Like I just read a post in another forum and I broke into tears and began to shake. The bush outside my window scraped the glass and I was on the floor looking for a place to hide a few night ago. I don't know whats wrong with me. :confused: I am in a safe place now, no one can hurt me and I don't let anyone close enough to me so that they can...I just don't understand. I did not come here to whine about it, I just wonder if anyone else has fears that come out at night (mostly at night but sometimes in the daylight) and how they learned to control them. sokie

Hi Sokie......what you are experiencing is called PTSD....or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....After what you have been through....it is part of the aftermath.....Your brain is still on alert for any sign of danger....and anything that stimulates a memory or reminders can cause an intense physical and psychological reaction....including....sweating, pulse racing, thoughts racing, feel like you can't breathe, nightmares, crawling into a corner for safety.....and many other things....If you are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or doctor....they can help you with managing the symptoms and understanding them...if you need medication to help your system settle down they can help you determine that also....

I do hope this helps.....so sorry you are suffering this way....I, too, have this disorder and it is very difficult at times....((((((((hugs))))))))),,,~Cat

Well, kiddo - I guess I'm not the only one who thinks PTSD is the answer. If it's any help to you, PTSD does diminish with time and help. It's not permanent. In the meantime, you probably really should be taking your meds! Hugs.

Prayer prayer prayer...i'm not sure what you've been through, however i was in a very abusive relationship and i remember walking around the house scared to death and hearing funny noises too. I handed all that over to Jesus and told the devil to get out of my head and my life and asked the Lord to keep his angles around me...and i promise you will feel a calm come over My prayers are with you. Keep your head up.

Sokie, What you are experiencing is completely normal. Don't be so hard on yourself; it will take time. Just take one day or one moment at a time! It will get better. Try to find something to get your mind onto a positive note. Something that will "empower" you. It doesn' t have to be anything big, but just something that will start to build up your self esteem and your self confidence again. Most abusive partners begin chipping away at your self esteem and eventually rob you of your own identity and your soul! My first husbad was like that. I hadn't realized how much I'd changed until my mom said something to me. My family and I were playing a simple board game that made me laugh a lot. My mom told me she hadn't heard me laugh in years! I hadn't realized the extent of what my ex had been doing to me! Get a job, reach out to other women and try to be there for them and be someone they can talk to, cry together, etc. You'll soon find that your old self will begin to emerge, yet you'll also find a stronger you inside! Hang in there and don't give up! JLH

Yep they tell me I suffer from PTSD...I quit taking my meds awhile ago because I dont like the effects they have on me. :confused: I didn't really think anyone would notice and that maybe I could find a way to control the stupid stuff going on within me, I guess not. Maybe in the morning I will begin again and try to give them a chance. I just want to be normal if there is such a thing. sokie

Hi Sokie.....sorry you are still experiencing those bothersome symptoms....if the meds were helping then go ahead and take them a while longer....the PTSD will likely get less intense in time....I feel you....like I said, I have it too....But we can get through this together....luv ya mucho....~Cat

~Sokie~
Sweetie, you WILL indeed be "normal" someday, as you put it.
I think you are normal now.
Those meds do have alot of side effects that we'd rather not deal with. But it's best to deal with the inconvenience now in order to arrive at the destination sooner. (You feel me on this?)
PTSD is something that many people of many different backgrounds experience. You are not alone, Hon.
I don't know if it ever gets easier...that's yet to be seen...but it definately gets more familiar.
You won't jump at the branches scraping the window for years to come...it will slow down, and you'll learn to identify "safe" sounds and situations.
I have so much hope for you! I have been pulling for you since your first post here...I just hope to see you fighting even harder soon...I know you're sweet, but you gotta get mean towards the evil that caused you the pain.
YOU ARE A SOLDIER! YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!
Release that which holds you back.

Most abusive partners begin chipping away at your self esteem and eventually rob you of your own identity and your soul! My first husbad was like that. I hadn't realized how much I'd changed until my mom said something to me. My family and I were playing a simple board game that made me laugh a lot. My mom told me she hadn't heard me laugh in years! I hadn't realized the extent of what my ex had been doing to me!

~JLH~
Oh, how I know exactly what you are talking about! Actually, I coulda highlighted your entire quote and it would've applied to me. All I have to say now is thank God I got out, got smarter, got stronger, got FREE!
Now, All Praises, I can be with my loving soulmate at long last!

It is so hard when you have given everything to the one who can hurt the most! It is so sad when I think about how much I have shared w. him and how well he knows me.

Wow. I finally found some place where I can be understood. To all of you ladies... I know that time heals all wounds. I still hurt, but not as much as I used to.

Epic - Your post speaks volumes for me. No one knows me as well as him and he used all of that to hurt me. I am still in love with him.

:wave: Epic and TwinkyWinky! You will find alot of support, information, friends, understanding on this site. I think the best thing I found about this place is that everyone is nice and they tell you like it is...it saved me. I will be looking forward to seeing you guys around. sokie

Wow TinkyWinky and Epic, what you both stated in your post is exactly how I feel and so very true. The scary thing for me is that I do still love him, but scared to take that leap again. If he changes, then great right?, but if he doesn't, that is the chance I am scared to take. My heart is really in a confused state right now, but my mind is as sharp as ever telling me to think before I act.

I can relate also....counseling helped me find the strength. I was married to an emotional abuser for years...by the time my marriage was over, I felt like I was a "nothing". Then on the rebound I started dating a man that enjoyed sending me to the hospital several times...thats not counting all the times I hid the marks and bruises. I am much stronger now, but the fear still still lingers, sometimes worse than others. FOr example, when my BF (now ex) picked up a bottle of booze I knew I had a beating coming. I am still very scared and nervous around people who have had one too many. I just avoid those situations. I know it is a trigger to my fear. not everyone is an abuser, but that fear is still there. Even arguments amongst family members or friends turn me into a shaking, anxiety ridden person. Time will help heal tho....my suggestion is couseling...I had a wonderful counselor for 3 years. He showed me the "real me" .... how to be strong and not to "have to depend" on a man. A good relationship shouldnt be full of insecure dependancies and that is what a lot of abusers count on. I just tuned in so Im not sure of your circumstances, but I do understand what you are going thru. When I was going thru this, the laws werent as strick and it took a long time to put an end to my night terrors...thats when he would strike...in the wee hours when no one was around to help. It finally came to an end but a year or two later he showed up at my door....he didnt realize my son had grown up :eek: ...as soon as my son heard the fear in my voice he came to my rescue. Funny how he wasnt such a tough guy then....:D . My son never had to lay a hand on him, he went running like the wuss he was. ANd he he never stepped back on my property since..

I wish you the best and keep in mind you are a good person and dont deserve to live in fear....find a counselor to help you, even if they just listen...You may have to go thru one or two til you find one that you can bond with but its worth it. Good luck to you...:thumbsup:

It is so hard. Mine is several states away with his parents for the week. He was working on their house. I seriously miss him, and when he called and said he loved me and would see me soon I said OK. I am pretty sure he has outstanding warrants for a fight we had, and I know I should not let him come back but it is so hard. I truly feel like I am losing my best friend ( he was also my first love and we got together again after a decade), but I also don't think it is good for my kids to hear his mouth. Ugh..this sounds bad! I am crying now and I wish I knew how to handle things.:(

Epic, if you can't find your true path, then find a counselor. People who know and love you and/or him will have a really hard time telling absolute truths, and besides, they don't usually know very much. A counselor is someone who doesn't have a personal stake, so s/he can just read the cards as they've been dealt. And usually they know how to tell the truth without making you feel worse than you already do. So that's where to begin. There is a Domestic Abuse number, probably in a town near you, just waiting to listen.

Here's the NC info - have a good read -
http://www.womenslaw.org/NC/NC_links.htm

I have been there with an old boyfriend. After you get out of that situation and realize how you don't EVER have to put up with such abuse.
I know myself, If I TRULY TRULY loved someone I wouldn't hurt them like that. So, why do we stay?
There is someone out there that will love you and NOT hurt you. Please, don't let anyone hurt you!

to the others who share my startle reflex issues!
mine dates back to early childhood. it's the only way of living life i've ever known.

Sokie, I can not stand loud sudden noises, they set me off. The sounds shake my whole nervous system up.

Sometimes I believe I am getting better and sleep with no problems :shrug: My dad had the bushes cut away from my window because they scared me....or maybe he got sick of finding me asleep at the foot of their bed. :p
Our neighbors continuously fight on the weekends and that can set me off also. I want to run outside right now and bust that woman's liquor bottle as a matter of fact.:mad: I swear when I get a place of my own -- in about 90 years -- I am living in the country with the nearest neighbor about 5 miles away.

Sokie, I feel the same way--at 71!! Our nervous system stays in high gear. I hate loud noises, Any any fighting or fussing. If i go in a grocery store and the music is up loud i got go!! If i am in a restaurant and everyone is talking and loud--I got go.
What happen to manners? Soft voices, soft music? It is always there.
When we would go home for a visit all the grandkids (about 9) would be there and my Dad always would go out side and sit under a tree!! Know I no why!!