I recently learned that my husband is seriously addicted to herion & cocain. :angry: I guess you can say that I'm ignorant when it comes to the drug life because I've never used or dealt with anyone who used before my husband. To be honest I don't know how to tell if he's using or not. WHen we first got together he told me that he used but it was nothing serious and that he really didn't need it (herion). That's why he's back in now because of his addiction. He finally admitted to me on this bit that he was still using and needed help. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this type of situation. I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can't deal with the drug usage. He has promised me to seek help once he's released. Can anyone help me to understand this monster that I'm fighting blindly?

You can ask him to seek help now if there is a program where he is at, YOU can seek help now by going to nar anon meetings. Please go, al-anon, whatever you can find. It's a long hard road and you need to be prepared. There is NEVER< EVER such a thing and "really don't need it" and "nothing serious". I am a former addict and my now ex is still there so I will be here to help you as much as possible as will everyone else here. But please find a meeting, start going on aregular basis.

It often happens that someone goes from merely "using" to "needing" a particular drug--that's the point where it becomes an addiction.

If he does want "help", there are almost certainly meetings and/or treatment resources at the prison. You might want to send him a Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous book. Both organizations also have resources on the net for prisoners, and will happily send him information at no charge--books are priced basically at cost and are very reasonable.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself. There are almost certainly meetings of AlAnon or NarcAnon near you--check the local newspaper for meeting notices or your phone book for a contact number. Don't expect overnight miracles from any "program", but you will find a group of people dealing with the same issues you are, who will be supportive and eager to share ideas on what has helped them. There are no dues or fees, and you will not be required to do or believe anything you do not want to. "Take what you need and leave the rest...."

Good luck to you.

Thanxs for the advice. I have spoken with him and he said that he started na meetings. I'm even trying to find one in my area to attend just to be able to help him out. I even made a contract up with him that if he doesn't seek help once he comes home that we will start divorce proceedings. It may sound cruel, but like I told him I'm here to help him but I'm not going to keep going down this road and keep putting my life on hold because he don't want to seek help.

Dear Randellleah, that's a real toughie. Being a little addicted is like being a little pregnant. It will have to be up to him. The physical and emotional pain of quiting will be his. All that you can do is support him and keep loving him. My husband has been locked up for more than 25 years now and we just found out he's diabetic. This scares me half to death. You know what hell holes prisons are as far as the health of inmates goes. I'm so frightened for him and for me too. If you'd like to contact me directly, it's {e-mail removed per PTO policy} and my name is Elaine. And may you both find the strength you need.

I like that you are gonna attend those NA meetings.....

Alot of times, the root cause of the drug problem is that person is trying to dull the pain that they are carring around in their heart...sometimes they don't even realize this.....they are unhappy with themselves or are seriously hurting from past experiences or both...they just want it to go away....the drugs (sometimes alcohol too) are an outlet or coverup for the pain....

Thats my 2 cents, anyway....

Now, then at some point it becomes an additiction because it effects the neurotransmitters in your body and your body actually starts depending on it......so it can be difficult to treat, that is why there are so many detox centers around...

Well, take care.

Well he finally opened up to me about his addiction after 7 years a few weeks ago. We had a very heart to heart about it and he told me how he got started and that he wanted it to end. He also told me that one of the reasons that kept him going back was he would get into a depression and that was the only way he knew to cope with it. He now trying to learn new ways to deal with it, we have an agreement that if the other starts to feel depressed about anything we have to inform the other and we will deal with it together.

eg52302 half of my family are diabetics and I do know from personal experience that when you're locked up they will make sure that you eat the correct food. it's not the best foods, but they do watch his menu very closely. Have you found out if he's insulin dependent, medicine to control it or are they just going to watch his diet?

You cannot not be addicted to heroin. The only way to start to recover from that drug is the user has to want to stop

When you go to your Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings ask about disconnection. I learned about that tool during my first meeting and it has helped a lot. It isn't cruel to disconnect yourself from the one your love. It actually protects you from your partners negative behaviors. I've been down this very same road. My significant other is addicted to herion and cocaine as well. He was so secretive about the process that I didn't catch on until we moved in together almost a year later. Good luck to you. It isn't an easy road to travel - loving an addict - but if you decide to make that choice always put YOU first.

they have 12-step meetings in prison. He should take advantage of while he is in there. I would also suggest Al-Anon for you. This is a wonderful support group for family members of addicts.

I recently learned that my husband is seriously addicted to herion & cocain. :angry: I guess you can say that I'm ignorant when it comes to the drug life because I've never used or dealt with anyone who used before my husband. To be honest I don't know how to tell if he's using or not. WHen we first got together he told me that he used but it was nothing serious and that he really didn't need it (herion). That's why he's back in now because of his addiction. He finally admitted to me on this bit that he was still using and needed help. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this type of situation. I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can't deal with the drug usage. He has promised me to seek help once he's released. Can anyone help me to understand this monster that I'm fighting blindly?
I am going through the same .except with my son. I feel even when he is not using. i still have douts. It is an EVIL EVIL thing . I just want my son back. Good luck

Being married to an addict is probably one, if not most, painful experiences of my life. My husband is back in again- 4th time, due to his cocaine addiction. I agree with everyone tho- Al-Anon or Nar-Anon helps alot! Sometimes that is all that kept me sane. It's very hard to learn how to put yourself first not be an enabler. Addicts are master manipulators and sometimes you don't even realize at first taht you are being manipulated. But- after all that- I LOVE my husband. He is such a kind, wonderful, sincere, funny, smart, gorgeous, fabulous person. It SUCKS that his addiction has so much control. But- much as I think I'll leave if he does it again when he gets out- I doubt I will. I love him and have so much HOPE that this time he'll stay clean. I actually did file for divorce when he went back in this time- I was so angry at him- so over it. But- I was miserable without him, I just couldn't go thru with it. He seems to have his head in a better place now than he did during prior incarcerations- he just talks differently about the future and we have decided to leave our state and move away. He's lived in the same city his whole life so everything is a trigger to his addiciton- so - cross your fingers for us-I will be moving to our new state in about a year so that when it's time for him to parole, we can utilize the Interstate Compact and start over.

Sounds like the story of my life. The only differences is my husbannd has been going in and out of jail for ten years and we have been married for ten and been together thirteen years. My husband addiction is sherm. I use to like you assume that it is because of were we lived. He has been living in Compton all of his slife. I would move to different towns to help me. I finally realized to live my life and if and when he is ready then I will be there. I refuse to move help him, because even though I move to different towns I still am bringing the addicted with me. Throughout our marriage I have stopped drinking with him as well but he still manage to get high.
So I am not telling you to leave your husband, I am just telling you to live your life because life is short. I love my husband also, but I can't help him quit he has to want to as well. Pray on your marriage as I will from afar.

Good luck on what ever decision comes your way.

Mrs. Pauline Hill, B.S.


31 days 3 hours, and still counting.

Randalleah,
I have dealt with cocaine addition with my husband for 17 years. It comes and goes with him and this is his 4th time in prison. He has really changed this time and realizes that he can no longer do this. But it has to be his choice not yours. He cannot do it for you, he has to do it for him. Classes are great but again he has to make the decision to do it for himself and you cannot blame yourself or as everyone has said be an enabler....before my husband went back to jail this time I had thrown him out and refused to bail him out when he went to jail and not he comes home in 61 days. Am I scared, yes but would I throw him out again? Yes because I will no longer deal with his addiction and he knows that. Do I love him??? With all my heart but if he stays do drugs I am enabling him to do it. They truly have to hit rock bottom to be able to say I am done and don't want to do this anymore....sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. All you can do is be there for him emotionally but not with money for his habit......

Sounds like the story of my life. The only differences is my husbannd has been going in and out of jail for ten years and we have been married for ten and been together thirteen years. My husband addiction is sherm. I use to like you assume that it is because of were we lived. He has been living in Compton all of his slife. I would move to different towns to help me. I finally realized to live my life and if and when he is ready then I will be there. I refuse to move help him, because even though I move to different towns I still am bringing the addicted with me. Throughout our marriage I have stopped drinking with him as well but he still manage to get high.
So I am not telling you to leave your husband, I am just telling you to live your life because life is short. I love my husband also, but I can't help him quit he has to want to as well. Pray on your marriage as I will from afar.

Good luck on what ever decision comes your way.

Mrs. Pauline Hill, B.S.


31 days 3 hours, and still counting.


I 'm so glad I ran across this thread because my husband is in prison for the 4th time due to his cocaine addiction- i have been planning to relocate prior to his release and get an interstate compact to wherever I move to rather than have him parole back to Denver where he's lived his addiction for 18 years. While I realize that his addiction is HIS and it will follow him wherever we go- I HOPED that getting away from all of the triggers and the "people, places and things" would help him stay clean after he gets out.

I see that you tried that and it obviously didn't work. I am so confused right now abou what is the RIGHT thing for both of us in this situation. I have a good job and 2 grown kids in Denver that I would be leaving- not really my 1st choice but I love my man too and wnat to help him in any way that I can.
Can you share more with me as far as your thoughts on relocating, etc?

Thanks- I appreciate your honesty.

"I'll make you feel good
Like nothing else ever could
You could take on the land
When I'm holding your hand

You will be in touch, with all around you
In a way you couldn't, until I find you
You will be the life and soul
You will, that is, until I take hold

I will be there with you
Every single day
I will be there even when
'the others' go away

'The others' don't like us
They don't understand
To keep your friend, it is best
To be underhand

Headaches, insomnia, sickness and sweating
Chest pain, obsession there's no letting
Up on the pain, I'll make you go through
Now it's too late
Because now I own YOU!

I made you feel 'high'
For the shortest of time
Now your addiction is so bad
you've turned to crime

Stealing from loved ones
Selling all that you own
Just to get your hands on
A small piece of 'stone'

Police on your back 24/7
Now tell me ,my friend
Are you in Hell or in Heaven?

Bulging eyes, cracked lips
A sense of isolation and black fingertips
Strokes, hallucinations, maybe HIV
Just look at what you gave up
Just to keep me

You feel so bad
You wanna die
Your family and friends
Sadly wondering, WHY?!

Lisa Vincent - UK Poet

I read this and I thought, wow..that's really how it is!

thats an intense poem! Thanks for sharing!

I recently learned that my husband is seriously addicted to herion & cocain. :angry: I guess you can say that I'm ignorant when it comes to the drug life because I've never used or dealt with anyone who used before my husband. To be honest I don't know how to tell if he's using or not. WHen we first got together he told me that he used but it was nothing serious and that he really didn't need it (herion). That's why he's back in now because of his addiction. He finally admitted to me on this bit that he was still using and needed help. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this type of situation. I love my husband and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can't deal with the drug usage. He has promised me to seek help once he's released. Can anyone help me to understand this monster that I'm fighting blindly?
I've lost my husband my best friend b/c of our heroin addiction.He got 13 yrs 4 stealing to support our drug use.u said it rite it is a monster.i'm in recovery now.My advice to u is that he needs help before its 2 late.N.A. is a great place 2 start.he has 2 want help u can't do it 4 him.I'll be praying 4 you guys!!!

i am married to a speed addict and i am a non practicing addict currently so if it is honesty you seek honesty you shall get.

let me tell you about that monster your husband is using its called a speed ball and it is very deadly in fact my father dropped dead at 34 from a massive heart attack that was caused by his love for that little cocktail your husband uses. hear me on this if nothing else that is a deadly combination.

in order to understand addiction you have to understand where it comes from and that is hell. addiction is the closest thing there is to real life demonic possession. its been making good looking people ugly since the dawn of time. it turns you into a modern day zombie and rots you from inside out. it will destroy your family rob you of life and your soul goes right into the palm of the devils hand upon death. SERIOUSLY!

you as his wife have been given the best seat in the house to a actual real time horror show you see your husband killing him self a small bit at a time and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. it all has to come from him.

an addict is faith to no end ONLY to his beloved DOC which means drug of choice. he will do anything to get it including lie cheat steal and kill. once he gets his precious fix in his system he is no longer your husband now he is full of demon spawn. I kid you not. He will do anything he is led to do while under the influence of drugs. Sex with others, lie to you, take food out of the family by using the money toward his fix. Addicts are selfish by nature.

NOW here is what you can do for starters. Find out if he has Celebrate Recovery in the prison he is at. If so find out if he can get in it there may be a waiting list because our prisons are flowing with addicts. My suggestion is to start out talking to the Chaplin then when you find out what stats your working with start on your husband. AND you need to find one for you to attend as well in your area because your gonna need the help getting thru this. You need to learn what your dealing with so Alanon would be good as well for you to attend.

Fighting addiction is not for the weak at heart you got to really put on your big girl panties and grab your boots cuz your gonna be in for a ruff ride sista. In addition to all of this I can strongly tell you educate your self on how NOT to become an enabler. The enabler is the person that takes care of the addict and all addicts got one.

Find a church if you are not already a member of one and get some good strong faith and pray like never before. People who are addicted endure spiritual warfare and that is some tuff stuff.

You cant do this alone your gonna need God and faith. And understanding that he will not kick the habit until he is ready. If he is in jail or prison no matter how long he has been in there he has NO clean time and wont until he is out.

Addicts love their drugs like the ring in the movie Lord of the Ring. It is everything to them.



I am very honest and speak of experience on all the above I was an addict had 17 yrs clean threw them away to use when my husband brought it around me then i became the enabler.


Now Im just plain old sick n tired of addiction and know that i am totally powerless with out the help of God in my life. I can not do anything else for my husband cept hand him over to the one that loves him most. His creator.

rodeointexas .. You took my breath away with your description.. it is exactly hitting the nail on the head..The drugs (devil in the flesh) make you believe you can't live without them..and u will do anything to get them..most of the time hurting the ones who love you the most.

This post has been very helpful, thank you PTO members. I have been an enabler for two years now. I used to believe EVERYTHING my boyfriend told me, and gave him money when he asked for it and paid for everything (Rent, bills, insurance, everything) until we broke up earlier this year. We lived together for a year and I still refused to admit he was going behind my back and using. He had been in prison before for drugs, but I stupidly thought he was clean the entire time we were together. After I moved out, he went off the deep end and started breaking into peoples homes. I cannot stop loving this man, and I dont know what to do. He tells me he is DONE with the drugs but I don't know if I can believe him. He has lied to me so much, what do I do?? Will he be able to get drugs in prison?

Try going to a local al-anon meeting. You need support from people who are in or have been in your situation. They can help assist you in dealing with the future.

Wow - rodeo - you really hit the nail on the head. My son is my addict and I have been his enabler for 11 years. And it has been a ride thru hell, that is for sure. Describing his addiction as a demon is about the closet thing to reality that I have ever heard. It is a demon - a gift from the devil himself. My son's doc is meth - although he has battled pills and alcohol many times. But the most damage thats been done is this damn meth - which I think is destroying many, many lives as we speak.

You are so right that they will not change unless they want to. No rehab, no lengthy prison sentence will alter their path unless they choose to do so. My son did many various sentences in the county over the years, 3 mos, 6 mos, then a year. Then came a 3 year prison sentence with another 12 hanging over his head. He did good (kinda) for about 4 months then one day I came home and he was gone. Living the life that tempted him most - drugs. This damn drug has created more hell in our lives than the rest of all the drugs combined. It not only changes them while using, there personalities are altered even sober and God only knows how long that will last. He took off last June and its has been a nightmare ever since. He was caught this past fall and has ran from 2 different places the po has put him. Now he is in the county awaiting transport to a lock down place for violators. The only reason he hasnt been sent back to prison is that, by some miracle, he has not picked up another charge.

Yes, they will lie, cheat, steal and feed you whatever line they can to get what they want. This ride my son and I are on has literally destroyed me. I have had no choice but to finally use tough love and I truly know where they got the name cuz its the toughest thing I have ever had to do. I will always love him unconditionally and help anyway I can to rebuild his life, but I will no longer help him destroy himself.

Ab - turn your loved on over to God...only he can whisper loud enough for your loved one to hear. We are powerless without God, they are powerless without God. No matter how much they love us, their drug(s) of choice is too strong of a temptation for them to resist. The addict (and you) need to find your higher power to survive this.

I am also at a point where I feel I would benefit from a support group - I have always shied away from those cuz I didnt want the world to know about my son and his demons. Now, for my mental wellbeing, I dont think there is a choice.

I wish you well and hope he can find the help he needs. I do strongly encourage you to build up your strength emotionally to be able to deal with this. Myself, I am learning to take it one day at a time. No more long term planning. One day, that's it. Who knows where my sons path will lead next...I can only pray that he listens to God when he is tapping on his shoulder. I hope your loved one listens too. I always "joked" with God in my prayers that instead of a tap, he just needs to whop him upside the head. Maybe that will get him attention ;)

Anyways - good luck to you and please know that you are soooo not alone in this battle. I am always here on this website, please feel free to contact me anytime.