Hi everybody! I have an 11-month old son with my husband who has been gone since he was 6-months, and will be away until January 2005. He is in Shawnee Correctional, about 6-8 hours from me, so I won't be able to go see him much. I'm so worried our son will not know who his daddy is, and will act shy or cry on visits and when he is able to come home. Family is very important to me, and this would kill me and my husband, and now is definately not the time to bring his spirits down. I know the highlight of the next 15 months will be visits from me and our son. What can I do? Any ideas on how to make sure our little boy knows that this man is his daddy? Please help! :confused:

I have an eight-year old who had never been seperated from his dad, and he has been for the past nine-months. Our son does get to see him and is older than your little boy, but how about showing him a picture daily and saying This is your daddy and also if your husband calls let the baby hear his voice, it is important to establish a bond.

Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. My son was 2 months old when my husband got locked up. I used to take him to visits at the county but it was behind glass and was not the same. I worried that my boy wouldn't know his dad so I would always show him pictures and tell him, "Thats your Daddy" or point at it and say, "Daddy". My husband came home to a half way house in April; my son was about nine months old. Our first visit went well but everything went downhill from there. My son used to cry all the time when his dad was around. He wouldn't let his dad hold him and would scream and cry when my husband and I would be close to each other. My husband started to get really discouraged and hurt and didn't even want to be around his son that much anymore because he felt so rejected. I was SO upset about it. It took some time and adjusting but we just took it slow. Now, 6 months later, my son is almost 16 months old and he adores his Daddy and always plays with him when we visit him. I think the best thing you can do it surround your son with lots of pictures of Daddy and take him to visit as much as you can. There will probably be some crying but your son will adjust just like my son did. Take it easy, go with the flow and try not to worry too much. Good luck to you and please PM me if you need to.

Hi, My husband and i have two daughters, they are both older though ( 10 and 7) but the best advice i can give to you is to use pictures and take him to visit as often as possible. if you cant go is ther a close reletive that isable to go more often than you are mabye his mother or sister who would be willing to take his child to see him? if not, tell him and use any pictures that you may have of your husband .

hi there...i know EXACTLY how you're feeling...our son was 2 weeks old when john was locked up. we went thru the little bits of crying a few times when we went to see daddy, it only lasted a few minutes then logan would hold his arms out and want daddy to take him. john talks to logan everyday (unless it's nap time) and i even had a pic taken on one of our visits and put it on the computer as the background wallpaper...he would then point and i would tell him that was him & daddy.
* you could also use the same excuse (lie) that i did when logan would cry, i'd tell john that he was just tired or just woke up*

Thank you all for your opinions. I'm going to see my husband (hopefully!) this month, and I'm going to bring our son. I hope all goes well! I do the picture thing, and he says "Dada" when I show him, but I don't know if he will know that the picture and the real life person are the same! We'll see what happens!

i get updates pictures at every visit, that way if john has grown a goatee or just has his mustache, either way logan knows daddy's face when he hears his voice at visit time

If he's getting out in 2005, then your son will be at just the right age to start getting really attached to Daddy. He's going to cry and be shy------that's part of being 9 months old whether you see Daddy 24/7 in the same home or not. Daddies that go to work and don't get to spend a lot of time with their kids experience the same thing. It should be about Baby and not about Daddy when this happens. He's not disliking or rejecting his father as his father-----he's just being a baby who is more attached to Mommy right now. I've helped raised tons of sisters and brothers (got 10 of them and I'm the oldest) 37cousins most of whom I babysat, lots of neices and nephews, and now I'm raising the last two of six I'll have raised myself by the time it's over, so I know how you feel and I also know babies.

Just take it slow and help your husband to understand that it's nothing personal, it's just a "baby thing" and when he gets out of prison, he's going to have a son who is at just the right age to bond with real strongly.

Thank you so much again, that really makes me feel better! I'll tell my husband about that one, I'm sure he'll feel better too!

my daughter is 18 mos old now she had just turned 1 when her daddy got locked up. what i did was taped a picture of me and my husband at our wedding to the inside of her crib.this way she sees us together and will still be used to that when he gets home.she also talks to him on the phone.we have not gotten a contact visit yet ,so i cant help there.hhope i was some help.and good luck.:wave:

I also taped a picture of my husband in my sons crib!!!! :) I think that Toi Ama said it all in her post; she is 100% correct. At that age baby is more attached to Mama even if Daddy is around a lot. I just explained to my husband that is was just his age. It took some work but like I said, it is wonderful now!

The clinging to Mommy thing is such a classic stage that (I seem to recall) the childhood development books even talk about it. Much of what little kids do is about their development and very little of it is either personal or permanent. My daughter is just getting past a stage when she would imperiously order anyone and everyone out of the house. (except mommy:) Now she invites everyone and anyone over (Mostly the same people she was kicking out three months ago.)
Toi is so right. When that Real Good Day comes for you guys, that little person (WHAT A CUTIE, too) will be at a great age to enjoy it all with y'all

Maybe you could send him a book on child development. That would help him to understand more of what to expect at different ages.

Hi everybody!! I just wanted to let you know that showing our son pictures of his daddy everyday, and kissing him good night and good morning really did work!! We went to visit my man for Lil Eddy's first birthday last Thursday, and as soon as Big Eddy sat down and I handed him our boy, he pointed at him and said "DaDa!" Then gave him the cutest kiss right on his lips!! This was all without any cue from me or anything!! I know how happy that made me, I can't even imagine what that did to my husband! Thank you so much for all of your tips! :D I can't wait untill our next visit!

A few other things I forgot to mention, there was absolutely no crying at all!! Our son let Daddy hold him all day, and even fell asleep in his arms for a 3-hour nap!! Took away from some of the hand holding a little bit, but the love I witnessed that day between the two of them was even better!! When I took him to get his diaper changed and then came back into the visiting room, he even stretched his arms out for Daddy to take him from me!! I think that was cuz Daddy let him scarf down popcorn and take a few sips of pop though!! J/K LOL!!

Children even at that young age enjoy pictures. Place pictures of daddy everywhere. Have one with you at all times. Talk to him about daddy via his baby book whatever. My son who is three and is my adopted son knows his dad (my ex) My ex was not around very much when he was smaller and is not around at all now (for what reason I don't know) But I never stopped talking to my boy about dad. He knows dad by name and by face. I tell him stories about dad when I show pictures to him. My son's dad is missing out on so much of his son's life. My son's dad has no idea how lucky he is to even hae the chance to see his son. Unklike your son's father he can just hope and pray.

My husband and I have 5 children, the youngest being 2months and the oldest being 10 years when he was incarcerated. 3 years later I find myself wondering sometimes the same thing. I have made each of my children a "daddy n me" scrapbook.. it is filled with pictures of them, their dad and the things that their daddy loves. I make sure to write about how they are the same and what is different about them. I made copies of my pictures that I took with my camera on a copy machine or used my digital so that they couldnt destoy actual pictures.. The children LOVE their books and they feel closer to him.. I bet my kids know more things about their dad than some of the other kids in the neighborhood lol! They also love the days we get to update them and add new pictures.

T

I've been doing the picture thing along with kissingit and telling him good night with our two year old son who was 16 months when his daddy went in.He hasn't seen him since May due to the program that he is in.He's not allowed to make phone calls, so our son hasn't heard his voice either. We want be able to see him until the day he is released. I worry about how he's going to react when he sees his daddy.Like you I'd appreciate some much needed advice

I have a 16 month old. Fortunately, I get to take him on visits every week and my Husband calls me almost every day and talks to our son. The difference is your Husband will be home before mine. Do what you can now and don't worry. Once he comes home, he will know who Daddy is because you have always instilled it in him.

well, Chris has been a bigger part of Dylan's (my 3 yo son) life than his biological father. So before Chris got locked up, i video taped everything they did together. We watch those tapes a good bit. I talk to Dylan about Daddy Chris all the time and tell him how much Chris loves him and will be home so soon to do all the fun things they used to do together. Chris also writes letters to Dylan, they are always so cute and sweet, and I read them to him at bed time once a week.
I know that probably doesn't help much since your situation is a bit different.
But I can relate. I am 8 months pregnant right now and Chris is more than likely not going to be here when the baby is born. It could be 2-5 months after she is born until he is released and I worry that when he comes home she will not be used to him, but at the same time I think it will be ok because she will be so young.
I hope you get lots of good advice and I know you will.
Be strong!