I currently have a no contact order and permanent civil protection order against my ex. He assaulted me last year and he plead guilty and is currently on probation. The orders were modified this year to add the following: Email to accomodate joint decision making responsibility. We have a son together. Everything was going good until:

1. June, our son was attending camp on the military base where I work. Ex's sister and brother were doing the pick up and drop off's of our son because ex was excluded from the base because that is where I work. Ex sent me an email request to give him base access because he want to be able to do the pickup and dropoff. I didn't give him access because that is where I work also and the protection order specifically state he can not come within 150 yards of the base.

2. August, ex sends me an email to state the following:
I think that we can make exchanges without before and after care or a third party. I'd be willing to bring XYZ to your home, if need be to make things easier, as long as it wasn’t violating the protection order. With that said, I think that it would make things a whole lot easier on all of us (you, myself and XYZ) if you dropped or at least modified the protection order so that we could make exchanges to each other. At some point I think it’s important we start rebuilding the trust in our relationship to help XYZ become more comfortable and to help make things easier on ourselves. I’m not expecting miracles but please consider it for the sake of XYZ and you and I.

3. September Ex's best friend calls me and ask why can't I just drop the order.

I did notify the local police and the police said ex isn't violating anything.
She said the request are based around our son. But I thought joint decision making responsibility would mean issues such as medical/dental/religion. Not trying to use our son as a tool to change the orders. The detective asked if I wanted to press charges she said it was a weak case. I don't know I'm just like it has to be against the law for him to even bring up the orders. How would I be pressing charges against someone?

He plead guilty last year because the D.A. was going to enter into trial 3 other occasions where he assaulted me. I don't know ex's true intentions. What do you all think

It's not a violation as far as I can see but I would suggest that you ask the court to modify the order to clarify what subjects are to be considered "fair game" and exclude his contacting you with requests to modify the order.

I got a consultation from an attorney this past Monday to try to go back into court to get it modified. The attorney sends me back to the Police Dept saying it was a clear violation. It does seem like sort of a gray area cause it's based around our child. I just wanted to know what others thought. Thanks

I think like LeBeau suggested that you get the order clarified before you try to get him violated. Get everyone on the same page as to what he can contact you about. I would not want to violate him unless it is really clear his intent is to harass you. I think this is too gray of an area to send someone back to prison on - especially your childs father.

Vote number 3 for get the order clarified. He's been given a gift by having dodged the trial, and now he's violating boundaries again.

It may not be a violation but it sounds like a bit of harassment building. I could be totally off on that but that statement of the bestfriend troubled me.
"September Ex's best friend calls me and ask why can't I just drop the order."

Do what you feel you need to do. Don't be so quick to always give him the benefit of the doubt. He's assaulted you and he's trying to set you up again. If you give him an inch, he'll take a foot! I wouldn't trust him. I'm sure he can turn on the charm when it's meeting HIS wants. I bet he can suddenly turn back into the cowardly assaultive SOB he's been to you in the past. Your safety is important and that of your child. If you let him get onto your place of business and something happens there or at your home because you've allowed it, the court won't be so eager to come to your rescue when he reverts to his old bullying ways. I wouldn't give in. HE is the one that's put you in this situation of having to protect yourself and your child. YOu didn't do this. He has forced you to take protective measures. He's gonna have to live with it just like you are. I don't think he has respect for the authority of the court and the protective order so he's trying to manipulate you into breaking the rules that have been put in place to protect YOU. Don't fall for it!

Sotired, look at the name you're using here. YOU ARE SO TIRED! Don't put up with this man's crap. The law is trying to help you here and keep you safe!!!! What part of a "NO CONTACT" order does this guy need clarification on????? Unless I'm missing something here, No Contact means NO CONTACT. PERIOD!!! Please show him you are serious about this order and report it to your attorney or the police and the court!!!! He doesn't respect you or your safety or what he's done to you in the past and he obviously doesn't respect the law and the court order.

Do not let the son be a wedge to get back to you..I had similar and still do have similar issues with my ex and 7 yr old..I moved 1500 miles away or he would be trying to get on my doorstep in the name of our "son"...Be careful with that guy and YES THE POLICE/LAW are trying to help you by having that order...do not let it go if you feel any danger with him at all, you deserve to feel safe and if he is making you that uncomfortable then there is something to it I am sure.. ...good luck

Don't forget that abusive people are generally oblivious to the needs of any other person, whether that be you or your son. He will use that child any way he feels he needs to to get coompliance with HIS wishes, over and over again. He has no problem violating your feelings, probably none over violating your child's feelings, and only obeys the court order because of the threat of prison. If you modify that order in any way that is in his favor you are basically putting the camel's nose inside the tent, when your job is to keep that camel firmly OUT.

I appreciate all of your advice and will take heed.

I know what he is doing with these emails/contact he's trying to see if he can still manipulate me and see how far he can go. It does put fear in my heart because I wonder what his next step will be. For example My son plays soccer and one day he forgot to take his shoes. My ex says he's coming by my home to pick them up. I'm just like Hell No I said maybe you could buy him a pair to keep at your own house. I then called the police and they were like well he can make contact with you if it pertains to your son. Ex never showed up but still it does put fear in me. The police questioned him about this event and he denied it occured. So now I walk around with a voice recorder on my cell phone which is a pain.

I'm trying to take steps to keep this man away from me because I know this man is missing a few screws. The police turn me away when I report. The D.A. tells me to go back to the cops. The attorney I tried to obtain tells me based on the emails alone he is in "clear" violation of a court order he specifically stated:
"Joint Decision-making responsibility'' means the responsibility to make decisions for the child, that does not include making request to change the order for contact between him and I for the sake of the child.

The D.A. contacted his probation officer she said she was putting the emails in his file. Does anyone know what that means? Are they planning to violate him? I hate to say it but I hope so even if they give him a slap on the wrist he just doesn't get that I don't want to be no where around him.
I don't know how to get this detective I'm dealing with right now to listen. I know I will probably have to wait for something to happen. I can see what he's doing and I don't know how to get the police or this detective to see what he's doing.

Are you in contact with any Domestic Abuse professionals? they might be able to run interference for you with the cops, explaining the manipulation and the danger.

Yes I've been working with the police dept and court advocate. The court advocate has been the most helpful. She did talk to the det. didnt help though. I guess I'll just wait for something to happen...sad but true.

New Member,, Plz Can Some One Help.. Need To Modify No Contact Ro Placed On Me From Parole Board Not Court.. Mybf For Last 7 Yrs Has 2 Yrs Left On Parole He Finished Classes And Now We Need To Tlk I Too Finished Anger Mangmnt Class. He Raised My 6ry Old Daughter How Do I Go About This?

New Member,, Plz Can Some One Help.. Need To Modify No Contact Ro Placed On Me From Parole Board Not Court.. Mybf For Last 7 Yrs Has 2 Yrs Left On Parole He Finished Classes And Now We Need To Tlk I Too Finished Anger Mangmnt Class. He Raised My 6ry Old Daughter How Do I Go About This?

Do you have children with him? If you don't have children with him there's no reason for you to talk... The parole board won't remove a no contact order if that's the case.

I wish u luck Sotired!@!!

deluvle - you'd have to go about finding out if the parole board ever lifts or modifies orders. And then you need to find out what would convince them to do it.

Besides that, you have to really look very carefully at your relationship with him. Was he always changing jobs, always angry at someone, always feeling that he wasn't being recognized as the great person he is? Did you feel like you had to modify your behavior to keep him from being angry all the time, were you walking on eggs? Have you seen a counselor, has your daughter? Has he voluntarily done batterer's classes? Was he terrible with money? Were you isolated from your family and friends? Did he make fun of you in ways that sometimes hurt?

Once you've received some counseling, then you can really begin to answer those questions. And maybe learn some things. And you have to decide whether he really is the right person to help you raise your daughter. Find out what a counselor says.

well, no childrean we made together but he did father my daughter since she was 6 months old just up till 5th year and she is 6 now.. i just found out that he has 3 more years to be on parole.. he just violated and took year back..thanks anyways

deluvle - you'd have to go about finding out if the parole board ever lifts or modifies orders. And then you need to find out what would convince them to do it.

Besides that, you have to really look very carefully at your relationship with him. Was he always changing jobs, always angry at someone, always feeling that he wasn't being recognized as the great person he is? Did you feel like you had to modify your behavior to keep him from being angry all the time, were you walking on eggs? Have you seen a counselor, has your daughter? Has he voluntarily done batterer's classes? Was he terrible with money? Were you isolated from your family and friends? Did he make fun of you in ways that sometimes hurt?

Once you've received some counseling, then you can really begin to answer those questions. And maybe learn some things. And you have to decide whether he really is the right person to help you raise your daughter. Find out what a counselor says.
It makes me sad to see this post because if I'd seen it 2 years ago it might have awaken me enough to see I had a problem. I wish I had been smart enough to see the warning signs and not just blew off his behavior as it being my problem and my fault he acted the way he did.