Hello Everyone,

I wanted to share my story about addiction. For most of my adult life I have been in and out of gambling recovery programs and putting myself into trouble over it. I am from California orignnally where there are Indian Reservation Casino's everywhere and Las Vegas not very far out of reach. Growing up in a home where my stepfather was an alocohlic and gambler I learned one of his addictions.

After two failed marriages, one being married to a womanizer, gambler, alocholic and the other a loser I finally found the right guy. I did have two great girls from my marriages so I felt blessed. But there was always those URGES!:angry: I couldn't let go of it and I consumed my life to the point of no return......For the past 3-1/2 years I lived a lie to my family, friends and co-workers. I destroyed my life in such a way that I felt there was no turning back! Addiction what a word? That fateful day December 12th, 2006 has been forever in my mind. That is the day I confessed to my employer that I had been stealing for over three years! I had no words to describe that moment. I had devastated them, my husband, my mother, my children, my mother and father in law.

I first sought legal help and then put myself in Gambler's Annoymous and then with a doctor. He diagnosed me with Bipolar II and prescribed Lithium and Seroquel. The lithium has changed me. My brian is not the same!!!!:D I don't have the Urges, the rages, the ups, the downs, the complusiveness that I had before....Why couldn't I have found this before all of this? I am not blaming anyone for my criminal actions. I have accepted my upcoming sentencing and I am at peace with it....I just wish I could have gotten the help I know I needed way back when...

Addiction is not just about substances. Addiction is about disrupting the processing of pleasure. It has a specific defintion: you are unable to stop when you want to, despite being aware of the adverse consequences!!! WOW, I am soooo this!!! It permeates your life and you spend more and more time satisfying your craving!!!!!:eek:

I am trying to help others so that no one will ever do what I have done. My addiction is just as harmful as drugs & alochol.

Did you know that 3 million Americans are ADDICTED to gambling and another 3 million are considered to be pathological gamblers? It's affecting our kids too....12-17 years old are gambling....

My church and I are going to start a program called Celebrate Recovery. I think by doing this I can give back to the community and share my horrific story and let people know they are not alone.

Bipolar is not being sterotyped as a PSYCHO, it's a mental illness and with medicine we can live the "normal" productive life in today's society.

I am glad that I finally have GOD in my life. Without him I don't know where I would be and I know I must let go of my guilt. I also have a lot of resentment towards my ex's and I learned that I have to let go of this resentment!!!! I can't repress my resentment, I can't subpress it, but I must confess it!!! Put a chair in the middle of the floor, yell at it and tell it your feelings or write a letter but never mail it and let my feelings out. All the time getting out my resentment towards them and then LET IT GO!!!

Well I guess I have rambled on enough...Thanks for allowing me to shar my story...

Steph

Very interesting Steph, I have the same problems. I don't know if you will ever see this as you were already sentenced and will be gone for 3 years now.

I would like to take this opportunity to verify that I am a testimony witness to what you are saying. I too have Bipolar II and addiction. What you said is very very true.

But there is help for us. All of us whether we are just addicts (to whatever) or we have dual diagnosis and are suffering.

Finding God and listening to him and abiding by his direction is our only hope. Atleast it has been for me. Celebrate Recovery is a wonderful faith based 12 step program that really WORKS for believers.

I am involved in a Christian 12 step here in Arizona called Sober Project which is basically the same as Celebrate Recovery.

If you see this Steph, please know that you are far from alone. I understand EXACTLY what you are going through. I have been sent to group homes, hospitals, rehabs., jail and prison due to my illness. The state even took away my only 2 children while they were still toddlers just because the judge felt my children would be better off in a family who was actively trying to get them and I have illness/addiction. I have been through a lot of pain and suffering due to my illness. I have not seen my children in 5 years. They are now 7 & 8 years old and I pray that I will see them again one day. They have never left my heart and soul.

God bless you Steph because you have reached out and given a message in hopes of helping others avoid very tough things that you went through. I am here to second your motion that mental illness should not be looked upon as mental retardation. It is NOT in any way retardation and it should not be stereotyped as such.

We are loving caring real human beings we just have a very impairing at times illness. Sometimes God has to jump into our lives and stop our behaviors before we wind up dead and he has gone to such extremes to get our attention as taking loved ones away for a time, sending us to prison, jail, rehab., as I understand it now he has to do that and I for one am very grateful that he has done so in my life or I would be dead right now and I would not be here for my children if and when they need to find me.

You know the Lord Steph, keep reading his words in the bible. Please stay close to him no matter how hard it gets in there. I pray that he will release you sooner than you expect. He is preparing you for some awesome works to help others. You are very special.

God Bless You and all others who read this or are seeking help with these diseases/illness'

Peace to all