My husband will be coming home real soon after serving a 16 year stretch.I am so Happy my feet haven't hit the ground.I know hes going to have to adjust.What I want to know is what can I do?What do I expect?I Love Him soooo much and anything I can do to make it easier on him I'm willing.I know the hard part is behind us.We beat the system were still together and still so much in Love despite all the games and torment that place puts you through.So if anyone can give me advice on how to make it more comfortable for my Carl please let me know.Loving him with all my heart and soul I got that part down...:p Love is Like a Wild Rose Beautiful and calm but willing to draw blood in its defence...

There was a really funny post here awhile back about how to make your guy comfy when he comes home. I don't remember it all, but it had to do with making him keep his stuff in a small space, doing count for him, etc. I'll try to find it and post it just to give you a chuckle. After 16 years locked up, there will definitely be a big adjustment for him, and patience and not calling attention to it are the best advice I can give you. Don't mention anything you notice unless he mentions it first because he'll be feeling embarrassed and self-conscious, thinking the whole world can see he just got out of prison anyway. Good luck with the transition. I'm glad he's coming home.

I dont have any answers for you but wanted to say CONGRATS!!! Have fun :)

I just recently found this site and you would not believe the comfort I have found in here. I have laughed and cried.Even when Carl gets home I plan on remaining a part of this family.I am going to show him as well. I know he will be able to find answers here that I would not even be able to began to give him.THANK YOU EVERYONE for being here.....

I am so happy for you Ranae. I wish you the very best. I agree with you that PTO gives us much comfort. I mean I have never spoken to anyone who understands or even tries to understand what it is like to have a loved one in prison.

I am glad you found PTO because it is truly wonderful.

Blessings,
BlueLily

ranae,

First of all congratulations!

Most of all, have patience with him. There are going to be things that will take some time for him to get over.

Coming home from prison is alot like coming home from a long deployment at sea, I have made both trips, and the comparisons, at least for me, are amazing.

The one thing that my partner found odd was my inability to open a door let alone touch it. I remember my first day home, we had taken a walk on the beach and when we came back to the house, I stood in front of the door waiting, just waiting. Linda took my hand in hers, cupped the keys in my hand and together we unlocked the front door to our home.

That to me is my strongest memory of coming home.

I crave the human touch now, where at first I recoiled from it. I cannot explain this, except to think it comes from the patdowns from prison. But, I missed a gentle or loving touch so much that now I can't get enough.

He will need time to decompress from prison habits, I still wake up at 0430 in the morning, and when I do sleep, it is very fitful.

Just be patient, do not draw attention to his little habits, there will be things that he will have to unlearn.

Love him and be patient. You both are starting a new life.

God Bless you both,

Patti

Patti,
Thanks for the advice I am listening.Truth I'm scared.No not of him.God I do Love that man.I'm scared of doing something wrong.This is his home and I want him to feel comfortable I don't want to make him feel uneasy in anyway.Sex I'm not sure how hes going to feel.Me I'd have him naked before he got into the house.LOL. I thought I'd go slow and follow his lead.Hes already told me he looks foward to home cooking.I am going to enjoy that.He wants a bath not a shower. There are alot of things people take for granted aren't there.I'll remember what you said about the keys Carl told me he wants to take walks.I am going to enjoy having my husband home and in my arms where he belongs...

I wish you both the very best!!! :)

Blessings and Long Time Freedom to you both!
Wendy
Hey, Toi, have you found that funny post yet? LOL Sounds great.

I think this is the post Toi is talkin' about - it is FUNNY!

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26839

Thanks, sunny! That was laughs! :)
I'm sending it to my husband right now. He's gonna be on the floor too.
Wendy

Thanks for the post it was cute but don't think I'll be sending it to Carl I'll let him read it once hes home.To much of it rings true....

My husband has been in a halfway house for the past 3 months. I think that has helped him adjust a lot. I know that he said when he first got there that he would just sit and watch the cars go by. That was something that he had to get used to since the prisons here are out in the country. He has been to the house a couple of times and didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I know that everyone adjusts differently. By the way, he was locked up 15 years. Congrats and enjoy your homecoming!!

Congratulations, my husband did 3 years and two months in us fed prisons and 2 years in mexico, coming home is way different than you would think, lot of joy, a lot of frustration, the world marched on without him, be there for him, God bless both of you

Hi, guys! I read all your posts and my nerves are still on end. I, too want to react in the right way. I don't want to make him feel too uncomfortable. I have been writing to him to try to keep him updated on things out here. But, my concerns are how he and our son will react to each other and will he feel we need him in our lives after being without him so long.

SlopokesJoy,
Oh it is a wonderful feeling knowing they'll be home soon, Huh?Oh don't you worry about him feeling needed just let him know you need him because you Love him that should do the trick.:D I am on pins and needles waiting for the call to come and get him.We had some trouble getting his GTC credits straight but looks like he maybe home in a couple weeks.I can't sleep I have so much energy its unbelivable.I know we'll be just fine. I do wish you and yours all the happiness in the world. Keep us posted,Okay?

Ranae;
I know all about the pins and needles.The falling asleep forget that, too.I imagine he's a ball of nerves, too. So, are we looking at seeing our men around the same time? I wish he would call me tonight and say come and get me.Poof, I'm there! (smile)I will let you know as time progresses, you do the same.

I wonder if anyone has done any studies on the behavoirs of men coming home from prison. I bet many of them could fall under "tramatic stress disorder". Especially, for those of them who have done longs periods of time.
Wendy

so did they come home yet? how did it go?

Hi ranae ... how is everything going? I know you must still be on cloud 100 enjoying your hubby being home:)

When you have a moment could you post in the Offenders Forum, Coming Home from Prison under my post "coming home, now what?" ... I'm sure you and your husband can provide some valuable information for others who will be coming home ...

****** hugs }}} to you both ~

No not home yet,Still playing the paper game but,shouldn't be much longer.Oh how these last days seem forever.I'll keep you posted.:D

You know my journey is just starting with my son but this question of adjustment has already come up. His fear is after 7 years he'll jump up swinging at anyone who says boo. He is 18 and right now prison to him is preparation for war.
I told him that I thought his grandfather after the war and his uncle must have felt something similar. That maybe there is a lesson to learn from the books out there on POW camps and surviving after. Did not John McCain right a book?

This is just a thought and even though I caution my son to go slow we have time, I still thought he was being rather forward thinking and that was good.

Oh and by the way Ranae congratulations the rest of us are turning green.

Cheryl