I'm hoping someone here has an answer to my question. My husband and I got into a scuffle 2 1/2 weeks ago. I was upset and in shock as this has never happened before - my first reaction was to call the police. I know that we were both wrong (alcohol played a large part in this). I did not press charges- the police that came did. They took him to jail and his friend bailed him out the next morning. When he had his bail hearing the judge placed a no contact order. So he has been living at his friends house. We have three children and I am a stay at home mom. We would like to begin counseling along with many other positive improvments to our lives. His lawyer has been trying to get a bail adjustment hearing with the twon judge( we live in a very small town) and has placed many phone calls into the city bail people. No calls back until today! (2 1/2 weeks) Well, they are saying that his preliminary hearing is going to be on November 17!!!!!! I thought that it was your 6th Amendment to have speedy trial? Will he be able to come back home and wait for the hearing? I have always heard of the couple seperating for the night and then the no contact order would be only if there was a restraining order? Any advise would be helpfull. Thank you

The first time my ex-husband was arrested I showed up in court because it was the police officers who pressed charges on him also. The judge dropped the restraining order but we were both forced into domestic violence counseling as part of the agreement to seek help along with a hefty fine. The counseling just made it worst for us because he was sent to anger management along with AA--places he agreed to go but changed his mind when it got in the way of doing something he wanted to do (like drink).
I'd say just show up in court and let the judge know you don't want to be apart and maybe he will just get counseling and alcohol treatment if thats what he is blaming the problem on. Good luck. sokie

sokiegirl, Thank you for sharing you experience. Just wanted to let you know that we both know that OUR weekend drinking had gotten out of hand and we are BOTH at fault for the situation we are in. I just wish that the court would hear our side of the story before Nov 17th!! Just seems like such a long time for a father/husband to be away- especially when we all want him here.

Thanks again

You have to ask someone with intimate knowledge of your state/town's laws. Under normal circumstances, he may NOT come home until the hearing/trial. You each may want to start that counseling right away, AA meetings, etc. and document attendance. Then you might have a chance of convincing the judge to cancel the order.

It might be a better idea for each of you to start counseling individually first. I'm NOT a big believer of couples counseling because most of the time the individuals have issues that need to be worked out far before you start dealing with the problems as a couple. In the mean time, each of you should go individually until the no contact order is raised. It'll also give him time to prove that he is serious about this not happening again.

My son is in state jail in Jacksboro,Tx. and I his Mom has been sending him money for the commissary and now I find out the money I have sent has been blocked by a collector of child support.Yes he is behind but this is my money I have sent to my son and I would like to know how some of the money can be used by him,to buy shampoo,etc.Any help will be appreciated more than you will ever know.
Thank You,
Mrs.Morris

I'm hoping someone here has an answer to my question. My husband and I got into a scuffle 2 1/2 weeks ago. I was upset and in shock as this has never happened before - my first reaction was to call the police. I know that we were both wrong (alcohol played a large part in this). I did not press charges- the police that came did. They took him to jail and his friend bailed him out the next morning. When he had his bail hearing the judge placed a no contact order. So he has been living at his friends house. We have three children and I am a stay at home mom. We would like to begin counseling along with many other positive improvments to our lives. His lawyer has been trying to get a bail adjustment hearing with the twon judge( we live in a very small town) and has placed many phone calls into the city bail people. No calls back until today! (2 1/2 weeks) Well, they are saying that his preliminary hearing is going to be on November 17!!!!!! I thought that it was your 6th Amendment to have speedy trial? Will he be able to come back home and wait for the hearing? I have always heard of the couple seperating for the night and then the no contact order would be only if there was a restraining order? Any advise would be helpfull. Thank you

Typically, the police are ALWAYS the ones that press the charges in a DV situation which is - in my opinion - why many are too afraid to call the cops when a possible DV senerio is going on (am I correct?).

I live in a small town, too, so can you just go down to the courthouse (or, you mentioned he has a lawyer - btw, many lawyers in small towns are "in bed" with the judges, cops, other attys, etc. . .) and ask the DA (that's who has your case right now) what to do about lifting this "No Contact" order?:confused: Can you call the attorney and ask him/her to do it? You have a RIGHT to see the case file. You don't have to respond to this in the open forum but maybe the cops felt they HAD to enact the "NO Contact" order (i.e. history, prior alcohol/drug offenses, etc...) Nov. 17th does seem like it's a long ways off. My BF's court dates were taking place in 2 week increments. Hope this helps:grouphug:

The judge makes the final decision on whether or not no contact orders are the best option. It depends on his history (criminal convictions in the past) A lot of times they do it to cover themselves. If they allow contact and the complainant gets killed then people and media are going to scream why didn't someone stop this.

The same goes for police. When a DV complainant calls the police it is their (the police) job to assess whether or not an assault has occurred. Any hitting, unwanted touching however slight can cause an arrest and being taken to jail. This is done as a protection to victims especially those who have been too scared to call for help. Some people may interpret the arrests as being "blanket" type actions because "it wasn't that bad of an act" but it is a precautionary measure for the police department. Only the prosecutor (DA in larger areas) can make that determination when s/he reviews the case the next morning whether or not charges should be applied, what charges and what changes to charges.

Either you or the attorney can contact the prosecutor (may be calld DA in your area, probably not due to small town) and voice your concerns. More than likely all the attorneys in town know one another (defense counsel, judges, and prosecutors) as they see one another daily. They are often friends and associates as they all work together, there are no "sides" outside of court procedings, there is no conspiracy. Everyone is liable and they have to think, "If I let this person out, or have contact what are the possible outcomes. No one wants anyone to get hurt. I know it may be an inconvenience, but it has to be done. It is the law.

If the judge said "No contact", he means it. No contact! Yes we are guaranteed a speedy trial, but a trial and a hearing are two completely different things. If the hearing is set for Nov. 17, you'll just have to wait. Don't violate and show disregard for the judge's order or you'll both be in trouble. Get an attorney to try to intervene with the judge before the hearing date and maybe they can get you into the court for a hearing before then, but I wouldn't bet on it. You should go ahead and make efforts to get counseling and ABSTAIN FROM ALCOHOL! That way, when you do go before the judge for the initial hearing, you can tell him that you both have been getting help to correct your past poor behaviors.

Thank you ladies,
The lawyer has filed a motion for a bail modification hopefully to be on Wed. of next week. It almost feels like the police department want to make an example out of my husband. This was the officers FIRST arrest and he has been on the force for 2 years! My husband has NEVER been in trouble before and having the children makes it a very crazy situation. We have one together and then he has 2 daughters the we have every other week. And with him not being in the house we have had to beat around the bush trying to stay out of court with the mother of the girls! I really appreciate all of the responses. Thank you!

PS- Hope that the bail modification goes well.