Hello all, this is my first post and this is my first time in this situation so I am looking for anybody who may have been in a similar situation.

My girlfriend finally made the decision to stop running from the police and turn herself in. This was the only way to "clear the slate" so to speak and get her life back on track. We have been involved off and on for over a year and now it looks like things are finally getting serious.

My concern, she is charged with accessory to armed robbery, it was a stupid stunt she pulled with her ex-boyfriend many years ago at a gas station, he was arrested but she managed to get away.

I work for a large corporation and some of my co-workers who know what is going on warn me I could be putting my job in jeopardy by being involved with her and ultimately when she is released living together. I tend to think they are over-reacting to the situation but there could be some merit to this. Regardless I love her and will not abandon her especially now when she needs me the most. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

You can't get fired for dating a convict. Unless, I dunno, you work for a bank or something?

Well Ok, I don't work for a bank exactly, how ever my Co is owned by a bank so we are a "financial institution". Guess this is why there is the concern.

It all boils down to if they deem me a security risk. I work in information systems as an admin and have a very high security clearance. They won't know about my situation provided the people I have told are as trustworthy as I think they are. Also I would hope the 15 years I have with the company count for something as well.

After I read this, now I have a question - I just got hired by a bank, pending my background check. Will they find out through this check that my husband is in prison?

BTW, where are my manners, welcome zaphod to PTO.

I would strongly recommend you keep mum about the situation from here on out. My career was ruined after my husband was found guilty... They don't fire you--they "see" you differently and politically things can get horrible. My husband's innocent but once found guilty most see the person as guilty and view you in a different light as well... I have since moved and rebuilt my career and few know at my place of emploment except those that my husband has known for years. No one else I interact with professionally knows.

Welcome to PTO!

Deb

Thanks all for the warm welcome.


I see your point Deb. I have seen things like this. Companies tend to not take direct action against you as that makes them the bad guy, and could possibly hold them legally vulnerable to retaliation. What usually happens is you are "urged" into a particular course of action that will eventually be your downfall within the organization. People who currently know are good friends and actually the ones who have told me the same thing to keep it quiet from here on in. Thanks for the input.

Professionally, the DOC is known only as my "DOCTOR", I do not really trust people, and I know that not all people can handle knowing that you are in love with an inmate. I don't know if it comes up on a background check, it shouldn't. My business is my business...

Welcome to PTO Zaph!
Everyone I work with knows "about" Tony! lol They think :)
They know he lives in Oklahoma and has a teenage son and that I'm in love with him.
I will not tell anyone anything at work. It's my life! I too am in Info Tech.
What ppl don't know will not hurt them! :)

This really caught my attention. I am the office manager at an Alarm Company. I am also a liscensed Central Station Opperator. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's a company that monitors residential and commercial alarms. You cannot have any kind of criminal background to work here since we do have access to peoples addresses and there passcodes. We monitor all over the United States including Haiwi. The owner of the company knows where my fiance is and it didn't stop him from making me the manager.

Having a security clearance is based on trustworthiness and need to know. Trustworthiness can be compromised by the possibility of a blackmailer using sensitive information about you to leverage you. Secrets have a way of leaking out. If your company learns from a third party that you have "something to hide," it might decide you are vulnerable. Do you trust your manager to advise you? She or he might be able to provide valuable guidance.

As much as I do trust my manager I do not think I would tell him.

1 If I tell him what is going on I may put him in a compromising position should he have to make a choice between betraying my trust and confidence, or doing his job should he be questioned.

2 I trust that my girl will not put me in that situation to begin with.

It is a leap of faith but I trust my instincts.

Welcome to PTO! I tell whomever I want to about my relationship. Fifty years ago, you would ruin your reputation by dating a communist or person of another race. Fifty years from now, by sticking up for our God-given rights to love whomever we please, dating an inmate will look as bigoted as that does now!! Remember that! But I suppose if your job is more than a job; it's your career and you plan to retire someday from old age, then discretion has its merits. It truly depends on how you look at it!!! Some say lovers are a dime a dozen. Some say jobs are. What are your priorities??

If there is a morals clause if you signed a contract for employment they can terminate you.

If you live in a state where they are considered at will employers. They can fire you for what ever reason if they wish.

I don't tell anyone at my job about my boyfriend's situation. I'm a paralegal. I know that when and if we should get married my co-workers will sneak around and try to find things through public record about my marriage. I plan to leave the firm I'm with in the near future, and the next place I work no one will even know his name. People are nosey, small minded, and judgmental. I practice discretion.

What you do --- what anyone involved with a prisoner does ---has little to do with the inmate and has almost everything to do with you. In other words, when you tell people about your relationship they are not reacting to the inmate and his/her crime/character/past/etc. but to you. So that provides you with the perfect test of who you really are, what you are really all about. If you are a politically correct mouse, you say nothing and stare silently into the depths of your drink. If you are a stand-up person, immune to "what will THEY think" fears, then you will take pride in announcing your inmate friend/fiance/spouse/sibling, etc. The other person recognizes that we have prisons for a reason --- because people make really bad mistakes. It's a given. What they may see in you that is unique, admirable, refreshing and worth emulating is a strong, polite, confident "lone wolf" who owns his choices and decisions and doesn't excuse himself through life. I am not ashamed of my beautiful, intelligent wife who I married last Valentine's Day. She has been an inmate for nearly 16 years. If I am ashamed of anything, it's those who react negatively toward my commitment to her. It is they who are to be pitied. If you are who you think you are, or want to be, you'll stand up and be counted on behalf of your girlfriend. She can't do it for herself at your workplace, so you do it for her. Or, take your seat at the bar, staring into the depths of your drink. This girl may teach you a lot of things about yourself. Make sure the things you learn are lessons to be proud of. Good luck to you.

Hey what's up.
Most of the reaction you recieved from your co-workers is because they don't know her as the person you know. Also she ran with a bad guy, must likely because she just wanted to be with him, not because she has a criminal mind. By you staying by her side will prove that she just wants to be with some one that treats her good. Don't listen to now one that wont take the time to sympathy with you. even better, don't expose her pass so freely. One thing I have learned is,no matter how good you do in life after serving your time. She or in this case I will always be judged by the one who don't take time to know me. Take care of her with all your heart. She need you more than ever. She needs something pure from the outside. She need you every moment that you can give her. She will know in fact your true love for her, especially after she gets out.

byfaith,
you are so right. people assume that because a person is in prison that they will never change and go back some day.
i too am leaving my job in the federal govt this may for the very reason that you are leaving your job. my next job will only know that she is out of state for awhile. they need not know more than that. i have my friends here to talk to about her and i do not need any office busybodies.
best of luck,
mark and sandy

She's more important than your job, but your job is still important. It may be best not to share your joy about her to your co-workers. I have learned that in my case it was simply best to keep silent about my love to all except those who have already been sympathetic about our separation. Then I just count the days to her release. Your employer couldn't legally fire you just because of your relationship with her, but ways could be found to make you quit or set you up so there would be legal grounds to fire you.

I work in Real Estate and my co-workers know about my man being locked up. I have no shame, as a matter of fact I just got a management position. I work my ass off and they are happy with my work. I believe that my personal life is my business and I dont bring it to work. I have our pictures from visits on my desk too. I love my man and I am very proud of him. I also think it is all about your work perfomance not your personal life.

Hi, I work for a very large Corp.in the securities industry and I work for senio

i work in Healthcare...Although I am not a nurse, I am still put through multiple background checks. I have done healthcare for the last 10 years. In doing a background check the only thing an employer is looking for is a record on you. There is no way possible that any kind of check can come up with information about who you are related to or if you are on a prisons visiting list. In my own opinion, I have found it better to let my life out of work remain just that, out of work.

I truly could care less what others think of my situation, co-workers or otherwise, however that 's easy for me to say because those I have told or have overheard part of a conversation and asked about the man in my life have wished me well and I feel they mean it.

I work in administration right up close to the powers that be and I feel confident I won't get any flack BUT were my continued employment ever at risk they can shove it where the sun don't shine. The worse that can happen is I end up living in a smaller place biggie sizing your fries, that's just me though...

Patty

Intersting. I am a teacher and I am going through this. I have 9 years successful experience/all good evaluations. The word got out that my husband is in prison and the next thing yo uknow I am suspended and facing some BS charge. It is all a real nightmare. So I am living proof it happens. But I can say I am ok with it b/c I won't go down quietly and it is worth it if I have a great marriage when he comes home. we will make it through all this. So it really depends on where your heart is......my advice is not to be ashamed of your situation and just watch your P's and Q's just in case someone takes issue with it.
Hello all, this is my first post and this is my first time in this situation so I am looking for anybody who may have been in a similar situation.

My girlfriend finally made the decision to stop running from the police and turn herself in. This was the only way to "clear the slate" so to speak and get her life back on track. We have been involved off and on for over a year and now it looks like things are finally getting serious.

My concern, she is charged with accessory to armed robbery, it was a stupid stunt she pulled with her ex-boyfriend many years ago at a gas station, he was arrested but she managed to get away.

I work for a large corporation and some of my co-workers who know what is going on warn me I could be putting my job in jeopardy by being involved with her and ultimately when she is released living together. I tend to think they are over-reacting to the situation but there could be some merit to this. Regardless I love her and will not abandon her especially now when she needs me the most. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Oh I should have also added that we are an interracial couple in middle GA-not a popular thing here............................

Intersting. I am a teacher and I am going through this. I have 9 years successful experience/all good evaluations. The word got out that my husband is in prison and the next thing yo uknow I am suspended and facing some BS charge. It is all a real nightmare. So I am living proof it happens. But I can say I am ok with it b/c I won't go down quietly and it is worth it if I have a great marriage when he comes home. we will make it through all this. So it really depends on where your heart is......my advice is not to be ashamed of your situation and just watch your P's and Q's just in case someone takes issue with it.

This is scary !!! I also am a network manager and do work for a top 5 financial insitution. Thanks for the info everyone !



Well Ok, I don't work for a bank exactly, how ever my Co is owned by a bank so we are a "financial institution". Guess this is why there is the concern.

It all boils down to if they deem me a security risk. I work in information systems as an admin and have a very high security clearance. They won't know about my situation provided the people I have told are as trustworthy as I think they are. Also I would hope the 15 years I have with the company count for something as well.

I work for American Airlines and I have been "warned" by my superiors to keep my relationship with my "incarcerated friend" (as they call him) on the "downlow"...I on the other hand could care less if the FAA likes it that somebody in my life happens to be incarcerated at the moment. It's not like he's going to break out and steal an airplane...LOL, we can't keep that under control as it is...he'd have to take a number and wait his turn! LOL

All jokes aside, I could care less if they like or dislike my decisions in life. This is America and I have the free agency and the legal right to talk to and associate with whom I wish as long as it doesn't hurt American Airlines....then they should mind their own business!

Sorry...just had to add that in. I hate employers who believe they can tell/imply to you who you can be involved with!

Bugged out over this one!
Melissa

By Faith...people are really THAT nosey as to snoop about your husbands business? I mean if you tell them you're married, don't hide him and all that stuff, or are you getting married while he's in?

Anyway lynn1214, I don't think the bank would do that extensive of a background check. They tend to only look at you. If you're going for any kind of government clearance, they check EVERYTHING and that COULD and often would eliminate your ability to get a clearance. But that's only for government clearances (TS/SCI/Poly etc..). But if it's just a boyfriend or girlfriend, that wouldn't necessarily block it. They would first have to know that you even have one. It's a little different for married folks, because you can't hide a marriage...it's public record.

I only told my supervisor and one or two others (one of which did time herself) about my wife. Everyone else just thinks I'm a single dad and they don't ask any other questions. My employment is at will and they could terminate me for any reason they see fit. I'm almost certain that wouldn't happen, I just don't want people in my business. I don't think it would make me look bad, but it would make HER look bad and I don't want people thinking anything bad about my wife. They would probably see me as a hero taking care of my kids while my "criminal" wife is locked up.