My question for this poll is:

Out of the men that you know have completed a Certified Batterers' Intervention Program (usually a 26 or 48 week program for men convicted of Domestic Assault) do you feel the program helped the man in a positive way in regards to his marriage/relationship with the victim or future relationships he has been in since completing the program?

Anger Managment (usually 8-12 weeks program) is not what Im talking bout here. CBI is different please respond only in regards to CBI programs.

I apologize, I just saw the "Poll Forum" 1 min ago. Apparently this is the wrong forum for this post, but hey, at least it relates to this forum :)

My ex was ordered several times to attend an "anger management" program in addition to being ordered to enter into SODAT (for drug and alcohol treatment) thru the NJ Court System. Not only did he never register or attend, but no follow up was ever done to make sure that he did. I actually went thru the trouble of reporting to the courts of his failure to do so, and still nothing was done. I thought maybe if it was brought to their attention, then the judge would inforce his own orders. I do know that this is not unusual in this state. He was ordered to do this more than once and did not comply.

My husband was in domestic violence/anger management because he was court ordered--it made things worst.sokie

Mandated programs rarely work. And it very much depends on the personality of the batterer as to whether any therapeutic approach will work. They are certainly of no value for the narcisstic or the personality-disordered.

No, I do not think it works.. It takes more than a few weeks for an abuser to be helped and as Nim stated,for a narcisstic personality it will have no value.

I realize the prisons have to have some type of program to get state money but they rarely work. It takes years and years of therapy to get to the bottom of why the person is so angry.

I realize the prisons have to have some type of program to get state money but they rarely work. It takes years and years of therapy to get to the bottom of why the person is so angry.
Which brings up the question of while they are attending these classes (and being picked apart because they are violent) do you think maybe their anger grows toward the person they were originally charged with hurting? Because lets face it abuser don't like to be responsible or accept blame :no: It's more like they find excuses of the victim pushing them into the situation of beating them down because they were disrespected, uncontrollable, did it because they loved them soooo much, the excuses go on and on....
So myself, personally, I will never look back twice at my ex-husband after the few years he got in prison because he will have more then a little time to explore the idea he is there because of me and not because of what he did. Instead I will be keeping my pepper spray close and finding ways legally to keep him far (I mean FAR) away. ;)

I think some may let it build Sokie. Of course, that depends on the person, but you are right , so many abusers live in the land of "blame".

I think that any program that doesn't have input from the victim will allow all sorts of slipping of blame. And I still know of virtually no way to change a pathological narcissist, male or female.

I agree nimuay, no program will change a pathological narcissist.

I believe that these programs are something that gives the accused a certificate, a plack, or whatever they give for finishing a program so they can remain free but I don't think they achieve anything from them. That is my personal opinion.

I know someone who used to run a california CBI program. He said the weird thing was, most of these guys have issues stemming from being left or feeling abandoned as very. very. very young children, and thus they react like a 2 year old would-hitting and screaming and losing control. These problems-and what he described goes along with what I have read about narcissists etc-are hard wired into their brains. They learned these behaviors, and the values behind them-before they could even talk. The abuse-the hitting-is only a symptom of a much bigger problem-how they see the world, how they see themselves as men and as people in the world. Those take years-years!-to change, if ever.

It's not just abandonment. It's being raised by a narcissistic parent, it's being abused or molested, it's having a hugely traumatic experience (kidnapping, hostage situation, war, etc.)

It's all of that that can produce a batterer. Add in PTSD and traumatic brain injury, some mania, you have a fair number of people capable of creating tremendous injury. And only the PTSD and mania are fairly easily controlled. The others are hell on earth to change.