Hello, everyone.
I just happened to stumble onto PTO, and I have to say that, for the first time in a few months, I've breathed a sigh of relief. It's good to know that I'm not alone in all of this. I'll try not to write too much, but let me give a small background.

The love of my life is in county jail right now awaiting sentencing, and the prosecutor & Judge are talking about giving her 4 years in Perryville - AZ. She's 9 months pregnant with our daughter, who is due on the 20th of this month, and she's only 20 years old and has never been to prison before.

I love her more than anything in the world and just the thought of what she's going to go through pains me so deeply. Not only that, but she will miss most of our daughter's first 4 years, and I will be the one taking care of our daughter. I love her so much, and I know I'm going to have to step it up and be strong both for her and my baby, but I so scared that I can't make it. 4 years is such a long time, and I know we're going to make it, but it just seems like I won't be able to cope with all of this.

Like I said, I know I have no choice but to be strong, especially for our baby daughter, but I just wish there was something I could do for my love. Any suggestions? I know I'll be able to visit her every weekend, and that she has the opportunity to learn things and stuff... but am I putting my faith in something that won't last? Will she come out of this okay? I'm so scared for her, and it hurts so bad right now.

She gets sentenced on 11/3/03, and we have a few people writing letters to the Judge about the sentencing, so I guess it's still up in the air. I need someone to help me see the positive in all of this, for my daughter's sake at least. I feel so helpless and alone sometimes, and it seems like 4 years is overwhelming. Any advice or counsel?

--Aeren--

P.S. What you guys are doing here is incredibly awesome... I thank God for the kindness and humanity in people like you. By the way, how do I get one of those counters that counts how many days/hours/minutes until she gets out? Thanks!

Hello Aeren and welcome to PTO. I understand how difficult this is -- we've ALL been there! I'm sure you'll find the strength to make it through this situation! In my opinion, what you're experiencing now is the toughest part...pre-lims, trials, sentencing...URG!!! So much uncertainty leads to insanity :D, but it DOES GET BETTER! Hang in there and turn to PTO for support - we're here for ya! Good luck to you and yours!

Welcome to PTO. I'm sorry this is happening but just take it day by day. You'll make it. They may give her less time than you think. I know you feel overwhelmed, scared for her, and a million other feelings all at once. Right now, all you can do is just not let your fears overwhelm you. You need to take care of you.

The most important thing you can do to help her is not to abandon her. Just the simple act of writing lots of letters and sending cards to let her know you love her will be the biggest thing to help her to come out the same only better. Send her lots and lots of pictures of the baby, too, if you can, because when they take her baby, her heart is going to break. She's going to be so comforted if she can see the baby in pictures and visits.

I'm glad you found us here. Post a lot, read a lot, ask all the questions you want to, and you'll find that it's like having a big extended family. We're all either in the same boat or we've been there in the past, so you're among friends.

Aeren,

First of all, I am sorry that you and she have to endure this.

As Pimakat, said this is the toughest part of the wait. Not knowing exactly how long she will be gone.

I am curious, you don't mention how old you are, may I ask?

I will not lie to you, this time is not going to be easy, but it will get better, as you and she adjust to the situation.

toi ama is so right in what she said, her heart is going to break and you are going to have to take care of yourself.

Lots and lots of letters, cards, photos of the baby, visits and just knowing that you are there for her and love her and your daughter, is what is going to give her the strength to get through this.

I know that you are going to be caring for you daughter, but remember that you have to take care of yourself, as well.

You and your girl have alot on your shoulders right now, but I can see your inner strength in your words, just remember you are not alone in this, that there are others - your families, friends, and here at PTO to draw strength, wisdom, support, and when needed comfort from.

Bless you and yours,

Patti

Welcome to PTO! This is the hardest part as others have mentioned. The other hard part is during intake/receptions... Once she's placed and you guys develop a routine for letters, calls, and visits it gets a little easier and more secure... The not knowing right now is so hard....

We're here for you and you guys can make it thru this... The best thing you can do is to be there with letters, calls, and visits...

My heart goes out to you both...

Deb

welcome to pto....:wave:....lots of hugs to you {{{{hugs}}}

Hello and welcome to the PTO family :)

Thank you all so much for your support. You're right; I need to help myself too if I'm going to be any good for her and our daughter. Thank you for all your advice. I was planning to write her, talk to her on the phone, and visit her as much as I can, and it's really good to know that those things will really help her. I'm sure you guys understand how helpless one can feel through all of this.
I'm 22 years old, going to be 23 on the 18th (Two days before our daugher's due date), and my girlfriend's 20. I guess it's the uncertainty that scares us both so bad right now, but it's really good to hear that we can make it... I don't know if you guys realize how good it is to hear that.
I truely love her with all my heart, and I'll need to do all I can to make sure she knows it. We'll pull through this, I know, because I can see from the people on PTO that we actually have a chance. The system tries so hard to convince you that you can't do anything, that you're helpless with your hands tied behind your back. But, they can't imprison our hearts.
Thank you so much, and I want you all to know that what you're doing here... each post you make... is really comforting and good for people like me. Thank you all for that.

--Aeren--

Honey, I have a son just your age. Do you hopefully have a mom or any family who will help you care for the baby? You have alot on you. Stay strong for a better day. We'll pray that the judge will use compassion. Please let us know about the sentencing and about the joy of the arrival of your daughter.

Thank you so much, angelmuffin.
Yes, both her parents and mine are very supportive and are going to help me. We actually signed temporary guardianship of our daughter over to her parents for about 6 months, so at least she'll be able to get her shots and other stuff. They're really helping me out, so we have a lot of support, which I thank God for. Our daughter is due a week from today, but I guess she mioght get temporarily released to have the baby outside. Thank you all so much for YOUR support, as well. I feel like I'm facing so much, but just the littlest kind word or thought helps me more than I can say.

--Aeren--

Welcome Aeren!
This is the world of those who wait. Just keep breathing.
You don't know what's going to happen, you can't control it, you can't even see a couple of weeks into the future. Boy, does it suck!
One brief suggestion - if you have to have one of those special phone accounts to receive calls, get it taken care of NOW. If you look around PTO you'll find a couple of services. Otherwise you'll go broke just talking to her.
Good Luck on the sentencing . . .
blessings to all of you.
Pam

YOU SOUND LIKE A VERY STRONG SUPPORTIVE FREIND/HUSBAND/LOVER AND SHE IS GONNA NEED ALOT OF SUPPORT NOT ONLY LEAVING YOU SHE HAS TO LEAVE HER BABY,SO HER DEPRESSION WILL MORE THAN LIKELY COMSUME HER AND YOU,BUT AS EVERYONE SAYS WERE HERE,OH YEAH,WELCOME

Welcome Aeren...you've come to the right place. :)

Another Warm Welcome to PTO!

One more question, you guys:
Would it help my girl if I got a petition going not to send her to prison? I guess it would be better than getting a ton of promises to write letters, but not getting any written. I still have people writing letters for her, but I'm wondering if a petition will do some good, too.
Thanks!
--Aeren--

Welcome Aeren..

Your girl is probably going to go through some major depression and anger, and it will probably be directed towards you. Just know in your heart, whatever she says or does or doesn’t do, that it’s a normal part of adjusting to prison life. And it not you, her feeling for you or any thing you can stop or control. Having to give the baby up after birth, is going to magnify both her anger and depression.

There may be periods that she doesn’t write. Please just stay strong and know this to will pass. My heart ache’s for both of you, but like the others have said “you will make it through this”. There are many of us on PTO that have been waiting for our loved ones 10,11,12 years and more, in my case it will be 14 years in November. My guy gets out 2/04. There were days I didn’t think I could make it another day, visits I wish I had stayed home and $12.00 phone calls only to argue. But in the end it was all worth it and has made us stronger.

You are in my prayers and we are here to listen, and lend our support whenever possible.

Welcome to PTO!! The others have already given you great advice. Please stay with PTO, it helps ALOT. Good luck to you and your girlfriend.

Thank you all for your warm welcome!
I just thought I'd give you guys an update on how things are going with her:
Our daughter is due in 5 days... just waiting for the call.
I'm getting quite a few people to write letters to the Judge for her, and I'm also getting a petition going to keep her out of prison. She is a non-violent drug offender, so we're pushing for Drug Court and Intensive Probation, even though her plea bargain said probation was not eligible. I'm really hoping the letters and the petition will help.
She did her pre-sentence paperwork last night, and is turning them in today, and she has a psyche evaluation on the 28th of this month. The P.O. that talked to her said that they would try for Drug Court and Intense, but that the Judge usually doesn't veer from the plea bargain. I don't care, tho, because I'm not going to let her go without a fight. But, the P.O. also said that she has a lot of mitigating factors, so that could drop the prison time to 3 years, instead of 4. It's still a long time, but not quite as long.
Anyway, that's all I know thusfar. Thank you all for your tremendous support. I'd be lost without this message board.

--Aaron--
<<---Still Waiting For The Call--->>

Aaron, As a mother of three children myself and the fiancee of a inmate I do understand the pain that both of you wll be in. PTO will give you the strength and understanding you need then in turn give her the strength. WELCOME...
You said they are talking about giving her 4 years. Is that the fixed part of her sentance or is that the full term? If they are going to give her 4 years then there is a good chance she wont serve the whole time.

That's her whole sentence, maybe... unless these letters and petition help.
Thanks!

--Aeren--

She should be up for parole after serving a % of her sentance.

Yeah, I think it's 85%.

Hi Aeren,

Check your PM list for a message.

I doubt they'll "temporarily release" to have her baby. They'll send her to a hospital under guard. She'll probably have her ankle shackled the whole time she's there but otherwise she will probably get good care. You won't be notified of her transfer but they may contact her parents after she delivers. Visits may or may not be authorized while she's recuperating.

You can try a petition but the judge has probably already made up her/his mind, based on presentencing reports and other official inputs.

I know how helpless you feel. The best thing you can do is to be supportive and stay positive. Don't let on how worried and concerned you are. Make sure she hears nothing but good things from you. Tell her you love her every time you write, talk or visit.

Good luck to both of you.

Yvette

Aeren,

I wanted to welcome you to PTO--better late than never, right? :)
How are things going? Today's the 20th...any news on the baby? Keep us posted. I wish her a safe and speedy delivery.


BG

Hello Aeren and welcome to PTO. Try to stay stong buddy. My Fiance (we've been together for 4 years before she went in) is at Perryville and I won't sugar coat it, it's tough but livable. I live in virginia for work purposes but I try to get out there every 3 months for a 3 day visit. Unfortualtely the prosecuters and judges in Arizona are a bunch of heartless people who could care less about how they affect families. during Susan's sentancing, I requested to speak before the judge and after some convincing, she let me speak, but only for 30 seconds. Didn't make any difference to her.
Here's some hints as how to see her as soon as possible.
While she's in county waiting to be moved, visit her as much as you can. If it's Maricopa county, it's a real pain but there's no waiting period like at Perryville.
Once she's been moved to Perryville, she'll have to go through a process called Receiving and Admittance. She can get mail, but no visits. This can take 3 to 12 weeks. Once she's been moved to a regular yard, she'll have to fill out a visitation form and they perform background checks on visitiors. This is supposed to be completed in 30 days from when she submits it to her counselor. Once you're cleared you can recieve phone calls (collect and expensive) from her and you can go to visit her. If it takes more than 30 days, email the warden and copy the director of corrections. Our problem was corrected within 3 days after I did that. Find out the visitation hours for her yard by contacting the visitation officer for that unit. Most of the visitation officiers are very helpful. When you see her, give her a hug and kiss and let her know that you're there for her! See her as often as you can and send her money for store. The reasonable way I've found is through postal money orders. I wish you the best of luck and perhaps we'll meet on one of my visits to my angel. If you have any other questions, please contact me. Remember she needs you to be strong and honest.

Hello I am in the same position I was sentenced to 10 years leaving my 2 year old daughter and her 2 brothers and at the same time my boyfriend was sentenced to 15 we are both fighting through the appeals courts and I am out on a bond. I am also fighting another charge. And throughout these last 2 years it has been very tough I won't lie but as long as you stay strong you will both make it through it. Your girlfriend will be fine. Tell her to keep her head up and don't get involved in any of the petty stuff that goes on just work the system and get out for you and her child. And as for yuo there will be days that she is mad at the world remember love her and be her friend. I hope this helps you.