Since we were never married I assumed that I had sole-custody, but I was recently advised that this is not true. Only our oldest child has his name on the birth certidficate and has his last name, so I was hoping to drop his last name, but was told that he would have to notified, even if he is in prison. Also, since I was planning to move to another state before he got out I assumed I could just move and establish custody in that new state, and that also may not be legal. Has anyone gone thru the legal process of establishing sole custody? Or legal name change of their children? I know that as their father, he does have certain parental rights, but does he still have the right to protest any of this requests? As a domestic violence survivor I guess I assumed that due to his violent crime, the law would automaticaly see that a relationship with the father is not in the best interest of the children, but sadly I am hearing that I might still have to prove that in court. Does anyone have any advise?

LVNGHMSTL,

I went through the custody process about 13 years ago -- things may have changed since then, but I'll share what I went through.

My son's father and I were never married, but his name was on the BC and my son has his last name. When my son was two, we split up and I received an order of protection against him. This was around Thanksgiving time, and my ex was enraged that he might not see his son during the holidays -- so he got a laywer and filed an emergency whatchamacallit where we had to go in front of the judge to determine visitations, etc... He threatened me that no court in the land would give me custody of my son if he wanted it. (HA!)

He shot himself in the foot by doing that -- he filed for joint custody and all sorts of other things - he didn't want my son to live with him, but wanted to claim him on his taxes every year, didn't want to pay any medical, but didn't want to provide insurance, etc.. My ex was a convicted felon (wasn't on paper at the time we split) and didn't really have a leg to stand on, due to his past drug conviction (according to what my lawyer said). We didn't even have to go in front of the judge. I told my lawyer what I wanted and what I would not budge on, he told his lawyer what he wanted, and his lawyer told him he couldn't have it because he was an unemployed ex-felon. So, essentially, I got everything I wanted. It was easy. I have sole custody, he has visitation rights but rarely takes advantage of them, I get child support, and when I don't, I take him to court and the judge forces him to get a job.

OH, here's the other thing -- in my state (Illinois) the statute of limitations for proving paternity is two years -- that means that if the father has not filed for or proved paternity via a DNA test for the first two years of the child's life, he does not have the right to file for paternal rights. (This may have changed since then). I basically had the option of writing him out of my son's life because my baby was more than two when we split. I decided not to because if I had enforced the statue of limitations, I would have lost any and all claim to future child support. But you might look into that and see how it works in your state. I IL, simply signing the Birth Certificate wasn't enough, you have to actually legally file for paternity and prove paternal relation.

Whew, OK, hope some of this helps!

I'm going through custody stuff right now...i am moving out of the country and my abusive..ex is not willing to sign the childrens passports...he is a ex-felon also...wonder if i should bring this up to my lawyer? Does that really matter that he has a felony...other thing is my current honey is in prison and will be released in Dec...so maybe i should keep the criminal history at bay...the only thing is my ex does not pay child support and is over 18,000$ behind...this stinks because that really doesnt matter..he still has a say so..but doesnt want to support his kids...i have faith that this will all work out for the good though.