I thought I would start this as no one has posted any negative feedback to this idea. Please dont take offence I just thought a smile or even a laugh might just be what some people need when they come here and are not feeling too good.
Please add to this list as you never know how much it might brighten up someones day.


Take care all


Novo

A couple were having a drive in the country. They had been driving for quite some time and had been arguing the whole way. Then suddenly they came across a "T" intersection and straight ahead they saw a farm house.
In the front yard you could see A cow, A pig, A sheep, Some chooks, and a broken down old horse. The husband turned to his wife and said "relatives of yours I take it ?" to that she replies "yes they are they are my inlaws"

A man was walking along the beach when he stumbles across an old bottle
He picked it up and rubbed it clean, when all of a sudden a genie came out of the bottle and said "I am the genie of that bottle, I am here to grant you 3 wishes but be cautious I am a genie with a twist, everything you wish for your mother inlaw gets double"
So the man thinks for a while and makes his first wish of 400 million dollars. so the genie grants his wish but reminds him that he has only two wishes left and that his mother inlaw just got 800 million dollars.
when the man made his second wish of the largest ocean going yaught in the world (thinking that the genie cant double this one) the genie said to him "go to the marina in the morning and you will have your yaught, but as we speak my helpers are making one twice as big for your mother inlaw and dont forget you only have one wish left".
This anoys the man to no end and thinks for ages of how can have what he wants without his mother inlaw benifiting from it.
He finally comes up with a solution and makes his last wish


"genie please beat me half to death"

LOL.. love em, especially the first one.:D All my jokes are a little norty:p so I will just put a tame one in...

A hopeful husband starts stroking his wife in bed but she says sorry but I have to go to the gynaecologists tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.
Rejected, the husband turns over but a few minutes later he rolls back and starts stroking his wife again. This time he asks. Do you have a dentists appointment for tomorrow too ?.

Norty Roz, but really, really funny!

Little johny is walking in the park one day with his dad and they come across two dogs doing "what comes naturally". little johny asks his dad what that dog is doing to the other dog and dad says "its ok son its all natural they are making puppies" oh says johny and they continue their day.
A few weeks past and little johny is in the park with his mum and pointed out two dogs doing "what comes naturally" to his mum and asks her what they are doing and mum said "it is allright son they are making puppies"
little johny told his mum thats what dad said.
A few weeks later little johny walks in on mum and dad doing "what comes naturally" and asked dad what he was doing to his mum and dad said its ok son we are making a baby to that little johny said aaaawwwwwww turn her over I want a puppy

:D Haaaaaaaaaaaaa..good one.:thumbsup:

guys there are good jokes. I needed that laugh. Thanks a whole bunch.:D

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation.
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called."

A man with a embarasingly bad stutter tried every thing he could to rectify this problem but eventually gave up on every product he could buy and finally as his last attempt he went to his doctor and said " I_I_I_I n_n_n_need t_t_t_to g_g_g_get t_t_t_this f_f_f_fixed a_a_a_as i_i_i_it i_i_i_is r_r_r_ruining m_m_m_my l_l_l_life" . So the doctor sent him to some specialists for several tests. The man returned to his doctor a few weeks later to find out the results and asked the doctor " d_d_d_did a_a_a_anything s_s_s_show u_u_u_up o_o_o_on t_t_t_the t_t_t_tests". The doctor replied that it was a complete mystery and that there was not even a suggestion from any of the specialists as to what was causing this problem. So the doctor suggests that the man undressed for a full physical examination and when the man did this the doctor looked at him in shock as this man had the largest genitals the doctor had ever seen. The doctor then carried out the full examination and came to the conclusion that it actually was the weight of the mans "manhood" that was causing the problem as it was pulling down with such force that it was causing the mans voice box to not work correctly. The doctor said to the man that he had to do some investigations and that he would ring the man soon with the answer. A few days passed and the doctor rang the man to tell him that the only way to rectify the stutter was to have a "manhood" transplant from a man much smaller, the doctor went on to tell him that he had found a donor and surgery was organised for the next week. The man replied "t_t_t_thanks d_d_d_doc t_t_t_this i_i_i_is d_d_d_driving m_m_m_me c_c_c_crazy".
Surgery was a complete success and the man no longer stuttered. But the mans wife was no longer satisfied in the bedroom and sent the man back to the doctors to have it reversed. The man went in to the doctors and said "my wife wants this reversed as she is no longer happy in the bedroom" to that the doctor said w_w_w_what d_d_d_do y_y_y_you m_m_m_mean y_y_y_you w_w_w_want i_i_i_it r_r_r_reversed

Haha. Very funny.

Not so much a joke but something to think about

A young Boy and his Father were travelling from Perth to Sydney for a holiday by plane, but not long after take off the plane had trouble and crashed.
The Man was killed on impact but the Boy survived with major injuries. He was rushed to hospital and then the Boy was taken to emergency surgery. When the Surgeon walked into the operating theatre and took one look at the Boy and said "I cannot operate on this Boy for he is my child"
the question I have for you is who is the surgeon?

pm me with your answer and after a few guesses I will post the answer

Novo

I went to the zoo yesterday but there was only one dog in it- it was a shiTzu.

two blokes are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his private bits. the first bloke turns to the second and says "gee i wish i could do that" to which the second guy replies "don't you think you should give him a bit of a pat first....

Pmpl...:haha: :haha: thanks for the giggle.

Hilarious ! Keep them coming ! xoxo :haha: