QUEENDRURY
12-29-2007, 03:19 AM
its almost teh end of 2007. it took GOD seven days to complete the world.seven is lucky.theres something special about the number seven. i believe this eight year is going to be leaps and bounds of blessings for us all...i have something to say to all of you as my family and as my friends but its hard for me to go there...shame,guilt,tolduso etcetcbut i got something to say.i rarely express other areas of my life b/c i feel like you guys are for JAMIE and me...but i have mentioned a few thngs here and there about my fam cuz sometimes i have to vetn tehy azz out of my mind LOL(but not to loud).i have spoken on this problem of mine although it wasnt near toxic as it is now or my naive self just dumb.maybe you recall,maybe not.if not then let me tell you-i been up here for 2 1/2 yrs from tennessee, and my fiancee JAMIE is incarcerated in NORTHPOIT TRAINING CENTER in BURGIN KENTUCKY. well,i eventually encountered a buddy up here.we didnt live together or anything but he was my buddy more like a bootleg! supposed to be no strings attached shyt, them shoestrings wrap around the whole boot adn my leg!!.he knew about JAMIE as soon as he met me/before we even started talking hooking up.anyhow on FEB 2,2006-day 90 (the day i got my apartment after staying in the shelter for 6months) and every since then i have had no peace of mind from thsi man! my children havent had any peace of mind from this man.bus drivers/neighbors/sponsors/directors/cashiers/anyone-anything!! after breaking it off for 4maybe5 months i decided to accept his help once again.of course he went all out and i willingly-not proudly-let him go!!but he had ulterior motives as far as how i live my life.meaning he flipped teh script- yeah he knew all about JAMIE b/c i told him straight up but he saw me as a competition for him to win/a trophy for him to obtain from a real man who is not his direct compition. his needs and wants was to receive what i proudly give JAMIE but i couldnt no more do it than the man in the moon.i told him,no i wont call him JAMIE,no i wont call out JAMIE'S name for him!honestly, he is my worst nightmare all over again.having him for companionship was like a restriction against daylight inmy world.my orbit is always analyzed by this man: from my expression to a sigh to MY phone call ringing to the thought of anything interesting/questionable/noticeable/simply appeared in my home(eevn if it is my ladies)/to my routine during the day/to my routine during the nite ITS CRAZy!!little shyt this man would ataganize over liek why woudl i even talk to another person in line in front of us!!?-give HIM my attention!!everytime i woudl set his azz out but to him it was a green light.since the april incident we have had police involved several times for somebody touching somebody-just b/c i show my wilpower/reluctance/displeasure and dissagreements this man sees it as a green light.TO GET ANY ATTENTION FROM ME-its scary.well, his following me/yelling to me how he wants this and that: Lfor loyalty(his hand be over his fo'head). after i tell him what an azz he is i tell him that positionis for loser not loyalty-but he says its HIS motto everyone supposed to know!! he is older adn naive as hell about a realtionship-with a woman/hell his peceivance is all wrong from everyone else in teh worlds and it is scary. now that i know i dont need no mans companionship he wont leave me alone.the way he searches for me i carefully scan every environment i step in for him b/c he scans every bus stop/store/person walking jaming to they music looking for me or my kids.if he sees me he is so hard to get rid of.its even worse if he comes wit me on teh errand or over to the house--and everyone can see us/hear us.it makes me so angry to have to egt aggressive with teh man who supposed to be my buddy-but it was what it was.ON MONDAY ME AND THE LADIES WILL BE GOING TO THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER.ashley and babygirl do not deserve this sort of shyt intheir lives. from alking out my door to walking past a window in my home i am cautious of him snaeking around.i caught him reading my mail and sent off on him.of course we had it out big time/he said he understood then the next damn time attempt to do the same thing!!b/c nothng shoudl be off limits to him-i shoudl want him to know everything about me!!it takes me 10 minutes to get defensive about something minimal and of course my ladies get upset.teh last itme i almost got physical b/c ashley got upset.i was ready to bust his head adn i put his azz out in the cold.he saw me one day get off teh bus at western union(after scanning for me too!!)and after screaming my name 10 times he caught up wit me saying he needed to get soem things out of his bag-i got 2 bags of clothes and a box of papers of his eh claim are imortant.see, he lost his apartment and his job b/c of his expecting the world-everyone will accept him like he is...i am so scared fo his mentality.i know for a fact that he cant accept it over!!he says he is teh man i aleady chose for teh 18 yrs JAMIE go ton the inside.i havent seen him in about 3 weeks on a personal level-but he came to churhc last sunday-thinkng he was coming home wit me!shyt yeah right!!he walked on to his cousins house a fe wblocks and i waited on teh bus.in the blizzard and i went home ALONE. fast forward- i am takignthe ladies to a safer place to reside. with my every resources i can alleviate this danger from my life and the first is to get help to get away from him/his terrtory-he can have BP-im gone.i am not ging to go into howafrad i really feel about this man terrorizing me- ill jsut say please carefully decide if youwant a buddy.with dufunny's mentality if he ever considers he wasted 2 1/2 yrs with me/he lost his home/ his job-he aint got nothing AND HE AINT GOT ME. can you imagine what i think of if mental stability gives out b/c he cant have what he wants?monday i will beleaving this apartment.im not sure when ill be able to get bac home to you guys but ill be in touch as much as i can.i love you guys and know ALL IS WELL IN GOD'S WILL.:)