Veronica
10-02-2003, 12:16 AM
Why am I so weak? Why can't I stand up to him? What am I afraid of? I hear him coming and I freeze. I can tell he's tense and I worry. I tell the kids to go to their rooms and I try to stay out of his way but it's too late, he's already mad. The dishes weren't done, the homework wasn't finished, our son came home with another note home, the bills are due and we don't have money. He's hit the flashpoint and nothing can stop his rampage. First comes the loud words, name calling, closer....closer with his hand in my face. Then it connects and it's like a dam giving way to more and more slaps and hits then punches and kicks. I'm on the floor and he's letting all of the day's frustration out on my body. What have I done? It must be my fault. How can I fix this? Then it's slient and he says he's had it and is leaving. I feel a rush of abandonment and I beg him to stay. We can work it out, I promise things will change. I promise things will change?? So he stays and he appologises and wipes my tears with the most gentle of touches. He holds me close, kisses me, and it's over. I feel releaved and like sleeping. It's a good day, at least he didn't leave..
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I wrote this when I was married to my first husband. Didn't I sound insane? This is what abuse does to people. I posted this because I understand why women stay. I was that woman once. Please realize this is not healthy and you do need to leave. I hope this helps someone.
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I wrote this when I was married to my first husband. Didn't I sound insane? This is what abuse does to people. I posted this because I understand why women stay. I was that woman once. Please realize this is not healthy and you do need to leave. I hope this helps someone.