This morning when I turned on my computer and came to prison talk I realized that I had to post in this site, "Remembering Those That Passed While In Prison". I started crying and I can't seem to stop. My Baby is gone, and I can not plan to go and see him. I can't budget my money so I can stay go visit him and stay the weekend, or I can't go shopping and buy him something special for the weekend. When he went to the halfway house I would always have something for him when he came home on the weekends, not always something big, maybe some underwear, or a special tool he might of needed the week before. All of this was taken away in an instance. I am fighting tooth and nail to get past the pain, but when I woke up this morning I remembered that he was never going to step in this house again. Oh God, I love this man so much.

I think about all of the long trips I took to visit him, and sometimes I hated going, and I would get mad at him, but I sure wish I could go and sit in that visiting room for 6 hours with him today. I wish I could relive it all over again just to be with him.

I use to be so afraid of dying, but now with every little ache I get, I think that I am going home to be with Keith and then I think about my son, and how he would have to deal with my loss, then I have to pray and ask the Lord to forgive my thoughts. I try to be rightous and pray and pray continuously, but sometimes the hurt is so great that all I can do is cry.

Yesterday after church, I did the usual, I went to his Aunt's house and had dinner. His Aunt, and her neice and I sat around and talked for about 4 hours. His neice told me that on Mother's Day when we came from church she had made this comment about us dressed alike, both wearing dark colored suits with pinstripes and she told him we looked nice, and Keith told her that I had picked out the outfits and he said I don't really like for her wearing pantsuits to church, and she didn't put on any stockings. He was such an old school guy. I laughed when she told me that because I know he said that.

My baby is gone, and there is nothing I can do about it except pray.

That is part of the grief process, It all of a sudden dawns own us, When i go to the store and see Men clothes it makes me so sad, I can't buy for him. He is no longer here. I don't have him to help put christmas lights up or just help around the house with cutting the grass, or his laughter. Smile, sheepish grin, or the jokes to the grand children. But i draw strenght own memories! You must set back and do that. Oh how those memories of there Love for us keeps us going. Try to turn those tears into laughter. Its ok to cry. Dan always told people--IF I GO FIRST--I no Mary will be OK!
Keith had that belief in you also! He saw the strenght in you thru the time he was in prison, you standing firm by him and the sacrifice you made for him! Keith is looking down and saying- I still love you even in death.
God Bless you

Menia, I am so sorry you are missing your best friend. I did not know Keith Menia, I only know of him by reading some of your posts. I can tell, he was truly blessed to spend the last days of life with you; he was greatly loved by you...May your heart smile with thanksgiving as you reflect on all those loving memories of Keith. May the memory of his smile and laughter bring you warmth, and comfort. Menia, he appreciated all you did for him, he loved being in your presence, and he was thankful to you for your time, energy, patience and generousity of spirit. He remembered you and included you in his prayers, and he praised, and he thanked God for blessing him with you..May you always be blessed.

Menia, the grieving process has 5 stages, and you get to go thru all of them on your own pace, then you get to do it again in different order, then again, and again. The fact that you loved him so much, it's not going to be easy, but just hang on and cry, scream, rant, rave all you can! and yes, pray. it will get better, but it takes time. God Bless you sweetie, i'm praying for you also. wendi

As Wendi said--be you! You have the world's permission to do and be whatever you need to be right now. That doesn't mean it's going to be happy things....we have to let the hurt out so the happiness can come back in. And it will take time. But be you--be YOU! You're in our thoughts and prayers but it's you, ultimately, who must heal. And however you get there will be the right way.

Treasure those special memories and your son, thinking of you.

(((HUGS))) to you sweetie

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.......(hugs)

god bless your heart. Death is hard to deal with but he is withthe lord now god bless his soul and yours!

I'm at again today, crying and missing Keith. It was about this time of the morning 15 Friday's ago. I hate Friday's. I use to look forward to them because it was the end of the week and I would be able to see Keith, but not now. God I miss him so. It hurts so bad that all I can do is rock and cry.

This weekend the church has a program at the Nursing Home and the pastor has requested that I be there. At least that will give me something to do on Saturday. We are taking socks and throws for the elderly. You know that when I first started going to see Keith I wanted extra money tio help pay for his expenses, so I started helping out at a friend's personal care home. I can remember the day I had to clean the first patient's but, I felt so degraded and I decided that I was not coming back. I was crying and the Pastor called and asked me why I wasn't at church and I told him where I had been, and he said that I was doing the Lord's work. Funny it never bothered me since, and I am still assisting the elderly. They need me and right I definately need them. When one of the patients would die and I would be crying, Keith would always say they don't have to suffer and they were in a better place. I hope ge got t meet two of my favorite patients, Wadena and Grace.

Keith is always on my mind. He was and still is so precious to me,

You are one brave lady!

I'm sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

Honey, There is a reason you feel the way you do, defined by the person you are. There will never be an explanation. Kudos. X

Good Morning Menia,

I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that we are all there for you and it's good that you keep yourself busy with all the old people that need you so much.

I remember when I lost my baby (miscarriage) I would without planning it, would always end up in the children's clothes isles at the shop, or at the nappies and purity isle, and it's then that it hit you!

Good luck and stay strong.

I am so sorry for your loss, stay strong and may God bless you

i am sorry for your loss .. my thoughts are with u

Hope it will all get easier as time goes by. When you find closier it will.

Be Strong. We are all here for you!!! ((((HUGS))))

I am so sorry.. I can not even imagine the pain you are in..
God will not put more on you than you can bare though..
Im so sorry for your loss, i will keep you in my prayers!