Hi all. I just joined this site when I stumbled on it while searching for any news of my ex on google. Strangely enough, I found him mentioned in the forum for people looking for a friend etc. It's been a long time since I was with him... and a lot of healing done and still to do, but it all came thumping back to me when I saw that this man was married now, to a woman who met him in prison and it made me angry. I somehow feel like my ordeal has been minimized and gone unacknowledged by another who should be on my side... This man has been in and out of jail for sexual assault, battery, rape and the like since before I met him when I was 16. Nine years my senior, he wound me a great fairytale about his past: grew up in an orphanage, abused by the "Christian Brothers" there, went to jail for stabbing a cop (I found out later that it was for rape..), he told me he had leukemia when I said I didn't want to live with him... and it goes on from there. I found two different posts from his children, looking for him on this site, and a reply from his wife. That was so insulting for me, in a strange way, that a woman, my "sister" on this planet, could find a man who has hurt so many women in his lifetime worth the time of day. I have yet to heal from my life with him, and still have problems in my current relationship of 10 years. I am 34 now, and I wish that woman could see the monster in him that I know is there. Maybe that's cynical and judgemental, but if she has yet to live with him on the outside, maybe she's never had the chance to see who he really is. Any advice? I'm tired of being stuck under this rock. Take care of yourselves.

Welcome, kyllaen!

Can you pin down exactly why you're upset at this turn of events? Is it that she is getting something apparently positive, or something false from him? That he's (obviously) managed to put one over on another woman? That his children are looking for him? That no0one knows him the way you do?

Unfortunately, there's not all that much you can do. You can contact them and give them your information about him, if you can document it. Or you can just get on with your own healing. It might be wise to look into PTSD therapy, or something like EMDR or just counseling for your abuse, if you haven't tried it before.

and welcome to the boards.
Sorry you feel frustrated by finding others here who know him and are looking for him. I'm not sure how I would feel if I saw someone on here interested in my ex-husband :confused: I would probably get into trouble trying to tell them to run :idea: . Good luck to you and am looking forward to getting to know you better. sokie

Jealous? No. And I'm sure that someone out there knows the guy better than me. I guess I'm upset that he's pulled the wool over yet another woman's eyes.... it's happened many times before. I'm glad that the children are looking for him. Don't get me wrong, I have few hard feelings left about what happened, and I'm one who usually finds the good in everything. I would not change my life if I had a chance, I wouldn't be the person I am now if I did that. I just get frustrated that I can't do anything to change what I know is going to happen to anyone who gets involved with this man. And I suppose I'm feeling guilty that I couldn't help put him away for a few years when I had a chance.... he raped another woman about a year after the court case. Therapy, tried it. Maybe I should try it again... anyone know a good psychologist in Taiwan? LOL. Thanks for the good advice. I think I'm more rational today than I was last time I wrote. Take care of yourself.

and welcome to the boards.
Sorry you feel frustrated by finding others here who know him and are looking for him. I'm not sure how I would feel if I saw someone on here interested in my ex-husband :confused: I would probably get into trouble trying to tell them to run :idea: . Good luck to you and am looking forward to getting to know you better. sokie

Thanks for your refreshing reply. I suppose I'm craving contact with people who can understand where I'm coming from. I've gotten over my initial reaction to finding this information... I've been here in Taiwan for 4 years now, and find it hard to replace my best girlfriend back in Canada whom I used to sit and yak with over a few beers when we were both feeling a little shoddy. Thanks for the warm welcome. Take care.

I don't know why I am writing this, probably just to say she is so right about this man, he has been in and out of prison for rape, and does weave some really good stories to have people feel sorry for him. Yes I had the wool pulled over my eyes also and have paid for it dearly and am having to live with the fact of him hurting both my girls as end result. His children from previous relationships are looking for him and I do hope they do not find him than all he will do is hurt them. This is a man who cares only about himself and no one else. If he did care about anyone he would not continue to do what he has been doing. I just thought I would write this so others know that another one is trying to heal from this man's abuse and trying to get on with somewhat a normal life. I wish I had known of someone way back than so I could have run and hid where he wouldnt have found me and would not be in this predicament today. They say things happen for a reason well this one I don't know why it happened cause it has hurt so many people along the way.

Sooner or later it's bound to catch up with him. Other than that, IF you're willing to get in touch with his kids, then that's what you do. I don't think I would, but that would be because I hate any sort of confrontations. People like him will keep going along, doing their damage, until, hopefully, someone finally really hammers him. There's no therapy or counseling that will do it, no pill. Other than that, you can list him on "woman savers", you can tell your stories publicly. And you do the best you can to minimize the damage you've had to suffer. We all do, unfortunately. And when we're lucky, we live lives that defy their attempts to make us small and powerless and mean, the way they are.