I am so sick of being a victim. If the creep tries to come in my home again, I am gonna spray his face with the poison at my door to blind him. This fool broke in my dead bolt door with a screwdriver! I thought I was safe-I have installed 5 additional locks since.
Here is an interesting list of crap he pulled:

sneaked clothes in a small bag at a time
stole big amounts of money while I was asleep (100-500)
had his way with me WHILE I was asleep
cut holes in my jammies for entry access (sexual)
called welfare on me
threated to have my kids taken
cracked a rib
punctured a lung
stomped on chest
power punched my left eye (in jail now-11/01/03)
stole cell phones
stole pager
called me names----yes, every one you can think of
called my daughter a b****
threated to shoot me
climbed up 2nd floor balcony to enter my home
packed up all my important things to take and sell
You know, I am so sick of this man, I hope I never see him again. He is nothing but a thieving abuser. I am currently trying to keep him in jail, but they say he doesn't have enough convictions for the 3 or more rule. He has over 50 arrests, and 12 are assaults. They have to be convicted assaults.
I went through so much in the last 3 weeks. He disrupted my life. I coughed up blood for 2 weeks due to the blow to my nose. Had to go to my kids' school conferences with a black eye. I am soooo mad! He has put me thru such misery. I hope his crusty feet freeze off in jail.
The child protection people are now back in my life. There was an incident this March with him too, and me and my boys had to go to DA classes all summer because of him. He said he wanted me to call the cops this time so that Child Pro. would take my kids. He need classes, but they won't help a person like him. I talked to the lady that came to my home, and explained all to her. I told her I was mad as heck, and he is doing this on purpose. She said the only thing I may have done wrong was to run out and call 911 and left the kids in the home with him. I had no phone, and all cells were dead.
Well, that's what happened. I will keep you posted as to how the DEC 2nd trial unfolds. I've been to court and got my 1 yr. restraining order! Yahoo! Couldn't get one before due to him running and hiding from being served. I got him in jail with it! Yes!
I love this site! So glad to have found it.
Peace be with you
Brenda

:pissed:

Welcome Brenda...SO glad you found us! You stay strong and do whatever it takes to make sure he NEVER hurts you again. Don't worry about Child Protection people, he is gone now and there is no threat to the kids. they can accuse you of failure to protect them but you can argue by saying you pressed charges and that is ensuring the children are safe. I used to work for DCF if you have any questions or need to talk feel free to PM me!

Oh I am so sorry Brenda. I feel so bad for being so jovial with you on PM. I had no idea you were going thru such a hard time. Please know that I will be thinking of you and I hope you stay safe and happy.

Oh no. How long does it take to find that out? And how will I find out, who informs me? The courts?
If that happens and they get taken, he will have gotten his way. Oh my goodness. I would be heart-broken for my boys. We are trying to live a happy life.
The night this abuse happened, he just came in my home and tried to pick a fight so he could hit me. I was laying down going to sleep and hadn't seen him all day. Yes, he was drunk.
Well, no matter what happens, I will be prepared. But a little nervous now, can I call the child protection investigator and ask her? Will she tell me the truth? Please reply so I can ease my mind.
Thanks!

Originally posted by flygirlaa2
Oh I am so sorry Brenda. I feel so bad for being so jovial with you on PM. I had no idea you were going thru such a hard time. Please know that I will be thinking of you and I hope you stay safe and happy.

Oh, don't worry about that. I was pleased that I could make you laugh. And I made a new friend!
It took me a week to crack a smile after my event. You somehow notice things like that after a tragedy.
Happiness is healing.

:)

You won't lose your kids so long as you never let him in your home again if he gets out. If he breaks in, then that's not your fault. I've gone through a similar situation and finally went to a women's shelter to keep away from him. They told me that staying with someone like that constitutes child abuse, but since you're pressing charges and doing the right things, they probably won't take the kids. My prayers will be with you and if I can help in any way, let me know.

Well, thank you toi_ama! That is a relief. I lay down at night to sleep and it has been taking me from 1-2 hours to fall asleep. Worrying too much I guess.

I have my restraining order, 4 new locks on my door, cell phones in every room, a big stick and the drive to use it if need be.
It is sad to know that some people enjoy ruining the livlihood of you and your children.:mad:

God be with us.Don't let evil people worry you or make you jealous. they will soon be gone like the flame of a lamp that burns out. Proverbs 24:19

I pray you'll start getting more sleep. You need your rest. Stay strong and don't hesitate to seek further help, like going to a women's shelter for awhile, if he bothers you when he gets out.

Hi, Brendassewing. I've been through the CPS system myself when I was living with my ex-husband and 4 children in 1994. He used to threaten to take the children away from me, saying that I was an unfit mother. However, it wasn't me wh was accused of physically abusing the children, he was. And he refused to particiapate in the treatment plan that CPS presented to us, saying that I was the nut and that I didn't deserve to have the children with me. CPS saw that I was following their recommendations, that the children felt safe with me and that he was being combative about not following their requests. So...CPS helped me to take all 4 of my children away from him, moving back to Hawaii.

So the moral of the story is: CPS is interested in keeping families intact, particularly those who can demonstrate that they can keep their children safe. If you not only follow their recommendations and then go above and beyond what is asked to keep yourself and your family safe, they will help you out a LOT. I found this to be true of MSPCC (Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children-a CPS counterpart) and of CPS here in Hawaii. Good luck, keep yourself and your family safe and God bless you.

Now...if I could only get child support out of his sorry butt, I would be in heaven...

sorry to hear about this. the one thing that really makes me mad..is "oh sorry we cant do anything until HE does something to YOU". i have heard that on more then one occasion. anyways, you will be in my prayers. you & your kids stay safe, and dont let this so called "man" get the best of you. rock on!!

xoxo
melissa

Hello,
My heart goes out to you. Nothing worse then being abused.

You will be in my prayers

Got my pager back that he told the judge he didn't have. Was at the jail this am to get it. I was hoping he did have it, since he wanted to lie to the judge and say he didn't. I have never lied to a judge, and never will. How can people do that?
Now I'm even more outraged at this jerk.

They passed a new law that requires abusers to turn in all weapons if committing abuse. I wonder how that is going to work?!

They need another one that keeps them in jail longer!

Can't wait to go to court soon. Keepin ya posted!

i'm so sorry to hear about your situation,my sister was abused by two different men,one being my nephews father and one not.the one that's not she is STILL with he doesn't even let her have contact with her family.i'm glad you had the courage to get out or try to get out of the situation.may god protect you and your children always.if you ever need to talk you can pm me anytime

Been there and went through that too! My youngest daughters father was enough to put me into a Safe House. My situation was a little different though. He was more of a drunk verbal abuser and was self destructive. I got to the point that I was on the verge of putting him under seriously and knew I had to get out. I went into the safe house out here and within a month exactly I had a whole new home in a new area and started all over. It was sooooo worth it! There are avenues out there that will help! I really hope and pray that all goes well for you and that you are able to stay safe! You have an awesome group of people here for you to lean on! I am praying for you!!!

Breand---WOW! I am glad to hear that this phase of your life is over. My heart goes out to you for all of the physical and emotional abuse you have experienced. Hang in there. Things can only get better with this anomal out of your life!

Honey, you wrote: "he had his way with me WHILE I was asleep."
THIS IS RAPE!!!!!!!! Charge him with rape while you can!! I know this may sound like prisoner bashing to many of you and this is a prisoner support site, but this guy has to be put away until he gets mega-counselling so he doesn't hurt anyone every again!

Well, glad that's over. When they called my name, I was so nervous. The first thing the judge does is ask you if you have anything to say. I didn't know where to start!! So I just forced my self to start talking and things just came out of my mouth. I felt as if I was in a zone, barely getting the words out, and was getting angrier as I spoke. Telling the court how we just want to be left alone, and how he has put my kids in jeopardy, and threatening us.
Well, after I said my peace, his attorney had the nerve to say that my abuser only pushed me!!! Oh, I just shook my head in disbelief, knowing the judge was staring at the photos of my black eye. I wanted to go over there and "push" both of them.
My attorney asked for more time, 180 days. But the judge said she didn't think that would teach him to stay away. She sentenced him to the 180 days, STAYED, if he bothers us again. And he will have to attend NOVA classes, drug and alcohol treatment, intensive probation for the 1st 6 months, and regular probation for the remainder. Which is fine with me. I have to do all kinds of things in order to keep my kids. I think it's only fair that he go to all kinds of classes too.

But he will not make it, he is an alcoholic, so he will fail. Then have to do the time.

I'm so glad this is almost over. My kids are in fear he will come around here. We jump when doorbell rings. My son says he hears noises all the time. They get scared of strangers on the street, thinking it's HIM. This is no way to live. We are so tired of this animal. We only want to live in peace, the way it should be.

I hope life goes on and we forget about all of this.

Oh Brenda I feel for you. It's so ironic where they're so eager to lock up the petty thieves and the addicts, but somebody can conduct a terrorist campaign like that and be out walking around. Stay safe, you're probably right and he will shoot himself in the foot someway and do some time. Not that that will fix him either. But at least you have gotten him out of your immediate zone and now you can get proactive towards a better life. Court sounds like it was a draining ordeal.

mY NAME IS MELISSA MY BOYFRIEND IS CRAZZY I WANT TO GET AWAY BUT I AM SCARYED.LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HE DOES TO ME.
1. CALLS ME NAMES
2.HIT'S ME KNOCKED MY TOOTH LOOSE
3.TELL ME TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND IF I DON'T HIT ME
4.TAKES ALL MY MONEY
5.WON'T LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE
6.TAKES MY PHONE AWAY
i REALLY WANT TO LEAVE BUT I HAVE NO FRIENDS TO TALK TO IF ANY ONE WANTS TO BE A FRIEND TO ME IM ME AT SWEETIEBABY8279@AOL

Take control of your life now Melissa. You will feel alot better about yourself and be able to think more clearly. All your energy is going toward him.

Don't be afraid. Change your phone and let him keep the one he "thinks" is working.
Tell him you have a yeast infection so he won't want sex.

I tried to make everything my abuser wanted miserable for him.
Get direct deposit and don't tell him.

Get your tooth fixed.

You need to make some plans about leaving. Just do it.
Everything will fall into place for you.
The sooner the better.

I am so sorry you and your children went through such a hell! I am glad you are out of it----as a victim of a crime, here in ca, you get victim compensation....where they will pay to move you, and give you first and last month's remt, also if you stay in your home they help to secure your home, they pay for therapy, often after surviving a traumatic situation there are side affects, like hyper-viglince, depression, flashbacks, self-esteem issues, panic, anxiety....perhaps they offer such assistance where you live...I hope so!! i don't know your thoughts on therapy-but it can really help in the process of healing from the trauma you and your children survived....

Melissa your sitution sounds frightning, if you do not have a place to go to, a place for abused women would be great, a lot of them offering counseling, job training, planning what to do next.....these homes for abused women are usually well protected and will not give there address or phone number to anyone...maybe when he goes to work, or leaves the house you could make some phone calls to homes, the police may have some numbers, also maybe hospitals, or if you can a google search for "homes for abused women (in your area).
If you want i can google search for a hotline in your area....

i know this can all be frightening, and overwhelming...but there are people who care and can help you...

if you make phone calls, sometimes there are no beds available, don't give up, ask them for referrals, and in the meantime if they have a waiting list....but, keep calling until you find a place to go and be safe....

abusers are unpredicatable, you never know what will set them off, it has nothing to do with you--so please don't think there is something you could have done differently...or if i try harder, which most people who are abused think.....or if i was prettier, smarter, thinner, fatter etc. it has nothing to do with you, it is his controling and violent behavior that he will carry with him-no matter what woman he is with....let us know how you are and if you want help...


it is horrifying that he only got 180 days, even if incarceration will not stop him, it keeps him off the streets and away from you, he should receive a harsher punishment....i am sure he will abuse the next person he is with if he doesn't get some serious deep therapy, as well taking responsibility for his behavior...

first thing i want to say i commend you on your strength because you had the courage to leave him and put him away and i dont know what state you live in but hopefully they will keep him for a long time maybe you need to take the others advice and seek a shelter i know don't want to leave your hometown but you need to be somewhere that he is not i wish you all the best in this and my god contiune to send the praise your way you will get through this you and your kids and i will keep you all in my prayers if you ever need a shoulder to lean on i'm here......peaceful

I am happy to say that it's over now! I have done all that was asked of me, and still am. Going to classes, keeping a safety plan, keeping in contact with the school, etc.
Gee, it's too bad the sorry man couldn't even go to "One" of his court appointed classes. I guess it was too important to get drunk instead. Maybe he flunked a urine test at the drug and alcohol place. I only know he now has a warrant for his arrest for violating probation. What an irresponsible turd! I never did like him, and certainly didn't want him for a boyfriend, even tho I told him that. He was just a moocher and tries to stay at whomever's home he can get his big fat foot in!
I am at peace now, I love my home, it feels so cozy here now. Thank you God, for helping me and my little ones.
I promise to myself that I will not ever again waste my time on a man who I even have an inkling that he is an abuser. One abusive day can lead to a life-time of self-healing, for you AND your family. No more for me thank you!
Yes, this is the way I like it---the way it SHOULD be! Good luck to you all.

Yay Brenda! that's great to hear, thanks for the follow up

ALL THE TIME!!

I've been there where you were! Beat beyond recognition... kids in jeopardy etc. It ain't nuthin nice. I applaud your strength!!! It was absolutely 1 of the hardest things I ever went thru in my life. YOUR A STRONG WOMAN!!!
STAY STRONG!!

~Tami
(((((HuGs)))))