View Full Version : It CAN Happen!


new4az
10-26-2003, 06:21 AM
OK ... I'm coming up on my 3 year release anniversary. I have a nice toyota truck I have bought and totally paid for ... I have a 3 bedroom house ... a good Job ... and a home bussiness that has grown to the point I'm considering hiring my first employee.

I have all the stigma that comes with being a convicted felon ... to include being a 'registered sex offender'. I spent a little over 4 1/2 years 'inside' ... and when I was released I was thrilled that my brother and his family received me into their home with totally open arms. No questions asked, no stress, no worries ... just hugs and love and support.

The first month I was with them they discouraged me from looking for a job. In fact my brother and sister actually paid for me to take a small vacation ... just tot get out and enjoy the suns rises and the outside ... things that i had missed so much while in prison.

When I started looking for work, I faced several interviews with confidence as I had some skills and an education. Yet, like many I would go from an extremely positive interview or even a second interview ... to a thanks, but no thanks. I never quit ... but not because I didn't get depressed. I didn't quit because my Brother and Sister-in-Law were there to cheerlead me on. They refused to let me stay down on myself.

My brother is an Air Traffic controller, but he has skills in carpentry as well. He would arrange to do small jobs ... flooring, roofing, tree trimming ... just about anything. Then we would go do them on the weekend and he'd split the money with me. During the week I'd work on my resume and job hunt. At 4 months I got an interview from a company out of state. One of the people who worked there had known me before I was in jail. I had kept in contact with them and so many others while inside ... because I beleived that it was critical to maintain that link to the outside world ... even when it was painful and embarassing. The interview went well and they hired me!!! ... but required I relocate ... which wasn't hard for 2 reasons. 1.) I didn't own much of anything. 2.) I would have moved to Siberia for a chance just to prove I was worth employing.

So I moved ... and worked ... 14-16 hours a day 6 or 7 days a week. Not because it was required, but because i had something to prove ... to them and myself. My first full Quarter working ther I made employee of the quarter. The next year I was employee of the year ... out of over 15,000 employees.

My apartment was totally empty at first. To be honest my jail cell had more furniture ... and in some aspects, my apartment was just an extension of my cell at first. I was outside, but in my mind I wasn't free. I had just an old matress on the floor and a couple blankets ... I slowly furnished the apartment thru the GoodWill and other Thrift stores ... I started paying on my past bills to get my credit straight ... and I worked. I gave up just about everything in life except work. Slowly my bills were gone ... my truck was mine ... my credit was good. My work history slipped over the critical 2 year point. Things were going pretty good.

Then my apartment lease came up for renewal ... and I was politely told that they couldn't renew it. Management had decided that even though I had never been late on my rent, that they just didn't want me as a tenant ... afterall i was a registered sex offender. I was hurt ... not mad ... just hurt. I had worked so hard to make that hole of an apartment a 'home' ... I had 30 days to move.

I went to an apartment finder place and explained the situation. They ran a credit check and asked me if i really wanted to rent ... or would I be interested in buying a house!?! I had never dreamed I'd qualify for a house, but I gave it a shot ... I was approved in 24 hours ... went to see some houses ... and 'Closed' on my small 3 bedroom place in just 20 days. I left my apartment hole ... and moved into what is now my HOME. I still don't have a lot of things ... but I plan to keep leaning forward and working harder than anyone else.

I have my Truck, I have my Job, I have a place that I can't be forced to leave ... I have my little business that is growing and will become my security blanket if I ever need one.

It hasn't been easy ... I could write a book about the challenges and atitudes I've faced. One of the hardest things to accept was feeling good about letting people help me. Pride can be a hard master ... and I owe much to the help of others.

So, I just want all who read this to know ... "It CAN happen" ... I know because it happened for me!

Take care! James

toi_ama
10-26-2003, 08:46 AM
Thank you for posting this truly inspiring story for all of us! And congratulations on all your hard work and perseverence. You've come a long way!

louise1120
10-26-2003, 08:55 AM
Best of Luck to you James, you should write a book though!

robin_n_jim
10-26-2003, 11:05 AM
James,

CONGRATS!!!!!!

I am very happy for you and your new life, it is great to hear a story to make the heart feel good, there are so many of us who have so much hope and faith in our loved ones who are doing time, and the opinions of the people who never had to go through being locked up or knowing anyone who has are always so eager to judge. When a story such as yours comes along refreshes that hope in our loved ones.

You have done a wonderful job of being determined of changing your life for the better, I wish you all the luck in the world, and keep up the wonderful job!!!!!!!!

Robin

hslittlebit
10-26-2003, 11:10 AM
Thank You for giving soooo many people hope ! I congratulation you for all your hard work and longsuffering! I pary things get better and better for you!

BlueLily
10-26-2003, 02:08 PM
James, it is stories like yours that keep us going. Please write the book and you can help so many to have the hope that "It can happen!"

I am so happy for you. I really enjoyed reading your story.

Congratulations,
BlueLily

peaceful
10-26-2003, 03:19 PM
your story is one that is so inspiring to others out here that has been going through the same thang and like everyone said you do need to write a book good luck james and may god continue to bless you....

FriscoLady
10-26-2003, 03:21 PM
James,

Thank you! You have given some of my faith back to me! I know that I will go home to San Francisco one day, if I keep working at it abit at a time.

Thank you, for your inspiration, and Congratulations on your success!

Patti

caprione
10-26-2003, 03:42 PM
My guy is getting out in 22 months, after a very long time inside. He has totally rehabiliated himself (never in trouble inside and earned a BA while inside, etc.) but now, as you did, he will face all fo these hurdles out here.
I am printing your story and going to keep it in a file and when he gets discouraged or down, I am going to share your story with him.
How wonderful you had the loving support of your brother and his wife, as well as the belief in yourself!! Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Caprione

MiamiChica22
10-26-2003, 03:44 PM
James, thanks for the post about your hard-earned successes, one step at a time. You deserve many pats on the back, as does your family for sticking with you, through thick & thin.

CONGRATULATIONS!

deb
10-26-2003, 08:16 PM
Thanks for sharing and congrats on your determination and perseverence (sp?).... I'm so glad things are going well for you today...

Deb

ToughTimes
10-26-2003, 10:02 PM
James, you are an inspiration to everyone on here! :)

DENIMBLUE
10-26-2003, 10:08 PM
Thanks for sharing your story! :)

jojo71
10-26-2003, 10:53 PM
HI---JAMES!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR SUCCESS WITH US!!! SMILE!!! IT IS ALWAYZ INSPIRING TO HEAR OF SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS!!!

Lysbeth
10-27-2003, 12:31 AM
I stand with the others in thanking you for sharing that wonderful story with us all, it is such an inspiration and I'm going to be sure to share it with my own incarcerated loved one, who we are hoping will be released soon. Thank you again and best wishes to you, James!!! :)

Lys

samiam158
10-27-2003, 05:49 AM
thanks for sharing james....where there's a will....there's a way...it gives me hope that my son will one day be able to do what you have done...thanks again

Phoenix
10-27-2003, 07:09 AM
Im so happy for you and im so glad that it all worked out in the long run.......
So keep up all the work.

new4az
10-27-2003, 10:51 PM
I'd like to say 'Thanks' to everybody for the kind and thoughtful words. I wish I would have found this site a couple of years back! (I know ... everybody says that!)

I still have many BIG challenges ahead ... like finding a social life and re-building the bond between myself and my two kids (Boys 14 and 16). Yet, in a way I believe that my experiences learning to deal effectively with many different types of personalities and attitudes while 'inside' will help me deal more effectively with my kids and others. I have hope!

I have learned to use my past mistakes to help motivate me and put perspective on life's challenges. Afterall, I survived perhaps one of the toughest mental challenges that a person can face ... I did time 'inside'.

Yet I would also like to say something to all of you who are here to share and learn about how to support your loved ones 'inside'. One of the lessons I learned that I think is lost on a lot of guys 'inside' is that inmates have it easier than our family who are our 'outmates'. Doing 'time' is hard, but being on the outside is just as hard. I understand the pain of being deeply hurt and disappointed by someone you love ... the worry and stress waiting for that 'regular' call that dosen't get made ... the fear everytime you hear the facility is 'locked down' ... ... the expense of visits and calls ... the embarasssment of answering all those questions ... and so much more. I've told my family I'm sorry so many many times ... but the way I PROVE that I am sorry is by showing them I've changed ... showing them I've learned ... and leting my actions demonstrate that there sacrafices were worth it. Knowing that I caused them such deep pain and embarrassment is a burden I will always carry ... and something I'm determined never to let happen again.

I have so many goals ... one of them is to try and help others who have faced or are facing these challenges ... I guess that is why I feel compelled to share a glimpse of my life here ...

One last thing ... to all of you 'outmates' ... I just want to say ... never question the value of your love ... its priceless!

James

mamawen
10-29-2003, 10:39 AM
James,
As I sit here reading your posts, I cannot help but cry. I am crying for you as you show compassion and strength by sharing your success with us, I am crying for myself as I sit here, always questioning myself (even if I don't admit it all the time), whether or not I am even helping my love. Thank you for acknowledging the "outmates". What a great term. Can I steal that? Our lives are difficult to say the least. But, as in your brother's case, it is worth it. You gave us hope. I, too, will print this out and send it to my husband. I will also keep a copy for myself for my down days. You said, "The value of your love is priceless". I want you to know how much that means to us. Your advice and love is priceless too and I hope you continue to share.
Wendy

rondaj
11-01-2003, 12:58 PM
wow!! how awesome!! thank you for sharing....an inspiration indeed!! God bless you!

candy
11-08-2003, 05:26 PM
Thanks for sharing your story. My husband is coming home in 2 weeks and it is encouraging to know with encouragement from the outside world, anyone can make it after prison. Keep your head up and keep up the good work.

mamota35
11-13-2003, 10:19 PM
Thank you James. I am crying too. The pain that we go through on the outside is tough. We try to hide it from them b/c they already worry so much and we don't want to. I will print your story and send it to my b/f. My love is priceless but I am here for him and will be there when he comes out of that door for good because his love to me, his genuine feelings are priceless and cannot be replaced by anything else. Thank you and best of luck to you.

Marksgirl
11-18-2003, 02:02 AM
James keep going after your goals, you will go far

TonyaC32
11-18-2003, 04:58 AM
Congratulations. Your story is definitely worth writing a book for. You a true inspiration.

cepora
11-18-2003, 05:53 AM
Congratulations and thank you for sharing your story. Truly an inspiration!