Sitting in my cell with no family & no friends,
locked behind bars becasue of meth once again.
I tried so hard to get and stay away, but meth
kept calling me to come out and play.
My mind was consumed with sales of the gak,
just to watch my money grow in a stack.
I had no thoughts of my family, wife or kids.
Now if I lose at trial I will be up for a double life bid.
The devil controlled me and that devil is meth, the
life I was leading had me so close to death.
I ask God every day to spare me the strife of being
in prison for my kids entire child & adult life.
But I know in my heart I must suffer the pain
of being alone, my tears fall like rain.
So if you want to have all loss and no gain,
try living life in meths fastlane.
Cops came and kicked down my door, mace, guns,
and search warrant, screaming "get down on the floor".
This life i just can't take it no more.
They arrested and booked me into the county jail, this
methed up life is nothing but hell.
So here I sit, with my convict friends, reaching for God,
asking for help to please make this misery end.
Now I have no money or dope sack, but thanks to meth
I'll have life in prison to get my life back on track.

written by David Aggas.

Know you cried when you read that poem. He said it well. It must be a powerful drug. Perhaps it will help some others should they read it. Thanks for sharing.

What a poweful poem, truly from his heart! Meth is the DEVIL, truly!!!

i started crying when i read this.

I read this on another forum and I made a lot of copies and passed the words on to others. It's a good shine of reality and truth. This is one of my favorite poems because it shows you the other side of life. Thanks for sharing this poem dutch.

This is very sad but very real. Thank you for sharing it with us. It must be very dificult for you too.

BJ2010, my pleasure. That was the purpose to share the poem with others. I would like to get it in the paper or the highschools.

nitamac.. yes unfortunetly it is real life. no glamor to it just raw truth.
it is hard, but I am proud of my son - he is working hard at changing his life for the better. He is seeking God and that is the most important.

Dutchgirl,

The Arizona Attorney General's Office has a Web site devoted to drugs and such. You should contact his office to see if he would like to use this heart-felt poem on the Web site and in other promotional materials.

JJ

Dutchgirl,
The Arizona Attorney General's Office has a Web site devoted to drugs and such. You should contact his office to see if he would like to use this heart-felt poem on the Web site and in other promotional materials.
JJ


hmmmm interesting thought JJ, thanks.

i too have always called it the devil, i right now as we speak am trying to fight it too.. i am in tasc because of it, yet ladies and gents, I will test dirty today when i go pee for my color sage... Why i ask myself.. F#$K i dont know, i hate it, i hate everything about it, but I can't do it alone this time... i want to go to a rehab but i have lil ones here at home and im a single parrent. tell ur son keep his head up, and there are people out here too that have to fight the devil away and its hard.....

i too have always called it the devil, i right now as we speak am trying to fight it too.. i am in tasc because of it, yet ladies and gents, I will test dirty today when i go pee for my color sage... Why i ask myself.. F#$K i dont know, i hate it, i hate everything about it, but I can't do it alone this time... i want to go to a rehab but i have lil ones here at home and im a single parrent. tell ur son keep his head up, and there are people out here too that have to fight the devil away and its hard.....

aloneinlife... it is hard to do this on your own, but you aren't, not really. You have a wonderful support team right here on this forum. I don't know where you stand, and I am not pushing for something, but I just want to let you know, the Lord is there & will help you. He is my sons strength and He is the only way we will get through this. My son has a lot of time to consider his past ways. He is in for Life. But he is ok because he leans on Him.
thank you for encouraging others. the Word says.. "resist the devil and he will flee from you".

I read this on another forum and I made a lot of copies and passed the words on to others. It's a good shine of reality and truth. This is one of my favorite poems because it shows you the other side of life. Thanks for sharing this poem dutch.

I also read this a while back but it's a powerful peom none the less, regardless of where it came from... Thank you for the reminder of what a horrible drug meth is!! I was sorry to read that your son is in for life... that's a tough one for a Mother to deal with I cant even begin to imagine I am sure. Bless ya and Have a great day...
Karma

Aloneinlife, you are not alone. Dutchgirl is right. I don't know what you are doing as far as counseling or rehab, but you might want to lookup Celebrate Recovery on the internet and find a meeting near your area. It literally saved my brother-in-laws life. He never dealt with prison, but he dealt with a long time Meth addiction ~ yes, the devil is right.

He has also found some lifelong friends who understand and love him no matter where he has walked in the past. I believe childcare is provided as well.

Keep us posted ~ you have some Moms on here praying for you.

Don't give up, girl, you can do this.

Alone in life-
You are not alone... you have your children. You are fighting for them... not just yourself. You destroy the children when you are destroying yourself. You know this. You have to win the battle. Visualize your own death and theirs... because that is the living form of it. Most children who are taken from their parents and placed in homes end up going through horrific things and have trouble understanding the whys also, but then again most children of users become neglected or mistreated as they are placed in line behind the drug and their parent's focus on their own selves. I'm not sure what your background was like, but if it did not include an alcoholic, an addict or abuser... imagine how much harder you are making life for your children... harder than for you. And as you hate it so much, I know you would not want your children to face this part of life. You can do it. You care, you are disgusted with it and you know you have to make this change... before you destroy life further and make it all tougher for you all than it already is.

Alone in life- it takes guts to admit what you have admitted. It is great that you can. Keep going! :)

Thank you all. It is hard, and My babies is whom I live for. My childhood and where I came from? Well it was okay untill first grade when me and my other moved here as a matter of fact to AZ, and My mother became a abusive coke head... Im not abusive to my children, but a addict myself, now that I am and I HATE It HATE is a strong word to me, so to say it takes alot. I can say I hate my mother for alot of things, one of them being doing drugs with me after I first tried Meth my 12th grade year she just saw it as a gate to party with me.. NOW you all prolly are asking me if i will do that with my children. HELL NO!!!!! I am in group and Ive been busting my ass trying to find a rehab to check into and they all have a 4-6 week WAIT, SO I called banner and they could get me in ASAP but I have to have My Terror's lady make the referal, and U guys know what she F#$Kn Told me? SHe said "Well, I wont do a referal because it will just get denyed".. HOW does she know it was a friday and she probably didnt want to do the extra paper work.. I WANT HELP NEED HELP AND AM CRYING FOR HELP but I can't find it........

aloneinlife.. my heart goes out to you. when my son was arrested, well that took care of his problem. but his g/f, the mother of 2 of his kids, was strung on meth. it hurt to see her struggle.. we know she loves her kids, she still cares for my son. her mom made her go to rehab, but even after, she still had to stay away from past 'friends' and struggle to stay off. even today I am not 100% sure she is clean. But she is working steady, and I know she is trying. I wish I had some magical solution for you, but as far as rehab etc, I don't know. I am not familar w/ Phx area. The only solution I can suggest,,, cry out to the Lord and He can help kick it. My husband was an alcholic for years, till the Lord set him free. My son in prison, if he came out today, will never touch drugs again, he found the Lord too. Sometimes, we have to reach bottom before we can look up. that is the only way left.
I don't mean to push 'religion' or to offend. I am just stating what I know.
anyhow, I will pray for you dilegently.
pm me if you want.

With such a hard habit, all the help you can get will be needed. keep trying and do what you can to this point. I'll see if I can find anything on it for you, but I'm as lost about support for you too. We'll see if we can find something.

1.
http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/PrxResults.aspx?&GAD2=&GAD3=Mesa%2c+Arizona&GCITY=&GSTATE=&GZIP=&GAD4=USA&DSN=MapPoint.NA&LOC=33.4170830048809%3a-111.83150007313&IC=33.4170830048809%3a-111.83150007313%3a32%3aMesa%2c+Arizona&NR=10&DBR=10&FC=&FCT=And&island=&AD2=&CITY=Mesa&STATE=Arizona&ZIP=&c2=DM&c3=&c4=WN&c5=&c6=SS%3aPA&c7=&detail=1 (http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/PrxResults.aspx?&GAD2=&GAD3=Mesa%2c+Arizona&GCITY=&GSTATE=&GZIP=&GAD4=USA&DSN=MapPoint.NA&LOC=33.4170830048809%3a-111.83150007313&IC=33.4170830048809%3a-111.83150007313%3a32%3aMesa%2c+Arizona&NR=10&DBR=10&FC=&FCT=And&island=&AD2=&CITY=Mesa&STATE=Arizona&ZIP=&c2=DM&c3=&c4=WN&c5=&c6=SS%3aPA&c7=&detail=1)
You can do a search from this site for treatment facility by type, funding etc. Just click the detailed search tab on the left. They may be able to find a facility with beds for your children/intensive in-home treatment or at the facility etc. and can help with closer locations.From their site: http://www.valledelsol.com/pages/page.asp?pageID=11 (http://www.valledelsol.com/pages/page.asp?pageID=11)
Referrals and Admissions
(602) 523-9312

2.
Samhsa Arizona (they seem to have the most gov’t funding ?)
Gail Chadwick
Arizona Prevention Resource Center
542 E. Monroe
Suite D-1
Phoenix, Arizona 85004
Voice: (480) 727-2772
Toll Free: (800) 432-2772
Fax: (480) 727-5400
E-mail: gchadwick@asu.edu
http://www.azprevention.org/
(http://www.azprevention.org/)ONDCP State and Local Drug Profiles

(http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/statelocal/az/index.html)3.
http://healthhotlines.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/hotlines/FindOrg?IndexString=Substance-Related+Disorders (http://healthhotlines.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/hotlines/FindOrg?IndexString=Substance-Related+Disorders)
Link with multiple resource numbers provided.

Div of Behavioral Health Services
Dept of Health Services
150 North 18th Ave
Phoenix AZ 85007-3228
Phone: 602-364-4558
Fax: 602-364-4570 webbhs@azdhs.gov (webbhs@azdhs.gov)
AZ substance abuse web site. (http://www.azdhs.gov/)

4.
http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/treat/index.html (http://www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov/treat/index.html)

5.
http://www.samhsa.gov/grants/resources.aspx (http://www.samhsa.gov/grants/resources.aspx) This one is a source for grants for addicts who need funding to help. However, deadlines maya make it for more long-term help and not as immediate, it sounds like you may work with a facility to get a grant possibly?

6.
.
66.www.valueoptions.com (http://www.valueoptions.com/)


7.
Crytal Meth Anonymous
http://crystalmeth.org/index.php (http://crystalmeth.org/index.php)
Group meetings:
Methology (http://www.crystalmeth.org/index.php?option=com_sobi2&sobi2Task=sobi2Details&catid=0&sobi2Id=257&Itemid=9999999)
Friday 7:00pm
54 W Southern Ave
Mesa
AZ 85210



TOGETHER WE STAND - Me, AZ (http://www.crystalmeth.org/index.php?option=com_sobi2&sobi2Task=sobi2Details&catid=0&sobi2Id=238&Itemid=9999999)
Tuesday 8:30pm
1331 E 6th Ave
Mesa
AZ 85204



8.
http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/results.aspx?h=drugs&topic=180 (http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/results.aspx?h=drugs&topic=180)
This site has downloaded info on treatment, etc.. It looks like you have to pay, but some of them have free downloads or are viewable online.

9.
Arizona meth project links
http://www.arizonamethproject.org/gethelp/ (http://www.arizonamethproject.org/gethelp/)

The second link on the first possible help is to Valle Del Sol. This organnization came up multiple times and seems to be the closest to your area.

Again, I wish I knew something about how to be a better help, because this is frustrating. I hope that something on this list will help you though.

Lots of good wishes your way.

"KT"

you guys made me cry. thank you so much. im checknig it all out now.. :) ill 4sure make sure that i update u all as the time goes by... today for one :( ..... well first step of getting better is to not lie to ourselfs **or others** so.... if i were to go drop a UA right now.. id be in trouble... SHIT why ?? i sit and askmyself.. anyway guys.. IM not some scary tweeker person please know this! :).. im just some SCARED addict i guess is how to put it, i dont do dirty things NOR would I ever steal or Harm someone to get high... ~ugh~ im sorry...

kathenamarie well done on searching out the info for aloneinlife.

alone, please remember first, that you are not alone. We all share this common link... someone we love is in prison. second, you keep talking about slipping and getting high and then apologizeing. stop apologizing. sure it is a bummer, but we will not look down on you - you yourself have said you are an addict. Our flesh is weak. but sometimes it is stronger than our mind or our resolve to change. It takes a lot of willpower, a lot of time to undo the damage. You Can Do It. We all will hold you up in our prayers for strength and willpower to get clean.
The apostle Paul said, I do the things I don't want to do, but don't do the things I want to do. Even he had problems to work out. Have faith in the Lord and have faith in yourself.
helen

Here I Lay, Another Day Gone
In This Place Of Metal And Steal
It Has Become All Too Real
How Did This Happen?
That Stupid Shit,dope
I Lost Sight Of Everything
I Had Almost Lost All Hope
And In This Hole
People Come And People Go
And If Your Lucky In The End
You'll Find The Person You Need To Know
I Need To Re Find Me

My Son Wrote This, He Is In For Meth

Please do keep us posted. We are definitely not looking down on you and are want the best. They always say that meth is both an emotional addiction as well as a chemical problem. Not that one should focus solely on the problem, but trying to realize what it is that has driven you to the problem may also help to solve the problem. It is also ironic that the things we are driven to for the feelings, the escape...etc can be the things we want and need to escape and the drop creates worse feelings. So to face our feelings head on seems crushing, yet it is the quickest and best way to get through them. Sometimes we have to be merciless (to ourselves regarding our situations, our true needs like love, family, provision, hope...)
You can do it. I hope that you can get every help that you can. make sure to separate yourself from the friends and places that are connected with this habit in any way... even your mother. You should be able to find some help for childcare through the agency. It will take effort... It will be worth it. Keep going!
:0) I know that I would want others to see me for the person I am not the problems I am having. I do not intend to let my problems win either. I agree with Dutchgirl also... and I know faith is a very helpful key... and it helps to be around others who are trying too... those with faith. They are people too, but there is a very great good to be said of, for and experience with it.

KT

Wow, I cried when I read this poem.... very powerful!

aloneinlife: Don't give up, keep praying and try to be positive. You're children need you to be strong and clean. You are searching for help so you are definitely headed in the right direction. Nothing comes easy so remember with hard work and determination you will perservere. I will keep you in my prayers.... good luck to you!

HEY I am having a real hard time these past few days, I swear to god I have been crying since 1am and its 11am now lol... Anyway.. I called Elba house today for my daily check on a bed, and Yesinia told me that what she needs me to start doing is getting my birth certificate, state ID and SS card together, and to call her tomorrow cause I may have a bed for me NEXT WEEK!!!!!!...... I’m scared, I’m lonely, I excited, and did I say Scared?? I will keep u posted but again I just wanted to say Thank you u guys gave me a lil more UMPH cause right now I have -0.

HEY I am having a real hard time these past few days, I swear to god I have been crying since 1am and its 11am now lol... Anyway.. I called Elba house today for my daily check on a bed, and Yesinia told me that what she needs me to start doing is getting my birth certificate, state ID and SS card together, and to call her tomorrow cause I may have a bed for me NEXT WEEK!!!!!!...... I’m scared, I’m lonely, I excited, and did I say Scared?? I will keep u posted but again I just wanted to say Thank you u guys gave me a lil more UMPH cause right now I have -0.

hi. so glad to hear that things may be turning around for you. Don't fret the tears. They cleanse the soul. We will be praying for you. stay strong. Look to a brighter future. :)

helen

Sitting in my cell with no family & no friends,
locked behind bars becasue of meth once again.
I tried so hard to get and stay away, but meth
kept calling me to come out and play.
My mind was consumed with sales of the gak,
just to watch my money grow in a stack.
I had no thoughts of my family, wife or kids.
Now if I lose at trial I will be up for a double life bid.
The devil controlled me and that devil is meth, the
life I was leading had me so close to death.
I ask God every day to spare me the strife of being
in prison for my kids entire child & adult life.
But I know in my heart I must suffer the pain
of being alone, my tears fall like rain.
So if you want to have all loss and no gain,
try living life in meths fastlane.
Cops came and kicked down my door, mace, guns,
and search warrant, screaming "get down on the floor".
This life i just can't take it no more.
They arrested and booked me into the county jail, this
methed up life is nothing but hell.
So here I sit, with my convict friends, reaching for God,
asking for help to please make this misery end.
Now I have no money or dope sack, but thanks to meth
I'll have life in prison to get my life back on track.

written by David Aggas.



I know what he means , i have been there so has my man...after years of using meth his arrest woke me up and woke him up! We were trapped in this evil hold that meth has on you when you use it. I have to say that it takes a strong person to stay clean after using for so long. I really think that once you get stuck in that life it takes over your mind and all I can say is that it makes you a different person. I did things that I was not very proud of. You lose yourself.

hi all. dutch that poem is beautiful.. I know the evils of meth... I hope I can find friends here I could use some'

What a touching poem. I forgot what show I had watched sometime ago about Meth, not sure if it was 20/20 or it could be another show. Anyway it was a story about Meth and how it was taking over peoples' lives. They even had another name for Meth, the DEVIL"S DRUG.