:mad:

Well, Jeff and I, Doria, have been married for 3 and a half years and he's spend most his time in and out of prison. More in than out. Somehow we managed to make a baby, he's 2 and a half, gorgeous...you can see him on my site. Anyway, Jeff is a crackhead and every single time he would make promises while locked up, but I wasn't buyin it...eventually he would just burst into these anger outrages and this last time was too much. He shoved me over the couch and I had a giant bruise on my left arm underneath and it was in front of our little boy. Then he takes off with our son and runs down the stairs outside but was stopped by the maintenance man, and then Jeff put down our son and left. I knew it was going to escalate and only get worse if I didn't do anything. I had already filed for divorce on Valentine's Day-what a bitch, hu? Seriously he had it coming. Anyway, couple weeks go by and this is when this all happened and he was then served with a 25 day restraining order, then a 3 year one. He went on the run but didn't make it long, he never does. He's in prison, but I don't think he's angry just feels really sad and stupid. I have no sympathy for his ass, he needs to learn he can't treat women like this and act a fool and keep doing drugs and try to be a father/husband. So ladies, just think it only gets worse. I just had enough. The visiting for miles on end with a child, and when he'd get out he was mean. Even without the drugs. Not as mean as he was when he was coming down from crack, tho. My son and I don't need it. Final judgement for the divorce will be on Aug. 24th and I will be glad to get rid of his ass. Altho, we have a child together I know it won't be that easy. There IS a parole condition, tho so if he's caught around us, a year flat in prison. No time cuts, no sympathy, etc. So tired of all this I could puke! Good luck to all the rest of you. I had everyone involved in this: Region IV Parole Headquarters, parole agents/supervisors, Sacramento. You have to be pushy because they don't like doing their job! I must've made like three police reports on this crap before they did anything, because finally I had a bruise on me and then decided this time around I was going to go in person to the parole department and they HAVE to do something because they're liable if something were to happen that was much worse. They don't want a law suite. I have pictures all over CA, even his counselor knows me in prison near Victorville. He has pictures and copies of all this stuff! I wasn't messing around anymore. But sometimes you have to take it all the way in order for something to get done, because his PO was worthless.

Well, hope to hear some feedback on this, I used to be on this awhile back in the Husband and Boyfriends Forum, not anymore! lol! Changed forums....too much has happened....

Take care, God Bless

Good for you girl - you did the right thing and stood up for your son and yourself. That takes alot of courage and not to many women think about their children when in this situation. Fool me once - shame on you - fool me twice - shame on me.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and thought I could change the father of my son, well I learned you can't - you can only change yourself.

I agree. Good for you. It is refreshing to see a woman do what is best for her and her child.

It's a shame that it had to happen, but there's no question you were right in what you did. . .I still don't quite get why it's so rewarding to abuse someone, but those who do it certainly believe in it a whole lot!
Incidentally, I called the cops on mine too.

Well glad to hear that I am not the only one who had my husband arrested but don't ever believe you put him there because he did that all by himself--yours and mine husband that is. I'm glad you got you and your baby out, thats very important whether you understand or not because some don't make it out. Hold you baby tight and cherish every moment of him growing up. ((hugs)) sokie

I consider myself a very sympathetic person, but when it comes to these guys who abuse and prey on women and children, it just makes me sick! In my opinion, it is people like him that prisons are built for. I'm glad you took a hard stand. good luck to you and your baby.

Good for you girl - you did the right thing and stood up for your son and yourself. That takes alot of courage and not to many women think about their children when in this situation. Fool me once - shame on you - fool me twice - shame on me.

I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and thought I could change the father of my son, well I learned you can't - you can only change yourself.


:thumbsup:

Hmmm.....Must be something in the name..... My ex was also a crackhead, and mean as he**on it, coming down, and wanting to do it....just plain mean all the time. I also have a resraining order which is PERMANENT, and I'm keeping it that way! He's also in prison, but for robbery (for crack money, after all "what was he supposed to do?!". That's what he said so that he could blame me for that too. He couldn't get any more money out of me! (Couldn't he have gotten a job instead!?) What a mind!! PROMISES, I've heard them all, especially when he was locked up, which was often. He made promises all the time, which was always so I'd take him back and then he'd bully me and beat on me (never used his fists though so it didn''t count!) until he got what he wanted (money)! Even bit me on my face, just like an animal! They are not even human when they are crack addicts, but they live to do it!! I finally walked away too.
I can't believe I was even with him! What a disgusting life to live! I get sick to my stomach when I think about it. Congratulations and have a wonderful life from this point on! You deserve it girl!

:) This is for LovinMeNow
Hey thanks for responding. Sounds like the same guy! Can't believe how they can come up with money for dope and motel rooms yet they can't get a simple bag of diapers for the kid! God, that's what was really turning me off from him, just that how selfish he would be then say he had a right to see his son??? Ya right! Not anymore he doesn't! His mom and gramma are totally kissing my ass to see my son. FOr awhile I wrote them off because of some BS they were pulling and saying to me, but I will NOT take my son to any of their houses. They want to see my son, they can come over to MY place. Even then I don't want them there. Every once in awhile my ex husband's gramma tries to get me to modify the R.O. and when I get on her ass about it and tell her to leave, she gets all huffy and shit. Oh, well. Too dam bad, they're not getting it. He put himself in there for assaulting me! Enabling idiots. Soon enough tho, I will be moving out of state, am just waiting for my 12 year old to be old enough who lives with his dad down the street....that's a whole othe situation! lol! But, I'm stuck here for now...to hell with those people. They're enabling as hell and phoney...
Anyway, sorry to hear about what you went thru but glad you got out, too! I knew a few years ago the way I saw him smoking that crap that he was always going to stay that way because of how long he's done it. Should've just never told him I was pregnant. Oh, well. What's done is done and his child support bill will put him back in and it will be a back and forth thing with that! I won't even have to call the cops on him, he'll dig himself in a hole on his own.
Well, take care and good luck...

Well, my ex in-laws never even tried to contact me! Now how twisted is THAT!?!?!? For all the years that they were still alive, they never once apparently wanted to see their first grandchild! I think the ex probably told them it wasn't his kid, and even though they had had so much trouble with him that they sent him to military school as an alternative to being prosecuted for something, they apparently chose to believe him.

The ugly question, as I recount this little smidge of nastiness is HOW COULD I NOT HAVE UNDERSTOOD ALL THESE RED FLAGS!?!?!?!

(The answer is really easy - naive, young, 35 years ago no-one ever talked about domestic violence, and Dad was a minister - which means I grew up with the notion of forgiveness, love and God fixes everything.)

Yes I sympathise with you Doria and of course Lovin Me Now.

I still love my abuser even though he is in jail in the USa and I am in Australia raising my grandkids. He took everything from me but my soul.

But I know we wont ever be together again as I am so scared of him.

But its so damn hard to move on you know start dating other men.

What do others think?

:mad:

Well, Jeff and I, Doria, have been married for 3 and a half years and he's spend most his time in and out of prison. More in than out. Somehow we managed to make a baby, he's 2 and a half, gorgeous...you can see him on my site. Anyway, Jeff is a crackhead and every single time he would make promises while locked up, but I wasn't buyin it...eventually he would just burst into these anger outrages and this last time was too much. He shoved me over the couch and I had a giant bruise on my left arm underneath and it was in front of our little boy. Then he takes off with our son and runs down the stairs outside but was stopped by the maintenance man, and then Jeff put down our son and left. I knew it was going to escalate and only get worse if I didn't do anything. I had already filed for divorce on Valentine's Day-what a bitch, hu? Seriously he had it coming. Anyway, couple weeks go by and this is when this all happened and he was then served with a 25 day restraining order, then a 3 year one. He went on the run but didn't make it long, he never does. He's in prison, but I don't think he's angry just feels really sad and stupid. I have no sympathy for his ass, he needs to learn he can't treat women like this and act a fool and keep doing drugs and try to be a father/husband. So ladies, just think it only gets worse. I just had enough. The visiting for miles on end with a child, and when he'd get out he was mean. Even without the drugs. Not as mean as he was when he was coming down from crack, tho. My son and I don't need it. Final judgement for the divorce will be on Aug. 24th and I will be glad to get rid of his ass. Altho, we have a child together I know it won't be that easy. There IS a parole condition, tho so if he's caught around us, a year flat in prison. No time cuts, no sympathy, etc. So tired of all this I could puke! Good luck to all the rest of you. I had everyone involved in this: Region IV Parole Headquarters, parole agents/supervisors, Sacramento. You have to be pushy because they don't like doing their job! I must've made like three police reports on this crap before they did anything, because finally I had a bruise on me and then decided this time around I was going to go in person to the parole department and they HAVE to do something because they're liable if something were to happen that was much worse. They don't want a law suite. I have pictures all over CA, even his counselor knows me in prison near Victorville. He has pictures and copies of all this stuff! I wasn't messing around anymore. But sometimes you have to take it all the way in order for something to get done, because his PO was worthless.

Well, hope to hear some feedback on this, I used to be on this awhile back in the Husband and Boyfriends Forum, not anymore! lol! Changed forums....too much has happened....

Take care, God Bless
GOOD for you. I am a male and spent 15 straight years in Ok. prisons. I am also an eye doctor and went to prison trying to stop someone with a record of hurting children from hurting mine. There is NEVER EVER a good reason to hurt someone who is not able to protect themselves. I have always hated it when a guy is mean to and hurts women and children. You best get rid of the m-f because you cannot change the spots on a leopard and you will forever be abused. Get over it and move on and don't look back.

Just like the prayer: Serenity
God,Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to Change the things that I can
And the knowledge to know the difference

Sorry to hear what yoru going threw, but you did the right thing, be proud for standing up for yourself!!:)

:thumbsup:
Thanks for all your comments on this matter. Hasn't been easy and I'm a little nervous about Jeff getting out in a little over a month. I think he should've gotten a strike since he was on parole, and it should've been a felony. That was probably the deal-if he took it now he wouldn't get a strike or whatever. Who knows, who cares. More worried about him taking my son, tho.

If you're worried about your child, then start proceedings NOW. Get sole custody, get a restraining order. Your local domestic abuse agency can help you with all of this, and with your feelings as well. Then take some steps toward physical self-protection. Buy pepper spray. Hide some money and your important papers somewhere OUTSIDE your home. Change your locks. Buy a fire ladder to be able to get out of an upper window. Buy a throw-away phone and program 911 into it and KEEP IT WITH YOU. Stop in at the local police station, and make them aware of the fact that an emergency call from you really WILL be an emergency because of him, and show them a picture of him. Tell people exactly when he's getting out and ask all your neighbors to just sort of check on you now and then.
It normally takes about a year of no-contact for the probability of danger to drop off, and that will be frightening and tiresome, but if you want to be around to raise your child, then go get help and do whatever you can to make it happily and healthily through that year.

HUGS!!

I didnt get to read all the replies so part of one (my son is yelling for more chocolate cake that he and I made last night). I saw "must be in the name"---yeah the name is JEFF! Anyways I wanted to reply quickly to the name of the thread "I put him ".....and I wanted to say this. You didnt do anything, he put himself in prison. Glad you are standing ground and making sure you and the kid are safe.

Stay strong!

ONE

Do like I did and run and never look back!

slw42play Honey, I ran 1000 miles away!! The best move I have ever made! I'm happy now! He will never use me again!!

God bless all of you ladies...i too was a victim of a man (ex husband back in the early 80s...he was not a crack addict but close enough....back then the cops were called and they wouldn't come b/c it was domestic....if that would of happened nowadaysssssss he would be sitting in the cell for awhile....i was always black and blue and eyes blacked (shut)....so i can definetly relate to all of you out there........sorry to hear about al the abuse you all have endured.................V

I'm glad you got out when you did. My stbx is a crackhead, but won't admit it. He hit me in front of our son, and acts like he didn't do anything wrong. Well, he made the worst mistake of his life. I filed for divorce when the restraining order was in effect. It looks as if I may have to get another one, but who cares. I am thinking of what's best for my son. He is happier now than he was when his dad was here.

You are so great to have done the right thing!!! Stick to your guns, you all sound like very smart women and deserve the best...good luck and god bless!!