My bf of a year is now in jail for the 2nd time of our relationship. He is dual diagnosis, meth and BP. Both arrests were not linked to his using, instead to his suspended lic. (1st time) and then being told not to show up for work release by an officer, but still a warrant was issued and he was arrested last friday. He is now scheduled to be released 4/30/08, with no good time. All becuase he listened to a cop!
I am just so tired of this roller coaster. Before he was arrested, he was in such a depressed state, not working, using, asking for money, putting us into debt, feeling guilty. Honestly, I'm a little relieved for the time being, because while he is gone, I can now get our finances into order. I have no desire to cheat or even party. I just got a promotion at my job, for which I am going on a trip to Ohio to train. I'm focused on getting ahead, and saving money. But I don't want this to become an issue all over again when he gets out.

We have plans to move back east, where I grew up, at sometime in the future. My bf strongly believes that being out of CA is what he needs, he has grown up here, and it is this environment that brings him down, tempting him to use. We took a trip earlier this year to my parents, and he was HOOKED. He fell in love with the east coast vibe, and my family, saying that they are some of the best people he has ever been in contact with. However, until I am given my managerial promotion and there is new restaurant built in my home-state, I do not want to leave CA and forgo this opportunity. He knows this, and agrees with me, but we need help until we move.

How do you best get help for someone when they are released from jail? How do you talk to them, and approach them? Please help.

Well, from experience, a geographical change will not help an addict. I would suggest a treatment center of AA/NA. He is going to want to be sober or it won't work. If he is ready to lead a different lifestyle things can change. You might want to go to an Al-Non meeting. Good luck to you both.

Wow tough situation. But I think you are right in being relieved that he is safe and clean. This bid will give him time to clear his head and think about his future w/ you and making some changes. You can call the prison and ask to speak w/ his councilor(that is what I did for my son) and they listened but could not divulge any info(which was fine) he got the help he needed and was released on dec 30th 2007 and doing well.(But he was clean and sober about a year before he was sentenced but struggled w/ depression,insomnia and anxiety. He believes he need to be on a regiment of meds for now and sees a councilor. He can do it if he wants to. He is very blessed to have your love and support.That is great news in regard to your job. Keep it going!!!!!!

Wow, I feel you so much here. I wish you both the best. I too have been on a roller coaster. My boyfriend, we've been together 7 years. Off and on he has been in prison. Parole violation after parole violation. He had a very serious charge that happened in 1976 and it will never go away, never. The parole office keeps bringing it up, has put some strict conditions on him. And yes, they came by a couple of weeks ago, we had a drink with dinner, so as one of his conditions he was not to drink. So, they took him away, another parole violation. My goodness, I don't know how I am surviving this. But you know what I just realized, writing about my feelings here on Prison Talk is giving me some relief, it feels kind of good to be releasing my feelings. I just hope someone is reading this and responds. I too love my boyfriend and am not into seeing anyone or partying either. It gets very lonely at times though and depressing. My boyfriend is so nice and caring, but seems he is having a hard time staying out, I don't know if he has problems coping because all he said when he was out was that he had no troubles when in prison, no bills, he can't find a job when he is out due to his past, he can't go 25 miles out of the city limits, he wears an ankle bracelet, the parole agents are everywhere. I can't have any type of alcohol in the house, they told me if I want a drink with dinner then I need to go to a bar before coming home. It is awful, but I love him and seems for some reason it just is not working for us to be together. So, I said all this to say I know where your coming from. What do we do? I try to keep being here for him, then wonder am I hurting myself. But, how do you just throw away or leave someone you love? Anybody have answers or encouragement? Oh, an another thing, I have a double whammy, my son has been in prison for 12 years, and getting out this year. Can two parolees live in the same house? This is quite a dilemma (did I spell that right?) for me. I don't want to have to have one of them have no where to go. Help....

Confused08 Im sorry that you are hurting so bad.
First thing I would like to give you my own opinion is that your B/F knew being on probation that he was not to have any alcohol in the home and is not to be around someone that drinks or uses. So for him to be able to come back in your home you must not have this around him. As you have found out... For the cops to tell you stop at a bar first before you get home :eek: Watch out for that... Then you will get busted for an OWI for they might be watching both of you. So I guess I am suggesting is while he is locked up, give yourself time to strighten yourself out and yes this might be not also drinking so you can help him when he get's to (maybe) come back into your home if this is what you decide in the end. I am not sure how PO handles where they can stay after being caught with alcohol in the home they were staying. I am also sorry I don't know for sure on your other question about if your son/BF can stay in the same place. But usually felons can not be around other felons while on probation at least that is how it is in my area .. I could be wrong you will need to find this out. I have found since I have been coming to PTO
and I have been reading many of loveone's situation I have been doing some soul searching myself a long with others here at PTO. Only you will know in time if this is something and someone that you will want to spend your years with.
Congrats on your son coming home soon. Good luck to you and your loved ones.