View Full Version : Domestic Violence, FALSE ACCUSATIONS


InDecision
09-29-2003, 02:57 PM
POSSIBLE LEGAL HELP TO OFFER to men arrested for domestic violence, and those who care for them.

So far I haven't found much and what there is isn't encouraging. But when I was younger I also used the 9-11 trump card when I didn't feel I was in real physical danger, twice. It's been happening since they invented the telephone, but the outcome is changed.

As a start to this thread, I'd just like to share a little of what I've read on the law in Colorado. I can give the url to this site, and may post info directly from it in the future. I'll also keep looking and sharing what I find.

in the State of Colorado.

1. The "victim" is not allowed to recant or retract her statement, EVER. If she refuses to testify she will be charged with so many crimes that even the worst coward will get up on the stand and tell her lies.

2. The DA is NOT allowed to drop charges or plea bargain.

3. READ THE RESTRAINING ORDER WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS, ask 10 lawyers, and lock yourself in a padded room. You can violate one before getting out of bed before you aren't careful. And this charge does not entitle you to a jury trial, simply a hearing before a magistrate. The charge does not have to be proven 'beyond a reasonable doubt;' the magistrate will only require a 'preponderance of the evidence' to put him back in jail. This is a much lower legal standard than 'reasonable doubt.'



Personal Note: i have no intention of debating the subject of DV. this seems to be the one "unforgiveable sin" even here on PTO, but false accusations DO HAPPEN and an innocent man CAN be convicted of a very vicious crime. please do not use this thread for putting down 'abusers,' or me.

anyone who has more info to add, PLEASE DO!!!

:D

InDecision
09-29-2003, 03:28 PM
uh, let me clarify that....

both times, i called the cops after he hit me, but it was more from anger than fear. i've never used the justice industry as my personal payback machine, though!

the "victim" in our case actually thought she could blackmail a 'one night stand' into marrying her, by dropping the charges. my Captain is the real victim here, and there surely are many men out there who have had a similar experience.

shortstuff_13
11-05-2003, 09:07 PM
So sorry that you have gone thru false allegations chaos!!I have been researching it since my own problem with false allegation and found that a study has been done that shows a very high percentage of men get convicted on just an allegation. It is used in divorce cases ,custody cases and retribution cases. Once the allegations are out there lives are ruined and about all that can be done is to tough it out. Sometimes the law finds out it was false,they fine the accuser $50 and put them on probation for a year The most I ever saw anyone get was 5 years BUT they can be sued for every dime they have ,everything they own ,and everything they may earn someday.

bigblueyes
11-07-2003, 05:13 PM
Abuse of Domestic Violence laws happens all over the country, unfortunently it will hurt the real victims the more the false claims happen.

Searcher
11-07-2003, 05:38 PM
Edit, sorry

LostinNC
11-28-2003, 01:13 AM
In North Carolina, here is basically all that I know:

You can only get a restraining order against someone you have slept with, unless it is a domestic violence case in which case, you are a couple now anyways right? Or rather, maybe not since what IS defined as DV and just plain old assault?

Whoever makes the call for help has all the say, even if it the person doing the abusing.( this happened to a friend of mine.. her husband beat her up and then called the cops on her saying she was attacking him... she went to jail for it)

It does not have to be the person who is being attacked or abused to make the call. I didn't call, someone else did, but all the same, he was taken to holding and, well, I went to the hospital the next day. He did hit me though and when asked I told the truth so maybe thats why. Had I lied and said no maybe he wouldn't have been taken... I don't know.

In this state, DV is a misdemeanor unless the person attacked goes to the hospital as a result and then it becomes a felony. I was TOLD this so I am no 100% sure. (I went the next day so it didn't count thank god)

You will do more time in this state for hurting a cat rather than a woman... and only like 2 months for hurting a woman.

The state presses charges against the accused FOR the victim for their protection mainly I guess and like you said... so they can't turn around and drop charges.

No one can drop charges not even the DA until the day of court.

The witness/victim is supeoned to the court date but only has to testify if the accused pleads not guitly. I don't know what happens if the victim doesnt WANT to tesitfy. Probably contempt of court I imagine. There was of course a report being made at the time of the call, or rather when the officer gets there. Of course, I don't know how much of it holds or how much depends on testimony but I imagine any 'rememberings' or whatnot towards NOT being helpful would be seen as contempt of court.

When DV is in the picture, the accused goes to a holding cell in jail for 48 hours. (the whole weekend if it occurs on friday) They then must wait until that time is up before seeing the magistrate for bail hearing and court date. There is no way out even then.

A temporary restraining order is then put in place to 'protect' the victim/witness.

If the victim/witness wishes to get a seperate restraining order, the papers are filed and served and a court date given. On that day, it is decided whether or not one will be put in place. Both parties have the right to tell the side of the story if so desired.

It is possible to be served papers for anything in jail if they are from that county.

I tihnk that is about all of my knowledge and it was well, sadly learned first hand. I know a few other 'fun' laws but they dont pertain to here. I do have a question and I am honestly only trying to learn more not be a wench or anything. I know false things happen... I watched a now ex friend of mine go thru it. That being the reason for EX. Its bad enough when this stuff happens, but to make it up? Are their pathetic lives really so boring they have to screw someone elses up!?!? Sorry.. but liars irritate me. Anywho, what IS considered DV? Where is that line drawn? Is it simply the people involved and not location? Like bf/gf but at a club or does it have to be at home? Or is it any female/male assault situation? Should it really be considered as DV if in fact it only happens once? Anywho, don't know if my 'knowledge' was helpful since it has blanks in it but I hope it helps or er... something. Like I said, this wasnt learned from books, it was what I had to go thru so sorry if it is wrong or incomplete. I know it sucks and doesnt help out those who are innocent of the accusation but maybe it will help to at least know what might be coming? Thanks!

~Lost~

PS. I agree that unfortunatly because there are loosers with no life who lie, the wrongly accused and people who ARE in need often get jipped in the process. And OH I am not trying to be hateful if anything I have said so far comes out that way. Sorry!!!!!

CALMA
09-11-2004, 11:00 AM
Anyone Out There That Dv Has Happened The Other Way Around? I Mean That The Man/husband Was Abused By The Wife/woman? It Does Happen! I Promise. My Brother Lived In It For Years Being Hit And Thrown Through Walls, Etc. He Never Raised A Hand To Her During Those Years Of Abuse To Him. I Need To Find Someone That Knows What He Went Through And Try To Help Him Now.

BillnDenise
09-11-2004, 12:24 PM
Unfortunately there are people out their who lie about DV. My Sweetie's ex wife (when they were together) would call the law on him for DV when he didn't do anything to her. They would argue...he would threaten to leave...she didn't want him to...so she called the law on him for DV--(at least if he was out of the house, she would know where he was). They came, took her "false" statement, and she didn't have a mark on her...They took him anyway...

The charges were dropped because she never went to court. Now, down the line, when it came to doing his PSI, all these false accusations were held against him too. That helped him get the time he's doing now. BTW, she was the one who snitched him out when HE was 2 hours late getting home. Now he's spending 65 months in prison...so who is the 'victim' in THIS situation?

rottn
09-21-2004, 04:35 AM
I was told that if I dropped charges or refused to testify that I would be charged. I had no problem being there. I think that some people do falsely accuse, but it can backfire on them. Domesitc Violence is no joke, and false accusations can hurt someone for the rest of their life. In Ohio, in some occupations, this can preclude you from working at your trade. I knew a girl who was mad because her boyfriend was going to leave her. She accused him of hitting her and they put a warrant out on him. Before the police could pick him up, her brother shot him, resulting in the loss of his leg. When he was in the hospital she was there until the police charged her with filing a false report. She wanted to be by the bedside of the man that hurt her so bad? Now a 23 year old man has lost his leg and can't be fitted for a prosthesis because of the muscle damage.

BrandNewGirl
09-21-2004, 08:03 AM
We are also the victims of a false report, and now because of it, my husband is serving 15 years in TDCJ. It didn't matter that the "victim" sat in the police station and LIED about him, saying she barely knew him, even though they'd had a 10 year off-again,on-again relationship. His crappy attorney didn't suponea (spelling, sorry!) his witnesses that could testify to that. It didn't matter that he LIVED with her for almost a year...she was mad because he told her he didn't want to marry her.
False allegations can ruin so many lives..not only the person accused, but his family, and innocent children. We weren't together when all this happened, but it still angers me.

Nancy

maidenheart
09-28-2004, 09:24 PM
yes this is controversial because I think the majority of us would never want to harm someone but I believe false accusations do happen, we all know vindictiveness is not uncommon, especially when a relationship isn't working out, it seems that is reason enough for some to justify getting even. What upsets me is that anyone anywhere can do this to another and the consequences to the individual are life long and sometimes there is no way to prove your innocence.

roystr
11-27-2004, 09:34 PM
of course it happens. now dont laugh,,it happened to me. in fact,when i was locked up and almost out,she brought new charges of violating the restraining order as well as raping my step daughter of 8YO. hloy crap this was even low for her. i did the rest of the skid bid,paid bail,and waited for trial. man the DA musta made me an offer once a week.

((as an aside,i hate plea bargans.if the person did it,then why let em out early?? if they didnt,why use scare tactics to "force" a guilty plea? either way it dont seem like the folks on the outside are any safer.))

i was told id get 15years if i was found guilty(trial) of the rape,but they be good to me and let me have 18months if i plead to it. well after the first 6months out on bail and talking to my lawyer,i told him that even though he "has" to make their offers known to me,i will never take the plea.

went to trial,she flipped out on the stand,my step daughter kept saying inconsistant things,and after 1.5 days,at noon,the jury broke for lunch/began deliberating. they were back in 20 mins,and decided i was NG on all counts,i went fishing with a friend.

ok,thats my story.i am well aware of the lies that get you into court,and jail. i was so happy this time it didnt work.

PS: you ever hear about "all the guys in jail/prison are innocent"? that is so much BS. ive done a handfull of small bids,and i dont think i can remember 2 times i heard that said. i think that myth was made up by someone who obviously was never inside.

peace,
R

haswtch
01-20-2005, 08:23 AM
Violence against ANYONE is heinous. Violence in intimate relationships isn't gonna go away until our society changes, grows up, and gets away from "might makes right," "sex is evil," and "nice guys finish last," etc. People who commit assault need to be held accountable. Likewise people who lie and try to use the law as an instrument of revenge or control.

PhillyGurLL
01-20-2005, 08:41 AM
It is sad and sorry you have to go through this! I was a victim of domestic violence and they dropped my case, he got away scott free! I had busted lips, broken teeth, black eyes, etc. I don't understand the justice system and NEVER WILL!

falsely accused
05-24-2005, 10:17 PM
Just ran into this forum today while trying to search and research information on a restraining order case.:( Glad it's here, now to see if I can get some help.

I don't know how much of the past info is needed to get help, but I got into an argument with my wife, I called the police on her, the police came and nothing was solved and nothing happened. The police left. The short version is that my wife slapped my glasses off my face (I can barely see without them) because she wanted me to give her a insurance check that was both of our names and I refused. After the officer left, my wife FINALLY gave me my glasses by throwing them at me and I left the house, for the entire weekend. This happened on a Thursday 3:30 in the morning. I returned home on Monday afternoon, she was at work. I went to work and went about my life. Late that night she returned home and immediately starting asking me about the check. She slapped me again and I told her if she didn't stop I would call the police....she left the room. I was sitting at the computer minding my business, and suddenly heard a knock at the door and 2 sheriffs showed up in my room. Told me that if I said ONE WORD I would be taken to jail. They read a restraining order to me and told me to get up and follow them outside. I did that. As a part of the order, I was forced to turn over AND sign the insurance check. I left the home with nothing and had no where to go. I returned to the home about 3 hours later asking my wife to please allow me to get my toothbrush and some clothes for work. She acted as if nothing had happened, told me to stop being silly and to come in or she won't get any sleep.

Two days passed by and she was chatting with me and talking as if nothing happened. I called an attorney about this and was told to ask that she go to the judge and drop the charges. I called her on her cellphone and made the request, she once again went ballistic and told me that she could call the police on me at any moment and that she was not doing ANYTHING!!

Long story short, I left the house. Took a few clothes and a few items and went to sleep on my friends sofa. This was again just a few days before I had to appear in court to answer the charges to the restraining order. I consulted an attorney who couldn't appear on that day and told me to go into court, don't say ANYTHING other than.. to ask for a continuance which would give me time to get the 911 tape, the police report and a statement from the police who came to the house on that day to show that I didn't do anything. My wife sat on the stand and claimed all sorts of things that didn't take place. I was stunned to say the least. I followed the advice of the attorney, the judge said I don't give continuancy and hit the gravel and ordered me removed from my home for a year.

Lots of things have happened in that time. I tried 3 times to have the charges dropped and each time I went before another judge who all said they couldn't or didn't feel comfortable in over turning the charges. Of course, a divorce case and a fight over the house is behind the second part of this. During this year my wife contacted me and asked me to return home etc. She did all sorts of things...that were crazy!! I discovered that she got 3 more insurance checks and she forged my name to 2 of them. So I filed a report against her for forgery and months later she was arrested. As soon as she was arrested she filed in the court to have a permanent restraining order against me made.

THIS time I went before the original judge who made the ruling. She once again sat on the bench and lied, but THIS time I was before the original judge and she didn't know that I taped all our conversations, her calls to my home was on an old fashion taped machine and I kept all her emails. ALL of them saying she was sorry, she loved me, wanted me to return home that kind of thing. The domestic violence courts are a joke as it is and this judge makes wise cracks to make the court laugh and of course they are packed to the gil. I have no criminal record except a DUI and never been in trouble with the law other than that and all of that kind of thing.... I was able to show my evidence that I now had and was not able to show from a year ago. You could see the surprise on the judges face when I said that I was falsely removed from my home a year ago and that I was the one who was assaulted etc and all that it has cost me etc.

He admonished her and gave her some forceful words. Her claim was denied and he said that you were the one contacting him....

That was in April, the TPO expired on the 20th. I recently was offered a position with a company that I've volunteered with for many years. This position is working with troubled youth. I filled out the paper work, was finger printed and background checked, I was looking forward to this new career and a week before I was to start the position I was called to come in to see the director. Who knows me from volunteering, I was told that my background shows that I have a TPO on my record. I tried to explain about it and that it's done with and showed the paper where her permanent request was denied. He said if it's not true you will have to get it taken off your records before we can offer you the position as no one can work with that organization dealing with children as it looks like I have a violent history etc.

I contacted the judge and was basically told that there is nothing that can be done. The case is over and he has no say so in it. How do I deal with this?? Does anyone know how I can go about getting this TPO taken off my record?
It's been suggested that I may try to sue her or ask for a perjury somehow, but was told that perjury is rarely dealt with by the DA.

HELP!! Any help with this would be appreciated. I'm also waiting for a divorce case and she has mentioned in the papers that I was abusive to her siting this same instance that DIDN'T happen and asking for the home. I haven't been to the home since then, she ignores any written request I have to come to the house to have it appraised or to even cut the grass, which is grown up and all my HARD landscaping work is gone to the dogs in the last year.

ANYONE dealt with this or have any idea how I can deal with this?? I don't have any money to hire a lawyer to deal with it and I'm not working as I left my job, since I thought I would be soon working for this other company and left so that I can take a few days off before starting a new job. I also still have the opportunity to get the other job IF I can clear this mess off my records.

Also I know that domestic violence is awful and sorry for anyone who has to deal with this but TONS of folks are falsely accused of this every day and the courts are basically not kind about it and don't require much proof to show that the charges are true. This is used in courts ALL the time, especially in divorce and child custody cases, I have since found out.

Thanks for any help in advance.

Sincerely,
falsely accused :mad:

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
-- Proverbs 21:9 (KJV)

bsteph
05-24-2005, 10:53 PM
I don't have any answers for you but I want to say I am so sorry that this has happened to you. There is a reason for everything that happens but why do people do such terrible things to others, especially when they supposedly love them? I hope that you can straighten this mess out and get on with your life.

Kalypso
05-25-2005, 06:19 PM
Go to www.dvmen.org (http://www.dvmen.org) and email Charles Corry, PhD about your situation. He's very nice, helpful and the website is huge (it's not just for Colorado).

Even though I'm a woman falsely accused by the police (not my husband, who wanted all charges dropped because I called 911 and he hit me in the eye), Mr. Corry helped me throughout the painful process.

The police and city attorney took revenge on me because I smarted off to them. Our lawyer finally got the misdemeanor charges dropped because my husband went camping so he wouldn't be served to be a witness. I did have to spent 12 hours in jail, but it was three full months after the incident. We will never, ever call 911 again, for anything!

Domestic violence false charges and custody and divorce setups happen every day, I'm sorry to say. It detracts from the real victims out there. Good luck.

mjwyogini
06-09-2005, 06:44 PM
As a recovering victim of brutal domestic violence, I am here to say that the statistics are VERY low to non existent of women who would falsely accuse anyone of domestic violence. It's just that THE MEN who ABUSE women are such liars, manipulators and smooth talkers.

Marsha

falsely accused
06-15-2005, 11:04 PM
Thanks so much for the encouragement, help and especially the website.
I'm still hopeful that I can get the charges dissolved or expunged from the record as well as be compensated for this entire ordeal.

Marsha, I'm very sorry that you were a victim of brutal domestic violence. I agree that it does happen and far to often but I'm here to tell you that false accusations are rampant in the court system and unfortunately it does cloud and hurt those who are truly being abused.

Update: I was FINALLY able to present some of my evidence to the court and you can tell that the judge was totally surprised. Trying to do this without an attorney is the biggest problem, but I'm hopeful that it will be done. In my particular case I was removed from my home and couldn't produce evidence because the evidence was IN the home that I was removed from. I've been contacted by a local paper and the woman is willing to write an article that she is working on dealing with the abuse of the domestic violence laws, so hopefully I will be able to use this as additional evidence as well as get the attention of the judge, court and others involved who can turn this around. The officer who showed up is also willing to testify in my behalf as what was claimed in the original affadavit and what was taken down in court was TOTALLY untrue. I say to anyone who is falsely accused of anything to try as you might to try to fight it. I've also contacted a local representative and they are considering entering a bill to help change the laws.

In Georgia there is a section of the bill that allows you to receive compensation if you are wrongfully enjoined or restrained. I've also discovered that you can use the civil court to bring about a case to receive compensation, so I'll continue to try.

Being able to present my evidence will be the most helpful for me. I'm thankful that I was able to record the incident as it may be my only saving grace. I'm also thankful that I found a person who gave me a picture (dated) that shows her witness could not of been a witness as the picture shows them attending a week retreat the week that this (supposed incident) occurred.

Also, not only men are abusers or even falsely accused. When I was in court there were a few same sex cases with women accusing women of abuse. One case involved a same sex female couple who were also involved in an awful property division dispute, the accuser was able to prove that everything was a lie as she was not even at home and was able to produce plane tickets and credit card receipts showing her 900 miles away on a business trip. The claimant broke down crying and said that is was 'suggested' by an attorney friend that she try to get a protective order to have her removed from the home and that this would give her leverage in the property dispute. It happens, a LOT!! Especially in divorce cases and in child custody cases. I also would not of ever assumed that someone would file these kind of charges against another until it happened to ME!! Since I've been on a crusade to clear my name, I've heard some horrific stories that convince me that the system as it pertains to these laws are unjust and need to be changed.

But I DO know that domestic violence is not a joke and does happen, as I had a good friend who was abused for many years and was finally able to get out of that situation and went on to live a good life.

Thanks for the input that you guys provided.

Falsely accused

nimuay
06-17-2005, 07:41 AM
Falsely Accused - I can sympathize with you, because I know that it really does happen, but I can also tell you that most of the charges filed by men against women are retaliatory. My ex has informed me that he is thinking of filing against me, because in the last incident he was the only one who actually got hit. True. I was the one who got shoved, thrown, threatened, shaken. After he pushed me down over a bench and then fell, I hit him. And got out. Now he tells me he might file about my business, my landlord/employer's status, and anything else he can think of. It won't help him, but it will hurt me, again. That's what often happens.

Kalypso
07-05-2005, 02:03 PM
Well, yes the statistics may be "low" for being falsely accused, but even one innocent person having to go to jail is one too many. The facts are that retaliatory charges, and divorce/custody set-ups are getting to be more and more common. These people who do it often learn it in the system, from their own lawyer, or learn it by word of mouth. And it does detract from all the real victims, but that doesn't mean that it's not happening a lot.

Mr. Falsely Accused, you are real lucky that in your state you can recover damages from being wrongly restrained or jailed. Most innocent or exonerated people don't have any recourse at all.

I have been on both sides of the fence. In June of 2002, I was handcuffed and beaten severely by my ex husband who is a park ranger. I had photos of my bruises, took them to the D.A., and nothing happened to the assh-le who beat me because the state didn't want him to lose his gun because he would therefore lose his job.

So I've seen this issue from both sides.

LinusK
09-12-2005, 11:23 PM
There's no good defense against a person willing to make false accusations. The police have a saying, "You might beat the rap, but you won't beat the ride." Even if ultimately beat the charge in court, you'll spend a night in jail - at least - and be out thousands of dollars in legal costs. Not to mention the likelihood of being barred from your home, and having a record of having had a protective order filed against you. And that's if you win.

Which isn't a certainty - new laws are making it more and more difficult. In my state, they can simply read the victim's statement off the police report. The accuser no longer has to appear.

The only real defense is to stay far away from the kind of person who would use 911 as a way to win an argument. There's no excuse to stay with a person like that, no matter how much you think you love her.

AngelLove143
09-12-2005, 11:53 PM
I just want to say...I too was a victim of DV...For a year straight the cops would come to our house at elast Once a week of course he would leave as soon as he knew they were coming. And of course me not wanting to break up the family would lie and say that nothing happened defending him. The cops knew better but couldnt do anything cuz he wasnt there when they arrived. But the cops were there when I finally had enough of the broken noses, stranglations, beatings being locked in, and I went off. They had no choice but to arrest me cuz I was going off at the time. Well I sat in jail and got out on O.R. 5 days later wasnt too bad. But then 5 months later I learned as to why I was being abused so badly. It was so my now X husband could prove to our children that he can hurt people. SO that they wouldnt open their mouths about the sexual abuse he put onto them. Yes My DV had a deeper sting to it it was the fact that my four babies were being molested by their father. So I beg all you women or men out there that face DV get help dont protect the ones that raise a hand. Protect yourself and the little ones that cant protect themselves. Get out while you can.

If you EVER need a friend I am here. If you ever need help trying to get away there is help believe me I KNOW first hand.

raysbabyg
09-13-2005, 09:38 AM
Concratulations angellove for not only getting away but passing on a hard lesson learned. It is sad when a person falsley acuses someone of such a terrible thing. When in so many households this is a real night mare.

AmyLynn
09-13-2005, 12:26 PM
Yes there are women who use Dv charges to get their way.But I can tell you that it ever be a woman that has ever been it a Dv relationship. I have been in two of them. the first one I thought I could all ways be better. Lose wieght change my hair color I would try anything to get him to stay with me. I learned the hard away and a broken nose. Scars on the inside that will never go away!! I'm jumpy around loud drunks and flich if someone moves to fast by me!! The second one I really think he would have killed me at some point but it did not get to that point cause he got himself locked up and that is how i found PTO. Cause I thought that I could stand behind him but he was still a jerk and abusive in his own ways. this was my way out and I took!! Sense then I have met a woderful man and I have learned that NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT OR TOUCH ANOTHER LIKE THAT!!!!!

Donna Lee Marie
10-02-2005, 03:30 AM
hi my name is donna, for over a year I have been trying to make things right for a man that i love so much who is in avenal prison, there is a restraining order and i would like to know how to get that lifted, i have not seen or heard from him, his name is steve, he is the only father my 12 year old has ever known the past 4 years, well she misses him alot and i dont know what my rights are, you see my daughter has become ill and it is very urgent for steve to know, he loves her alot, i am emotionally distraught, all this time this man is in prison nothing to say he had abused me, 2 letters on my tv that the da officers took when they walked in my home uninvited, these letters are why he is in prison, d.v. past incidents is what the d.a. had to go on, pictures showed nothing wrong with me, please someone help. I at one time can say steve and i fought, but time had passed he and I had woken up and alot of the arguments would start cause of the life we were living once we worked on us and things were good, we argued, he is a yeller and cops came and so on. please someone respond, god bless u and thanks, donna(missinmybaby)

mrsdragoness
10-02-2005, 09:36 AM
If there is a restraining order the only way it can be lifted is thru the legal system. By attempting to violate the restraining order you could very well get him into even more trouble.

I'm sorry I can't give you any better news than that, but sometimes you have to step away and give the issues time to heal and for the legal system to see that it would be OK for the restraining order to be lifted.

stevenpjd
03-07-2006, 11:51 PM
FALSELY ACCUSED IN CALIFORNIA: On May 24, 2005 I discovered that my wife was having an affair with another parent in my son's cub scout. He is married too. On June 14, 2005 I was arrested and charged with burglary of my wifes apartment and stalking her by sending her emails and articles about marriage counseling. I spent 6 months in jail fighting the charges which I now know where fabricated by my wife, her boyfriend, and her church group who got her to a sympathetic cop who had no problems preparing a false police report. On June 17, 2005, (3 days later) my wife is granted a DV restraining order and granted sole custody of my kids. Finally on January 9, 2006 after 6 months in custody the court dismissed all charges due to lack of probable cause. The 911 DV card is powerful. Any woman can point the finger and you lose. Even if you are succesful in court as I was, I have not seen my kids in 9 months.

grammasharie
03-25-2006, 11:01 AM
I hadn't noticed this part of PTO before, partly because this site is so huge, but as being a victim of Domestic Violence a very long time ago when nothing was ever done to the other person, I can say that if someone is really being hurt, not with words but physically, then the D.V. laws should apply. I had to move with my daughter to another town in the middle of the night and stay in hiding for six months so that my ex could not find me. But on the other hand, the DV laws should not apply to a couple for argueing and no injuries. This is what happened in my son's case and he is serving a two and a half year sentence. If we hadn't come up with alot of money to help him, he was facing 17 years. Even the Judge said in court that the only case that came close to my son's was where a woman had a broken jaw, black eye and broken nose, and that didn't even come remotely close to his case, but because of all the publicity and pressure put on the courts, he had no other choice but to allow it to go forward. This was the third time she had him arrested for DV when their was no injury, just alot of screaming and argueing, which this last time made it a three strike thing. He was not living with her and each time was arrested had been the result of her calling him one call after another and saying she needed him to come over, that she was really having a bad night. The biggest problem was that we all could see she was not going to stop until he was sent to prison, but he couldn't see it and now that is exactly where he is and is charged with Corporal Injury to a Spouse which really sounds bad for him, especially when what she said was her injury at the time was a very, very slight bruise which in court she said she didn't know how it happened and that she was never really in any fear for her safety. So because of this, he will also have to fight to see his daughter when he gets out, because now that his ex has no control over him anymore, she has moved on to a new person to control. She tried with me at first, but I am alot wiser about her now and it didn't work so she also won't let me see my granddaughter because "I failed her and did not take her side against my son," and my granddaughter will not know her father until he gets out and fights for visitation. His daughter was only six months old when he was arrested the last time.
There is alot more to this whole story, but the point I am trying to make is that I do know there are people who should be held accountable for their actions, but there should be some kind of history of the person or some kind of proof before a person gets sent to prison. And in my son's case, his ex could go anywhere, anytime, so there was no reason for her to do this, other than control over him that she felt like she was losing when he volunteerily moved out of the house and he didn't call her, she called him non stop until he answered or called him at work and almost cost him his job, and then started showing up at his work.

mjwyogini
03-28-2006, 05:01 PM
I don't think this subject belongs in a domestic violence area. It should be a separate area. Thank you.

Marsha

grammasharie
03-28-2006, 07:55 PM
Not sure what you mean. What kind of area? He was charged with a Domestic Violence charge.

DaveMoff
03-31-2006, 11:50 PM
Let's assume you have a "domestic partner" who has been committed twice to state psychiatric hospitals, who has filed complaints of abuse against at least ten different doctors she has seen over a 20 year period (now of which proved to have any foundation), Let's say she has alienated every neighbor, every friend she has ever had. The police have stopped by the house repeatedly to stop her from harassing various people--more than once a restraining order has been threatened. She has physically assaulted you more than once.

Then one day she throws a fit at you over something--anything--and being psychotic, decides that the appropriate thing to do is to call 911 and tell the police that you've been abusing her. What happens?

Well, if she's obviously delusional when they show up, and if they're in a good mood, maybe she gets hauled off to the hospital to cool off, after which, the accusations of abuse mysteriously stop. More likely, simian police (despite a stack of prior reports) can't recognize or ignore the symptoms of mental illness, put their leather gloves on and start slamming you around. Maybe they don't like the fact that you own a gun, or drive a foreign car. Maybe they're just tired of stopping by the house even though that had nothing to do with you. So you're handcuffed and taken off to jail.

And while you cool your heels she gets calls from the local Women's Center, which offers her free counseling, "support people", will assist her in getting a restraining order, have the locks on YOUR house changed at no charge, etc., etc. Eventually you get a court-appointed attorney who says if you plead guilty you'll get off easily. He doesn't want to hear a thing about medical history or the stack of police records --mostly he wants you out of his face so he can collect his check and give some other poor bozo similar treatment. Chances are he tells you that you can avoid jail time if you plead guilty to something, but if you refuse to, you'll go to prison.

So in the end you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you plead guilty to a crime that you not only did not commit, but which never happened. And like every other good battered spouse, you go home. Until next time.

For those who will rant and rave about how wily and in denial and lord knows which sociology textbook words might be applied to my comments, I wish to add that I did volunteer work for a domestic violence prevention group for over two years. Yes, we ran into far more men who ought to be locked up than I care to think about, but we also had men come in with bruises, scratches, once a broken arm, asking for help more times than I can count. And there was little we could do. There are no shelters for abused men; often they encounter difficulty in getting a judge to sign a simple restraining order. If they do get that, they end up locked away from their own homes, their children, their personal possessions (which tend to be destroyed by the righteous innocent woman behind the abuse).

Of the cases we dealt with during the two years which involved a woman accusing a man of physical abuse, less than half were ever substantiated in any way, shape, or form (e.g. a woman would claim to have been beaten, but fail to display a single scratch, bruise, or sign that anything had happened). Despite this, a large majority of the men wound up facing charges, nearly all of which were "pled out" before trial, thus adding to the "abuse" statistics womens' studies courses rely on.

"Domestic abuse" is the modern-day equivalent of the good old-fashioned witch hunt, which dishonors both those who are innocent and those who are in abusive situations. Perhaps if more refused to view it in the quasi-religious terminology of a "gender issue", the wheat might be separated from the chaff and the truth emerge to bring equal justice under law.

grammasharie
04-01-2006, 09:51 AM
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving some insight on this extremely disturbing issue. Until I witnessed my son going through this I, like probably 90% of the people in the world believed that if they arrested a man for D.V. it must true. He can take care of himself, but would never, ever hurt a woman, he was raised to have respect and compassion for women and always has, and until this happened he never had been in a relationship that included violence. And the part that turned my stomach inside out was that he had the injuries, not her, but she denied causing them and said she had no idea how he got them, and they believed her.:angry: :angry: The D.A. was allowed to show pictures of her "injuries" which even the judge admitted none could be seen, but she said they went away almost immediately and that's why nothing showed on the pictures. But they would not allow my son to present his pictures of injuries the police took of him(even though they did not want to take his) and his showed a cut accross his back 6 inches long. This is justice!!!!
And, yes, they did force him to plea bargain, and he has lost everything he had, his job, his personal belongings and most important of all, his daughter who just turned 1 year old last month. And what is his ex doing? Having a great time hanging out with her friends while her mother raises her baby and looking for her next victim. I might also add that her first husband was also sent to prison, not for D.V., because the laws were different then, but because she stole her mother's credit card and had him charge stuff on it believing that her mother had given her permission to do that. Even though a person is to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, you have to remember how much politics play a part in everything and it's a shame to have a judge agree with you that you should never have gone to jail in the first place, but because of pressure, he had to let the charges stand.
SICK,SICK,SICK

DaveMoff
04-01-2006, 04:13 PM
I have long wished that at least one "men's rights" organization would get its act together and least provide some advocacy and assistance in this area. Unfortunately, several such groups have come and gone over the years and never get anywhere, mainly because their membership tends to consist of men who don't want to pay child support or men who are looking for affirmation of their belief that their wives are their personal property (Promise Keepers being a great example).

No solutions there, only problems compounding existing problems.

nimuay
04-01-2006, 10:42 PM
The almost-inevitable course of the law is over-reaction from legislators getting some ink. And it takes years to get even some of it smoothed out. That said, the law was sooooo necessary! It's very much like the sex offfense laws regarding minors - they were to be believed at all costs, on all matters. Unfortunately, no complainants are always believable, and theoretically it is the job of the courts to determine when those complainants are NOT truthful. And it doesn't really get at the truth when there are only guilty or not guilty to choose from.

DaveMoff
04-01-2006, 11:25 PM
Oh yes--and we all remember what happened with those child-sex-abuse laws: entire towns wound up held hostage to waves of false accusations that often began with some trivial personal dispute between neighbors. In came the self-styled "experts" to fill the newspapers, gaining press for local law enforcement, maybe bringing in a true-crime author to rake in a few bucks with the inevitable hacked-out book. And when after some months, absolutely no evidence surfaced or an ethical social worker (oxymoron?) finally blew the whistle, the whole thing went away, leaving behind only those innocent people who had been coerced into confessing in prison, where in large part they still reside.

To my knowledge, no concrete evidence that any child was ever abused ever surfaced in any of the more prominent "sex abuse ring" cases. Dozens of people remain imprisoned as a result, however. For an excellent treatment of the subject, see the documentary "Capturing The Friedmans", which is readily available. It tells a story that is still ongoing--updates are occasionally available via internet at capturingthefriedmans.com

"Politics", wrote Albert Einstein, "is a pendulum whose swings between tyranny and anarchy are governed by periodically renewed illusions". Which I understand and accept. I just don't want to be the next guy to be minding my own business when suddenly the pendulum swings through and turns my life upside down.

nimuay
04-02-2006, 08:23 PM
Don't blame you, Dave - just like I'm glad I wasn't on the other end when women were never believed or worried about!

DaveMoff
04-02-2006, 08:41 PM
Quite agree with you Nimuay. As late as the mid-1970s in some states, a man could have his wife committed to a state hospital merely on his say so--no medical opinion necessary. Such institutitions were often dumping groups for women who would not grant a divorce or who were otherwise "inconvenient".

These things are horrors, and inexcusable. They should remembered, and the lessons to be gained by remembering learned. But it rights no wrong to replace it with a different wrong. It empowers no one to knock down another without cause. And it honors no victim to victimize another in his or her name.

grammasharie
04-02-2006, 09:32 PM
You know, the laws that are passed should be about protecting people, but it is so generalized that now you really have to worry what you say around people. There is no such thing as free speech anymore.My son was 100 percent innocent, the judge knew it, the D.A. knew it as well as everyone who had ever associated with him, but none of that mattered and that's not the way it should be but it is. I know very well how much we needed Domestic Violence laws in place as I was a victim of it in the sixties and early seventies, but the difference was I had actual injuries: a broken jaw, broken nose and quite a few busted lips besides all the lumps and bruises, but there was no protection for women then. My best friend was killed by her husband back then also. He not only went to her work with their two young kids, but shot her three times in the head and face and when the gun jammed on him, he started beating her with it even though she was already dead, and then proceeded to kick her repeatedly, all of this done in front of their kids. He was sent to a Mental Institution for five years and then released. He WAS someone who should've been locked up for the rest of his life. When they put new laws into effect they are too generalized and that is the part I think is just wrong.

DaveMoff
04-02-2006, 09:56 PM
My brother works in outdoor education and as such, works with families and with children. Each of the jobs he has held has required a background check, reasonably enough, but more than one has also required that he attend a seminar in "proper behavior" which does not seem nearly so reasonable.

He has had it drilled into him, for example, that while at work he must not use the public restroom while a child is inside, that he should avoid being alone with any child to the extent possible, that he should not be alone while on the job with any woman, including other employees. When speaking to a person in a wheelchair, he is to kneel down rather than bending over to make eye contact--doing otherwise "could" be regarded as "demeaning" and as such render the nature center liable to a discrimination lawsuit. He cannot offer a kid who is frightened or bawling because he scraped his knee a pat on the head or a hug, nor can he put a bandage on the scraped knee without a supervisor present, even though he is an EMT.

I can't help but wonder how long people will be willing to work under such conditions. And I know darned well that the answer to this sort of problem is NOT to enact any more laws!

grammasharie
04-02-2006, 10:32 PM
Did you also know that you can go to jail if a person reports that you are annoying them? It is a form of harrassment. Pretty soon when we walk down a street it will be illegal to make eye contact or smile at a passing person.

DaveMoff
04-02-2006, 10:47 PM
Several years ago in my home town, one of the local "characters" (a rather paranoid person), filed for a restraining order against a neighbor who, she claimed, was staring into her yard while mowing his lawn. The judge not only granted the order but ordered the neighbor to wear sunglasses while doing yardwork.

Is this really the sort of thing our court system was set up to deal with? Somehow it seems to me that there are many, many far more pressing concerns.

mjwyogini
04-09-2006, 03:51 AM
I must repeat, I don't think that a thread entitled "....Falsely accused" should be in the domestic violence area. 95% or more of us are VICTIMS of domestic violence from ACTUAL abusers, whose numbers, incidently I just learned, are growing. The only way to stop domestic violence is to make sure these abusers (who are on a grand scale, mostly men) are brought to justice and take the consequences of their abuse. Those of us who are VICTIMS should be SILENT NO MORE.
I know, for one, it makes me upset and angry to see a "Falsely Accused" thread in this area. I'm sure I'm not alone. Just the mere look at it makes me shake my head and get a tight knot in my stomach. SO MANY men use this, and it perpetuates the problem. I would ask the moderator of the group to please remove this subject from this forum. Thank you,
Marsha

AmyLynn
04-09-2006, 06:25 AM
Everyone has their own Ideas on what should be in the DV forum but I dont thank that any thread should be moved. Cause there are a lot of women who use the DV laws the wrong way. I have a friend that is going though this right now. He is locked out of his house and cant see his kids or anything all be cause she got mad at him over some bills... He went to jail for yelling back at on his way out the door.THe laws do need to be there cause there are so many women who really need them I was one of them many years ago..

grammasharie
04-09-2006, 11:24 AM
Marsha,
I am truely sorry if in any way I have offended you. I am totally for DV laws that I only wish had been in place many years ago for us that endured abuse and no help was there for us. But I do believe everyone has their own opinion and in some cases the laws hurt more people than they help. When you have a judge telling you that you really did nothing wrong(and I have the transcript of that) then it also ties my stomach in knots when the next sentence is how much political pressure there is to let charges stand, admitting his hands were basically tied in this and he did not feel the charges were jusitified. And yes, what happened to my son is a small percentage, but that small percentage takes it's toll on everyone involved with him. Luckily, the people who knew him well, former girlfriends included, have all rallied behind him with a tremendous support group. His counselor told me the other day that he recieves more mail than anyone in the whole prison. That is because we all know he did nothing but argue with her, which she readily admitted in court and that she went ballistic on him because she wanted to go out and he wanted to stay home and it was messing up her plans. (I have all those transcripts also) As for the injuries, it was he who had the 6inch gash on his back when she shoved him into a bookshelf. And as Dave pointed out in one of his posts, there is no protection for men, period. Their are good men out there and I hope you can find one who is not abusive, because being a survivor of incest and abuse, I still have nightmares, but my present husband is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life, and the abusers have been long gone. My son is just as good hearted and compassionate as his dad and if I was twenty years younger I would fight for the men who get abused by women ( and it does happen more than you think) but women are not looked at as abusers. One more thing, the other day as I was leaving work I saw a woman who was riding in a car in front of me beating the man in the head as he was driving causing him to drive all over the road. I called 911 and reported it and guess what happened? They sent the woman walking because she was drunk and took the man to the hospital for a gash on his head. Do you think they will prosecute her? Nope!
And I wouldn't be abit surprised if they charged the man with something after he was treated for his injuries, which is exactly why I gave him my card and told him to call if he needed a witness. I hope I don't get that call because I really don't have time to get involved in that, but from what I witnessed I cannot just look the other way. Anyway, I'm done with all this and have lots of other matters to tend to, so I will not be on the DV forum anymore, and again I apologize if anything I've said has caused you distress, I was only saying my feelings and my beliefs and maybe venting a little because we all need support and I wish you the best in healing.

DaveMoff
04-09-2006, 01:00 PM
It would also be nice if the "men are scum" quasi-religion that seems so prevalent in this country were to get a reality check. And I don't mean from their bible, "The Courage To Heal Workbook".

I got a knot in my stomach when I was a victim of domestic abuse, and another when I came out on the wrong end of a false accusation. The presence of this thread troubles me not at all, whether I agree with what everyone has posted or not. For those who are troubled by it....to my knowledge, no one has compelled you to come here and read it.

MandyLLiang
04-09-2006, 02:09 PM
I think this is a subject that should be talked about, Falsely accusing someone of a DV issue, is horrible, and once you falsely accuse them it is hard to take it back! I know that because I falsely accused my fiance of horrible things. Now I am going to be spending everyday, fighting for his innocence. This is something that does happend, and it does need to be taken more seriously. I am a women, and I was the abuser, not him, and now he is in jail, where I SHOULD BE. DV is very serious, and there are ALOT of women who falsely accuse men, and there are women abusers who get nothing. I see this now as I get help and make changes for the better, the justice system is wrong in alot of ways. God Bless!

Jordanrae
05-05-2006, 12:42 PM
This subject is of great interest/concern to me, as I have a friend whose wife has done this throughout their marriage. SHE has a meth problem and has shot him, stabbed him, cut him with anything she could get her hands on......She has thrown things throughout the apartment at him, broken things, then called the police on HIM!! Even when the police come, they see that it's her - and do try to get him to press charges...but he doesn't. THEN - she goes and gets a restraining order against HIM for fabricated charges of things he's supposedly done to HIM!! When he doesn't then come home - after knowing there's a restraining order against him - she calls and calls and calls him - crying, threatening to hurt herself, threatening that he will never see the kids again, etc. etc. So when he DOES come home - worried about the situation there - she of course gets into an argument with him - then calls the police to come arrest him as he's violating the restraining order!!
I totally support protection for the victim - but I see this so often......the wife is the abuser - but uses this whole "victim" role to get back at him. Last year - she keyed his car - got IN his car and would NOT get out. When he told her to get out......she started screaming to people on the street that she was being abused! He got her out of the car - and drove away. She got people to call the police, she filed a report, and apparently there was a warrant for his arrest. The next week - she went into a DV shelter with the kids - and for the next 4 months she called him (they are NOT supposed to make ANY attempts to reach their "abuser" when they are in a shelter), begged him to get back together, begged him to meet her places, go to a motel, etc. etc. This whole thing has been a total abuse of the system set up to protect REAL victims and it sickens me to see this.
I am really trying to find out what they restrictions are for the person who files the restraining order in terms of THEM contacting the restrained person!!!
Sorry this is so long - but this happens WAAAYYY too often.....:angry:



I think this is a subject that should be talked about, Falsely accusing someone of a DV issue, is horrible, and once you falsely accuse them it is hard to take it back! I know that because I falsely accused my fiance of horrible things. Now I am going to be spending everyday, fighting for his innocence. This is something that does happend, and it does need to be taken more seriously. I am a women, and I was the abuser, not him, and now he is in jail, where I SHOULD BE. DV is very serious, and there are ALOT of women who falsely accuse men, and there are women abusers who get nothing. I see this now as I get help and make changes for the better, the justice system is wrong in alot of ways. God Bless!

DaveMoff
05-05-2006, 12:51 PM
In Minnesota, at least, one can, if served with a restraining order, ask the judge to make it a mutual restraining order binding on both parties. The judge will most likely want to know why, but provided you have an explanation and can back it up a bit there is generally no problem.

The problem that any abuse victim faces in filing a restraining order is that doing so generally means you are going to lose your home, perhaps your personal possessions, and who knows what else. And in some jurisdictions (I used to live in one) the police find it too much of a bother to enforce violations. It's not at all right that protecting oneself against an abuser should cost someone so much, and perhaps result in very little protection at all.

grammasharie
05-05-2006, 03:37 PM
Thank you and Amen to all who really understood what I was talking about. I backed off partly because I felt very few people would believe this stuff does happen all the time and there ARE innocent people doing time because of it. My son will never be the same after spending two and a half years someplace he never should've been but that's all water under the bridge now and we have to look towards the future. But it does help to know I am not the only one saying this happens.

Phadera
05-09-2006, 07:15 AM
My son was charged with kidnapping and assult.
Here is the story. His girlfriend, of 2 years, came back from a trip to Korea to visit her family, (which my son paid for) arriving at my son's apartment at 9Am. They greeted, had sex and were setting together afterwards naked talking, smoking cigarettes when she starts throwing out plans for them getting married. My son told her, "I'm sorry you got that idea in your mind, I'm not going to marry you."
Korea (a cute little gal who "strips" for a living) raged against him. Perhaps rightly so. She kicked, scratched, pulled hair. My son was not in danger, he is svelt, tall and muscular, she is small and trim. He held her down and told her when she could behave he would let her up. She said ok, the second he let her up she was on him again. He picked her up and set her on the Balcany telling her, perhaps this will cool you off! He immediatly felt bad, it being 12/22, snow and cold. Immediatly he openes the door and thrws her coat and boots out the door. He took a shower. While he is in the shower there is a pounding on the door. I'ts the police. They ask him for his ID. He gives it to them. They take him away to jail.
Here is what happened after Korea was set outside. She ran from the balcany, down the street to a house and pounded on the door. She was naked, did not use the coat and boots. She said she had been kidnapped and held for 3 days and had managed to get away. Of course the people wrapped her in a blanket and called the police.
The "being held for 3 days" was easy to dis-proove as she had just returned from Korea that morning. Get this, the prosecutor said, "she was confused because of the stress." When my son said he held her down telling her to get calm, that was the same as kidnapping.
I know this account of what happened is true because Korea came to me and wanted $15,000 to drop the charges. She told me what happened and how angry she was that my son would have sex with her and then turn right around and say he would not marry her. She told me he held her down and when he let her up she jumped on him again. She was not afraid, ever. She knew he would not hurt her. Little did she and I know that she can't drop the charges, the state takes over. When the police got her she was taken to a woman's abuse center where she was required to file a restraining order against my son if she wanted to prosicute, and she did! (at that time) This restraining order was in effect during the trial which my son "won." (There is no winner here actually). The trial is over but the restraining order is still in effect. My son drives a taxi. He got a "personal" at a motel, when he pulled into the drive Korea jumps in and will not get out of his taxi. My son used his radio to call dispatch and have them send a police car to get her out of his Taxi. (not even thinking about the restraining order) The police come, there is some discussion and they discover that the restraining order still has 2 days to run and TAKE MY SON TO JAIL!! They contend he violated the restraining order.

The restraining order violation gave the prosectuion a 2nd chance at my son and they used it to the best of their ability.

I guess my son should have gotten dressed and gotten out of the apartment. Gone back (to what would have been left, if indeed she didn't burn the place down) and try to reason with her. Or perhaps go even further back and say he was wrong in choosing to keep company with her in the first place.

I talked with Kroea 3 times. The first time she was still angry and asked for the $15,000. The 2nd time she was sorry. She explained how angry she was but would still like the $15,000 to open a restaurant.
To show her good faith she would go "right now" and drop the charges.
The 3rd time she came by she said she had dropped the charges and was really sorry about the whole thing. She said I had always treated her kindly and that my son had probably learned a lesson about how to treat a lady. Korea DID go by and TRY to drop the charges but the state continued on without her.
What do you think about the "system?" I think it stinks and loads its self up with garbage. Wasting way too much time on stuff like this.
OH ANOTHER THING. My son was not allowed a phone call, BUT Korea came by my office the next day so I knew he was in jail. I went immediatly to bail him out. THEY COULDN'T FIND HIM!!! I knew they still had him so I went to a lawyer. She said, don't worry, I'll have him out tomorrow. It was 7 days before she got him out!! She would call, they would not return the call... She called again, she went to the office.
Heck, I could have gotten him out in 7 days!! Had my son done what Korea origionally charged, I'd say.. let him stay in jail.

Phadera
05-09-2006, 07:16 AM
forgot to click subscribe

Jordanrae
05-09-2006, 10:22 AM
And this is my point exactly......in my line of work I deal with MANY, MANY females who use this behavior as a way to get back at their boyfriends/husbands for making them mad. And you're right - they don't realize that once they take this step - there is no turning back. MOST states will proceed regardless. And there are two pieces to this - the fabrication of THEM being abused by the men - AND their physical abuse TO the men. Somehow - they think they are immune to being arrested and/or charged with Domestic Violence because they are female. But the states are beginning to realize that this happens alot - and that they laws are not gender specific.....
Our shelters and laws are designed to protect actual victims who are in danger. They are not designed to give people a place to stay because they are mad at their spouses and want a place to live.
I see many, many men come to work with scars, scratches, bruises, etc. all over because their wife/girlfriend got mad and lost control. Because they're men - they don't feel right about reporting it - but it happens ALL the time. Why should this be ok for these women?



My son was charged with kidnapping and assult.
Here is the story. His girlfriend, of 2 years, came back from a trip to Korea to visit her family, (which my son paid for) arriving at my son's apartment at 9Am. They greeted, had sex and were setting together afterwards naked talking, smoking cigarettes when she starts throwing out plans for them getting married. My son told her, "I'm sorry you got that idea in your mind, I'm not going to marry you."
Korea (a cute little gal who "strips" for a living) raged against him. Perhaps rightly so. She kicked, scratched, pulled hair. My son was not in danger, he is svelt, tall and muscular, she is small and trim. He held her down and told her when she could behave he would let her up. She said ok, the second he let her up she was on him again. He picked her up and set her on the Balcany telling her, perhaps this will cool you off! He immediatly felt bad, it being 12/22, snow and cold. Immediatly he openes the door and thrws her coat and boots out the door. He took a shower. While he is in the shower there is a pounding on the door. I'ts the police. They ask him for his ID. He gives it to them. They take him away to jail.
Here is what happened after Korea was set outside. She ran from the balcany, down the street to a house and pounded on the door. She was naked, did not use the coat and boots. She said she had been kidnapped and held for 3 days and had managed to get away. Of course the people wrapped her in a blanket and called the police.
The "being held for 3 days" was easy to dis-proove as she had just returned from Korea that morning. Get this, the prosecutor said, "she was confused because of the stress." When my son said he held her down telling her to get calm, that was the same as kidnapping.
I know this account of what happened is true because Korea came to me and wanted $15,000 to drop the charges. She told me what happened and how angry she was that my son would have sex with her and then turn right around and say he would not marry her. She told me he held her down and when he let her up she jumped on him again. She was not afraid, ever. She knew he would not hurt her. Little did she and I know that she can't drop the charges, the state takes over. When the police got her she was taken to a woman's abuse center where she was required to file a restraining order against my son if she wanted to prosicute, and she did! (at that time) This restraining order was in effect during the trial which my son "won." (There is no winner here actually). The trial is over but the restraining order is still in effect. My son drives a taxi. He got a "personal" at a motel, when he pulled into the drive Korea jumps in and will not get out of his taxi. My son used his radio to call dispatch and have them send a police car to get her out of his Taxi. (not even thinking about the restraining order) The police come, there is some discussion and they discover that the restraining order still has 2 days to run and TAKE MY SON TO JAIL!! They contend he violated the restraining order.

The restraining order violation gave the prosectuion a 2nd chance at my son and they used it to the best of their ability.

I guess my son should have gotten dressed and gotten out of the apartment. Gone back (to what would have been left, if indeed she didn't burn the place down) and try to reason with her. Or perhaps go even further back and say he was wrong in choosing to keep company with her in the first place.

I talked with Kroea 3 times. The first time she was still angry and asked for the $15,000. The 2nd time she was sorry. She explained how angry she was but would still like the $15,000 to open a restaurant.
To show her good faith she would go "right now" and drop the charges.
The 3rd time she came by she said she had dropped the charges and was really sorry about the whole thing. She said I had always treated her kindly and that my son had probably learned a lesson about how to treat a lady. Korea DID go by and TRY to drop the charges but the state continued on without her.
What do you think about the "system?" I think it stinks and loads its self up with garbage. Wasting way too much time on stuff like this.
OH ANOTHER THING. My son was not allowed a phone call, BUT Korea came by my office the next day so I knew he was in jail. I went immediatly to bail him out. THEY COULDN'T FIND HIM!!! I knew they still had him so I went to a lawyer. She said, don't worry, I'll have him out tomorrow. It was 7 days before she got him out!! She would call, they would not return the call... She called again, she went to the office.
Heck, I could have gotten him out in 7 days!! Had my son done what Korea origionally charged, I'd say.. let him stay in jail.

DaveMoff
05-10-2006, 01:15 AM
In most if not all states, her demand of $15,000 to drop the charges (even though she does not have the power to do so) is felony extortion, and would undermine any of her claims considerably. I do hope you have spoken both with your son's attorney and with the prosecutor about this. Especially if she put anything in writing, it should be given to your son's attorney (with copies to the media if that does not help) immediately.

nimuay
05-10-2006, 09:06 AM
Just to add another dimension to this - think about all the savvy kids who now report their parents for abuse. It's yet another instance of the law being a blunt instrument.

Had a twisted step-daughter try this one on me years ago.

Phadera
05-10-2006, 09:18 AM
Dear Dave Moff:
I did report the conversation. The first time Korea dropped into my office I had no idea what she would say. After hearing what she had to say I made sure i had a mode to record if she came by again. I did that. My son's attorney was interested but the DA was not. They already knew she lied. ie. In her origional statment she said....."She was held for 3 days before she could escape." She had returned from Korea the very day she told her tale. I could have, perhaps, pressed charges against her. I wasn't interested in that. Korea did what was within her power to drop the charges. This "case" took a life of it's own. The persecutor was a woman who's anger and hate was so prevalent it emoted throughout the court room. Even tho they KNEW Korea had NOT been held for 3 days, they tried to introduce evidence that she had marks on her wrists. There were no other marks, bruises, abrasions. Nothing. My son held her down for a few minutes, then set her outside the house. I understand that there are battered women. This just wasn't one of them.

grammasharie
05-11-2006, 01:39 PM
Hi Phadera, I am so sorry about your son and I know how it can turn you whole life upside down when you know he is innocent and there is nothing you can do to prove it because our courts are really not concerned about his innocence, only in making them look like they are doing a good job protecting women. And while I have said before, I do think we need the D.V. laws, I think they need to do some fine tuning on them. It just kills my spirit of any justice to know that my son did nothing except argue with his ex and be concerned for her welfare as well as their baby, as she was diagnosed with a mental illness but refused to take her medicine and was losing control. She was told by the D.A. that if she did not stick to her story they would arrest her because this was the fourth time she had done this, so she said she was not going to jail which is exactly why my son is sitting there and it stinks!!!
And now because the system will not allow her to contact him she has decided he and his family can no longer see his daughter. So she does it again to us but in a different way and the one who really loses is our granddaughter.

Phadera
05-11-2006, 09:39 PM
I'm not sure I understand exactly what happened in your case.
I do know that my son should not have set his girlfriend outside naked.
Had he been punished for that I would not complain. He was punished for what she lied about.

Thats the rub. She did lie but the real travesty is the justice system does not care that she lied. That totally blitzed me. They are so busy, so over burdened you would think they would have people who can investigate charges like this and weed out the crime that never took place.:angry:

grammasharie
05-11-2006, 11:15 PM
In my son's case he was actually convicted under the three strikes law because it was the third time he was arrested and convicted of DV. The first time and the only time he actually did anything at all, was that he threatened her and her mother and that was because the two of them convinced him that he was depressed and needed medicine which his wife hounded him to go to the Dr. and get something. He finally did to keep peace and to shut her up, and he was given Prozac and she kept having him increase the amount he was taking telling him he needed to get it built up in his system for it to work. I think he actually thought she knew what she was talking about because she is Bi-Polar and has been on more medicines than even she can remember. Anyway, he pretty much went off the deep end, I thought he had a nervous breakdown because when he called me from jail he was not the son I had before, this one couldn't even call me mom. Luckily after about 4 days he was kind of back to normal and he plead guilty to making threats which put him on probation. He moved out of his place and stayed at our house to get away from his wife but she is very controlling and could not stand losing control over him. She would call my house non stop until he would answer and sometimes she was able to lure him to her apartment, mostly by saying she was having a bad night and needed him to come be with her and help with the baby. The first time she lured him over she started screaming at him so he tried to leave and as he was driving away she jumped on the hood of his car and when he stopped she jumped off and started screaming again, this time the police were called by a neighbor because of her screaming and when they got there she told them he had punched her hand. There was a slight bruise on the top, but a cab driver testified that it was her that he saw raging mad and acting stupid, but because the police made a report, the Battered Women's Shelter called her and told her to file a restraining order which she did and later tried to say she didn't know what she was doing. But, too late, the D.A. had already picked it up. She testified that she didn't take her med's for a week and just lost control and that my son at no time ever touched her.The court decided he should do six months but said they would allow him to turn himself in the following month. Two days before he was to turn himself in, 11:30 at night she lured him to the apartment so they could spend one last night together. He had already been asleep and I tried to stop him from going, I just had a bad feeling and twenty five minutes later the police are at my door looking for him and said he choked her and he was going to jail. He had a big cut on his back but later when I saw the pictures of her, there was not a single injury anywhere. He hid for a month because he was scared what was going to happen to him and then he called her and said he was turning himself in and she asked to see him first so he trusted her and went by there and within a few minutes the police had him down with guns drawn and took him to jail. When she decided to tell the truth, the District Attorney told her they were tired of playing her games and if she didn't testify or if she changed it in any way they would arrest her. The rest is history. He was actually facing 17 years and ended up with five by plea bargaining. He had only been with her less than a year and all this happened. He had been with two others before her that were long relationships and never has he ever touched a woman. In fact, the other two write to him and still tell him never to change and that they still love him because he is good. And he has a girlfriend that has waited for him for almost three years and says she will wait this time out too especially now that she knows they will be together when he's done with this. He just made a very bad choice when he fooled around and got the ex pregnant and decided to marry her because he really wanted a family. There is alot more to this but you can kind of see what he has gone through and I have learned to be stronger because he had a hard time knowing what all this did to me, so I don't want him to worry so I stay positive for his sake .

DaveMoff
05-11-2006, 11:41 PM
It may be worth noting that Prozac and related drugs can and do cause bizarre reactions in some people, including complete psychotic breaks, especially if combined with even small amounts of alcohol. Unfortunately, the pharmaceutical manufacturers don't much feel like acknowledging this, and you can bet that courts and prosecutors will be slower still in accepting it. The information certainly doesn't appear on prescription labels.

ShellnTasha
02-27-2007, 01:57 PM
my fiances ex wife was similar to this, and caused him to be sent to prison for 18 months, they were going thru a divorce when she accused him of the last one. In Wyoming if its your 3rd charge, its an automatic felony and I should add he was married 2 times before her and didn't have any DV problems with his first 2 marriages, than 3 with her in a 5 year period.

Ms.L
04-13-2007, 07:35 PM
My friend got life for what his wife fabricated and the jail house snitch created. Not a shred of evidence. She collected the HUGE victim fund as well...and he has never had a DV against her...problem is that he married her after only knowing her 4 months. She of course is filing for divorce for free....our tax dollars at work .. ya gotta love the government.

toadsony
06-24-2013, 03:05 AM
I was arrested 4 times in the course of 6 years in colorado because of false accusations by my ex wife. She was never charged, or arrested for anything. We've been divorced for 5 years now, she has done the same thing to other men after me, nothing has been done to her. I get the runaround when trying to find out what i can do about her. So, this is completely false that they go after the accuser if they refuse to testify.

POSSIBLE LEGAL HELP TO OFFER to men arrested for domestic violence, and those who care for them.

So far I haven't found much and what there is isn't encouraging. But when I was younger I also used the 9-11 trump card when I didn't feel I was in real physical danger, twice. It's been happening since they invented the telephone, but the outcome is changed.

As a start to this thread, I'd just like to share a little of what I've read on the law in Colorado. I can give the url to this site, and may post info directly from it in the future. I'll also keep looking and sharing what I find.

in the State of Colorado.

1. The "victim" is not allowed to recant or retract her statement, EVER. If she refuses to testify she will be charged with so many crimes that even the worst coward will get up on the stand and tell her lies.

2. The DA is NOT allowed to drop charges or plea bargain.

3. READ THE RESTRAINING ORDER WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS, ask 10 lawyers, and lock yourself in a padded room. You can violate one before getting out of bed before you aren't careful. And this charge does not entitle you to a jury trial, simply a hearing before a magistrate. The charge does not have to be proven 'beyond a reasonable doubt;' the magistrate will only require a 'preponderance of the evidence' to put him back in jail. This is a much lower legal standard than 'reasonable doubt.'



Personal Note: i have no intention of debating the subject of DV. this seems to be the one "unforgiveable sin" even here on PTO, but false accusations DO HAPPEN and an innocent man CAN be convicted of a very vicious crime. please do not use this thread for putting down 'abusers,' or me.

anyone who has more info to add, PLEASE DO!!!

:D

toadsony
06-24-2013, 03:10 AM
I went through 9 years of marriage like this. Even though it wasn't until about halfway through my marriage before she started hitting me cheating on me and then getting me falsely accused and arrested. I was always the bad guy even though i never laid a hand on her. In the state of Colorado they don't have to have proof of anything, because its a requirement that they take someone to jail in a domestic case. She has never had a bruise or mark on her any time she has ever called the cops on me. I would just be trying leave or get away from her, and she would call the cops on me. I lost jobs, i lost my kids, i lost everything because of this woman. And people just want me to forget about it and pretend it didn't happen. People that know her and know me know the truth but that doesn't matter to me. I want her to go to jail for what she's done to know what it's like.

Anyone Out There That Dv Has Happened The Other Way Around? I Mean That The Man/husband Was Abused By The Wife/woman? It Does Happen! I Promise. My Brother Lived In It For Years Being Hit And Thrown Through Walls, Etc. He Never Raised A Hand To Her During Those Years Of Abuse To Him. I Need To Find Someone That Knows What He Went Through And Try To Help Him Now.

yourself
06-24-2013, 11:44 AM
Toadsony: This thread is from 2007. Your issues are current, and obviously still very raw. Unfortunately, there's a side of DV that is aggressively feminist. It doesn't mean you weren't abused - you obviously were. What you really need to do is get in contact with a good DV therapist who's on the side of DV where DV can happen to anybody - male, female, young, old, middle aged, heterosexual, homosexual; whenever one member of a family is hitting or in any otehr way taking out their own shit on a person to feel better at the expense of the other person - it's DV.

From there, you can decide whether you want to go into other directions to express the damage done to you. Nobody should be telling you to simply get over it - it's not that simple. It takes work to put this stuff in the past and to heal the wounds she's caused. Therapy is the best way to start addressing these wounds.

Yes, it sucks that there's a bias in DV. Yes, an arrest can really screw up your life, even when there's no conviction. And to me, it sounds like you've been divorced from this woman for a few years and are still upset by what's happened to you, and that she's creating more victims as she goes. You really should give therapy with somebody trained in DV a shot because otherwise this is going to continue to eat at you. You don't need that - you need her out of your life which at this point means out of your head as well. You've already spent enough emotional currency on her and on getting a divorce and on trying to put your life back together. But she's still taking up residence in your head. Time to give therapy a try.

DaveMoff
06-24-2013, 12:03 PM
My abuser has made accusations against every man she has ever been "close" to her, including every male doctor who says something she does not like. Since me, she has gone after at least one other man, who she married in May of 2012 and had kicked out by October of the same year.

Last summer, I was at a picnic when i ran into a friend I had not seen in some time and who did not know I was living elsewhere. He asked if I was all right and I wondered why. "Because the police are over at your house all the time".

It's been 34 years to my knowledge since her first serious false accusation against a man, and she has never had a single legal consequence. Presumably the last "husband" lasted as long as the money did--or whatever she wanted from him. You can bet that she got it.