I am not a stranger to heartache but for some reason today is just killing me...its not a special day like a birthday or a holiday or anything but it is just one of thoes days that seems to be sad. The love of my life JD has been locked up for over 2.5 years and we have another 2.5 to go. I have been very strong for him in the past couple years and all I want to do is be there for him through the next 2.5...but my heart is sad today, I woke up this morning from a deep sleep and a GREAT dream about JD and I started crying when I realized that he wasn't there next to me. He hasn't been there for years but sometimes I feel like he is...I just am having a hard time right now, I know that the holidays are a hard time for everyone here dealing with this...I havent seen him a while but im making the 4 1/2 hour drive down to Douglas next weekend and the waiting is killing me! I just wanted to see how you guys deal with the sad days, the really lonely days...I know that everyday is hard and it is never easy but I really feel like I am gonna loose it today!! :( :cry:

I am not a stranger to heartache but for some reason today is just killing me...its not a special day like a birthday or a holiday or anything but it is just one of thoes days that seems to be sad. The love of my life JD has been locked up for over 2.5 years and we have another 2.5 to go. I have been very strong for him in the past couple years and all I want to do is be there for him through the next 2.5...but my heart is sad today, I woke up this morning from a deep sleep and a GREAT dream about JD and I started crying when I realized that he wasn't there next to me. He hasn't been there for years but sometimes I feel like he is...I just am having a hard time right now, I know that the holidays are a hard time for everyone here dealing with this...I havent seen him a while but im making the 4 1/2 hour drive down to Douglas next weekend and the waiting is killing me! I just wanted to see how you guys deal with the sad days, the really lonely days...I know that everyday is hard and it is never easy but I really feel like I am gonna loose it today!! :( :cry:

HI. my son is in Florence. He was just in county for 3 yrs while they were working on more of his case. now he is in Florence. I haven't hugged or kissed or even touched my son in over 3 yrs now, with at least another 7 mos to go before he gets moved to contact visits. I miss him terribly. I still get those days that just the thought of him will make my heart hurt. It isn't easy, but we have learned to lean on the Lord especially during times that seem tougher than normal. He is a great leaning post. the hard part is knowing that even though we will eventually have the contact visits, he may not get out in my lifetime.
Hang in there. be strong for your love.

helen

Thanks, I am so sorry that you have not been able to have a contact visit, thank god that he has the all day visits it really helps me get through. The contact visits are the best, they are really helpful! I have been going to church a lot since he has been locked up and that really keeps me going. Its just there are some days that are worse than others and thoes days are the ones that make me emotionally exhausted. I hope that you get to see your son soon, I will be praying for you and your family.

hi. actually we are going Monday for our 1st visit. am really excited, even if it is behind glass. one day I will get to hug him.
if you lean on Him, He will support you. you may not notice at first, sometimes His support is very firm, other times He is very subtle. But I could never have made it w/out Him. He is the Best Friend you could ask for. Man will always let us down one way or another, but He will never let you down. Trust Him. if you reach out to Him, He will reach back.

helen

hi. actually we are going Monday for our 1st visit. am really excited, even if it is behind glass. one day I will get to hug him.
if you lean on Him, He will support you. you may not notice at first, sometimes His support is very firm, other times He is very subtle. But I could never have made it w/out Him. He is the Best Friend you could ask for. Man will always let us down one way or another, but He will never let you down. Trust Him. if you reach out to Him, He will reach back.

helen Have a great visit..............My daughter was never sent to prison but I have been thru 8 years of addiction and battles with the law with her. And still when I think of her it is my baby and I get so emotional.

oh I am happy you get to see him...Have a great visit!! you are so right though!

Tre's Treasure.. I know the story of addiction. My son lived w/ his 'real dad' from about 5mos to almost 18. That is why he got into drugs. it was his only escape from his life at home. or hell. when he moved out here w/us, we spent a lot of years watching him and not being able to help. he went to shock incarceration once, went to perryville once. this time he wasn't just doping he was dealing meth. it destroyed his life. he has a teen son and a couple small ones. He will never get to see them grow up. this last time before his arrest, I literally prayed for God to intervene in his life. I think God saved his life by putting him there in prison. And he has come to know God in a personal way. he even told us "now I understand what you have been trying to tell me (peace) all these years".
have you read the poem he wrote ? I posted it somewhere on the forum.

my name is kadie and well my pheonciea is in jail hes looking at 3 years for getting caught with 36 grams of cocaine and everyday that goes bye i get more upset we were sapose to get married this may but it looks like its not going to happen we both have a drrug problem and we both need help i just hope that we get the help we need and i pray that he does not go away from me for 3 years

Hi Kadie. welcome to the forum. I am sorry about your drug problem. It is a hard thing to kick. But admitting the problem is already part of the battle fought. Have you checked into any kind of rehabs ? You can win the battle if it is something you truly want to do. God can help you if you want, you just have to reach up and He will meet you and give you help. Sometimes that help is through other people.
we will pray for you and your bfriend. keep us posted and feel free to pm anyone of us here if you want.

helen.

Hi jdsbabygirl,

Yes there are times I am very sad too. I met and married my husband while he was on non contact visits and he is still on non contact visits. But like dutchgirl says I have put my trust and faith in the Lord. In the 3 years we have been together the Lord has shown us many signs that we NEED to be together. I love this man more than words can tell, even though I have never had the pleasure of touching him or having him touch me. When I am sad I cry and ask my Lord WHY but I figure that He has a reason for everything that He has put us through. I know that it is hard and definately no fun. But when you do feel sad go ahead and cry and scream and holler if you must just remember that everything will we alright in the end if you allow the Lord to lead you. Remember even "Jesus wept"
:broken: :cry:

Thank you all for your support an encouragment...I try to live one day at a time...but sometimes it just gets overwhelming!

Kadi-I too have battled addictions (meth) I was at the lowest point of my life and I received a wake up call...I gave birth to my son and I saw that I had to make a change! I did a 180 and thank god I have been clean for 1 1/2 years...My man, JD is serving time because of meth...I am always here to talk if you ever need anything...I have a myspace... myspace.com/brittneeraden have faith that everything will work out and have faith in yourself that you have the strength to over come this addiction...God can guide you if you let him!

jdsbabygirl & kadi i posted a poem on the forum It is called posted under "my son wrote this" it is about my sons addiction & dealing of meth. it might help a little.
you are both in my prayers. God is your strength. He will see you through this if you allow Him to do His will in your life.

jdsbabygirl & kadi i posted a poem on the forum It is called posted under "my son wrote this" it is about my sons addiction & dealing of meth. it might help a little.
you are both in my prayers. God is your strength. He will see you through this if you allow Him to do His will in your life.

Thank you...I know I read it the other day and it really touched my heart...its a hard, dirty, sad, disgusting life...I thank god every day for making it out alive and that JD finally got the help that he needed so that one day we can have the life we always wanted! I have a question, I am a college student at Glendale Community College and for my English 102 class I decided to write my term paper on Meth and how bad it is. I was wondering if I could use that poem in my paper ( with your and his consent) , I am trying to get a lot of testimonials as to how bad the drug is and how bad the life is. All I want to do is shed some light on this issue and how bad the problem is. I would never want someone else to have to go through the things that I did while using that drug. let me know what you think...

jdsbabygirl, thank you for the compliment on wishing to use the poem. I personally approve as that is partly why I posted it. I see my son Monday for our 1st visit, and will ask him about it. I am almost sure he will agree, but it has to come from him.
I know it is tough to kick meth. my sons girlfriend and mother of his 2 youngest (he has 3) battled it for a long time, even w/ rehab. even today I am not 100% sure she is clean. but she is doing good w/ work and the kids, so I am hopeful.
Congratulation on getting clean yourself and JD also. God will give you strength to stay straight.

will let you know what David says by Tues.

till then,
helen

jdsbabygirl610 to your question about the sad days I have to suggest that it is ok to give into them sometimes and cry if you feel like it. This is hard and we do a form of time with our loved ones. Crying is a form of release of emotions and gets them out. Just bottling them up and saying you have to be strong buries them and they come out later in other ways, sometimes destructive ways.

Just have something to help you move beyond the sad, like call a friend and go to a movie, do something different. I donate to our blood bank-it makes me feel good for a few days to have done something that benefits so many. Take up a new hobby, or even go for a long walk. I guess what's important is to recognize that these days will happen and to have a plan to get beyond them.

Just think, you're half way done. It starts downhill from here instead of uphill.

Yeah I know...it seems like its taken forever to get to the halfway mark with him...I really want to thank you all for being so supportive...without some of these chats with everyone on here I would have gone nuts already...my friends and family are there for me but they dont fully understand how it feels, so thank you for being so wonderful...

jdsbabygirl, thank you for the compliment on wishing to use the poem. I personally approve as that is partly why I posted it. I see my son Monday for our 1st visit, and will ask him about it. I am almost sure he will agree, but it has to come from him.
I know it is tough to kick meth. my sons girlfriend and mother of his 2 youngest (he has 3) battled it for a long time, even w/ rehab. even today I am not 100% sure she is clean. but she is doing good w/ work and the kids, so I am hopeful.
Congratulation on getting clean yourself and JD also. God will give you strength to stay straight.

will let you know what David says by Tues.

till then,
helen

thank you...that would be so helpful...and have a GREAT visit...

Tre's Treasure.. I know the story of addiction. My son lived w/ his 'real dad' from about 5mos to almost 18. That is why he got into drugs. it was his only escape from his life at home. or hell. when he moved out here w/us, we spent a lot of years watching him and not being able to help. he went to shock incarceration once, went to perryville once. this time he wasn't just doping he was dealing meth. it destroyed his life. he has a teen son and a couple small ones. He will never get to see them grow up. this last time before his arrest, I literally prayed for God to intervene in his life. I think God saved his life by putting him there in prison. And he has come to know God in a personal way. he even told us "now I understand what you have been trying to tell me (peace) all these years".
have you read the poem he wrote ? I posted it somewhere on the forum.

Yes, I have read the poem............my man is also a victim of addiction (Crack) he had childhood issues as well (his father is also currently incarcerated) I know the feeling of praying for intervention and knowing that the choice our lord makes may not be exactly what we had in mind. At one point I had ben told by authorities I should resign myself to the fact I would be burying my daughter within a year if she kept her lifestyle up. I had even purchased a burial plan. Not something a mother wants to do. But by the grace of god there was intervention...........one day while really high she tried to stab me............I turned her in, she was later convicted of several things from car theft, drugs to identity theft. It has been 2 years since that day and she has been clean for 13 months. She is on IPS probation, working and receiving mental health treatment(she is schizophrenic)And one day at a time I am rebuilding a relationship with my baby. I pray everyday that she will contnue to grow strong against the demons of her mental illness and addiction.

I am not a stranger to heartache but for some reason today is just killing me...its not a special day like a birthday or a holiday or anything but it is just one of thoes days that seems to be sad. The love of my life JD has been locked up for over 2.5 years and we have another 2.5 to go. I have been very strong for him in the past couple years and all I want to do is be there for him through the next 2.5...but my heart is sad today, I woke up this morning from a deep sleep and a GREAT dream about JD and I started crying when I realized that he wasn't there next to me. He hasn't been there for years but sometimes I feel like he is...I just am having a hard time right now, I know that the holidays are a hard time for everyone here dealing with this...I havent seen him a while but im making the 4 1/2 hour drive down to Douglas next weekend and the waiting is killing me! I just wanted to see how you guys deal with the sad days, the really lonely days...I know that everyday is hard and it is never easy but I really feel like I am gonna loose it today!! :( :cry:
Oh I have so been there waking up expecting to see him laying on that pillow. Listening to everyone talk about holidays and even dates with thier man. I cry alot and try to keep really busy. I also spend alot of time on PTO it reminds me that I am not alone. Good luck with your visit and I hope it gives you some peace. :thumbsup:

Me too! I am so excited to see him...the thing that bothers me the most is that when my friends and others start talking about plans like lets do a big date night and everyone bring your guys...they all stop and look at me...like "Oh... how sad...sorry we talked in front of you..." its not like I am sad all the time, and its not like this is a new thing...I never did the online forum thing till a few weeks ago and the last few weeks have gone by so fast...its like a little space where people just get it! I keep saying that because I am happy that there is a place like this to vent and talk! I cant keep saying thank you to everyone that replys...it means a lot!

I understand your pain. My husband is in Douglas too (Maricopa Unit) and that drive is a killer. But for me and our 3 kids its even harder as we are 6+ hours away. He has a little under 2 years left and I dont know what to do some days too. Some are just better then others but Ive done the same thing. . . wake up from a great dream or have an awesome memory moment and find myself crying. But after your visit, I promise, you will feel soooo much better. The drive sucks but it is well worth it. Best of luck to you. We will keep you two in our thoughts and prayers.

jdsbabygirl.. Hi. well I saw my son and asked him about the poem. He said it was fine but to please not use his name. He thought that was a nice thought that someone actually wanted to use it like you are talking.
He says thank you too.
did you go visit ? how did yours go ?

Tre's Treasure..
reading your post... sometimes I wish that David's 'dad' was in there.. he is the one who deserves to be, more than David. But God will do whatever He needs for each of us. He never promised it would be easy to follow Him, but He is there through it all with us. I will keep your daughter in prayer.

Thanks I will post a copy of the paper when I finish it...tell him thank you so much for letting me use it...I think that it will help people better understand what meth does to a person from someone who has been there...I am trying to put as much of my life experience in it as possible! I am going down on Friday I have to spend the night cause the drive is so long! but ill see hin on Sat...I can't wait!

Hi jdsbabygirl. I am glad that my sons poem can be used constructively to help others. I will look for your post of the paper with anticipation.
where

oops as I was saying, where do you have to go to see your man ?
we went to Florence.

let us know how things go.

helen

oops as I was saying, where do you have to go to see your man ?
we went to Florence.

let us know how things go.

helen


Douglas...its a 4 1/2 hour drive...and Douglas is such a NOTHING town...I have to stay at a hotel cause its too much to leave my house at 3am to get there by 7:30am...then drive home after a full day of being there i usually get home around 7:30 or 8pm...its a pain so this time im gonna spend the night then drive home after I visit! I am so excited! Thank you so much for talking to me I really appreciate it.

Hey Dutchgirl.............so I take it the visit went well. Yes, I know the feeling I blame my mans father for alot of what has happened to him. The amazing part about Tre is he never really puts his actions off on anyone but himself. He knows a great deal of his problems stem from his addiction.

Great news on the poem it must have touch your son to think someone actually cared what he had to say.

Good Morning, Tre's Treasure. Yes it was a nice visit. Even if it was non contact. :( I did walk away a little down but that is only because of a mothers heart for her child.
The funny thing is - now, Davids dad wanted his address so he could send some $ to him. My first thought... oh, guilt money ? I wanted to say "a little late in the game now isn't it?" he destroyed his son from baby to adult, and now he wants to show concern ? yeah right. But who am I to judge him. even if I didn't know what was going on till years later, I had allowed my baby to live there w/ his father. truly, it was just to be a short time which the 'man' turned into longer, but I feel as though I started the ball rolling. My son does not blame me. He isn't even angry at his 'father' anymore. He just doesn't feel anything for him anymore. I told David during our visit, just by talking to him on the phone... he sounds like a broken & lonely old man. sad really.
Yes, I am excited about reading jdsbabygirl's paper. told David I would send him a copy of it.

In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure the rain

My paper will be done around the 5th of december (thats when it is due) ...so far its about 12 pages! Hopefully I get an A!

jdsbabygirl..... will be praying for that A :)

Oh my name is Brittnee, by the way!! Thank you for your help!

Oh my name is Brittnee, by the way!! Thank you for your help!

Hi Brittnee. :wave: much easier to write too :D

hey, if you want me to include your honey's name w/ card list then pm it to me. his b-day too.
looking forward to your paper.

I sent you the address...how can I help...let me know!

Hi I just posted today for the first time. Iam feeling the same way. My son is in douglas and i have no transportation to go see him. maybe we can split cost and go together?