My Boyfriend will be home in six months and I have a delimna. Where will he stay????
I just recently graduated from college and had intentions on getting a full-time job and place , so that he wouldn't have to go back to the hood and get in trouble. By living with me I also know that he will get on his feet quicker due to my help and postive examples. Well my so called dreams are not going the way I intended.
First of all the job market is very tight now. Getting a well paying job isn't that easy. I have faxed numerous resumes and I am still waiting on replies. Having faith I will not give up , but what will we do about shelter for him?
Curently I live with my parents and they do not like him, so there is no way he can move in with me. His mother lives right in the heart of trouble and his father does not have any interest in his well-being. Right now I am the only caring person he has and I don't want to leave him to hang.
Being young and starting to see reality I know that in 6 months I will not be ready to care for the both of us. It was easy to say, but now I see it will be hard to do. What can me and him do for the time being until we are able to afford shelter for the both of us? A girlfriend of mine mentioned that I should rent a room for him and live with my parents until I am ready mentally and finacially. Are there any suggestions guys? and Where would we start when it comes to finding him work?
:confused:

I know how things are with school, parents, bf and where to stay! Just hang in there! I am sure something will come along. Just try not to stress it!

Thanks PixyDustSavige, I hope so.

I'm going to take a shot here and merge this thread with your thread Lady. Looks like an answer to your original question.

I would like to add a few thoughts later tonight if you don't mind.

Patti

Well, I don't think a PO would allow you to be paying rent on a place for him, first of all. Second of all, a lot of prisons require they return to the same area where they offended. I'm not sure why, but they do. And the secret to staying out of trouble has everything to do with them having a change of heart and mind, not so much a change of scenery and people. I think if he wants to do different badly enough to work at it, he will in spite of where he's paroled to. If he hasn't had the change of heart and mind, then he'll fail no matter where he goes. Don't panic! It will all work out for the best. His success depends on him and what he does, not on anything you do for him. Hugs!

Patti I don't mind if u add a few thoughts later tonight and toi-ama thanks for the advice

Lady,

I have to agree with toi ama, his success will come from him. Yes you can encourage him, but in the long run it is all up to him.

More than likely he will be returned to the same area as to where he offended.

Remember, as much as you want him to succeed, encourage him to succeed, or what ever support you provide him. It has to be him that wants to stay the course and do what he needs to do to stay outside the fence.

Stay strong, keep your eye on your goals and dreams, as well, for by taking care of yourself - you may show him the way. But, it is his choice.

Patti

I'm going to add my "amen" to what the other ladies have posted, and will offer a few suggestions as well. If you are people who practice your faith, see if there are any church related, or even DOC approved halfway houses he can parole out to. That will make his transition easier and will eliminate you having to be his provider. If you're still living at home, as much as you hate it,.. you MUST respect your parent's guidelines,.. it sounds as if you're fairly young, and should not get caught in the trap of being an "enabler" to a grown man... be careful, and watch out for pitfalls,.. use your head on this, not your hearts...

Thanx IrishEyes for your time and advice. It's funny b/c in the back of my head, going to the church was going to be one of my next steps, but I didn't think about a halfway house. I never even heard of a halfway house until I moved to jersey, can you elaborate more on what type of place is it? I always thought the halfway house was the crazy house until I met a friend whose man was in a halfway house.

Well i know how you feel right now my guy will be out in 17 days and well actually i don't know what to do nor what to expect!!! He will to be returning where the trouble is, but as i have repeatedly told him no matter where you are no can make you push the trigger!!! well its all in them they have spent their time in prison and they have to learn how to not be taking their freedom for granted!!! In your case well he might be required to return to his moms house but i bet that with your support mentally and physically will help him alot to keep him away from trouble!!! because well i know it is very easy to say but believe me i know!!! I am in a similar situation!!! And about you not being ready financially because you haven't been able find a job well always remeber this: God will put us through turbulance but he will never let go of our hand!!! Soon girl you will be looking back at this situation!!!

Is your boyfriend coming home on parole/probation or is he completing his sentence? I ask b/c if he is completing his sentence, the halfway house option will not be available from the DOC or parole. Actually in NJ, there are halfway houses for those who are still incarcerated but no halfway houses available for those on parole.
There is a great NJ-specific website to help prisoners and their families with reentry resources. www.NJsuccess.org
People, places and things do make a difference when one is coming home. I have seen very motivated men come home, work hard to "do the right things" and when the going gets tough [i.e., job rejections] being in the wrong place makes it just to easy to fall back to the "easy" way of doing things.

Thanks to egs and ice for your response. My boyfriend is not incarcerated in NJ. He is a NY prisoner b/c that is where he lives, but I will still check out the site that you gave me egs. Maybe if we can get him paroled in New Jersey that site will more helpful. Blessings to All.

Don't YMCA's offer rooms?

That is very true djchitown ymca's do offer rooms for those in need!!!! You should try that suggestion that djchitown gave ya ladypayne!!!!!

my guy paroled to my house without problem, money is really tight and i quit my job just before he was released becuz of personal isssues there. we live with my mom who really loves my guy so i got lucky. we are waiting for dec 4 for final confirmation from cali for interstate compact to oregon. he is on a travel pass right now and his oregon po is really great opening the doors for this to happen. he has gotten his id and social and birth cert and when dec 4 passes he can apply for his drivers license and seek employment. i was really concerened about his past associations in this town everywhere we go people know him and it appears positive. toi-ama hit it on the head with the inner change not the location. he has been seeing his children and rebuilding with them and I truly have never been happier in my life. the first week was really difficult getting to know each other again but things are calming down alot. i have a good relationship with his po and they have no isssues with me supporting him until he obtains employment. he is no slacker and is anxious to work so my advice to you is try and establish a plan of action with his po. this really helped my guy getting back home and helps the po see he has positive outside connections.

take care

carol

Thanks for the advice, another good suggestion. Tropical