Hello everyone,

First I would like to thank you again for the nice welcome words. It touched my heart !

I received yesterday a phone call from my fiancee with bad news ! It's been rough for us lately - he is since a month in a "hold over" for a transfer to another Institution. I live in the north of Florida and they destinated him for Alabama ! It was quite a shock and it took us a few days to get over it, but now we see it as a challenge. Anyway..... I can't visit him in a hold over, since we are not married. It's only for family members !!! I hate all those stupid prison rules !!! As if I'm not a family member ! I'm more than that !!! We are planning our marriage !!! But we decided to be patient.....Yesterday he was told that they bring him to Miami !!! Obvious he has to go to court, but he don't know for what !!! I'm getting crazy of all this moving around. And I don't know, when I can see him in all this madness. I miss him enormously ! Seems it get a long lonely time.....

Is there someone who went through this all too ?

Jejke

Jejke...

It is a really hard thing to wait for a loved 1 when they are going through the hold over period. It seems like they take forever in getting the guys ready & figuring out where to place them.

I too had a hard time when my fiancee was in a reception area awaiting to be transferred to the prison they designated for him. I couldn't go to see him & he was the closest to me than he had ever been. He could only make 1 phone call & that was 10 minutes. He wrote me, but he didn't want me to write him back while he was there because he was never sure when they would transfer him to the prison he was to stay in for his sentence.

Stay strong & be patient & know that we are here for you!! Once your fiance is transfered to where he has to go things should work out better for the both of you. Visits & possible phone calls will be much easier for the both of you.

Take care!

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It's good to know people in the same situation.

I will visit him the first possibilty I have ! As long as he has phone minutes ( 300 minutes monthly ) and some money on his account, we can call with each other. And of course we have our letters.....


How long took it, till they destinated your fiancee ?

We need to be patient and this is not always easy.....

Jejke

Jejke, I know what you mean about being patient not being easy! The things that I have had to go through w/my fiancee & the prison where he is at has tried my patience to the limit many times.

It was close to a month before my fiancee was moved to the prison he is at now. They moved him 5 hours away from me so it's very hard to be able to visit with him. He calls me all the time & we write. We keep the lines of communication open all the time.

Welcom to PTO by the way!!

Take care!
DJ

Hello DJ,

Distance can make a love stronger ! And this all strengthened our relationship. We will stand this test !

We had rough times lately and we found always a way to deal with situations. We are an inter-racial couple and most people here in the Unites States - especially officers - can't understand this. I'm meanwhile use to all these remarks. We got very often warnings for nothing ! Once an officer gave us a warning, because he said I looked at my fiancee on an inappropriate way !!! I'm so careful all the time, because of our situation - though it's difficult, I will always go by the rules. But this was really ridiculous ! I'm from the Netherlands originally and inter - racial couples is not a big issue over there.

Jejke

Distance really does make love grow stronger!! All we have w/our loved 1's on the inside is to talk to them. In talking about everything it helps to make the relationship stronger.

If you ever read any of the posts in the visitation section you will see that the officers like to give everyone a hard time. I really think it's because we are going to see our loved 1's. They must be jealous or something that we will travel so far & go to such great lengths to be able to spend a few hours w/the 1 person we love more than anything. It's so down right mean the way the officers treat us just because we want to see them!! No matter what Jejke you keep on going to see your fiancee, if the officers don't like that you are an inter-racial couple TOO BAD!!

If you ever feel like talking in private feel free to e-mail me or send me a pm.

Take care!
DJ

Thanks DJ for your respons. Meanswhile I'm used to it, but it is sometimes so damn difficult ! He was for almost a year in a Georgia prison and most officers had real redneck thoughts ! I think it's indeed that they can't understand, why we travel across the country and stick by our men....They still see the criminal inside of them ! I was told once, that they get thaught to have a manipulatie attitude ( ? ) I met also real kind officers, but they are very rare ! One of my best friends is on death row and I visit him on a regular base. A lot of women from Europe visit their pen pals and most officers can't understand that they come from the other side of the world !

Jejke

Jejke...
OK... so I am a little late here... (this has almost turned into a conversation between you and DJ... I almost feel like I am butting in...)
i can relate to you in ways even though in some ways our situations are different.... I met JD when he had already been in for years.... but there were times when I have been cut off from him..... when he had a transfer pending.... So I know how difficult NO contact can be.... just waiting for everything to settle down so you can get into your own little routine of letters and visits....
Cherish those phone calls girl.... not all of us get them.... I would do anything to hear my JD's sweet voice over the phone... :)
A key for my survival has just been to cherish every little moment we have.... Every letter is sacred to me.... each time I see him I count it as a blessing.... I think that is one of the things that ends up making our "prison" relationships both unique and strong... we come to appreciate small things in ways others just can't seem to.... I personally don't think that will go away any time soon with JD and I even when he comes home... and I think that will keep us together through whatever trials and tribulations we are sure to face when he does come home.... because no matter what we will be TOGETHER and we will always remember the pain of not being able to have that....
We are also an interracial couple.... And although IL is a "midwestern" state, anyone who has been in southern IL knows you may as well be in the deep south..... so we have gotten a lot of disapproval from CO's where he is now too... That doesn't really bother me that much.... but I guess I have just gotten used to that in time....
Hang in there..... I agree with DJ... just keep communicating and cherish, cherish, cherish... and this time will pass and things will settle down and you will find your little routine.... :)

DJ and JD's have hit the nail on the head - cherish what you have, the prison system, the DOC, none of them have the power to take your love away. They might can move him from Florida to Timbuktu, but they can't take away what you have. I have to tell myself that at least a thousand times a day!

My husband was moved from one state prison in Alabama to another one on Thursday. He's now 360 + miles away from me, yet in my heart he is closer than ever. It is odd, but him being in prison has actually strengthened our relationship. We were together for about 2 years and married 10 months of that time before he was locked up. Our relationship was stormy at times - usally something drug related, as we were both facing our demons in the world of addiction. Thankfully, we are both now clean and have been since the day he was locked up. Since being in prison, he has become so open in his letters with his love, I've seen a side of him I didn't really know. He is tender, caring, passionate, and sometimes as funny as hell. I knew he loved me - I just didn't know how much. He says he has seen the fighter in me - the woman willing to go the extra mile for her man, and he's fallen in love with me all over again.


That's not to say that I don't miss him. God only knows how many lonely nights I have laid awake, quietly crying, just wishing I could hold his hand, feel his touch, or hear his voice. More than once I have broke down on the phone, just sobbing "I miss you" over and over again. Hang on to what you have, fight for it tooth and nail, and let it sustain you until you can be together. Talk to people who understand (my PTO family has carried me through the hardest times), vent, cry, and do what you have to do to survive and I believe with all of my heart, the reward will be well worth the fight.

Take care and we're here for you.

JEJKE- I AGREE WITH WHAT THE OTHERS HAVE SAID-LITTLE THINGS MEAN A LOT-- YOU REALLY LEARN TO APPRECIATE EACH OTHER AND NOT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED IN THIS SITUATION--HANG IN THERE-AND LEAN ON US WHEN YOU NEED TO

i haven't been through this, jejke, but you and your fiancee are both in my thoughts! it's amazing the things we can handle when we HAVE to! hang in there, honey! *hugs*

WELCOME JEJKE:

YES, YOU WILL BE SURPRISED AT THE STRENGHT YOU WILL FIND WITHIN YOURSELF.... JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE CAN TAKE YOUR LOVE.... THEY CAN ONLY TRY TO TAKE YOUR STRENGTH.


MY LOVE AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU

DONNA

Hello Girls,

Sorry for the late respons.....

Thank you so much for all these encouraged words ! It's good to have you all !

My fiancee is in Miami. He called yesterday - unfortunately they approved only a two - minute phone call, but at least I know where he is ! Hopefully I can visit him this coming weekend. I called this morning immediately his counselor and I can call back for the visitation hours on Thursday ! He is waiting for a place in a Unit and obvious every Unit has different visitation hours. Oh.....I can't hardly wait to see him ! I would travel for him to the other side of the world - I did more or less :-)

Jejke

great news, jejke!!!! i hope you're able to see him shortly! i'm sure that 2 minute phone call meant the world to you as well! glad things are looking up! :)