pain, 1000x's more. :( All we can do is hang on, and lean on each other here for support. (((hugs))) your not alone.

My fiance is in for 5yrs. So far he did 1yr9mon. i tought that things would be easier as time passes, but the pain just gets worst and im trying hard to be there for im but sometimes i just don't know what to write. I love him so much But i find my self still crying my self to sleep does it get easier or am i going to have 3more years of tears and depresion:(. im so use to having him by my side i feel lost in a big world. sometimes it feels like i can't even function.

Hi Nena, I'm sorry your hurting. Sigh. I don't think it ever gets easy. I think we just find ways of tolerating it and accepting the hurt. I have a hard time with actual letters too, my life is pretty dull, LOL. So I send alot of cards, print out puzzles off the net, cartoons, news, etc., I hope you are able to feel some peace soon, take care and God Bless.

Reg, I have to admit my days would be a whole lot rougher, if my son was in the facility yours is in, or anywhere in TX for that matter. Your boy really has had a rough go of it, and I always feel for you and him. Thank God he has a short sentence. I hope after you see him next month, that you find some peace and consolation. The isolation from him and your being so far away with no phone calls certainly doesn't make for the best of situations either. I pray you have renewed strength when you see your precious boy.

Thank you Wendy. It means so much to me, your a wonderful friend. God Bless you.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:reggie and all the others who are in such need of just a hug

nena, I never had a girl baby only 3 boys...but I was gonna name a girl Neena. just so you know...LOL

I know we have those days we cant function. acknowledge them but do not let them get a big hold on you. cry scream sleep and whatever you need...but dont let it last too long. you deserve a life. God is listening but his ideas are not like ours. he can see the whole picture, we only see a puzzle piece. that yellow piece you see might not be a banana or a bit of the sun...it might be a dandelion, a fish eye, or a squished bug...LOL
God sees where the piece fits. rest in that.

ok i feel really really bad, but i think i did what i had to...i called about the visit i had
it is tearing me up...but i am not going to let this other kid lie his butt off have him mom come to my house....ask my son to lie...i feel bad cause this was anouther mother.. and believe me i understand the pain....and i in no way want to be part of inflicting this much pain....oh so torn up..but i thought about her visit and she never once asked if my son was ok.... or how he was

Deb, you did the right thing. She was out of line for what she did. And frankly, may have even broke a few laws. Of course you don't want to wish this pain on anyone, and you have not. Her son did that all by himself when he did what he did. Now she may have hurt his case further, but you certainly did not. There's enough guilt we live with of our own, no need to take on someone else's too.

deb, what is right is right. her son will have to face the music. I do feel bad for his mom's pain but her trying to rescue him with doing the wrong thing would only backfire.

yes there will be criminal charges against her now
i had to make a formal statement... may i say i have never ever done any thing like this befor in my life...but my son has paid his price this boy drove my son to commit this crime together...with out her son my son would have not been there. fact. now he wants to blame my son and lie..and they want my son to lie... we have lived in hell and this other boy is running around bragging how he is free...

karma is a boomerang. BOOM! :)

lmbo yes i supose that would be a prime example of karma...to think i actually considered maybe helping her....ok thats just me...

Deb, you did the right thing. I have wondered since you first posted about her visit, if it were ever found out, and you didn't report it, that you too could have been in trouble? I don't know, but it seems there is such a fine line during open cases. It is sad that this woman was so desperate that she jeopardized herself to visit you, but without asking, she could have jeopardized you at the same time.

it will all even out in the end.
I try to not harbor any hurt as it eats up my present time. this is my life and when I dwell on pain others have caused then they have hurt me twice.

get this: my own mother has a history of saying hurtful things to all 7 of us. so she sent me a mothers day card....I called to thank her and she said she sent it because it would probably be the only one I get. I said HUH????

I told her my son in prison paid another inmate to make me a beautiful hand lettered sign, my son the cop will have to work but has never forgotten mother's day and my other son passed away.

she has been making remarks for about a week about me maybe being a bad mother and that is why one son is in prison.

oh yeah...I could cry, and I did, and I could scream and vent and I did...but that was yesterday. the card is going to be burned. then I go on with today.

now where did all that come from...LOL?? I just spent another few minutes of my life tick ticking away and my mother's action was repeated in my mind wetting my eyes with tears...

see what I mean :??

Awe Jancy, if I didn't already have the greatest mother in the world, I'd want you to be my mommy. I think your a fantastic mother, as for your own, well........her issues are her issues. Don't be angry with her, feel sorry for her. She may never know what she has missed out on with own kids, and that's sad.

jancy are we sisters?
i gave up trying to impress my mom years ago...i know i can't. i'm not to good at shutting my mouth and taking it....
so it has been about 8 yrs since i talked to her...um last time she said she was pissed off at me ..so i hung up
i thank my mom for teaching me how not to be a mom....

reg,
thanks for your words. that is just it, she has issues. she has seven great kids who all get along...and she treats us equally bad. she doesnt pick on just one, she is nasty to all. there is no reason for it. all we can do is stay away as much as we possibly can. sigh.
oh well, enough wasting this precious day on that!

deb, I could go on and on and on....the stories I could tell. she is the reason we all ran from home as fast as possible at a very early age. my dad was a saint.

i thank my mom for teaching me how not to be a mom....
perfect!! I will hold to that gratitude here as well:cool:

Dear Roylebabe,
We really have all been there. And I really thought I would die.I also begged God, and realized I was one of a million Moms begging God, and trying to trust that God has things in control.It's really hard.I offer you a prayer right now. Lord God, help this Mom in this situation. Help her son. Wrap arms of protection around him as he is in the dark places. There is no place so dark that You are not there..but we are only human and we are afraid so give us peace .Let us see Your hand at work .Protect my son also this day. Don't let him forget You.Let the truth be obvious to him and to all our sons.And mercy Father. I pray for mercy for our sons.And for all of our sakes prepare a future for these prodigals.Bring them home to us to a future of goodness.Amen
One time a lady said to me"You have to be like Moses Mom. Put him in the basket and let him go down the river. The Nile-full of crocodiles and hippos.And trust that God will watch him. " Really hard.Love to You all and Happy Mother's Day,Brinda

Dear Roylebabe,
Lord God, help this Mom in this situation. Help her son. Wrap arms of protection around him as he is in the dark places. There is no place so dark that You are not there..but we are only human and we are afraid so give us peace .Let us see Your hand at work .Protect my son also this day. Don't let him forget You.Let the truth be obvious to him and to all our sons.And mercy Father. I pray for mercy for our sons.And for all of our sakes prepare a future for these prodigals.Bring them home to us to a future of goodness.Amen
One time a lady said to me"You have to be like Moses Mom. Put him in the basket and let him go down the river. The Nile-full of crocodiles and hippos.And trust that God will watch him. " Really hard.Love to You all and Happy Mother's Day,Brinda
Brinda that was totally amazing and I offer my resounding AMEN to your words. what a thought...Moses. bless you for reminding us of that.

I also want to ask you all to please visit the I hate mothers day thread by flymom for some very inspiring words. a sample:
Originally Posted by emotionsickness
The ironic thing is that most of you that have been dealt harsh and unfair treatment from your families seem like really good parents who have tried and just haven't gotten the results from your efforts to fight the bad influences and decisions your loved ones have made which has made your lives a living hell.

...if you consider not being traditional and try celebrating your own selves and the effort you KNOW you put forth, it'll take the disappointment out of the day.
I encourage you to celebrate yourselves and just the effort you ladies have put forth in your own quiet and personal way and try to be thankful things are not worse and draw the line with your kids where you have to and in some cases cut them off if you have a deep sense that it's not worth your own well being at this time and allow them to take some steps on their own.

I salute you fine mothers and I feel that everything I've done isn't recognized by society but that's what keeps us humble and grounded and try to simply light a candle or burns some fragrant oils to say "I'm ok and I'm gonna enjoy something as simple as the fragrant aroma of this oil and this candle will represent peace, contentment, and hope that all of the prayin' and worryin' and stressin' will one day pay off". Don't lose hope but don't let your happiness within be determined by our children's choices. Give yourselves a break from the false sense of guilt and the genuine shame our children have brought us and continue to keep your head up on this Mother's Day and try not to buy into the hype of this tradition and keep it simple and thankful with increased self appreciation. Don't let them take away your pride in what you've accomplished as parents even if if went un noticed and unappreciate or was not taken to heart. You did YOUR part and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

Be your own best friend and love yourselves in a healthy way...Just you and God know what's up and what went down. God will never forget your hearts were always in the right place and make Mother's Day a personal spiritual day where you take God's acceptance and recognition of His love and understanding of the whole situation and His support and love for all of you really beautiful mom's fighting against seemingly impossible odds.

On this day, rest and find something simple but very meaningful in a quiet and deep place within yourselves and try to be at peace and I want to salute and honor you in my heart as very special ladies and wish you all the Mother's Day that you so dearly deserve. Peace and blessings and don't let society define what you've been about from the day your child emerged from your womb. You and God know different and that's all that matters. God is on your side ladies....rest in that knowledge and give HIM thanks on Mother's Day and try to let go of the pain that all of our children have inflicted upon us and give yourselves a break from it in your own quiet way. Just you and God....

Happy Mother's Day to all of you beautiful ladies and keep it simple while all the while knowing you are golden in your determination, efforts and the unwavering love that burns like a candle that can never be extinguished. Bless you all....:)

I need some help today
my son has been in prison for over 5 years now. recently I just found it to painful to think of him. I havent wrote or heard from him in almost 6 mos. I want to find out whats going on but am sared of what I might be told. if someone can help me i would appreciate it

Thank you emotion, that was so eloquent and well thought out.

I need some help today
my son has been in prison for over 5 years now. recently I just found it to painful to think of him. I havent wrote or heard from him in almost 6 mos. I want to find out whats going on but am sared of what I might be told. if someone can help me i would appreciate it
you can always call his counselor at the prison to ask about his wellbeing. his counselor may only be in Monday thru friday it is possible, but even a guard who answers the phone may be willing to get a message to him to give you a call.

you can use prison locator to see if he has been moved. you also can send him a card telling him you are thinking of him. I know you say you cant think of him, but you cant help it either:(

I am sure you would be told if there were any emergency. all inmates fill out an emergency form for use in the prison with parents names on it, or a contact person. perhaps God is speaking to your heart to open it to your son and communicate once more. ((((((HUGS))))))

Dear Calipeanut, I understand what you are saying about the pain. I think if I were in your shoes today, I would just send him a short note telling him that I love him. I would be honest and let him know that I am concerned but so afraid of the pain and worry that comes when I hear things aren't going well. I think you will feel better just knowing that he knows that you care. I would just keep it simple, honest and short. I don't know what kind of response you might get, but if it were me and the responses were too painful to bear, I might put them up unread and just continue to send positive, hopeful, messeges to him. We are here always to support you through hard times with prayer and a shoulder to cry on.
At one point my son told me not to write to him because he was angry, but my responce to him was this......."I will continue to write to you because it's important to me to let you know I love you. If you choose not to read my letters, that's okay but at least you will know I care." He now keeps things positive. I can tell in his voice when he is having bad days and it worries me, but at 19 he is mature enough to tell me that his problems are of his making and he has to handle them himself.
I wish you well Cali and will pray for you and your son. Please come back often and share if you are comfortable doing so.

I need some help today
my son has been in prison for over 5 years now. recently I just found it to painful to think of him. I havent wrote or heard from him in almost 6 mos. I want to find out whats going on but am sared of what I might be told. if someone can help me i would appreciate it


Cali, fear of the unknown will eat away at you. You need to know how he is doing. Why imagine all sorts of things, when you can know the truth. Maybe now is a good time to rekindle that bond with your son, since you now have his undivided attention and he has had plenty of time for a wake up call. You will be amazed at how humbling prison can be, and he will be so happy to hear from you. Your silence is making his time harder. If a child feels he has been abandoned by the one person who has always been there for him, his selfworth will suffer. I think it will make your heart soar to know that you have brought him some happiness and hope. Please write to him and tell him you love him and that he is not alone. Only then will you know how he is really doing, and gain some peace of mind. You owe yourself that much.

Calipeanut. Hugs! Maybe you can try to send him a card? I know how hard it must be after so much time has gone by :(

cali, everyone before me has posted some good things, so I will just say that I agree w/them all and that you are in my prayers. question.. could it be he just has no money on his books, thus cant send you mail ? I know sometimes they bum stamps and writing materials from other cellies, though that is frowned on. but it could be something as simple as that. but definetely try to find out what is going on. you said you were afraid to find out, but isnt this worse - the not knowing.

when you find out, write your son. encourage him. he needs to know though you dont agree with why he is in prison, that you still love him.

prayers for you. and him.

Oh good point about the Book Money situation Dutchgirl.

I need some help today
my son has been in prison for over 5 years now. recently I just found it to painful to think of him. I havent wrote or heard from him in almost 6 mos. I want to find out whats going on but am sared of what I might be told. if someone can help me i would appreciate it

I think Jancy gave you some great advice in calling his counselor to see how he is...... and maybe writing him a short note will comfort you. Life is too short to wait and see who should go first.

My oldest brother vowed he wouldn't speak to our mother again years before her death, and he kept his promise even when he knew she was facing some rough times at the age of 84 w/ diabetes. He didn't even come to her funeral. It broke her heart that he wouldn't call, visit or write her and there was no good reason for this treatment toward her. As I said, life is too short. My brother died two years after my mother passed away of a very painful and debilitating blood disorder. His wife had life support turned off. I understand her thinking and respected her decisions.

Let this Mother's Day be your bridge to him. It could be the best thing you've ever done and make you feel at peace. Try?

Love to you,
Mary

Hugs Mary :( So much you've gone thru.

Oh boy everywhere I go I run into Moms with children in prison. I helped move my best friend this weekend. Her landlady helped too. It was an emotional day Sat. as my BF and I had zero sleep the night before. Five minutes after meeting this lady she tells me not only is her husband in prison so is her daughter.

I was weak from lack of sleep and emotion and sat down. She then sat too. She told me all of the terrible horrible details. I thought to myself, hmmm I escaped all my sisters at PWCIP and now this.

I sat there for the next hour crying my eyes out. Then she gets up and starts moving furniture like nothing ever happen. I sat there numb and couldn't move. Besides dealing with my BF's heartache and hers I was useless. I tried to hid then I hear my BF calling me, "Oh princess Jill where are you":D

There seems to be no escaping this pain. I am home back to work and glad its almost Monday. I am also glad to be back here where I belong!

WELCOME HOME JILL:grouphug: we missed you:D
That was so sad about the lady you met,,my prayers go out to her and her family...sad
YOU KNOW YOU MUST BE GOOD.....GOD TAKES YOU RIGHT TO THEM!!!! TELLS ME YOU R GREAT AT WHAT YOU DO!!!
GOD BLESS
SASSIE

Calipeanut- the others have said it all .... Life is too short to waste time... and why agonise when you can find out- you can't deal with what you don't know, good or bad its better than not knowing. Sending you a big hug.

Cali,
I haven't heard from my son for months, he's blowing everyone off. I checked on the prison locator to confirm he did move. Then, I called the prison and was transferred to someone. They told me he was not sick, not hurt, and that he was taking some "life skills" classes. You will feel better if you call.
Davidsmominva, your story reminded me of one of my own a few years ago. Long story short, but we couldn't get a room in ft. laud, for the night before our early flight out. A mistake was made at our timeshare, so we hung out at the pool until about 10 or 11 pm, headed for the airport, pulled some seats together, cuddled and slept. Our check in time was 4 am. well, needless to say, I didn't sleep much. Around 2 am, I needed to go to the ladies room, so I woke up the oldest, to keep an eye on the younger ones, and headed for the bathroom. ( I usually never need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night!), I went in, and a woman was in there crying, she had experienced some serious, recent loss in her family. I talked to her, witnessed to her, she thanked me, told me it was what she needed to get back to the Lord, and I left, never to see her again.... It's weird what God does sometimes isn't it?

To all my new and valued friends,
It seems a large number of you are christians and I want to share something that was so perfect for me in the hardest time of my life---waiting for trial.I don't really understand all the words ,but I get the gest, and so will you. It is a poem, sent to me by my sister who's only son is seriously autistic. It's called"Trust Me with your Isaac."

For every Abraham who dares to kiss the foreign feild
where glory for a moment grasped is for a lifetime tilled...

The voice of God speaks not but once, but til the travelor hears
"Abraham! Abraham! Bring your Isaac here!"

"Bring not the blemished sacrifice.What lovest thou the most?
Look not into the distance, you'll find your Isaac close."

"I hear the tearing of your heart ,torn between two loves,
the one your vision can behold, the Other hid above."

"Do you trust me Abraham? with your greatest fear?
Will you pry your fingers loose and bring your Isaac here?"

"Have I not made you promises? Hold them tight instead!
I am the lover of your soul--the lifter of your head."

"Believe me O my Abraham, when blinded by the cost.
Arrange the wooded altar and count your gains but loss."

"Let tears wash clean your blinded eyes, until unveiled you see-
the ram caught in the thicket there to set your Isaac free."

"Perhaps I'll send him down the mount to walk right by your side.
No longer in your iron grasp, but safer still in mine."

"Or I may wrap him in the wind and sweep him from your sight
to better things beyond your reach
Believe with all your might!"

"Look up beloved Abraham-Can you count the stars?
Multitudes will stand to reap from one dear friend of God."

"Pass the test my faithful one: bow to me as Lord. Trust me with your Isaac--see
I am your great Reward."


I continue to ask God to send the ram. My Isaac is in God's hands. And God will do something good-even now. Love ya'll Brinda

Didn't know where to post this, but our entire neighborhood is freaking. Last week, on a street less then 1/2 mile from us, a man broke into a woman's house at night. She's a friend of my mother's, and she's in her 80 or 90's? She woke up with a man in her bedroom, he looked at her (he had a mask and gloves on) and left. Sunday night, the night before last, same street, a man with gloves and a mask on broke into another home. He pulled the teenage girl out into the driveway, raped her, then pulled her into the yard, raped her again. He held a knife to her throat and threatened to slip it the entire time, between threatening her, he kept telling her he was sorry. She had been sleeping in her upstairs bedroom. She convinced him to let her go, she went and woke up her parents, they called the police and she was taken to the hospital. yesterday, helicopters were flying overhead, and police have been around. We live in a "upper middle class-"safe neighborhood." I'm not feeling to safe!!! The original part of our house was built in 1790, we had no locks on the windows or one door until last night! I made my husband put them on every friggin window, and that door, and I told him I wasn't sleeping until they were on! I've also activated our alarm, (they hadn't finished with the entire installation yet). So, I heard this yesterday, came home from running errands, and was going to veg out, then a coyote had to walk by! At 4 pm, a little to early for them to be out yet! He ignored me, seemed to have his own agenda, (and it wasn't me!). Then, last night, I'm vegging out in the kitchen, and my 12 year old comes down and let's out a little scream, I look outside and there's a skunk right in our patio, by our kitchen atrium doors. I told her, to be quiet, don't scare it! we watched him for awhile, and he waddled away. Today, I took 2 of my kids, and the grandbaby for a walk, I kept them close to me, it was enjoyable. We went to the marsh, watched birds, and came back. I'm keeping this whole thing in prayer, especially the teenage girl, (my daughter doesn't know her, but my daughter goes to a private school). We all realize this has to be someone local, it's to early for summer residents yet, and this man must be living among us.....That is scary, I'm praying he is caught, and quickly, before this happens again, or something worse.... I need peace, especially at night.....

Flysmom..... I know its a scary scary world. My daughter's friend went to go to school Fri. went to make a left turn and a tractor trailer comes flying down the highway and ran into her. The whole community is broken up. I too live in a upper middle class town.

I am outrage for the little lady that the rapist came in. Its bad enough a young girl but an elderly lady. What in the world. We had a serial rapist here it took our cops over 2 years to catch him.

Well you are on the right track. Keep you kids close and lock those doors. Remember when we did not even think about locking doors.

I will also keep this in prayer.

Flymom,
I guess it's been 2 years ago now that a guy broke into my house while I was at work.He kicked in the front door! He filled up a couple of pillow cases with dvd's,game cube,cameras and all my jewlry. It was surreal.After that, we got an alarm system. The police caught the guy a week later and we were forced to testify. When we got to court there were 13 or so other people he had robbed to testify against him. He had scared a young girl to death by standing at the end of her bed until she screamed"There's someone in the house!" And he ran away.He was caught when a maintanance guy saw him walking around the apartments he was working on and then walking down the street with a giant bag of stuff like Santa Claus--in broad daylight. I really didn't want to testify against ANYONE. I would never put another family through what I've been through and the D.A. was trying to get LIFE for this guy.He was a 3rd time offender, but I don't think that's really just. I don't know--maybe there's more to the story----but anyway, you feel so violated.He played with my underwear and went through all my drawers. It was creepy.How did he decide on my house? We were gone but several of the people weren't.Use your alarm for sure. There are some REAL criminals out there.Specsmom

how do you deal with the ANGER????

Cheryl, I responded to you in your other post.
Update- I did NOT sleep well last night. Tonight, I'm trying to veg, out. The police said today, that the

welcome cheryl, I too replied to your other post and hope you stick around. we seem to be good at being buddies and never have too many!

Sorry about that! I must have hit the post reply.
anyway, the police said the 15 year old girl did not know her attacker, that there is strong evidence, and an arrest should be made soon. God, I hope so!
Her street is so picture perfect, even the boston newspapers had the story.
The guys I work with are all great, (I work with mainly guys, in my field), they said, they would all come over, and stay up all night playing cards, so My family and I could sleep well knowing they are all awake and watching! I thought that was sweet.
I'm hanging in there, but to be honest with you, this is a big trigger! I'm not feeling very safe. I know my 22 year old is having a very hard time as well. She slept with a large knife by her bed last night. She also told my 10 year old, that the baby and her are going to come sleep in his bunk bed, so that they're not alone in their own room! My 10 year old, no victim mentality in him! He says, he will shoot the guys eyes out with his bebe gun and protect the whole family. My husband, he's very laid back about this kind of stuff, he just doesn't get it!! He's never had something personally happen to him, and he's a man. He has secured the house though, and went to sleep next to me, rather than falling asleep in his "favorite chair."
I will keep you posted.

fly, I hope they catch this man for his own good as well as that of others. maybe you will be so exhausted you will sleep tonight.

how do you deal with the ANGER????


Mscat, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. We've all been there and it isn't easy. For some of us, writing a letter to our son/daughter telling him how we feel - how angry we are, how disappointed, how far-reaching their actions have filtered from being just them to the whole family. It's enough to make you want to turn away forever and try to forget them.

But we can't. We can't turn away and we love them too much to forget them. We flip and flop between feeling compassionate and used like an old carpet. He didn't listen to us. She could have avoided these people and this wouldn't be happening. Yup, all of that -- and I could be a size 3 and modeling for Victoria's Secret instead of receiving Ahab's Tents for Plus-Size Women catalogs.

I'm not minimizing how bad it hurts. But I am minimizing the alternatives to where our son probably would be if he didn't have the last collision with the police -- he'd be in a cemetery. And that would make me even angrier! At least he can hear what I have to say and read what I have to write.

I have no pearls of wisdom for any one. I do my best. And I accept that my being angry at him is my privilege. And do I resent it sometimes? You bet. Do I wish for him to hate the prison soooo much that he never wants to ever do anything to take himself back to such a place? You bet. Do I want him to hate it? No. I don't want him to hate. I want him to learn. I want him to grow up and if it means behind fences and barbed wire and with guards, then that's what I'll take. And I will be grateful.

And I will pray --for him, for your child, for all those incarcerated! And if all I have to offer is the beat of my heart or the blinking of my eyes, then I offer those for God's greater glory - and to please watch over these -- these children of His...and ours.

Please come back. Others will be able to say much more than I can offer you, Mscat. But I welcome you to this oasis where others know that if we say we're hurting and angry as hell at our kids, we aren't judged to be bad mothers. We're accepted because we are among others who do not judge us. We are accepted because we are accepting of one another to be a valuable and unique gift from God with something to give that we all need - even if it's only the beating of our hearts.

God bless you!
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & Peace~~~
Mary

Once again.... Mary put into words so beautifully what we all feel and go through. Thank you Mary. Your words somehow always give me a sense of peace.

I need some support today. My son may have to go into SNY - He and I could use a few prayers this doesn't have to happen. Thanks Ladies.

Hmmm. Don't know what SNY is, but doesn't sound good. Lots of prayers going up for you and your son.

I need some support today. My son may have to go into SNY - He and I could use a few prayers this doesn't have to happen. Thanks Ladies.

Judeca don't know what SNY is either, but will pray your son does not get it since it sounds like it is not good. Praying for ya, Susan

SNY is special needs yard, but in CA, it can be the best for them. In CA, they are not allowed to keep their paperwork, and it's a don't ask don't tell policy, as to why they are inside. SNY in CA. is not like most other states, where they are locked up 23/7, and is for their own protection. Inmates are walked to and fro with CO's that are there to do just that. Try not to stress too much Judeca, for some reason they are trying to give your son extra protection. It may be your son has been pressured to join a gang, or is trying to step out of one. For whatever reason he should go to SNY, know that we are here to give you all the support and prayer you need. Judeca, imo, if it was suggested he be placed SNY, I would want him there. No doubt it is over his being threatened, and from what I understand they do just fine in SNY in CA.

Judeca, Wendy is so on the money with her post. I was so upset when I found where they were sending my son until I was assured by two Mom's in VA that my son would be much safer where he was being sent than if he were placed in a less secure facility. Right now I must focus on his health and safety. On down the road, when he is older and wiser in the ways of the system, I will hopefully have a healthy son to have less restrictive visits with. I will pray for your son to be placed in the best place for him at this time. May God's will be done.

they have not caught the rapist yet- the police said the perp. was a stranger to the 15 year old girl. (she's a twin, and she is not returning to school as a result of this, she's to traumatized from what I heard). The police said there's evidence, but so far no arrest...
I slept better, out of exhaustion I think.
yesterday, my husband got laid off from his job. We lost our health insurance, effective today. This was a blind side, we've been hurting financially since his bad franchise business, we didn't need this and didn't see it coming.
I had to pick something up at Lowe's on Wednesday, my grand daughter's car seat got left in the pick up area, I noticed it wasn't there last night, (she's not usually in my car!), I went back today, and they said it was gone. They had it crushed with the garbage, GOd, you don't know how close I came to losing it! God did grant me self control, but they destroyed a brand new car seat after 48 hours!!!! They gave me $50.00 towards replacing it, big whoop!
I left Lowe's and I cried, for my son, our sons, our finances, my marriage (his poor financial decisions has stressed me to the max), life, the gas prices, the increased food, (we live on cape cod, we have higher grocery rates then the rest of mass, due to tourist season beginning!), I cried most of the way home- 45 minutes. I cried, because of lost friends with a son in prison, lost friends because they've become so fundamental they can't have "catholic" friends anymore, I just plain cried.
I've had guys, I've seriously had it!!! I try to be positive, but right now I think, "life s*^&%s, then you die!

Dear Flysmom,

Holy smokes that is a lot to handle in one day. No wonder you feel like going off. Step back and breathe. Number one you are exhausted. After the events of the rape this week you havent slept. Number two you were blindsided by the lost of insurance.

Can I just say, as it has been said to me today? When God closes a door he always opens another one. I know it is scary to lose a job. I also know whenever it has happen to me(it happens a lot I take care of the elderly) I may struggle for a time.... but God only gives me so much and then he quickly moves.

I could go on and on how God has moved in my life. I could be homeless one minute literally(my employment includes housing) to living in a million dollar home .

I think for me the stuggles have built my faith. Whenever, I think I can't take another step.... I remember what God did for me in the past.

I know you have faith. You are tired and worn out. I so wish we all could give you a hug.

What I can do is pray and pray I will. Please go do something for you. Take a long hot bath and try to get some sleep.

Like my wise old mama use to say....Things will look better in the morning.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Just know you will come out in the end a better person who has more faith.

God bless you and your entire family.

Sending love, thoughts and prayers your way.

Love,
Jill

how do you deal with the ANGER????
Ya know I wasn't really angry--just kind of sad. I felt that the person who did it might be a drug addict or something and I couldn't feel anger. What if my son had gotten bad enough to do something like that? He didn't , thank God. but I couldn't help but think- what if? But then, I can't (I mean I really can't believe in bad things) like I hear about them, but I find it really hard to believe. Massive denial perhaps --I don't know.
I looked at the guy and he was scarey looking, but maybe he was terrified or crazy???? Well , there was only one person to support him in the courtroom. Only "we" would notice that right? So he had burned his bridges for sure.I don't know his sentence, but I'm sure it was bad. Specsmom:idea:

I cried, for my son, our sons, our finances, my marriage (his poor financial decisions has stressed me to the max), life, the gas prices, the increased food, I cried, because of lost friends with a son in prison, lost friends because they've become so fundamental they can't have "catholic" friends anymore, I just plain cried.

Dear sister,
this world is only temporary, God will provide and equip you with everything you need. Anxiety and fear are not of God. His Spirit is one of strength and hope.
Even if you lose the whole world and still have God, you have all you will ever need and are richly blessed.
Go to the one who can comfort you. sit quiet and listen for his voice, feel the breath of his Holy Spirit as it passes you. You are my friend, remember, make a friend, be a friend, and bring a friend to Christ:cool: I reach out my heart and hand--imagine this:
A poster made of stick people. the girls have triangles for skirts, the boys are nekked..LOL the stick person is on her knees talking to God. next scene is the stick people extend their stick hands and have smiles on their faces...they then lead the other stick people to meet and know God. next scene the stick people have increased in number, each going to reach out a hand to others...an massive city of stick people marching on in strength. there are lots of new friends to be made. perhaps God is freeing up your world to simply it, and has other uses for you. every situation we are in is for a reason. I will keep you in my heart this day.

Jancy, you said that so well.......... Flymom, I ditto what Jancy said! I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, but there are blessings in there somewhere. Trust God. All things are possible in the Lord.

Flymom, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs to you!

Love & Peace,
Mary

Hi everyone, just a quick update, GSPack is doing "time":cuffs: after surgery. She has to be down for 3 weeks for recovery. She has already "served" some of her "time" and will be going to her "in laws" to recoup and will be back in about a week. She will not have her computer and so she will be cut off.....addicted like me to PTO!!! OMG

I told her no heavy partying and stay way from the booze....might interact with the meds. LOL

Seriously, if you can drop her a message I know it would cheer her up!! Then when she is back on PTO at the end of the week her in box will be full of cheerful messages. :thumbsup:

Thanks a million!

Thanks for the update. I was thinking of you and GSPack. Here is praying for a speedy recovery.

Hope all is well with you also!

How do we ever go back to when things were happy? We don't. We drive past where they used to live and cry. We remember the days when life was good and we took it for granted. I used to love his BBQ! He was so proud to cook for people. He loved his five children, but now they can't see each other. They miss their daddy and don't understand. Their are many broken hearts here, but I know that God heals the broken hearted, and He binds up their wonds. Psalm 147:3! Sometimes, when I'm around normal moms, they're bragging about how well their child is doing in college, their new careers -- it hurts because my son is now an outcast of society.
So tonight, I will Draw near to God, and He will draw near to me. James 4:8.
:(

I need some support today. My son may have to go into SNY - He and I could use a few prayers this doesn't have to happen. Thanks Ladies.

Praying your son doesn't go to SNY.
I'm hoping there is just some bizarre misunderstanding. I'm late reading this. I'm hoping things have worked out by now Judeca. Hugs, I know how scary it is! :eek:

Pam, I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. Jesus was in prison, too. He was an outcast, too, even his own best friend denied knowing Him. Your son is not junk! God doesn't make junk. He has a purpose for your son and for you and each of us. We may not understand it, but it's there. You have a loving heart and if there were a way to accept this as His will, and to trust Him, I wish I could zap that over to you.

And for what it's worth, your son is our cyber nephew! And we love him. And we share in your burdens. And if you'd ever like us to bombard him with some cheery cards or notes, PM me and I'll be happy to send him a letter or birthday card or whatever-card.

It isn't what we expected in life, but it's our reality. I have so much I'm grateful for and I know you feel the same way.

Pah! to those who turn their noses up at us and our kids! They don't know!!!!! They DON'T KNOW what we know!!!! We are blessed.

Love to you,
Mary

Pam, I hear you when others brag about their kids accomplishments! I home school my 2 youngest, and some of the home schooling Mom's, definetly have no clue as to what we have been through. Their kids seem to grow up so perfect, they, the moms, get to stay home and not work, one mom states that she has zero stess in her life!!! The kids go on to be missionaries, etc, it bugs the living daylights out of me! It makes me feel inferior, IF I let it!!! Key work, IF
But, then I think about things, I think of my "ex"- an "alleged" child molester. Long, sad, story. He lives with his wife, nice home, expensive neighborhood, 11 year old son, and I know, I know, I know, that what looks nice on the outide, is nothing but a fascade! He's evil. That poor child, Mom has had visits from the authorities, but since bio. dad. walked on a technicality, she's in denial, and won't believe the authorities. Nothing I can do but pray,
Moral of the story--- don't think everything is rosy except your own life, other people hide things well.
I know it hurts to have a child who is a "society outcast" believe me, I know!!! I try to put this life, in perspective to eternity, then I remember this life really is short, and someday, Jesus will make thinks right. Someday,we will all be happy.

i am also a outcast, i do not belong to that ritzy country club..nor do i want to, if you think long and hard we are all a outcast to someone..some how some way...do you want to be around narrow minded people who judge you?..isn't this experience giving you light to see the type of people you really want in your life...those who truly do not judge.........my son and i are just perfect to the ones who truly matter.......all the rest are just out casts in my life....;)

deb I am with you on this. like here at work. everyone visits n chats w/others all around me, but I sit here alone. but that is ok because then when I am listening to a preaching tape or praise music, I am not interupted. in fact when several gather right next to me to chat, I will put on my music to block them out. I dont belong to their social clubs, nor do I want to be involved w/ their garbage talk.

I am so sad today this is a day when I've taken three steps back. My husband informed me that we may have to put my bulldog down because he is having trouble
walking, which makes me so sad. But there is an underlying current of feeling on edge all the time, my son that is doing lwop is not my husbands son and I think my husband is so tired of all this my crying and being sad over my son, he keeps saying that we need to be happy like we were before, but I just can't, he's always talking about how hard he works so that I can have nice things and infers that I am messing everything up with my depression. He keeps asking me if he should leave ( i really think he wants to) I just don't know what to do, how much can I take. He also talks about my not working is hurting us, because I used to make real good money as a nurse. Butg I just don't have it in me anymore. I am in a puddle of tears, and I can't stop.. To tell you the truth I really don't care about anything but my son in prison. What can I do. Please help me.

Dawn

deleted because momj said it so much more eloquently:cool:

I'm so sorry you are feeling bad, Dawn. Your husband can't be expected to feel the way you do or even understand how you feel. I think that's why it's mostly moms on the parents site. We don't find true understanding except from other mothers in a simialar situation. I hope you can find some help. Maybe counseling for the two of you would help your husband understand better what has happened to you and how you can never be the same person you were before this happened. Are you receiving professional help for your depression? Even that won't make everything in the world perfect, but it has helped me with my depression.
I do know that you are important! You have to think of yourself and what is best for you in order to be there for your son. He deserves a strong and healthy mom who is taking good care of herself and finding some joy in her life and then sharing it with him. I don't know about your relationship with your husband but he also needs to feel there is a place in your life for him. We can't neglect our family for the one in prison. It sounds as if grief has taken over your life. I understand and went to that place when I found out I would be 105 before my son is released. In otherwords, I will never see my son free again. Dawn, I know your son wants to see you smile and find some enjoyment in your life. No matter how badly he feels, it doesn't make him feel better to see you so miserable. It took a while, but my son helped me to realize it just made him feel worse to see how awful the things he did had affected me. Now that I'm doing better he doesn't have to carry that weight on his shoulders. Please don't wait to start taking steps towards taking care of yourself. Maybe when you are stronger you could work part time. You have a great profession to find a part time job and it might make you feel better to be helping others and getting your mind on other things. My focus had to broaden before I could feel better. As long as I stayed home, thinking only about the situation with my son I could barely function, but once I started getting out and getting involved with other things I felt so much better. I still think constantly about my son and carry him everywhere in my heart but I am always looking for happy things to talk to him about in my letters. His sister is going to the beach this week and is going to take loads of pictures of the events to share with him. I took pictures of the newly planted garden and his son helping grandpa plant it to send. He's always with us and so we share it with him through pictures and letters. He can close his eyes and see himself with us. He even shares his pictures and letters with his cell mate so I guess he's with the family now also. Please come back and share your pain and victories with us. It helped me. Prayers for you and your son!

Thanks so much Mother J, I do have some good days, and then I fall into the depths of despair. My son and coming here are the only things that keep me from doing myself in. I have tried counseling and it's all the same old blah, blah, blah. I also know that I have too much time on my hands,but I don't feel like doing anything about it. Every day is a struggle just to get through the day, maybe I am feeling sorry for myself,but this is just so hard.
Dawn

Dawn, I just took baby steps, but pushed my self just a bit past my comfort spot each day. Some days it didn't work but now 18 months after the incident I'm for the most part on my feet. Yep, there are still those down days. Those days when something hits you square in the heart and you can't get your breath. My second son just got a new puppy. He was so ugly he was beautiful. All of a sudden I was washed over by a tidal wave of saddness knowing that my youngest son might never touch another dog. But then I took pictures of the puppy and wrote about the crazy stuff he does and shared it with my "J".

I am so sad today this is a day when I've taken three steps back. My husband informed me that we may have to put my bulldog down because he is having trouble
walking, which makes me so sad. But there is an underlying current of feeling on edge all the time, my son that is doing lwop is not my husbands son and I think my husband is so tired of all this my crying and being sad over my son, he keeps saying that we need to be happy like we were before, but I just can't, he's always talking about how hard he works so that I can have nice things and infers that I am messing everything up with my depression. He keeps asking me if he should leave ( i really think he wants to) I just don't know what to do, how much can I take. He also talks about my not working is hurting us, because I used to make real good money as a nurse. Butg I just don't have it in me anymore. I am in a puddle of tears, and I can't stop.. To tell you the truth I really don't care about anything but my son in prison. What can I do. Please help me.

Dawn

you are grieving as if it is a death. your son's life at it was has radically changed. your husband cant possibly relate and wants his old wife and his old life back too. for him it will never be the same either. when myson died my husband never grieved and was glad he was gone and not taking up all my time anymore:angry:

when this son went to prison, my BF was very good about me for months going on and on, crying all the time, not feeling like much of anything. one day he gently told me he knows I have to grieve but we have to inch along and keep "us" going as well. so I cut back some. I still talk abotu him, have BF go with me to visit, but I do almost all my venting etc here...a safe place where it isnt going to monopolize my rest of my life..did that make sense? LOL

be loving to your hubby as it isnt his fault either. do something with your time little by little even if it is just posting more here to help someone even more sad than you.

I truly cannot fathom the idea of LWOP it is so hard to swallow. how ever dreamed that one up I dont know. to say a person can NEVER change? to say a person must be locked up forever??? I just dont get it. hopefully in time the pain wont be as sharp but I have never been in your shoes and only you know the depth of this.

live.
live the best you can for your son.

I am so sad about your dog as well, I had a beloved 17 yr old cat who died a few yrs back. it took me two years and I am not kidding...to stop sniffling over that angel.

comforting hugs....wish my arms could reach

Mother J, see you know exactly how I feel, all of the he'll never be able to do's.
The thing that bothers me is I am afraid to write about the things in my daily life oer new things for fear of making him sadder, and making him feel bad about the things he can't have or do.

Dawn

Dawn, that's exactly how I felt. I even felt guilty about enjoying things out here. When hubby took me out to eat I would sit there and think, "I bet "J" would be happy with just a hamburger from McDonald's" Our family had not been on a vacation together for years, but we decided to take a trip to the beach in March of last year. It was mostly to get away after all the press, fear and threats we'd been through. Oh did I ever feel guilty but at the same time I knew we needed it badly. I took pictures like mad,(one of them is my avitar) wrote a long letter everyday we were there and even received a call from "J" while I was basking in the sun on the beach. "J" could hear the waves and the squeals of his sister, her friend and the nephews. He loved it. I told him that I was afraid that he might feel I was rubbing his nose in the stuff he could no longer do. He told me "Mom how else do I get to do these things if it isn't through you guys." People around here are getting used to seeing me with my camera. I even took pictures at Applebee's last week when my daughter took "J's" son and me out for lunch. I'm sure he'll long for those things he'll never have again, but through you he can share so many experience. I just hate the thought of my son becoming institutionalized. I've said many times "They can imprison your body but they can't imprison your mind unless you let them." My goal is to keep him here with us in his mind by sharing even the insignificant stuff that makes up family life in his home.

dawn, let me just say that MotherJ has so answered better than I, and I will include that my prayers are w/you. know you are not alone. we are here for you.

Sometimes I envision myself going to that jail and saying enough is enough give me back my son. crazy, huh. Just a dream. Thanks to you all, Some days I think i'm going to make it some days not, i'll just strive to try to have more good days than not. I'm really not looking for sympathy, I'm just trying to dig myself out of this pit
of despair.

Dawn

Dawn, you will be at the top of my prayer list today! I'm sorry this is all so overwhelming for you. There's no easy way to get through this except one hour at a time .... one inch at a time ... one prayer at a time.

Your depression concerns me. I hope you will talk to your family physician about how you're feeling. Your depression could be of a chemical nature and perhaps medication would help.

Dawn, what you say to your son who is incarcerated is not going to make his incarceration worse. Your attitude/state of mind is, of course, going to matter to him. But if he knows you're falling into the deep abyss of depression over him and his circumstances, you'll be doing him a great disservice. I don't know him; and I don't know you personally. All I can hope for is that you get some help in your community from somebody.

We, here at PTO, are always available for you, but there comes a point where we need to see someone face to face when the thoughts of ending it all come to the surface. Please, dear friend, talk to your doctor! And be honest with him/her. I did, and my doctor was wonderful. He not only listened, but he gave me some good advice. And meds.

Please, Dawn, don't despair.
God bless you!
Love,
Mary

I found this website, it has some good information, but Mary is right, if depression is consuming your life and you have thoughts of suicide, PLEASE seek help! I have attempted suicide, and I am so glad I lived through it. Even the bad, doing time of my own, and where I am today. I also lost someone very dear to me, who did not live through it. That is something you never really get over, losing someone like that. It's a horrible guilt trip. Anyway, all who are in such grips of despair, please don't give up hope. God Bless.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_tips.htm

Dear Friends,I saw my son this weekend. He looked skinny and tan. He had no voice.Made it hard to talk through the glass. The phones have terrible reception. I always make my husband call to find out if we have been "approved" to see our son. I find it hard to do. Don't know why really. Maybe Im afraid of finding out he's been moved-or there's been some kind of trouble that will make it even harder to see him.
We drove 8 hours and arrived at the prison dirty and car weary, went in to see my boy.So beautiful to me.The wonderful strength of youth being wasted....He "irons" his white clothes (by putting them under his mattress-ya' know) and wears cologne from magazines. One day we could smell his cologne through the glass--I guess it was coming in the vent above us. He was so pleased! One of the guards told me that the guys try so hard when they have visits. She said if the people who don't visit could only see them getting ready for visits-they would try harder to come.
We told him jokes we had saved up and told him all the new family news we know. He said they had lasagne for lunch which is kind of like spaghettio's ,but not bad. He mentioned a new guy he met that was in for cutting his best friends' head off. Nice.
Sometimes I wish he had a girl waiting for him--but he doesn't. No kids. No one but Mom and Dad. A group called the Kairo group brought cookies for all the inmates--What a treat! I asked my son how is his r