Alot of people tell me that when my fiancee comes home he will be instutionalized, and I know that is not always the case, but if anyone has had a loved one gone for a significant amount of time please let me know if its true. I mean, I know it really depends on the person and their attitude but I'm still curious.?

It does happen to offenders who have been down for more than a couple of years. In prison you don't have much control over your daily routines. Everything is laid out: what time you get up, when to eat, when you can do laundry, go to work, yard time and when to go to bed. Inmates no longer have to plan anything - it's all done for you. You are treated like a little child with very little responsibilities. In prison you become like a herd of cows following the schedule.
For many offenders the transition to the outside is a shock, sometimes a little overwhelming. When you meet new people in prison you are always on guard and distrust a lot. That attitude does go away but not real fast.
I remember sitting watching TV and wanting to change the channel and looked to ask someone for permission - then I realized I was out and didn't need to. I'ld go out and panic because I didn't have my prison ID on my shirt.
It takes a little time to transition back to society. When he comes home give him space and don't ask too many questions. Just be there and let him ask the questions. When he takes off for long walks by himself he is just soaking it up. If you worry - hang a cell phone on him. (but you'll probably need to show him how to use it).

i think alot depends on how long they were in, the individual person, and what programs they were in. after serving about 3 years in the prison,my husband was in 9 month rehab program that was contracted by the state but did not have dept of corrections running it. then he went to work release where he goes out to work everyday by himself ( they ride bicycles). he has had a few furloughs at the house so he is very comfortable changing the channel, going through the fridge, etc. they also let them go to walmart twice a week. i know someone else though that went in was he was still a teen and spent a long time in there. he still has trouble going to the mailbox. i think that family support makes a big difference. so just give him the love and time he needs.

A lot depends on how long the person was down for and the classification level. Closed custody controls everything for you with hardly any need to plan anything. Whereas minimum custody allows the inmate more free time to go to yard, library, gym and church activities.
A good transition program such as work release makes it much easier for integration back into society with all its responsibilities. As you stated, they get more and more priveledges and liberty as they prove that they can be responsible and follow the rules. It's much harder for long term inmates who come from closed custody and get injected back into society cold turky.
A good social support network of family and friends is a vital part of successful re-entry into society.

Theres something I learned from my man, he not ignoring you or leaving you out or anything like that, they are so used to only worrying about themselves and being alone that they have to get used to being there and including you in their thoughts or in their day. It was a hard transition. Also with food, a few times he caught himself telling the kids, hey thats mine. Just reassuring him that its okay and not pressuring him to do things, to go out. of course everyone is different. Just for us, he didnt like to be in a crowd , and he didnt want to eat any processed foods!!

Alot of people tell me that when my fiancee comes home he will be instutionalized, and I know that is not always the case, but if anyone has had a loved one gone for a significant amount of time please let me know if its true. I mean, I know it really depends on the person and their attitude but I'm still curious.?

I THINK EVERYTHING PLAYS A FACTOR. HAS A SPOUCE WE HAVE TO BE VERY UNDERSTANDING WITH THEM. MY HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE CAME HOME THE OFFICER TOLD HIM TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WOMAN HE COMES SERIOUS WITH IS UNDERSTAND BECAUSE IF NOT ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS CALL AND SAY SHE FEELS THREATEN AND HE WOULD GO BACK IN. SEE, MY HUSBAND AND I KNEW ONE ANOTHER SINCE WE BOTH WERE 16 BUT DID NOT GET TOGETHER UNTIL HE CAME HOME IN 2003. HE SERVED 14 YEARS IN PRISON. FROM AGE OF 21 TO 35YRS MONTHS SHY OF HIS 36TH B-DAY. I AM NOT SAYING ITS EASY. OUR FAITH IN CHRIST HAS HELPED US ALOT. IT DID'NT START OUT THAT WAY BUT I WOULD PRAY EVERYDAY & NIGHT AND ONE DAY IT HAPPENED & MY HUSBAND STARTED TO COME TO CHURCH & PRAY GROUPS ETC. BUT.... THAT WAS AFTER A PAROLE VIOLATION IN 2004 NOW... MY HUSBAND IS BACK IN THE SYSTEM SENTENCE TO 9YRS.

Regardless of how much time someone serves, there will be a period of adjustment. I served just two years, but it took awhile for me to adjust. You make virtually no decisions for yourself in prison, regardless of your security level (at least in Georgia). The only thing you can control while locked up is your mind and the way you conduct yourself. Beyond that, someone tells you when to eat, when to sleep, when to stand for count, when to leave for detail, when you can make a phone call, when you can get a visit, etc. The smallest things were hard, i.e. if I had a headache at home, I could just take a Tylenol, but in prison, you have to go through an act of congress, usually hours after you get the headache, in order to get the damned Tylenol. Coming home is hard, because suddenly you choose everything. Even picking out actual clothes to wear was really hard for me. Having choices and freedom when you aren't used to having it is really hard. And as someone above mentioned, you learn to keep to yourself and cut off all emotions while in prison. I came home to a REALLY strong support system of friends and family, and I pushed them all away because I didn't know how to deal with them. It terrified me to have people who cared about me and loved me around, because I was so closed off. Give him time, and he'll come around. Don't push for him to talk. Ask questions, but don't push. Encourage him to talk about whatever is on his mind when he is ready to talk. Listen more than you talk. Let him come around slowly. It will be hard. It's hard for those with loved ones coming out - they expect everything to just go back to the way it was before they went away, but that's not usually how it happens. It may never be the same, so you'll just have to adjust. I hope this helps. I'm just talking from my personal experience. Good luck to you. ~Andi

Stillfree.Thank You

For some it is so easy to just go back to prison. The outside world is just to hard for them at times.

For some it is so easy to just go back to prison. The outside world is just to hard for them at times.


i Was tOld acouple of times that being in prison and being a prisoner of war or being in combat is almost the same feeling. mY hubby spent 14 years for the first time and came home 2003. Talk About a reality check ( big time ) I do agree that when an inmate comes home, their biggest fear to fitting in and when that support is not there for them this is why it Is sO eaSy to go Back. May God Always watch over all of them..........