I don't know if I'm even going to post this message, but I've got so many things running through my head I've got to get them out. He's been gone for 6 months and I don't know why, but tonight is like the first night he was gone. How in the world do you get through this?? I've gone through my cell phone looking for someone to call and talk to, but no one can even come close to understanding how I feel. I just get so sick and tired of friends saying, "Soon this will all be over." "The sun will come up tomorrow." I know the freaking sun will come up tomorrow, it's done that for billions of years now. I know they mean well, but I guess that's why I'm not calling any of them. I don't want a pep talk, or a pat on the head. I just want to sit here and cry.

Okay, got a little of it out and I'm feeling a little better, not much, but a little. I'm sorry to expose you all to my brief loss of sanity, but hey...What's a girl to do???

Hey girl....most of us reading your post know what you are feeling or something d@*m near close.......There are days you feel you can not possible live another day like this and others you feel like you can leap tall builds :)........in my case it would take more than one run at it:) Anyway, you are right there are not to many people in the FREE WORLD who can even begin to understand your feelings.....I find even his parents don't understand HOW I feel...and freeworld people don't really know what to say they just administer a band aid to your Boo Boo but forget it needs antibiotics to.....you can not heal just covering it up.Of course I'm not sure we ever really heal...until they come home and then I also wonder what kinda hurt that leads to.....but I will deal with that when it happens:) But know you are not alone my friend call me anytime you need to vent...I will pm you with my number...Kitty

Yeah what kitty said.

I mostly cope by not thinking too far ahead and living day by day. My son has at least a little over 6 years left to do. I am in my 50s and I am soooooo afraid I won't live long enough to see him free again and with a fresh start. I know there is a big difference when you are waiting on a husband/boyfriend/fiance but I am not sure that the pain is that much different. You also have the sexual aspect and loneliness to cope with. Just enjoy the decent days and when the horrid days come, just remember to hang in there and it will eventually become a little easier. And you cope and you survive and you adjust to the unbearable. And one day, the horror is over and your loved one is home. (If you are lucky enough that your loved one does have an end to his sentence, so many don't). I can't even begin to imagine how I would cope with that. Am I that strong? I hurt even thinking about the pain those people feel.
Heres a hug! You are not alone.

UnbrokenOne -- I think it might be more difficult to deal with a child that is locked up than a husband/wife/significant other...I guess that goes to show that we can look at others' pain and are able to say, "there but for the grace of God go I".

I think what I am trying to say is that it is kind of you to feel for those of us with a spouse/SO locked up but I have to feel for YOU parents with a child locked up.

--cessna

I hope I did not offend anyone by what I said about his parent's not understanding me at times.....example..... tonight I talked to her and said I was going to visit this weekend....and she was like girl you go to much......every other week is how often I try to go....They go every 4-8 weeks.
Unbroken one and any other parent on here...I know it has to be painful for your child to be away from you just as it is for a husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend from us.I was NOT saying it was harder for us.....Please know I respect his parents and other parents on here as I am not sure I could survive if either of my sons were in.....
Every kind of relationship has different aspects I guess is what I'm trying to say....Am I digging myself deeper in a hole here???????
Thanks for listening to me...........................

Oh, heavens no Miss Kitty -- Those of us with a spouse/SO locked up know EXACTLY what you mean. My sweetheart's mother does not understand hardly at all how I feel.

I apologize if I didn't say what I was trying to say correctly...but no, heavens no, I don't think you offended anyone at all.

--cessna

I understood also kitty and was not offended at all.

Never my intentions to offend anyone on here, I some times speak before I think ....and could phrase my thoughts different...Kitty

You all have such wonderful heartfelt words of encouragement. What it boils down to is no matter who you love that's inside we're all grieving for someone. Thank you for being there when I was at my lowest. Maybe if there is ever anyone else who's feeling as down as I was that night, they can read through that thread and I know your messages will lift their spirits as they did mine.

We are supposed to be here for each other:) We are sorta kinda a family:)Kitty

UnbrokenOne, as a mother of a son locked up, I understand how you feel. I, too, am in my 50's and want so badly to see the day he gets to come home. It feels like my whole life is on hold while I wait on him. I feel guilty every time I do something that I think he would like. There is not a day that goes by that he is not on my mind. I miss him so much!

i dont think it's harder if it's your child. you are not with them everyday most of the time. if it's your man, that's who you are with all the time, that's who you lay in the bed with at night, that's your emotional support, your everything just ripped away from you. It's extremely hard. It's tore apart our little family that is just gonna began starting wed. when i have our son. I miss him so much, it's been almost 4 months and i don't no how much longer we have to be apart.

Hello everyone!! I do know exactly what you are going through. My husband has been locked up for 3 years now. During this time, I have seen him only like 8 times. I live in Oklahoma City and he is in Brickeys, AR. I don't even get to talk to him on the phone because it costs so damn much. But I have faithfully waited on this man because he is worth it. Does anyone agree with me when I say that the best are locked up. I mean seriously my man is a great husband and father. I hate the fact that they will always carry a label no matter what they do or how much they succeed. That is why they need us. I know in my heart my husband is coping and staying sane because of the Lord and me waiting on him. So just keep your head up and know that you can do this!!

Hello everyone!! I do know exactly what you are going through. My husband has been locked up for 3 years now. During this time, I have seen him only like 8 times. I live in Oklahoma City and he is in Brickeys, AR. I don't even get to talk to him on the phone because it costs so damn much. But I have faithfully waited on this man because he is worth it. Does anyone agree with me when I say that the best are locked up. I mean seriously my man is a great husband and father. I hate the fact that they will always carry a label no matter what they do or how much they succeed. That is why they need us. I know in my heart my husband is coping and staying sane because of the Lord and me waiting on him. So just keep your head up and know that you can do this!!

I'm in Oklahoma City as well. My fiancee is in Malvern, Arkansas at the TVC. I haven't seen him since August 8th. He left for the TVC on August 18th. I won't get to see him until October. He's a wonderful man. Just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and took the fall for someone else's mistake. It wasn't a violent crime or anything. Just some misappropriation of funds by someone else who bugged out and left my fiancee to take the heat. He gets released on October 20th, but it seems as if the time is ticking by so slowly.

I'm in Oklahoma City as well. My fiancee is in Malvern, Arkansas at the TVC. I haven't seen him since August 8th. He left for the TVC on August 18th. I won't get to see him until October. He's a wonderful man. Just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and took the fall for someone else's mistake. It wasn't a violent crime or anything. Just some misappropriation of funds by someone else who bugged out and left my fiancee to take the heat. He gets released on October 20th, but it seems as if the time is ticking by so slowly.


Tottles,
Hey that is not that far!! I know that you will be glad when it is over. My husbands' jacket is being screened on the 24th of September. I have already sent letters and all of his certificates. I have a lot of family and friends writing as well. OMG i hope they release him. We should talk sometime. I will pm my number to you. I am not sure how to do that yet but I am sure it is not that hard. I am new to this. Just hang in there girl. He is almost home!!

Tottles,
Hey that is not that far!! I know that you will be glad when it is over. My husbands' jacket is being screened on the 24th of September. I have already sent letters and all of his certificates. I have a lot of family and friends writing as well. OMG i hope they release him. We should talk sometime. I will pm my number to you. I am not sure how to do that yet but I am sure it is not that hard. I am new to this. Just hang in there girl. He is almost home!!

He's not home just yet. His home is in Arkansas. Mine is in Oklahoma until his release. I can't go to Arkansas because I have an 11 year old son, a ton of stuff, and no place to stash it.. or money to get a place to stash it. :) All I can do is sit and wait.. and wait.. and wait..