Menia
01-02-2008, 04:03 PM
I keep thinking about last year this time. I was so happy to see the new year come in because January was his last month in Federal prison. I can't get that out of my mine. I knew this month was going to be one of the hardest for me so I took on some extra patients. I am working 19 hours a day and I am still stressing about Keith. I just can't believe it. Lord I wish I could skip the month of January. I looked forward to January 07 for 5 years. This morning while I was helping my patient get out of the bed,. she asked me the date, and I told her, and I immediately thought about last year when I was thinking I had 28 days left before I picked him up. He was such a good person and I miss him something terrible. One of the Deacons at my church told me that the Lord took Keith when he had his life together, he was saved, and he was doing good. He said the Lord wanted to make sure he didn't backslide, so he took him when he was serving the Lord so he could keep him with him. I try and think that is the truth because that does seem to help some.
I remember when Keith first died, I kept saying to myself I will be glad when six months past because I know I will feel better and it won't hurt so much, well I guess I have to wish for the next 6 months, because it still hurt so bad. I still find myself crying alot.
I pray all of the time for the pain to ease, and I pray that the Lord will keep me so busy with my patients that I will not have time to think. I am so tired, but I have to keep going because I am afraid that if I slow down the sadness will take over my life.
One if my patients is in the hospital and I sat with her for 14 hours a day. They (the doctors) said that she more than likely will not make it, or if she did she would not have a quality life. I have been with her for 7 straight days, and each day we work on different things. Today when the physical therapy team came in they were just doing leg exercises with her, and I told them that we had practicing walking and I showed them that she could walk a few steps with the walker. I felt so proud of her and I know if I keep working with her she will get better and better. She had not eat or drank anything for over two weeks, and not she is drinking water a teaspoon at a time. She weighs 70 pounds, but I am trying hard to help her. She is 65 years old, but I know that if we continue to work hard she will make it. Her significant other told me today that she was so blessed to have me working with her. You see this patient was a friend of mine, she use to get me patients becuase she knows so many people. She is a retired beautician and I keep telling her I needed something to do at night, well she found me something, herself. Today I told her that she did not have to get sick to keep me busy.
My other patient, well she is 79, and she wants to go on a short vacation to visit her great granddaughter, so from Jan 18-20, I will be traveling with her, she always gets the best, so I guess for a few days I will have the best also. On Thursday I will have to travel with her brothers anuguration. Thank God it is not to far away, and I can get back to be with my patient at the hospital.
All in all I am truly blessed, I have to stop thinking so much about what I wanted it to be and deal with what it is. I know the Lord is setting me up for something really good. I sure hope I am almost to it because Lord I am so tired.
Once again, thanks for listening to me rattle on and on.
I remember when Keith first died, I kept saying to myself I will be glad when six months past because I know I will feel better and it won't hurt so much, well I guess I have to wish for the next 6 months, because it still hurt so bad. I still find myself crying alot.
I pray all of the time for the pain to ease, and I pray that the Lord will keep me so busy with my patients that I will not have time to think. I am so tired, but I have to keep going because I am afraid that if I slow down the sadness will take over my life.
One if my patients is in the hospital and I sat with her for 14 hours a day. They (the doctors) said that she more than likely will not make it, or if she did she would not have a quality life. I have been with her for 7 straight days, and each day we work on different things. Today when the physical therapy team came in they were just doing leg exercises with her, and I told them that we had practicing walking and I showed them that she could walk a few steps with the walker. I felt so proud of her and I know if I keep working with her she will get better and better. She had not eat or drank anything for over two weeks, and not she is drinking water a teaspoon at a time. She weighs 70 pounds, but I am trying hard to help her. She is 65 years old, but I know that if we continue to work hard she will make it. Her significant other told me today that she was so blessed to have me working with her. You see this patient was a friend of mine, she use to get me patients becuase she knows so many people. She is a retired beautician and I keep telling her I needed something to do at night, well she found me something, herself. Today I told her that she did not have to get sick to keep me busy.
My other patient, well she is 79, and she wants to go on a short vacation to visit her great granddaughter, so from Jan 18-20, I will be traveling with her, she always gets the best, so I guess for a few days I will have the best also. On Thursday I will have to travel with her brothers anuguration. Thank God it is not to far away, and I can get back to be with my patient at the hospital.
All in all I am truly blessed, I have to stop thinking so much about what I wanted it to be and deal with what it is. I know the Lord is setting me up for something really good. I sure hope I am almost to it because Lord I am so tired.
Once again, thanks for listening to me rattle on and on.