I recently was in attendance at a memorial service for a man who died in prison from cancer.
His wife, a lovely woman, decided that a memorial service among other women who have loved ones in prison was more important to her than to have a traditional funeral.
She felt that anyone who wasn't there to be part of his life didn't need to save face in death. It was a very moving ceremony. And although I didn't know him (or her very well either) I was moved to tears with her grace and poise.
Also, my hunny was almost moved to a cell that the previous inmate had hung himself in. My hunny tells me whenever there is a suicide or death in the facility he is at.

I say that to say this...
**Even if it is not "your inmate" who has passed, it is still sobering, and a frightening realization, that we are not promised tomorrow.

I have no personal connection to a death of a loved one in prison. God willing, I won't ever. But I want to say that I am glad to see this forum was created for anyone to come to, to share grief at the loss of someone in the system...no matter what the connection may be.

So, I also would like to add...
**I think this is also a good place, this new forum, to express our care and concern for others who have lost someone, even if it wasn't our own personal loss.
**What about hearing about an inmate in your loved ones' facility who just couldn't take it and gave up?
**What about the inmate who is not permitted a final goodbye to a dying parent, and the effect that has on him/her as well as us, the loved one who is still on the outside but helpless to comfort him/her?
**What about how our loved one feels (and how it affects us) when he/she cannot attend the funeral of a parent, grandparent, sibling, best friend, etc, due to DOCS rules.

I hope this new forum allows us the option to let out all those feelings and concerns, even if it was not our own loss. Any lost life is worthy of a memorial.

Thank you, Tebkrg, and all the Admin, for creating this outlet for us all.

I'm glad you brought this up, GoldenGlove. J lost his close friend while incarcerated. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to lose a loved one on the outside, and not be able to go to their funeral. I also knew of a youth who's mother died in a house fire while he was juvenile hall. There are many ways death and dying affects inmates and their loves ones. So I agree 100% with you that this forum will be a great way to discuss several concerns around this topic, as well as remember those who have past away while incarcerated.

I am happy to see that the new forum is already seeing some of our members posting.

I am sure that the reality of this forum is more harsh now that it is open than the discussion of such. I think that it must be extremely hard for anyone to actually post their story here and put it into words... but when you do, you will see from the threads already open that PTO has more than its share of caring compassionate folks that are willing to reach out and offer comfort.

This was a sadly overlooked forum need for a long time.

I agree this forum should be broadened; it shouldn't just be about mourning a prisoner's death. The name & description of the forum should reflect that it is about all issues related to death and prison. For example, I've already faced things like telling a prisoner his close family member has a fatal disease, consoling a prisoner after the death of an extended family member, and helping a prisoner be strong and supportive for his grieving family members. These topics look out-of-bounds here though.

Lynnsy, those are all topics that we can discuss here in this forum. All the topics you mentioned are definitely in bounds and they've been brought up in the other forums on PTO. For example, telling a loved one that their family member has a fatal disease. So there's definitely a place for them here.