:o Hi everyone! I'm a mother of a 19 yr old who was abused by her exhusband for many months. He was a 23 yr old drug dealer and crack head and cheated on her often. She like many others thought she found the love of her life. Married at 18, divorced by 19. She suffered beatings that often lead to trips to the hospital. Police were called by neighbors but her husband never left her side at hospital or when she was questioned by police. He was 180 lb steroid user who she could not fight back at only 100 lbs. He always found ways to demean her as a person and kept her away from her family and friends. He was so jealous, he even made her throw away all her yr books from school. He was even jealous of her cat. So jealous that on March 1,2006 he decided to kill her cat himself. My daughter had her kittie Rosie since she was 9 yrs old. Rosie was her only friend literally. Her abusive husband decided my daughter was cheating on him, so he decided the best way to hurt her was to kill her one & only friend ... Her kittie. Believe it our not that finally woke my daughter up to what an abusive jerk she was really married to. All the beatings he gave her never impacted her like loosing her kittie did. She finally could see what a piece of crap he was. My daughter left her husband 3 months after they were married. I tried and fought often with my daughter NOT to marry this guy, but at 18 she thought she was in LOVE & nothing we had to say mattered. Her wedding was in our local small town court office. A justice of the peace. No white gown, no maid of honor. No friends, only 10 family members. 5 minutes of I DO & her life changed FOREVER. My daughter has been living back at home since the day she left him. She counsels every 2 wks. Has great support from friends and family. She's working part time now and is getting ready to get her drivers licsense soon. (He wouldn't let her have that either.) Rosie was cremated so shes still with us. My daughter is doing better, but still has her bad days sometimes. Abuse never totally leaves a person. Her biggest problems right now are the dreams she has at night and some nerve damage to the left side of her face and eye from the beatings. This past christmas she got the best present of her life, a brand new 6wk old Kitten she named Precious Bella. Believe me I never in all my life seen my daughter so happy to ever get a gift. I honestly think it was the best christmas we all have ever had. Lots of tears that day! Please girls think long and hard about staying with your abuser. There are ways for you to get out of those relationships. You just need to find the strength to get out. I hope you all can find some peace in your lives and I will say prayers for all of you. It might have only been a cat to some of you reading this, but to my daughter it was her child and if she would have stayed with him she would have been dead by now herself.

Trixie - congratulations to you for sticking by your daughter!
Has she gotten any counseling yet? If not, that would be the first thing to try, because she needs to get rid of those dreams. If she hasn't started yet, then check the local domestic violence agency.
And, just for better understanding, try a book called "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. There are many books about abuse, but this one has been the most coherent and empowering one for me.
Give her a hug for all of us!

Thankyou nimuay... I appreciate the support. My daughter does go to counseling and is seeing life from a different view now. Although she struggles with her own feelings she knows she did the right thing by leaving. She has no regrets about that, except she wished she would have done it sooner. I will find her the book you mentioned. She hopes to be a counselor someday herself. I tell her, baby you can be anything you want in this world!