The two men closest to my heart have used for years. Neither one of them have ever stayed clean for a long time. One is still in prison, the other one got out and relapsed on his first day out.
I myself have slipped like twice a year so far.:o

How many of you have stayed clean for a long time and do you know of others who have? What was it that finally made them commit into recovering? What was of most help to them so far?

I would appreciate LOTS of feedback. :)


Tanya

Well I don't know what you consider a long time but for me I haven't done any drugs or drank in almost 2 years, Nov 2nd will be 2 years for me. And my crack habit was pretty bad, it wasn't binges, it was constant, I'd say 6 days a week for about a year and a half straight is where I was at the end, and in the end things got very bad for me. My husband was arrested because he violated his parole, couldn't pass the drug test, my house was raided twice in one night, our 7 year old daughter screamed to the cops, "don't shoot my dad, don't kill my dad" as she watched them chase him with guns. I managed to keep my job because I owned the business, so I couldn't get fired, I still went to work everyday, I just got hi while I was working. But as you could imagine I almost lost the business that I had worked so hard to build up. I was so far in debt when my husband got arrested I couldn't make ends meet anymore, but I couldn't quit getting hi. When the urge hit I was powerless over it. Then one night my daughter woke up screaming from a dead sleep, I ran in there (I had just taken a hit) and she was screaming, "I want my mommy" and I said, "I'm right here." and she said, "you're not my mommy, I want my mommy!" She was in a dead sleep, but yelling and kicking & screaming this. The next morning she remembered nothing, and I blew it off. I didn't get hi the next night because it tripped me out. Then the night after I got hi again and the same thing happened. This was repeated 3 times, and only on nights that I got hi. I guess that was the beginning of the end for me, I knew she knew that I was no longer myself, and I was so ashamed. Then a few other little things happened and within a week I said "I just can't go on like this anymore!" and I got up the nerve to walk into an AA meeting, and they really helped me. I found a sponsor who was an alcoholic also adicted to crack and she helped me tremendously. Then after a month or so I began going to NA meetings also, and they helped me to. That was almost 2 years ago and I never want to go back. In my NA group I know at least 20 people who had a bad crack addiction and they've been clean and HAPPY for over 5 years. It can happen, but it is not easy and it took a lot of work for me to beat this, and there were times when the urge was so strong I didn't think I could do it, and when that happened, like one time after about 3 or 4 months clean, my old dealer called me, I told him not to call anymore, I quit. But after I got off the phone I got an urge so strong to get hi, so I called my sponsor, and I talked to her about it, I went to a NA meeting and talked to them about it, and the urge was still there, it lasted for 3 days in which I thought I would go crazy. Finally I just fell on my knees and said, "God, Please, please take this away, I can't take it anymore, and I don't want to do this, please help me." The urge left instantly, and I have never had an urge so strong since then. Miracles can happen if you work for it.

Thank you so much for sharing this.Stories like yours help tremendously and are encouraging.

I just wanted to add that my husband had spent 7 years in prison behind crack, he got out and within a month he was using again, and he stayed out for 2 years using (that's when I got real bad on it) then he got arrested after two years of getting hi, now he is serving another 4 years. I used to think that he relapsed, but he was never in recovery. You know it's like he never sat in prison trying to figure out ways to stay away from crack, he was trying to figure out ways to be able to get hi without getting caught. The illusion of "I'll control it, I'll just do it once a month or so" We've talked about this a lot since he got arrested again, he's halfway thru the 4 year sentence now, and he's trying to change the way he thinks this time. I don' t know if it will work or not but at least he's trying something different this time. At least now he realizes that he has never been able to control it and he never will be able to control it, and so he is in the process of drilling it into his mind that it's a fact, if he picks up he'll go back to prison. It's only a matter of time if he picks up he will go back to prison. So anyway, my thought is that if a person is in prison and they are not doing anything to change the way they think, then I think they are doomed to make the same mistakes again. I'm hoping the things he's doing this time will help him, but the first step (whether you are working an official 12 step program or not) is the person has to face the fact, there is no such thing as control. That is a really big part of it, and from there do other things to change thinking patterns. I had to learn to find other ways to "celebrate", I didn't know what else to do with money when I had it, holding a $20 made me jones!! A person has to totally change thinking patterns and that takes a lot of time & a lot of work, at least that's how it is for me. But if they still believe they can control using then I think they will end up using again.

Here is what helped me so far...

Whenever I feel the urge, I try to be around my kids a lot. The 'control' that I have is that I wouldn't tease myself with a $20 rock. So much I have learned.

Kathy- what would you do if he never changes? Will you try to hold on to your relationship?

Well this is probably a lot easier said than done, but I think I'd have to file for divorce if he started using again, and did nothing to try to quit. It's really just too dangerous for me, I never want to live that way again, and if I'm living with someone who is getting hi then I'm putting myself in a very dangerous situation, I have done real good so far in staying away from it, but I don't want to risk it by living with someone getting hi. I'm not saying I'd leave him if he relapses, but I would have to leave him if he relapses and doesn't do anything to change it, like if he keeps on using. Neither of us were ever binge users, when we got hi we did it every day or at least everyday that we had money or credit to get it on. So if it started like that again I'd have to, also because my daughter is getting older and she may soon be faced with drugs herself, and I certainly don't want her to be living with parents who are getting hi when she should be learning from us how to stay away from that shit. I think as long as I stay clean & sober I'll have the stregnth to get out of the relationship if it comes down to that, I hope so anyway because I never want to live like that again. Wake up wondering where he is, if he is dead or alive, in jail or free, if I have any money left, if the car is still in the driveway,.... on & on, I never want to live that way again. But it's tough because I don't think I'd leave him just over a slip, we're all just human and it happens to the best of us, but I guess a slip would have to be pretty short for me to stick around. I know women who are recovering addicts that live with men who are still using & they manage to stay clean, but I don't think I'm one of them. I don't think I can live like that. How about you?

AT LEAST YOUR TALKING SENSE,MY EX GAVE UP 32 YEARS WITH ME FOR COCAINE.

God, this is so hard to answer. Ok...

I was with Ernie for 4 years. In the beginning, he was an every day user. I stayed with him because I loved him and because he had no one else that wanted to help him. Those four years have been terrible. One might think that every time they don't come home it hurts less, but actually it hurt more and more.
Now I'm with Ron and I see the same thing happening. I wish I could just turn my emotions off and not care, but unfortunately I see past the 'geeker'- he really is a great person without the dope. He stays away because he's scared of coming home high and dragging me down with him. But that just makes things worse, because he's out there and does more and more and more until he's all exhausted and can't keep track of how many bad things he's done to get the money to buy the dope.
He wants me to marry him, and these days I have caught myself thinking I might actually go ahead and get married- so that I can have him committed. Which is silly, because if he doesn't want to quit, nothing will stop him. In a way I wouldn't even be too sad if he went back to prison- at least he'd be safer than out there.
Allthough I don't want to give up on him, I know I will eventually have to. Not because I might relapse but because I see what a wreck I already am after only 6 weeks of him being out.

I know that someone who has been clean 10 yrs and is still clean. I think they have to want to stay clean and want to do the deal and so many do go back or give up and have to return to it. And I know the pain of watching someone return to their habit how it hurts and you feel for them and all but I have to remember that they have choices just like I do and if they choose to do drugs again then it was their decision. I also keep close to my heart if nothing changes nothing changes and the change doesn't begin with anyone else other than me. I feel your pain but be true to yourself is what I would suggest to you. Sending your lots prayers and hugs!!!!

cherrie from tx

Lucrisid thanks for your honesty in your post. First let me start by saying I had 10 yrs clean and sober. I say had. Unfortunately I picked up and am going to Federal Prision this month for a 1 yr sentence. In the time I was on bail I again put together 3 and a half years. I know many people who are recovering from some wicked crack addictions. Some of them in excess of 5 yrs. Like any addiction an addict can recover if he/she is willing and open minded.When it comes to recovery. It's like the old saying you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I have wondered time and time again what does it take for some to recover. They simply must be sick and tired of being sick and tired. My mistake was I did not practice the steps of my program throughly. I took the suggestions of the program lightly.I refused to let go of "old friends" ( and I use this term very lightly) It took 10 yrs but it came back and kicked my ass. Lossed just about everything and I accumilated quite a bit in 10 yrs cars ,houses,motorcycles, bank accounts, and trusted relationships(I know I will get that back again if I just do the right thing). The other posts are great suggestions I too would contact AA world service in NY. I know they have a pen-pal service that has been in existance since the days of world war II. I am not active in NA though I know they have a great network that deals specifically with jails and institutions. As for yourself have you ever given thought to attending al-anon or something similiar? As I said I have been attending meetings for many years and thousands of times I have heard people share that they found recovery after their wife/girlfriend/husband started attending al-anon. I'm not guaranteeing they will get better but you will definitely be able to handle situations which use to baffle you. God bless. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

I have been drug free for almost 13 years now. I was never much of a druggie anyway - a little weed now and then - and then my husband introduced me to crack cocaine. when I finally got a clue as to what was happening to our finances, our sex life and everything else, he just turned me on to it. It took me three years to get a radical habit and a reputation as the best "cook" in town. I tried any number of times to quit but when you're living with an addict, it's hard, surprise, surprise.

When I became pregnant, I called a couple of hotlines. It was so new at that time they didn't know anything about it and one helpful lad told me "you've already screwed up your baby anyway..." How's that for a crisis help line? I also told my OB/GYN who told me that it was bad for me and I should quit -- if you haven't been there, you don't know the pull it has! I begged God for help while holding the "glass dick" as we now call it in my hand. My son was born addicted and jaundiced. There is nothing on this earth that could make me more ashamed. I live with the 'what could have beens' every day of my life. Although my son seems normal in all respects, I still wonder if my addiction is what makes him struggle in school as he has all these years.

My best friend died from doing one monumental hit that made her vomit. As she did, injested her own vomit and choked to death. It was three days before they found her in her car in her garage.

When I was told, I was so grief stricken and ashamed I simply could not deal with it - the first thing that came to my mind was to get high so I wouldn't have to deal with it - is that sick? But I didn't and I never have since.

I DID move away from my band of associates. I knew I could be weak if I was around it.

I DID find other things to do when I got the urge.

I NEVER have said "never" because the finality of the word made the desire worse.

Most importantly I learned to do as AA has known all along...one day at a time. There finally came a time I looked back into that Pandora's box and wondered how a grown woman with two college degrees could be so insanely stupid.

Write a list of the pros and cons. I think if your honest you will find no pros. Past the first high, its all chasing it anyway. What I have seen women do for a rock sickens me. I have done everything in my power since that time to help others who wish to break its hold. That is the least I can do. I am one of the lucky ones who lost nothing but my dignity and humanity behind it.

Please, please, please try to be strong! God will help you and I certainly will do anything I can to give you support in the smartest decision you have probably ever made. YOU CAN DO IT!!

Save your own life if your loved one refuses to save his. Look into the eyes of your child and you will see deep, bright pools of reason not to.

judy

I dont know how to deal with my fiance and his drug problem. I have been faced with a real problem and dont know what to do myself.
My life started when I moved from WI to MA to start my life over because I divorced my husband who was drinking day in and day out. So because of me leaving him, we did things to hurt each other. Mentally, but now we are the best of friends and just communicate through email and once a month phone calls.

since I moved here a year ago, I met my fiance and we have a great time together except when he started using drugs again and drinking. I turned to find this internet to talk because i did not know where to turn, it was not to him.

I was going broke, we had our own places but my savings was down to $48 and I had worked so hard to get on my feet. I did not know his past but found out that he had warrents in IL and ran to keep from going to jail. I was with him a few times while he was drunk and he did a couple lines of coke. Later that nite, he said that he was hungry and left to get food. Of course, as blind as I was, he came home 2 days later. I could not understand what was happening since I did not know anything about crack or that he was addicted to it. Then a week later, he was drinking and took me for a ride while he was smo9king crack and driving around all nite. He was messing up with work and it messed me up because I lost my job.
With is warrents, he was picked up and was taken from the MA jail to Il to do his time. He has been locked up since Oct 2 and is suppose to have his charges changed to mist. charnges and paroled before Christmas this year. What bothers me is that the people that he calls his friends are the ones that all do drugs and drink. I do not want this kind of lifestyle and it really has effected by life.

I moved out here to the east to start my life over and end up with someone that I love dearly but cant afford. That is a bad way to look at it, but I cant. I had to have emergency surgery for the 3rd time in a year due to breast cancer and he is not here to help me with the recovery but he was 'coming down' when i had the surgery and had to have 1 pound removed from the left side of my chest.
I have had to do the recovery and my own support through all this.

the people that he calls his friends have not called me to even see if I need anything or to help me get through him being locked up. he also told me that they cant do anything for him while he is there! NOT! they could support me, listen or let me cry to get myself out of bed each day. I started opening the front door, I know he cant open his door.

I asked him to have a special nite for new years with me when he returns and that we could just relax and let the new year start out in each others arms. he told me that he wants to go out and see his friends and to just enjoy the time with seeing everyone again

What about me - what about the one that sends the money the letters, the phone calls, the time to talk to the attorney, the time to wait, as if i am locked up? Selffish, I think that is what this is coming to! I dont know what is next or how this is suppose to be but I do now that my savings is not staying $48 and that I will never let money go to crack again.

I wish I had a miracle answer but I dont either. I have to deal with health and the mental stress of knowing he has 3 sons that he does not really know and dont want to talk to him because he is in jail (again) His ex-wife divorced him and has to raised the children herself.

I have been the one sending birthday cards to the kids and I have never even met them.

I pray to GOD everyday to understand what will happen and to let me see what I am suppose to do for myself. I have learned already that waiting for the phone call is taken over to much of my life and that will have to stop, let him wonder what i am doing - is that not what I had to do for 2-3 days while he was smoking crack?

The worse part of my story gets to the week before he got picked up, my car was messed up and the bumper is cracked (just got out of the shop 6 days before from a car accident I had) and he came home high and thought he hit someone or ran them over! He is no9t in treatment in jail because he is more focused on getting out in a couple months than dealing with the drug problem. he said that he will be fine and not to worry. That is not what he is thinking about, but about me.

How can it be about me when he just took new years eve away from US and turned it into himself!
I guess time will tell but time is what I have right now, so i am doing things that I need and finding a job again is the biggest part.
If anyone can help me also, or learn from what I am going through, I am doing something right.
Keep your head up and smile, God is there!

To Everyone who is clean or getting clean-You got to hang tough because you are wonderful for having guts to make it this far and through your honesty in sharing your story ,others may find the courage to change also. You are very brave and I wish I could give you each a hug for morale. Ah -consider yourself HUGGED. Thanks!

Believe it or not there are many people in the world who were once addicted to Crack or other drugs. Cocaine is a drug that takes hold of you and refuses to let go. UNLESS you the person grabs hold of the addiction and says enough. In my experience of working with addicts of many races, cultures etc I found that the ones who made it are the ones who really wanted it. To many it meant losing their friends, associates, sometimes family in order to quit. Moving away emotionally from someone who will lead you back to it. But I have witnessed many successes. Some of which after 7 years are still clean. SO hold fast to that, and know that you are not alone in this.
Hugs

I guess its 16 years now for me, off of crack that is. My other half is not as successful as I have been though and relapsed within a week of being released from prison this last spring, and is now back in prison, and we are waiting to see what will happen to him this time. Just for the record, Ive been clean from Heroin for 28 years and clean from Meth for 18 years. So it can be done, its not to say though that I still dont get cravings (only for crack though), but I know better than to give in to cravings, Ive seen too much death and knocked on that door way too many times in my life. I've also had my face buried in rock bottom for far too long and I will never forget that smell. It can be done, so dont give up.

Happy Holidays

Thank you so much for all of your honest and gut level life stories. My husband is in a SAFP facility in Texas (substance abuse Felony program) he has been an addict for 14yrs. He has gone from binges to everyday use in the end. We have three children. All have seen the affects of what crack can do to a family. Through it all I have been there for him. In and out of rehabs and jail. The reason that got him sent to this program was a blessing and I pray that he takes the time to really look at his life and the choices he has made. I know people who have beaten this demon and I know that if you really want it you can do it. I really respect all of you who have worked to stay clean and sober. May God bless you and all that you do. I pray that Ican come back to this foraum and share that my husband is doing the same.
God Bless you all and Merry Christmas

I watched my ex struggle with s drug/alcohol addiction for years. He started attending AA/NA meetings but did not REALLY work his program. He white-knuckled it for six years and when he fell off the wagon, he fell hard. He has been clean again (won't use the word sober 'cause I think he's white-knuckling it again) for about eight months. I don't get the lure of drugs and/or alcohol. I've tried weed and cocaine and never got hooked so it was hard for me to understand since I could drink a beer or two and stop, why couldn't he? But then again, he couldn't understand the lure of the cheesecake calling to me from the refrigerator. He lost his mother back in August and his father has about six months to a year left to live and they were always his "enablers" so it will be interesting to see what will happen to him if he falls off the wagon again. Although I won't be around to watch this time. I finally wised up and got a restraining order against him. And will be leaving this state in a year or two. Onward and upward, that's my motto for 2004.

Crack is one of the hardest drugs to get away from other than herion. i have done some research on the subject. no i am not a user but my husband is. well he is in prison right now so he doesnt have a choice to be clean. if anyone needs help with this addiction there is a wonderful program called Narconon. its very expensive to attend to but there success rate is very high. my husband was sent to prison before he could go. they are based out of Oklahoma. if you call them they will explain it all to you. they helped me understand what he was going through and why it was so hard to break the addiction. if anyone wants to pm me i would be glad to get there number for anyone. they will also send you info about there program. crack affects a part of the brain so if you are clean for awhile then maybe you get stressed out, have a fight with someone or even work out your brain releases chemicals that make you crave the drug. depending on use of the drug(and other drugs) it could take 2-5 years of non use to be really free of it. thats why some people can stay clean for a few weeks or even months then have a relapse. i hope this helps anyone please let me know if you need more info

Ive been clean for 16 years from crack and I still get the occasional dream of it or more often cravings still, at least one every day, though I never get cravings for Heroin ever, it doesnt go away for me, the crack thing, I just get better at ignoring it and considering it an unwelcome guest in my brain so to speak, but like I said its been a lot of years.
Narconon is very expensive but their sucess rate is much higher than traditional rehabs, but you really got to have the bucks and most homes that have been afflicted by crack, meth or heroin have been depleted of funds.
But regardless, I did email them for their free information pack last spring and received in the mail a really cool information package as well as a video and I had quite a few interactions threw email with a councillor there regarding dealing the situation with at hand with James at the time and I got some good grounding advice even though I had already made it clear I could never afford to send him there.
If you go to their web page and go to the drug in question, there is plenty of information and you can email for their information pack. Im not sellng them here, though if you do have the money, they do have a higher than average sucess rate, much higher which isnt too hard to get too since the average rehab has a very poor sucess rate in all of North America.
Here is the web page addy: http://www.narconon.org/

God, I know those evil thoughts that just never seem to stop popping up. Just alone today, I bit off a piece of candy for my daughter and boom! Somehow I just thought 'this would be a nice sized blast'. Yuck!

It gets to me that those programs have to cost so much, because, like Witchinblue just said... most of us affected just do not have money.

yes i explained that to them. that peoples lives that are affected by drugs especially this one means they dont have the money. i tried to suggest to them they should try and work with donations. at least that way they could help more people. it is a wonderful program and anyone should at least try and get information from them it really opened my eyes to what addiction is all about

I work in a detox/substance abuse facility I can honeslty say I see very few that get clean and stay clean. You gotta work the system if you wanna stay clean. AA/NA meetings and counseling. I have never used but seeing it daily for years I know its hard and you gotta want it bad and do it for yourself not anyone else.

Jeffs

Jeffs ex wife,,,I was wondering, from your experience, do you think that detox facilities treat the addiction or the specific drug the addict is addicted too. I would imagine its a bit of both but I was wondering what sort of ratio this would be from the perspective of someone who works there.
You are most certainly right, at least in my own opinion based on personal experience and watching a loved one struggle threw it all. It may not always be AA/NA meetings or/and counselling, but a very intact reliable support system hitting all angles is very essential and most certainly all enabling people in their lives re-educated or eliminated no matter what the relationship.
I have another question, how many people approximately do you think come threw your doors who are doing it for someone else or because they have no choice ? Regardless of course of what they said during intake, I mean instinctively, what would you figure that percentage is ? Also do you see big differences according to the drug they are addicted too as far as results ?
Ive never had the chance to ask someone in your job role these questions and Im very curious about this.
Thanks Jeffs ex wife

Hi, my husband is also in SAFP in Texas. He is in Jester 1. He has 85 days left before he goes to a 3 month halfway house. He swears he will be and stay clean. I was wondering where your husband is in the phases of the program and how he is doing?

Me I stayed Clean for16 years!!!1