View Full Version : i know...drugs and mental health issues are dangerous


QUEENDRURY
06-29-2007, 03:52 PM
i had already been diagnosed with epilepsy for about 4 yrs when i became addicted to crack.even with the attacks,i was unable to stop smoking crack.even with JAMIE'S pleading i was unable to stop smoking crack.after he went to jail(almost a year)i took myself to rehab.the night before had been long and weary,frightful.i had been writing to him and my letters were very discouraged.one letter,i wrote about just giving in to it and he was so hurt and disappointed-but he promised me that when he gets out he coming to me and WE WILL be together.i dont even entertain if i had continued to smoke would he have honored his promise,especially after he had been incarcerated and changed his own life.one can never say how much someone is willing to put up with issues.anyway,whle in rehab,i found out that my clonazepam was addictive also!!!WTF??i didnt want to give them up cuz they were my good feel pill.but i did in order to honor my promise of sobriety.it has had its moments.at first i spoke every feeling,worry,issue,doubt,thought,smell,taste to someone ANYONE.i programmed myself to SPEAK, to TELL.after about 14 months i rarely had the taste,or imagined smell.i had them all right just not as extreme as they can be.it fazed me at first that i was taking an addictive drug while using street drugs.then i charged it to the game and added that as another obstacle to overcome.
drugs and mental health are a very dangerous combination.even now,i have moments when it seems the possibility of going there(going crazy) are so close at hand.i think it frightenens me now to accept that i may live but to use drugs is altering my brain.so for me to stop when i did ,i still have a chance of a decent life but not as much had i not allowed my brain to be altered at all.then again,what is a decent life?to me a decent life is life with peace and dignity.everyone have a nice day

1dayatatime
06-29-2007, 09:08 PM
Queen,

Congratulations on your sobriety!!! Keep up the good work AA/NA are great~~~ you know if you hadnt gotten off drugs you may have been dead by the time he got out! ALot of docs forget to tell people that the drugs they are prescribing them are addictive!

Keep up the good work~~~~its sure worth it.....

ONE

QUEENDRURY
06-29-2007, 09:40 PM
thank you ONEDAYATATIME

opalznsilver
06-29-2007, 10:04 PM
Queen, CONGRATULATIONS on your clean time !

That is something to really be proud of yourself for. Don't forget keep acknowledging your progress.

I had a relapse on crack last December (one night) and I got right back on the wagon and have been clean since. For me my support system has helped me tremendously. The 12 step program has been a God send for me. God has been very understanding and a major reason that I wanted to quit. I do not want to disappoint him again because I love him so much. Also I have many friends in my life now that are clean. I choose to only allow myself to be near clean friends. My man has played a big role in my staying clean as well. He really loves me and wants me to stay clean he keeps me accountable to him.

All of these things have helped me to stay clean right now I got 7 months. It is a real battle but we can win and we will !!!

Keep up the good work !

LovinMeNow
06-29-2007, 10:43 PM
QUEENDRURY.....I wish you peace and happiness always.

QUEENDRURY
06-30-2007, 07:15 AM
thanks LOVINMENOW,
@LOVINMIKE,for me,acknowledging that JAMIE was coming hme regardless i had a fierce want to be free of crack,i had a fierce need that he see me as i was before i ever smoked crack.soul searching,i had an epiphany of how i lvoe waking up early-i hit the floor running since the day i caoul crawl.i realized that i still had a desire for life,i realized how active i naturally am and i used that to acknowledge i can get going without drugs.i dont know about you but the weight loss had me looking so ragged.it embarrassed me to let JAMIE see me like that.my ladies i had arranged for them to live with their father (another story)yeah,JAMIE is a powerful motivator/inspirator in my life.id like to say conggratulations to you for getting bac up.to all of you who have endured the critical struggle of addiction and prevailed CONGRATULATIONS and WE KEEP FIGHTING THE FIGHT WE LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER SOBER DAY.

QUEENDRURY
06-30-2007, 07:44 AM
@ONEDAY,
it is a shame they willing addict us so that they will have a job cuz we all taking their addictive drugs without knowledge.you know,now that i think about it,the times i did go without crack i wsa taking my good fill pill bac to bac.they were a good substitute and im sure the dr know them some tricky pills-hell i believed he was taking them himself.girl,act just as looney.i was his client for about 3 yrs.at first,i thought how he gone have all us clients sit and wait for an hour(sometimes longer) before calling us?now i know he took so many pills that he had to calm down until he could see us.still,it was very inconvient.in my little town the mental health clients were scheduled in bulks on the same days.so if my appt is at 9:00 i normally wouldnt see him until 10 but if the lady before me was at 8:00 id go after her.it was best to go early and even then if more than 2 people on front of me id reschedule and leave.when i went into rehab,he was acknowledged as my psychaitrist.how come one day in support group the group leader,she wanted to put him on a pedestal?after 3 people commented on his ways and she made excuses i told her i am not sitting in there giving that man praise and he acts liek a damn jackazz to everybody,he acts high like i used to,he unfocused,and he yells at his clients, TELLING them what they need to do.one morning in rehab he came to see us.i was second and at the door to hear what mood he was in.that woman came out crying cuz he had yelled at her cuz she was telling him that she couldnt get motivated with her meds and he told her NO YOU CANT GET MOTIVATED B/C YOU SMOKED CRACK!!she dont know i heard but he did.yes the crack was a problem but his meds were also a problem.right today,i dont take any depression meds.honey,i take it to GOD and leave I it.another inspiration perk from my MOMS.that man is the first ive ever seen a dr(of any kind)getting high as a kite and still practicing.

MountainMom
06-30-2007, 08:09 AM
Queendrury and LovinMike-
Great job to both of you. I know addiction is an incredibly hard disease to fight (much alcoholism in my family), but you are doing it everyday. You have wonderful support from the people that love you and you should be very proud of yourselves for what you are doing. I wish you strength, peace and sobriety for the rest of your lives. Thank you for sharing your stories.

QUEENDRURY
06-30-2007, 08:12 AM
thanks MOUNTAINMOM.