I have been reading post here for a few months now and I see some women (like myself) happy to be away from the person who abused them but then I see others saying they are waiting and standing strong beside them. So what I am asking here is just me being curious and its not meant with disrespect about the choices to stay. But do you think you will be okay? Will the one who hurt you and was jailed just call it good without anger for being locked up or will he eventually blame you and hurt you again? I already know what the answer would be for me but I am just wondering about some of you...do you trust them that much to lay your health and life on the line? Or maybe I am still looking for the answers to why it happened to me. Thanks sokie

My boyfriend's answer to being jailed for abusing me was to call me on the phone and propose that we get married! And the way he phrased it was "Well, now we HAVE to get married!", as if he was now just completely irresistable. It was clear that he couldn't even begin to understand that my attitude about his behavior wouldn't fit with that proposal. It was one element that made me really get it! Somehow, he thought that being drunk and pushing, shaking, threatening me was going to make me more ready to commit!

Well, after that the restraining order kicked in. I had some fears about whether he'd do something sneaky, rather than confrontational, because he's fundamentally not physically brave. That put me in fear for the house itself, and the barn, but since everyone around me was aware and I knew from the start that he's drunk after 8:30 at night, daytime was when he might ever actually arrive. (He's still smart enough to not drive when he's drunk - he actually plans these things - because it's only 4 years since his last DWI, and he needs 10 years between convictions to avoid predicate sentencing.) And I got a new dog and pepper spray. that has maded me feel safe enough.

I am terrified of the day when my ex-husband is released. I know he blames me for being there, and am fearful of what will happen when he gets out. He doesn't know where I live, but we had to call the warden to make him quit sending mail to my parents -- after they refused to accept and blocked all phone calls from him.

He was supposed to have been released already -- his out date was June 30. But he is still incarcerated, for some reason. I suspect it's because he's now an S/O and has nowhere to parole to. Which is OK by me -- he's a sociopath and dangerous. And I'm sure I know who his #1 target will be when he is released.

Good luck, Word! I hope you're taking steps to protect yourself. . .and your parents.

Thanks, nimuay,

I'm not sure what more we could do to protect ourselves -- I've moved, gotten all new phone numbers, taken a self-defense class, and acquired a (legal) firearm. (Which I hate, but decided I need to protect my son.) I cannot get an R/O until he's out and actually DOES something -- now my parents, that's a different story, they already have one, because of the phone calls, etc... They cannot move or change their phone numbers because they run a business. They'd have to close their business and lose their livelihood to truly "disappear."


I've contemplated contacting the parole department around here, and explaining that he has a violent history with me (but no charges of battery against me...) and asking if they can make "no contact with me or my son" a part of his parole. I don't know if they'd even do that or who I would contact if they would, so I guess I'll just keep doing the things I'm doing and hope they hold onto him as long as possible!

Its none of my business but please do contact his parole officer or parole board so you can try to protect your child and yourself. I think you have prepared yourself very well for the next possible meeting with this man and give you props for thinking and getting ready for it. Myself, I have thought about getting a gun but it would land me in trouble because I wouldn't wait for a threat or a hit to use it...way to much hate over here, sokie

Word, that's a real good start. I would say that you've got to get that restraining order, and I bet your parents could get one too. And Sokie's right - talk to his PO...